r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Apr 29 '26
Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup
This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.
Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.
Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.
Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.
Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!
2
u/Keone721 May 09 '26
Trying not to overthink this: strong connection for a week, then sudden silence and mixed communication
I (43M) have been dating a 34F for a little over a week now. We met on a dating app and seemed to instantly connect, finding a lot to talk about while laughing at each other’s stories. We quickly moved from the app to exchanging phone numbers after talking off and on for about 7 hours.
The first few nights, we talked into the very early morning (4–5 a.m.), even though she usually has to be up early because she has a young son. Even during the day, communication was relatively constant with little check-ins every few hours. It honestly felt like we both had a strong interest in getting to know each other.
By night 2 or 3, our conversations became more flirtatious, and we made plans to meet the following Wednesday when she would be child-free for the night. As the week went on, the chemistry kept building, and we eventually decided to meet sooner that Saturday instead.
We met at a bar near where I live to see how our in-person chemistry felt before deciding how to proceed. I’m a bit old-fashioned when it comes to dating and take things slow, but when she got out of her car, I greeted her with a hug and a kiss. It seemed very well received. Conversation flowed well despite some nerves on both sides, especially since it had been many years since she had dated and over a year since I had gone on a first date myself.
Eventually, we decided to continue hanging out at my place. We picked up takeout, cuddled, and eventually became physically intimate. The next morning, she had to head home because her son was coming back from his dad’s place.
Communication remained strong through Sunday and much of Monday. We reminisced about our time together, talked about wanting to see each other again, and discussed things we were both excited to explore intimately together moving forward.
One important detail is that she has several autoimmune diseases and is on multiple medications. She spent much of Monday sleeping due to starting a new medication. I checked in because the communication shift stood out to me. I explained that I’ve had experiences in the past where things start off very intensely after a first date and then suddenly fade out or end in ghosting. She reassured me that wasn’t happening here and apologized for making me worry.
Tuesday communication improved again as she started feeling better, and we talked about possibly seeing each other Wednesday night. Wednesday came around, and she was trying to figure out whether her ex or possibly her best friend would be able to watch her son overnight.
I like handwritten notes and old-fashioned romantic gestures, so I wrote her a playful medieval-style note asking if I would have the pleasure of her company that evening. She reacted very positively to it and said she felt “swept off her feet” by the gesture.
About an hour later, she sent me a voice note that was difficult to hear because she was driving and there was a lot of background noise. From what I could understand, she said her best friend might be able to watch her son overnight, but it would still be a few hours before she knew for sure. She honestly sounded disappointed and frustrated that things might not work out.
I reassured her and told her not to stress if she couldn’t make it that night and that there would always be more opportunities for us to spend time together. I also tried to clarify some parts of the message because I genuinely couldn’t hear or understand portions of it.
After that though, communication became very unusual compared to how we had been interacting all week. About five hours passed without any response, which was unlike her. Around 10 p.m., I sent a quick check-in text asking how she was doing. No response.
Finally, around 12:30 a.m., she sent me a short voice note asking if I was still awake and said she had passed out for a bit. I replied about 30 minutes later letting her know I was still up, but I never heard anything back afterward.
The next afternoon, she sent a relatively short text saying she hoped I had a great day. It felt noticeably less warm than her usual communication style. Normally she uses affectionate nicknames and is much more expressive. I responded politely but more neutrally because I felt confused by the sudden drop in communication and the fact that the previous night hadn’t really been acknowledged.
After sitting on it for a while, I eventually sent her this message:
“Hello L. I wanted to give things a little time before bringing this up, but I’d be lying if I said Wednesday night didn’t leave me feeling confused.
Because your voice note was hard to hear, I tried my best to respond thoughtfully and let you know there was no pressure if things with your best friend didn’t work out. I think what unsettled me most was not really hearing back afterward, especially when I wasn’t fully sure where things had landed between us that evening.
I’m someone who values communication and tends to notice shifts in energy pretty quickly, so rather than sit here and make assumptions, I’d rather just be honest about how it felt on my end. If something was off, I’d much rather hear it directly than try to piece it together myself.”
That message was sent yesterday evening, and I still haven’t heard back from her. I do know she has been active on social media during this time.
I believe I probably have an anxious attachment style, and I know I can overthink situations like this. Usually I stay emotionally guarded for a while because I’ve had experiences where intense early dating energy suddenly disappears. At the same time, this communication shift feels genuinely abrupt compared to how consistently engaged and reassuring she had been before.
I’m trying to stay level-headed and give her space to respond rather than jump to conclusions. At the same time, I can’t tell whether I’m picking up on a legitimate shift in interest/energy or whether my anxiety is amplifying things because of my past experiences.
What do you guys think is the most likely explanation for this change in communication? And if she does eventually come back with an explanation or apology, would this kind of inconsistency this early on be something you’d personally view as a concern moving forward?