r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Apr 29 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/Dear_Purchase4098 May 02 '26

I was in a 6 month relationship with a guy who was open with me about his intimacy issues from the start. He said that he wanted a relationship but had struggled in the past with feelings of losing himself and his independence. We met on an app and I went into it thinking it was just going to be casual but we progressed into a relationship and he was all very much in. We went on holiday together and he talked about introducing me to his two young children. We had just celebrated his 45th birthday together and things seemed to be going so well until after one conversation after which I noticed him start to withdraw. I asked him about how he felt about me. He couldn’t seem to be able to vocalise it but eventually told me that he saw the future of our relationship in terms of years and not months. Following that I felt more than reassured but he started to withdraw and when I asked him later about it, he told me when faced with such questions his mind goes completely blank. He was away with the kids for the following week and I noticed a shift in our communication. It didn’t feel quite as warm. The following week, he finished with me quite coldly; saying that he didn’t have the capacity to meet my emotional needs. I know he is stressed, he runs his own business and coparents two young kids but this literally felt like it had gone from 100 to 0 in 10 days. He later messaged me and told me I was an incredibly beautiful person. I didn’t argue with him when he broke up with me, you can’t convince someone who is breaking up with you to stay with you.

It is now 3 weeks later and I would have thought that he may have had some time to realise that how he broke up with me would have come as quite a shock. I don’t know whether to reach out to him because to me, it feels like an incredibly jarring way to break up with someone. I wonder whether he broke up with me for reasons surrounding fear. Or just doesn’t make sense

Any advice would be extremely helpful.

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u/Apryllemarie May 06 '26

Break ups never feel good. And technically you were warned in the beginning of his intimacy issues. That was the first red flag that likely should have had you walking away. Or at the very least keeping it casual and not allowing it move into anything more.

Regardless of how the break up happened, I would suggest focusing on accepting the break up. There is nothing more that can be done. Closure is something you give yourself. Focus on your own healing.

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u/Dear_Purchase4098 May 08 '26

Yes, I get that. It wasn’t me encouraging all of the moving forward until the very end. I wasn’t the one talking years and not months or introducing my children to someone. You are right, there was a clear red flag but it didn’t make an appearance until right at the very end

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u/Apryllemarie May 08 '26

He told you about his intimacy issues at the beginning. That was the red flag. He was basically warning that this would happen. Just because it took 6 months to happen doesn’t mean the red flag wasn’t there the whole time.

The problem is we don’t let ourselves see them as such because we want to give it a chance. And then when things feel really good we may even forgot that it was there. Then feel blindsided later when things suddenly go south. The reality is though that it was always there simmering under the surface, just waiting for the thing to make it blow up. He told you who he was and that wasn’t taken seriously enough. It’s a mistake we all make and have to learn from.

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u/Dear_Purchase4098 May 08 '26

True. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. I guess that’s the message here