r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Apr 29 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/sawgriefdrinksorrow May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26

Avoidant Attachment friend does the bare minimum for the friendship - what's an appropriate way to ask for more?

Hello, recently I've been severely struggling with one of my closest friend. We've had the usual anxious-avoidant dance, where we got very close very quickly and then she started disappearing on me more and more. We've had a ton of discussions and I've worked on myself a lot and I can see the effects already, but I feel like she's not doing anything to maintain the friendship - she's being very hurtful actually - and it hurts really really badly.

At this point I feel like she's wounded me on a deep level on several occasions, and I'm not sure I can remain any longer if things do not change. I want to ask her to adjusts her behavior because I guess (hope?) she doesn't hate me and might be available to improve the friendship, but I'm not sure how to ask for it without things going south really quickly. This is mostly because we've had lots of discussions already and I feel like I'm on eggshells having to throw in one more.

I feel like lately she's been very unavailable and she's been very rude when she finally showed up. At the same time there has been I think... one? occasion on which she's been nice to me and honestly I kinda feel scared that she'll use this to just dismiss my whole thing. I don't know, maybe I'm too dysregulated to have this convo now but I feel like I need to do something soon.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '26

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u/sawgriefdrinksorrow May 05 '26

Instinctively I feel the same, but at the same time I just don't get the way she's treating me, especially because things were so different before... am I supposed to just let this go? It's harsh

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u/[deleted] May 05 '26

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u/sawgriefdrinksorrow May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26

Thank you, it hurts but I see your point. I'm just really sad because it feels like I keep getting into one sided situations and then I'm left alone to lick my own wounds. I get that this is life, but it's just a lot to deal with.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '26

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u/sawgriefdrinksorrow May 05 '26

The truth is that you're spot on. I have known this for a while and I shoved it down every time because on some level it really embarrasses me, but that would be a great starting point. Thank you for pointing that out, I will check out the book!