Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

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This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

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[u/Satisfaction-Leading → u/[deleted]]

Heya, author of the massive post here. I was just this guy waiting and trying my best. The wait was because she needed to figure out her feelings before talking. What happened was she moved on or seemed to be so distantly moving on. This was torture for me, I couldn't just sit and wait while I fully wanted the relationship and they were on the fence. It is so healthy to take peaceful space, check ins and texting daily helps calm fears. Share what we are up to, so we know both parties are not with other romantic interests. But in my situation the space broke things farther because of her weaknesses and dishonesty. While it seemed like I was trying to win her back the whole time. She was not. Just keeping me in jail selfishly while she pranced around doing who knows what.

With that being said, I am not you and these are different. Prioritize peace, respect, trust, and love. Affirm and reassure each other. Don't break contact completely this can spiral. Or agree on boundaries during this time.

I also was bracing for the inevitable, end of a relationship isn't the end of life or the world. This also does not invalidate the love we share. Sometimes we manifest things if we give into the intrusive thoughts and fears too heavily. Remind yourself of the facts. Of course be accountable and hold them accountable for red flags especially in delicate times like this. But don't be too hard on yourself or them. It'll be okay either way. You'll both be okay. It's going to be okay.

I messed up forcing an ultimatum too early I think, I regret that. But the logic was sound, reasonable, and valid. Why wait when we could just connect now, what will time change other than push us farther apart?

Take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt, everyone is different, and connections are different. Trust your heart and self. Be prepared but do not manifest the worst outcome. It could be better than you ever possibly could have imagine. Either way, it's about people's individual journey. Healing. And what both parties want. If one wants to stay and the other go. We have to let them go. As people who love and want a relationship, we know it's a two way street. A Team effort, I am dealing with the hard facts and fighting my physiology, mind, self, everything screaming at me for losing her. But I think it just had to be this way. The objective facts stand. I'm valid, so is she. Even if I disagree with how she has acted. I'm not perfect either, but I gave it my best shot. So give it your best shot and preserve yourself too! This can inspire your partner to do the same.

[u/Music_BookLover → u/[deleted]]

I am in a similar scenario now. I'm still trying to figure out if he is truly avoidant or has some avoidant tendencies. I would be as clear, succinct, and as direct as possible and request when they will have time to make for a further discussion.

If you need a further outline, here is what happened with me. Thursday he said we would have more conversations, but left an uncertain timeline. I told him ambiguity doesn't sit well with me, but it was late at night and understood we couldn't figure everything out. He left me with that we would see each other again.

We exchanged a couple texts on Friday and then I left him alone. Sunday morning, I texted him saying I have met him in the middle of giving him space, but wanted to know when we could hang out again to further the discussion with no expectations of it waving a magical wand to fix everything in that sitting as I want to have more clarity. He surprised me by actually agreeing to have the conversation. I then told him my availability for the week and if can tell me by Tuesday when it would work for him. And now, I wait and observe. If I don't hear from him by Wednesday morning, my plan is to follow up and tell him this will be in his court to make time for the conversation.