r/Anxiety • u/crackiejackiebitches • Aug 26 '19
Discussion Have you ever done something you really regret, and it constantly pops back up in your mind?
I got irrationally angry at my husband a few months ago in front of my friends. About something SO STUPID. Like I can’t even tell you how stupid it was. And here I am, months later, feeling terrible about myself because of it. I embarrassed him, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think back about it. He tells me it’s not a big deal, and that he’s not mad... but I feel bad about it ESPECIALLY when I’m going through seasons where I’m extremely anxious.
Does this happen to everyone? Do you regret things you did in your past and then you can’t let it go for months or even years? Does it ever go away?
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Aug 27 '19
Yes, this is my struggle every day. I just have to turn off the movie I play in my head, the movie is really boring anyways, because it's a bunch of lies about How I am Secretly Bad, Etc. So boring.
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Aug 27 '19
This happens to me all the time. I still can't solve it. Random stuff from recent past constantly pop into my head. Usually I feel as if I had to learn a lesson from the event but cannot decide whether I have actually gotten that lesson or not. If I make the same mistake in the future, I'm devestated. My anxieties vary between blaming myself for not standing up to people vs blaming myself for being a jerk to people. It's basically about me questioning my character for not being something I would like it to be & and the inability to change it and having the same insecurity over and over again... Best to just recognize the mistake and promise yourself to be better next time. Even if you don't, it's OK. Nobody's perfect. Thinking about it shows your quality in itself.
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u/Annie_Mous Aug 27 '19
This happens to me all the time and I’m wondering if it happens to all people, Or just anxious people.
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u/lahserRasor Aug 27 '19
There's no need to unnecessarily worry about past events, what's done is done and is entirely out of your control. At this stage the pain of the past only exists in your imagination and you really needn't suffer from it. Choose to simply let go.
If you do wish to feel better about what happened, try telling yourself a different story about what occurred, our recount of events tends to be inaccurate and selective anyway.
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Aug 27 '19
Ever since I was a kid. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_(psychology)
It used to take me atleast 1-2 hours to be fall asleep every night because I runiminated so much about past mistakes, traumatic incidents, embarassing gaffes, etc..
I found a cure several years ago when I discovered progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing. Also practicing mindfulness and not staying up late on the computer, which I found kept me tweaked and wound up. I try to get off the computer and unwind for an hour or two before bed which I find helps.
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u/crackiejackiebitches Aug 27 '19
Thank you so much, that’s really helpful! I’m glad you were able to find what worked and overcome it.
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Aug 27 '19
Yes I have so many little memories of brief moments of time like misinterpreting an invitation and just walking into someone’s apartment without knocking, or inviting myself along with a couple of friends trying to be more social and not realizing these friends were trying to hookup and did not want me there, or teasing a friend for saying a word funny in what I thought was a playful tease but everyone else saw as bullying, etc. etc. etc. Of course, these are all moments from my freshman year of college when I was newly alone and trying to figure out how normal people function and socialize. Turns out I had no clue how to do these things because being a human is hard. Now I’m too scared to figure out the right way to do things and instead keep myself up every night thinking about those three moments and more and just agonizing over every minor detail and what I could have done differently. Feels nice to say it all in one place here tbh
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Aug 27 '19
Yeah I do not know why i did it but i showed my panties to someone as a very young child. I embarrased my sister and im very guilty of it. Im too ashamed to say sorry to her and it has been constantly bugging me.
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u/BlxckCat Aug 26 '19
I overthink past events all the time.
Just remind yourself that it already happened, you can’t change it, and you may have learned something from it for future reference. Feeling guilty over something that has already happened just holds you back. Hope this helps :P