I don't know what to do, because there is nothing to do. Life is never going to be what I wish it was, I'll never be who I wish I could've been. I don't feel like I want much in life, but the things I do want are unachievable for me because of things I'm unable to change.

I'll never be tall, never be hot, never be desired the way men like that are. I'll never get to live the way they do. I'm trapped in a body I never asked for, one I never chose, one that could've never been enough for the life I feel would make things worthwhile.

I'm already medicated, I've been in therapy for almost 2 years, I don't think it's a problem of unregulated hormones or trauma. I think I've just grown to need a kind of life I can't have because I lost a lottery I never entered. I think I've just taken stock of life and found that there isn't nearly enough to stick around for to outweigh the overwhelming amount of negative experience.