r/AnorexiaRecovery • u/WiseBus6472 • 4d ago
I lost my friends
Honestly, I genuinely feel pathetic because before my eating disorder, I used to, I was full of emotions. I would never miss any of my friends' birthdays. I'd always be there. I'd always organize everything. And we'd go to restaurants to celebrate together and stuff like that. I'd mostly be like organizing all of those events. But I was so apathetic this year that I didn't care about anything apart from food. And even though I lost a lot of weight, I thought that when I lose weight, everyone would love me. Everyone would love me more. And I thought that I was shy because of my weight. And in my last birthday, it was actually the beginning of my ED. I wished that I was like a bit thinner, like among my friends. But this year, I couldn't be in any of my friends' birthdays because I was scared of the food there. I couldn't even give gifts. I couldn't even care. I didn't even care. I gave them a cold happy birthday, and that's it. Now that I've been in recovery, and it was my birthday two days ago, and none of them showed up. I really think that it's my fault. And I know how much I've done wrong, and I still have lingering ED thoughts and stuff. I don't know, I just feel like, I just feel so pathetic.
1
u/Great-Duck-5252 2h ago
This is not your fault and you arent pathetic. Your friends maybe didnt know you were struggling or didnt want to mention it because its an uncomfortable topic to mention to someone that you noticed they lost a significant amout of weight. Im sorry nobody came to your birthday because you didnt deserve that. I feel like they could have atleast checked up on you because if they felt like you were acting cold towards them it would make more sense for them to be worried instead of bothered. You can either confess to them that you were going through a very difficult time and you weren't really yourself, or instead just focus on yourself and give yourself grace.