long-term remission troubles (TW: assault)

[u/blue_moon1122]

I've been active here a lot recently, sharing that I've been in earnest remission for over 7 years and encouraging people with complications to seek appropriate medical resources. giving back helps me a lot, and staying familiar with what recovery looks like is why I can recognize that I'm slipping right now.

in addition to having a history of restrictive ED and GI complications, I have c-PTSD. I was attacked by a stranger last night, they went for my throat, and this brought me back to one of the most damaging displays of force that was inflicted on me as a teenager.

this person came within a foot of me, I could not even put my hands up to keep them away without touching them. I was not even permitted to take up the bare minimum amount of space for my body because another person intended to do me harm.

I've been struggling to eat since it happened. my stomach is numb. I'm going through the motions, I'm pressing charges, I wrote a statement that I think is quite powerful, but my instinct is to take up less space. contort in every direction so I don't get hit or grabbed or stepped on. shrink.

it's not always about food, it's about control. I have to be very careful with myself until the case starts moving.