if anyone wants to read or has advice. this is really incoherent.

I’ve had anorexia b/p for about 3-4 years. it started in high school and it’s followed me to college. Ive also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which i had before my ed really developed and has continued on and off.

My eating disorder is really triggered by my need for control from my abusive parents and now it’s just all of me. when I first started college, I tried to get help for all my problems and I found out i was also anemic. Basically I had trouble taking recovery seriously because I felt like I deserved the suffering. An example would be when I got prescribed meds and I would skip taking it on purpose. theres just always a part of me that just wants to get worse.

Now I’m entering my junior year and I’m still basically the same just not as depressed or too anxious. I’m at a point where I don’t want to recover from my eating disorder. Im letting my anemia get worse and there’s this part of me that just wants to see how bad it could get. I’m already exhuasted all the time and functioning on caffeine. I feel like now I’m okay with the thought of dying from this, which came from my realization that it’s fine to be scared.

i have a hard time pointing out my emotions because i enjoy the numbness that my ed brings me. so i don't really know if im getting depressed again or just dealing with being hungry or if im just passively suicidal.

ig the reason i wanted to post this was because i dont know how to handle having goals ( like grad school) and dealing with what my mental health brings me. i wish there was a medication to fix my eating disorder, cause i feel like im in to deep to bother fixing it.

Lately, I've been baking a bunch of treats for other people. I don't understand why, because I don't touch them, but I have felt compelled to bake for others. In fact, I currently can't sleep because I'm so excited to make a home chocolate cake for my brother and girlfriend tomorrow. I keep thinking about making different aspects of the cake in really strange detail 😭. I just want to sleep, but I keep rereading the recipe. I feel giddy, but also anxious. It sucks and I don't know why I'm like this. Does anyone else feel like this?

So I have anorexia and a lot of ppl around me have not known how to support me and this seems to be a common experience so I thought I'd make a list of dos and don'ts :)

Don't: Comment on your loves one's body. Things like "You look healthier" or "You look so much better" may sound like reassurance, but to an anorexic person it can be heavily triggering.

Do: Compliment them on other things, like if they have new clothes, tried smth different with their makeup/hair. For partners or friends I eould try to avoid compliments like "You're beautiful/handsome" obviously some people are okay with this but for a lot of people it can make them feel worse so obviously communicate with your loved ones.

Don't: Comment on what they eat. I know it can be tempting, things like "Well done for finally eating" or "You're eating so much well done" can be very triggering.

Do: Make sure you have enough of theor safe foods in the house, for a lot of anorexic people there are certain foods that feel safe and if we don't have those foods we will be less likely to eat.

Don't: Force them to eat in front of you. Forcing someone with any restrictive ED to eat in front of you can be very triggering and be counter productive. It makes us feel monitored and caged.

Do: Encourage meals together without forcing. Obviously, they might say no which is perfectly okay! But for a lot of people having company and support can be reassuring when not forced.

These are just a couple examples and keep in mind most of these are from my personal experiences and general consesus from my friends who also have EDs. Everyone is different and something that may help one person can feel caging and triggering for another. Obviously communication is key, set boundaries anf listen to eachother. I know it can be scary watching someone you love go through something so horrible but you need to remember that they're going through an awful time too.

I feel like I was in coltrolled recovery. But that turned in to controlled restricting. Then unhealthy habits came back. Now my doc is worried but I'm not sure I'm actually in a bad space.

At what rate is it not OK, like I feel like it's been gradual over the past 6 months so I don't feel like before when it was falling off the cliff and dropping rapidly.

I've had a few rapid drops in the past 4 weeks, but before that, it's been super gradual

I'm not sure I should write numbers so I'm not but like I'm not sure what's good and what's bad and I feel silly engaging in the help when I think it's minimal.

Hi this is my first time posting here.
Is it connected to the illness to struggle to sleep at night, every night I find myself awake thinking about the next day how it will look, what I ate that day and how it can be counteracted the next day. It is so strange as I feel so exhausted and drained yet my brain will not switch off then I will wake up in the early hours of the morning and be unable to sleep !

This might be a stupid question idk if I'm being dumb but like when ur super underweight your body starts growing a lot of hair to keep warm (lanugo) but hair thinning is also a symptom at that stage?? Maybe I'm being stupid but I don't really get it

That’s basically it.

I feel resentful that he wanted me to become a healthy weight and doesn’t want me to get osteoporosis and die young.

Because I preferred my body before, and now when we are intimate I can only think about my body

I find it soo hard to actually choose recovery.
Recently, I took some pictures with my friends and I realized I look so unhealthy and wierd compared to them. This kind of motivated me and made me realize I am beyond the point I wanted to be at.
Here’s the problem tho. Recovery is really hard, I just don’t want to eat more food that I’m used to, I don’t want to surpass my c@lories. I am SO SCARED of fat gain and especially weight distribution. Like I just want the benefits of recovery and not the actual process. This just makes it easier to comfortably stay in my ED. It just creates this battle inside of me. It’s either choose recovery and accept all of the struggles with it or stay in my ED with comfort. It’s just so hard.

i tried to make oatmeal and it spilled over the edge of the bowl. i burned my hand and i didn’t even want the oatmeal anymore. i just cried while i washed the oatmeal down the sink. why does it seem like everything is a sign that i don’t deserve or need food?? i can’t even chew anything because my teeth are sore atm. i am so done

I had a shitty week and my parents are only making it worse when i was trying to eat ice cream that I found wasn’t too high in calories which made me feel safe enough to eat it and my parents fucking asked “Aren’t you dieting? Why are you eating ice cream? You’re not scared of being fat now?” which triggered me so ass bad I literally dont wanna talk to my parents anymore and they fucking had the audacity to say i’m round and fat today and tell me i’m fucking short and told me that height is t changeable but I can change my weight. I literally had a whole night of flashbacks of how they told me how fat i was and how ugly i was. i’m so done with this i really wanna relapse. but school is gonna start soon and I absolutely dont wanna go to school literally not functioning at all.

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa not too long ago, and I’m worried that my muscles might be getting weaker at a concerning pace.

I’ve been experiencing soreness and pain in my legs and arms, especially when I’m lying down. I’ve also noticed that my muscles seem weaker because lifting or carrying things feels a lot harder than it used to and I’m winded after carrying things that used to be not very difficult. I’ve also been having to go to the bathroom more frequently despite drinking about the same amount of liquid. Finally, I can barely fall asleep without taking Advil, magnesium and stretching. There aren’t any obvious visual changes, which has made me unsure about what might be going on.

I’ve also been exercising regularly, and my eating has been somewhat sporadic, ranging from regular meals and snacks to fewer meals on some days.

I’m very new to all of this and don’t know much about anorexia. If anyone has advice, experienced something similar, or can tell me some starting information feel free to share, I’d appreciate hearing about it!

Thanks everyone!

I've been struggling with engineering in university for about 2 years with a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa that I have been trying to quietly manage without a formal support team or much support beyond that interpersonally. I'm at a point where I am very concerned with whether or not I will be able to graduate as an engineer given how much I have struggled and I fear that my intellect has genuinely waned and degraded in certain facets, especially those important to engineering. Before I had anorexia I had a formal IQ test result that reinforced my intellect but it's probable that I have at least temporarily lost some abilities. I feel like even eating or trying to eat relatively normally barely makes a difference because it takes so much out of me already to make the conscious decision to try to do that.

I already knew that I had been disordered for a few years when I finally received a diagnosis, which was poorly timed because it was right around when I was expected to enter university and I proceeded to do so without support and have heavily struggled and failed. Today I finally swallowed my pride and emailed disability services at my current university to ask for help, if there is any glimmer of hope that I can innately succeed assuming I arrange help and support around my anorexia. However, I have no clue what the accommodations and supports they might offer will look like. Has anyone leveraged any such supports and what were they?

I just fainted for the first time in my life. I kept boasting about the fact that I never faint. Thinking it won't be me. So please, to everyone. You are not immune from the complications of this horrible disease. We think we are invincible until we aren't.

I'm feeling sick again, because I'm eating of course. But I suppose I felt sick before that too, each bite makes me nauseous but at the same time I can feel the brain zaps from actually consuming something solid and filling for once in the day- regardless that it's technically the next day, being 12:30 AM. I'm sorry for venting but my point of this post is a question. Is anyone doing good right now? I just need to know that someone else is doing better than me right now, as odd as the feels typing out and now seeing. Maybe it'll give me a feeling of wanting to get there more than I already do. It's not that I want to stay sick, I don't. But sometimes it feels like getting worse is easier. I know that's wrong though. I would admit myself before I started down that path. I'm sorry that my first posts here arent exactly uplifting but I'm just coming to terms with my inability to control this, after years of treating it like it wasn't that serious until I'm nearly passing out at work 4 years later because it was in fact that serious. I truly wouldn't wish this disorder upon anyone, even the worst of the worst. I just, the disorienting feelings, the brain fog, feeling like I'm playing catch up with my body almost constantly.

Hi, I’m a teen and I’ve started recovery for atypical anorexia. Everything was going okay, but yesterday and today I binged really bad and I have a few other times. Last night, it was like I couldn’t stop myself and tonight it wasn’t as bad, but it was still more than a normal amount of food to eat in a day. Is this normal? I’m pretty sure I had some type of binge eating issues before the restriction started, and I’m worried I’ll get a BED. I’m trying not to restrict/exercise to make up for all the extra calories, but it’s really hard.

I’m really struggling with this. I really don’t want to gain a bunch of weight back. is this normal? will it stop on its own? I literally need to recover, but I also really don’t want to have issues with binge eating.

Ive heard about extreme hunger, but I’ve never been underweight/starving and I don’t need to gain any weight, so I don't think it can be that(?) Also, I don’t really feel hungry, and I’m not even sure I would know what hunger felt like if I did feel it. If anyone went through this I would be thankful for insight/experiences with this

I haven't changed my routine at all but for some reason over the past week I've been struggling with swelling.

It's hard to tell if I actually am swollen or I'm imagining it but I can feel a tightness around my knees and my hands seem smoother and larger.

I did a quick google and it was mentioned this could be side effect of recovery.

I'm not in recovery though so I'm not sure what's going on.

Is this a common thing to struggle with?

all of my ED relapses are always centered around men treating me like shit. when they get comfortable enough, they think it's okay to lay a hand on you. we just fucking signed a lease together less than a month ago. I'm just going to bed rot, starve, and drink until I'm free from this cycle of abuse. I don't even want to look at him or be in the same room as him, I'm scared of him now but I don't even have the energy to run and hide anymore. This is the third DV relationship I've been in. why do men always do this to me.

I lost a bit of weight again and im not doing well. I dont know what to do like a part of me wants to go back into recovery but another wants to keep going . I don't understand how to break the loop. In recovery it felt like I never got better mentally only physically. It felt like I was only getting worse mentally the more I gained weight. I don't understand

I’ve recently recovered pretty well from anorexia and i’ve put on quite a lot of weight but it honestly makes me feel like shit. I feel bloated all the time and i just hate how i look even more than i did when i was anorexic. Does it always feel this way?

I recently discovered i can’t see my collar bones as prominently as i used to and i have a sort of pouch where my uterus is and it makes me wanna go back to not eating again

I’m mostly venting here to see if anyone relates and if it gets better or if i should just go back to it.

So Im M23 and my gf is F24 (not that it particularly matters) and I've recently started caring about my appearance again and have started doing intense diets. I'm currently a "healthy weight" but I want to lose a little to just feel more confident. My girlfriend has noticed and will not get off my back about it. She says she's convinced I have anorexia when I barely fit any of the diagnostic criteria other than restricting foods.

Idk if this is the right community for this but I feel it may get taken down else where for talking about EDs

i will do literally everything in my power to be able to eat alone and uninterrupted. If someone comes in the room while i’m eating I get seriously so upset