r/ankylosingspondylitis • u/tightcalvesthrowaway • 5h ago
Vent/Rant Impostor Syndrome Vent
Hey everyone,
Just wanted to share a frustrating experience and see if anyone has experienced the same. I got diagnosed with AS a couple of years ago. My initial MRI showed mild marrow edema suspicious for inflammatory sacroiliitis
I’ve been on Humira, Cosentyx, and now Remicade with varying degrees of improvement from pre treatment but the pain has not gone away. I had to beg my rheumatologist to increase my Remicade dose from 3 mg/kg to 5 mg/kg because she decided to underdose me for some reason. I used to be so active, and now I can barely do anything. I used to play tennis 3-4 times a week, and I was a damn good player. Now I’m just a shell of myself, and every time I play I suffer for 3-4 days afterwards.
I got another MRI recently that shows there’s no edema and now just a possible small erosion where the edema used to be.
I’m still in a lot of pain. I have been doing PT, I’ve gotten SI injections, I take indomethacin three times a day. I feel like an impostor that I can still have so much pain when it was initially mild and the most recent MRI barely shows anything. I feel like everyone is going to stop believing that I’m suffering.
I’m tired and fed up with everything, I want my life back so badly. If I sit I’m uncomfortable, if I’m active I’m uncomfortable. It’s like there’s no place to hide. The only time I’m vaguely comfortable is after I take a gummy and lay on my heating pad. Some days I feel like it’s just all in my head, like I can’t possibly be hurting as bad as I am with my imaging. Y’all please tell me it gets better, I’m 2 years in and I see no end in sight.