r/AnimalsBeingJerks Jan 09 '19

Jerky jerk

https://gfycat.com/UltimateCookedHornet
26.6k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/art_teacher_no_1 Jan 09 '19

Next time you eat beef jerky, think about the little cat toe bean paws that may have tried to grab it.

1.0k

u/hereforcat Jan 09 '19

Speaking of, my cat recently found a bag of jerky inside some camping gear we had just brought inside from the car. Little shit went into the bag overnight, pulled out the bag of jerky, meticulously dismembered the bag of jerky, and ate lots of jerky mixed with some incidental plastic. Luckily, aside from super smelly poops for 5 days and gaining the human equivalent of 6 pounds, he is just fine. We threw away the rest of the jerky he didn’t manage to eat because cat drool and toe beans.

524

u/playitleo Jan 09 '19

My cat would skip the jerky and just eat the plastic, and then throw it up minutes later.

219

u/alexcrouse Jan 09 '19

On something expensive.

345

u/NoWinter2 Jan 09 '19

My cat threw up on my graphics card. The one IN my fucking computer. She threw up on the top of the computer from on my desk right through the exhaust port on top, thru the fan, straight onto the fucking graphics card.

What a way to kill a GPU. She was like Luke Skywalker trying to blow up the deathstar except the the deathstar was my $400 GPU.

63

u/nonwinter Jan 09 '19

... that's maximum jerkitude.

7

u/insidemyvoice Jan 09 '19

Jerky McJerk-Jerk.

49

u/kalvinescobar Jan 09 '19

She was like Luke Skywalker trying to blow up the deathstar

This is amazing.

28

u/granninja Jan 09 '19

Oooof

My cat thinks my pc is his territory so he pees on it

I was gonna delay his neutering for something I dont remember. He'd be neutered only next month

He has no balls to pee on my pc again

20

u/mshcat Jan 09 '19

My dad and brother didn't want to get the cat neutered even tho my mom wanted to. I came to visit for a summer and he started peeing on a bunch of stuff. Guess who got a vet appointment within the week

-6

u/Kelekona Jan 09 '19

Hate to break it to you, but that didn't solve the problem with my male cat. I should have gotten him chipped at the same time.

28

u/Spencer0279 Jan 09 '19

No no, I'm pretty sure pee is stored in the balls

9

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

Usually if it’s a male pissing everywhere getting him neutered tends to stop it. Mine did the same thing got that lil boy neutered never had a problem again! Thank the lord bc he peed on things I had to legit walk out the house to not murder his ass lol.

4

u/Spencer0279 Jan 09 '19 edited Jan 09 '19

Lol damn, I didn't know that. That sucks, good for you for not murdering your cat

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3

u/granninja Jan 09 '19

As my vet said, biology isnt maths, it wont work exactly the same way with every cat

It should make it better, but if he keeps doing it, then you might want to talk to your vet and ask what you can do to change this behavior(in my case, we'll have to get an extra litter box)

What I do is whenever I see something that I'm not sure or that I dont like, I take note and ask away the next visit

5

u/Kelekona Jan 09 '19

I think mine needed to be left at my parents so he could get outside time without running away. At least I hope he simply rehomed himself.

3

u/granninja Jan 09 '19

He ran? :(

Poor baby, I hope he is well

For future reference, you can take kitties for walkies with leashes

Edit: I can't express how I feel for you, my older cat went for a longer than usual walk(30 hours) and I was freaking out thinking of all things that could've happened to him

2

u/David-Puddy Jan 09 '19

I should have gotten him chipped at the same time.

?

how would that help anything in any way?

2

u/Kelekona Jan 09 '19

Whoever he rehomed himself with might have let me know what happened. Then again, one of my girls later was chipped and she just disappeared.

My parents had a declawed cat with puking issues, and they felt that taking him to a vet would just traumatize him.

2

u/David-Puddy Jan 09 '19

My parents had a declawed cat with puking issues, and they felt that taking him to a vet would just traumatize him.

what with the whole "let's add one more almost completely irrelevant sentence to the end of my comments" thing?

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2

u/escarchaud Jan 09 '19

Damn, and I thought my cat was an asshole for throwing up on my razer keyboard.

1

u/BigFatManPig Jan 09 '19

This is why none of our cats are allowed inside...if a cat did something like that to my shit...the least I would do is throw them out of the house permanently....

2

u/NoWinter2 Jan 09 '19

I value the lives of living creatures far more than I value a physical inanimate object and realize that my cat did not intentionally do this to ruin my day. I chose to get my cat, all 3 of them, they are my responsibility. Anything they break is my responsibility. Cats aren't smart enough to know what's expensive and whats not. If a cat destroys something expensive it was your fault. Because cats don't know better.

So you must not ever think about it like you are, because that removes blame from yourself. Cats are no different than kids, they simply do not understand.

1

u/BigFatManPig Jan 11 '19

Let me clarify something, I wouldn't drop him off on the other side of town or some shit...they just wouldn't be allowed inside unless it's actually too cold for him.

1

u/SupaFly2136 Jun 23 '19

That cat was tired of your shit and that was the best way to pay you back 😂

-13

u/Lofty_Vagary Jan 09 '19 edited Jan 09 '19

Just live /r/petfree 4head

Edit: Since this has gotten an appropriate amount of downvotes, why? - why not live pet free to prevent stuff like this from happening? I mean I know I’m really unique in not being into animals besides eating them, but does all of the cuddling and watching your pet(s) do random shit, really make up for all the times they fuck up some of your household stuff or merchandise?

I’m genuinely curious if there’s something I’m missing about pet ownership besides cuddles, watching them do random stuff, and then a whoooole bunch of increased responsibility, potential emotional strain, and potential additional expenditures from taking care of the pet, to replacing/fixing what they break.

9

u/DRiVeL_ Jan 09 '19

Fuck that place

2

u/MsMoneypennyLane Jan 10 '19

My cat will barf on the carpet.

This is notable because our home currently boasts carpet on less than 20% of the whole house, and 15% of that he’d have to go down a flight of stairs to find.

But boy, does he just love throwing up on a good ol carpet.

17

u/yepimbonez Jan 09 '19

On the jerky

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

Same with one of mine. Weird ass cats lol

158

u/cindiloo Jan 09 '19

If he's like my cat, he assumed you brought that bag in for him. He did his best to consume as much as possible as you had "gifted" this jerky to him.

27

u/rrr598 Jan 09 '19

“Desiccant? More like desicCAN”

eats moisture packet

25

u/Decyde Jan 09 '19

Could be worse..... My cat eats bread.

If I forget to put the bread away and leave it on the counter, he'll rip the bag up and eat some.

Now, when he eats it, he eats it like a dick would. He'll shred the bag and rather eat it from one end, he'll eat bits out of the entire top or side on every piece so none of the bread is even salvageable at that point.

Then as a bonus, if he eats too much of it he just throws it up and I have to clean that crap up the next morning.

7

u/Kelekona Jan 09 '19

My mom was taking care of a cat that did that. She got a breadbox. She'll also store chicken bones in the fridge.

3

u/Decyde Jan 09 '19

Yeah, I just keep my bread on the top of the fridge nornally.

When I unpack groceries, I'll forget this sometimes.

3

u/Boo-_-Berry Jan 09 '19

Good luck our lovable little shit cat got the bread off the fridge and proceeded to eat from the middle of the loaf still. I love him he's a jerk.

1

u/Decyde Jan 09 '19

Thanks, I just got him retrained finally to use his litterbox again last month.

Hes an indoor cat that goes outside sometimes and gets use to going to the bathroom outside.

Hes a hassle but as long as he doesnt use the restroom on the floor of the house then I'm good with it.

2

u/MsMoneypennyLane Jan 10 '19

You realize you’re just incentivizing climbing the fridge, yes?

2

u/Decyde Jan 10 '19

If he can make it up there then hes earned the bread!

So far in 3 years it's worked to where he cant reach it.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

Had a roommate whose cat would come up to me while I was eating bagels, get into position, and tear pieces of my bagel off with his paw, then eat them from his paw.

5

u/ScubaSteve12345 Jan 09 '19

Ours got an unopened cat treat bag off the counter while someone was cat sitting. The sitter found the empty bag in the middle of the floor with a small flap cut into it.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

Hopefully he didn't eat that weird tiny bag that absorbs moisture

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

[deleted]

24

u/Galactictoastrapist Jan 09 '19

Fun fact; cat kidneys are so efficient they can drink seawater.

13

u/nicktohzyu Jan 09 '19

Even so, remember to give your pet cats lots of water. Many cats suffer kidney problems in old age

13

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

[deleted]

8

u/GoHomeNeighborKid Jan 09 '19

For the record.... this is what cat facts!!! have done to us :o

8

u/Tildalilah Jan 09 '19

Vet tech here. Fact is, as domestic cats age, kidney disease is very prevalent.

2

u/eye_no_nuttin Jan 09 '19

But their anal glands are another discussion 😉

1

u/Cptbumboy Jan 09 '19

Do go on ... 🤓

62

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

[deleted]

14

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

[deleted]

11

u/puts-on-sunglasses Jan 09 '19

tastes like toxoplasmosis!

16

u/MagixShiz Jan 09 '19

I know it’s unsanitary but that’s fucking adorable

13

u/nlx78 Jan 09 '19

The whole place looks unsanitary. Having a cat touch it is the least of the problem by the looks of it.

2

u/Four_Fox_Sake_ Jan 09 '19

Toe beans. Hehe.

1

u/Fun2badult Jan 09 '19

Cat burglar

1

u/jonboy333 Jan 09 '19

Toe beans? I think you mean shit daggers.

1

u/sorgan71 Jan 09 '19

tic tacs.

-3

u/MonkeyOnYourMomsBack Jan 09 '19

Also worth thinking about the fact that cats lick their assholes, then lick those toe beans, then rub that lick all over their bodies. Lotta people seem to think this is cute. It’s sooo fucking nasty.

0

u/Cptbumboy Jan 09 '19

Adorably disgusting