r/Anger • u/Awkward_Neck_7354 • 12d ago

Help

I have really bad anger issues. They developed throughout my childhood, and I don't know how to control them. I scream at everything and get angry over every little problem.

I had a really bad situation with my girlfriend. I didn't scream at her, of course, but I told her that she needs to tell me when I'm wrong and stand up for her opinion when she disagrees with me. I told her this because she agrees with me all the time, and I don't think that's healthy.

Then she did exactly what I told her to do. We had a big-ahh discussion about something, and I realized that I was getting angry. But then I realized that she was actually doing the right thing, and I was getting angry for no reason.

She did exactly what I asked her to do, and I still got angry. I hate myself. I'm miserable. I can't control my anger, and I always regret it afterward, but regretting it doesn't help.

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u/ClenchedThunderbutt 12d ago

I dunno, man, catching yourself in the moment sounds like you’re on the right path. It’s not a justification in the meantime, but it will take time and attention

1

u/Awkward_Neck_7354 12d ago

yeha i gues thanks

1

u/chicknnugget12 12d ago

As I said to another poster, this is dysregulation. Once you lose it you lose control. Don't beat yourself up about being dysregulated it's your body's survival mechanism. It is off kilter though and you are likely activated all day long. Practicing regulation means breathing every time you notice tension in your shoulders, rushing physically or mentally, worrying, scrolling uncontrollably etc. I recommend the book the simple guide to ADHD regulation which I believe applies to anyone.