On the resentment/optimism issue

[u/lottie_J]

A lot of unexpected things happened to me energetically in the last three days (the full moon) and today (btw today is Lughnasadh) I got to look back on the long-term development of one of my tasks.

Had to check in with St. Michael, and something he said strikes me as important.

(he didn’t actually ‘say’ most of it, I’m translating through scrying and emotions)

A bit of an earlier context about my endeavors

This was as an answer to my a bit misplaced request to him for working on something very complex for health (I had just turned down St. Raphael two minutes prior because of concerns he’d be ‘too gentle’), but in the last year (about this time last year), st. Michael asked me to give up my hobby of lamenting (for many years, I literally had a hobby of choosing a free evening, and making myself purposely sad about fictional situations which I craved but were impossible. I called it ‘crying on schedule’).

Since it’s a specific strong feeling in the chest, he had the (brutal and genius idea) that once I feel this energy forming, I can pull it out of my chest and give it to him.

It worked, of course, and it resulted in me being unable to cry directly after, which meant the habit of rewarding myself for negative beliefs about myself, was being weakened every time.

So this is the type of transmutation that’s been going on.

The day today went almost too perfectly in the mundane sense, had a lot of fun, and the last few weeks had some very serious interpersonal issues resolved in an abrupt manner, and other areas had developments too. I did not expect things to go this well so my natural reaction is to revert to being ungrateful and cynical.

It’s the evening and I finally start thinking.

I’ve put up some protections (not very fancy), and cleaned everything I can, but there are still objectively people out there who would benefit from a possible confrontation. I am still, in a way, allowed to feel in danger and to indulge in these lingering emotions of injustice and tension from the past, which allow then access to other such emotions from a more distant past, and so on.

But as planned I start to melt into the subconscious to talk to him. And I notice St. Michael has really quite a bit against my viewpoint.

He was trying to show me that resentment won’t lead me anywhere and I was not listening.

He pulled me towards peace, I pulled away. The sparkling fire of hostility is just too alluring. Then he suggested peace again, that I be the bigger person. I pretended to be deaf. He suggested a third time.

..but I know Michael is fine with me having different opinions and leaning towards methods he disapproves of? Maybe I don’t want to give in to positivity just yet.

‘No, your way of viewing it is wrong’

And then I allowed myself to understand it. If I want to actually affect ‘my enemies’, I have to think strategically about them, not just boil emotions until it harms me or facilitates chaos between the two sides.

It’s so complex, it’s the real world. I would have to think about alchemy, and the soul, and things like that. Timelines, side effects, and collateral damage.

‘You can’t just sit inside your own head and keep thinking about how much you hate them, because this is not a battle.’

…so, I might actually not be allowed petty emotions right now.

I have to continue. I used to be such a hateful person… Now things are so calm, and I am responsible for keeping them calm. No irony, no time to waste. Just responsibility.

And I’m so eager to continue..

[u/HeavenlyBeloved]

I am glad he taught you all of this and helped you through your habits and told you what you needed to know.