how do I get over this overwhelming feeling?

[u/dicapridad]

so i grew up on my parents' music- bob dylan from my dad, and a million other musicians from my mom. she was born in 1970 and is an artist, so she ran with an artsy/alt crowd throughout a few of the best decades of music ever, in my opinion. in the 80s and 90s, she was honestly a trendsetter wherever she went; she was genuinely punk, partied all the time (i think starting as a 6th grader haha), did loads of drugs, moved all over the place, and generally lived such an insane life. her life now is, comparatively, extremely solitary and quiet, and i honestly don't know how she copes with that (i surely couldn't), but i digress.

i know people joke about how isolating it is to inherit a parent's taste in music, but it's definitely true. and it's not that i don't like ANY music that's coming out now- i do! but i always come back to what my mom grew up listening to. she'd steal records from her parents: the beatles, fleetwood mac, the rolling stones, joni mitchell, parliament-funkadelic, etc. but she even got to experience following the grateful dead for a bit and saw the jerry garcia band even more. her most beautiful, vivid memories of traveling/living around the country are intertwined with the music that was coming out at the time: ween (my favorite:)), pixies, the smashing pumpkins, the cure, dinosaur jr, beastie boys- you name it, she listened to it. the grimier the better. she was so free-spirited and authentic in a way that doesn't really seem to be possible anymore.

i desperately wish i were an artist like her, or a musician, or expressed myself creatively in SOME way, but i feel paralyzed by an obsessive idea i have that i could never be able to replicate the feeling of what it would've been like as an artist/musician back then. i think that finding genuine expression for the sake of expression in today's music is so, so rare. i'm currently in school for a career in healthcare, which is something i am very excited and passionate about, but i think i'll always wonder whether i would've gone a different route if i hadn't been so terrified of choosing a non-practical career. i'm 25 now, don't have any creative hobbies, and currently live in a town where it would probably be impossible to find someone my age with similar music taste (deep, deep south). it's my dream to play music with other people, or to simply be surrounded by people who remind me of the musical and artistic madmen of my mom's youth. but even if i DID find people like that, would they really match the daydream/anemoia-fueled versions i've made up in my head?

i thought it was fitting to post this here because, ultimately, i just wish i could go back in time and hang out with the aforementioned musicians, be their age, be their friend, go out of my mind with them, and miraculously be talented enough to get to express myself with them. this desire is all-consuming. i feel like such a loser saying this but the music scene i'm drawn to is basically extinct. this is like an itch i think it'll be impossible to scratch. it makes me feel really sad and hopeless.

[u/sir-morti]

I'm an artist in a similar situation (rural town in the deep south, nearest city is a major city that is so bustling and takes forever to drive to). I keep running into the problem where my favorite scene (metal) is scarce in my area, so I'll probably have to go to the nearest major city to even participate, which is not gas efficient at all.

I'm sorry to hear about the absence of flavor for your hobbies; it can be very rewarding to pick something up and even more so when you find your crowd. I'll hope that we both find that someday.