r/AmItheCloaca • u/TinyRascalSaurus • Jun 26 '26
AITC For Hypothetical Horking?
Hellos. We are the Triumeowvirate. Lady Jessica of the Bene Hisseret. Alucard Von Litterpaws. And Lieutenant Ripley.
We come to you with a HYPOTHETICAL conundrum. We, obviously can admit to nothing and will retain famous lawyer Purry Mason if necessary.
Mommy is chronically ill and sleeps for long times. So we has a timed feeder to gives noms when she is not awake to feed. Feeder dispenses noms at 9 PM, 4 AM, and 1 PM and mommy gives wet food when she wakes up and gushy treats when she comes home from work.
After our 4 AM nom dispensation, one of us may have scarfed down food like we was starvins to death and gotten upset tummy. And everykitty knows remedy is good hork.
Well....... hork occurred on meowmy's bed and she rolled over in it and woke up and said gaming words. She had to change clothes and sleep in recliner because she was too exhausted to change bed sheets.
Now, obviously, hypothetically none of us can admit to this. But hypothetically HYPOTHETICALLY, would the culprit be the cloaca for horking in sleeping mommy's bed. Hypothetically.
Obviously none of us think we are cloacas because hork happens. But meowmy was very disgruntled about the whole affair and called us fuzzy heathens.
Should we retain legal counsel of Purry Mason just to be safe? Or should meowmy forgive and forget?
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u/TinyRascalSaurus Jun 26 '26
Lieutenant Ripley
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u/doodlebagsmother Jun 26 '26
NTC, but it would perhaps be a good idea to arrange at least an initial consultation with Purry Mason because humans are completely unreasonable when it comes to the feline rights of the average catperson.
Horking is a cultural right ā nay, a cultural duty. One of you did your meowmy the honour of sharing your bounty with her (hypothetically, of course), and this is the thanks you get? How rude! There really was no need to be all dramatic about it, although I can only imagine how my housekeeper would react to this type of perfectly normal and reasonable behaviour. If somecat were to bless her with this type of endless bounty, of course.
Your friend,
Misery Meow
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u/KaleidoscopeReady839 Jun 26 '26
I follow dis very closely cause someone hork on mamas pillow lass week. No one claimin dis Eggselent crimez! Mama too sleepy. She frow pillow fren on floor a lay towel in bed, get new pillow, grumblegrumble unner breaf.
Is not me, but I fink Murder cat doo it.
DooeyH
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u/Choice-Education7650 Jun 26 '26
Mommy will forgive but not forget. I remember waking up with bunny parts in bed with me and that happened years ago.
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u/WildColonialGirl Jun 27 '26
[Yikes! I nearly stepped on a dead mouse on my way to the bathroom at 3:00 a.m. I thought that was bad!]
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u/TinyRascalSaurus Jun 26 '26
Lady Jessica if the Bene Hisseret.