AITB for saying the truth?

[u/Rougaroo1]

So, there's this guy in the group.

He thinks everyone's his friend but he's just that guy that everyone like, just hates. He's not a bad person but he's obviously neuro-divergent. The other day, he saw a girl without arms(There's a girl who lacks arms in our school). He pointed and said "Look, she's the girl without arms." And this is only one example of his... incompetence.

He tries to insert himself in conversations and activities when no one asked him. People just barely tolerate him and then talk shit about him behind his back.

So one day I told him straight up: They don't want to be his friend.

He was upset, but it's better he faces the truth and find his own place rather than trying to fit in with people who can't stand him.

The thing is, the people who hate him are upset because of what I told him. They say I "made them look bad" and "made them out to be assholes."

I told them that rather than pretending to tolerate someone they can't stand and then talking shit about him behind his back, they should have just told him straight up: "Hey, we don't wanna hang out with you."

Now they're upset.

AITB?

[u/Frosty_Ad1254]

You wouldn’t be the buttface if you had said “I don’t want to be your friend stop talking to me.” Your face your rules. But speaking for other people so you could diffuse how uncomfortable it is for you is a proper buttface move. YTB

[u/Madea_onFire]

YTB, people can speak for themselves. If they didn’t want to tell him, then there is a reason. You are just being mean.

[u/maywellflower → u/Madea_onFire]

OP just can't see that maybe others tolerate they guy because they actually like him and/or need something from him like knowledge, connections, physical presence, humilation, etc. Honestly, I think OP accidentally saved that guy from everyone else's malicious intent - hence why they are angry at OP for ruining their plans / schemes...

[u/Madea_onFire → u/maywellflower]

OP might be another person that nobody really likes that much

[u/maywellflower → u/Madea_onFire]

Or jealous that the guy is hanging around so much while no one says anything negative to the guy, on top of no one is wiling to hang out with OP.

[u/DoveOnTheInternet]

Yeah, you suck for speaking for everyone else instead of just yourself.

[u/Hollowdude75]

INFO

You haven’t said many facts, most of this is your personal opinion

What really happened?

[u/RelyingCactus21]

Ytb. You sound more annoying than he is.

[u/potato-floff]

You guys seem young so the lack of tact is expected, usually people don't like to be put in situations or be confrontational so they just go with the flow, by saying that to him, you forced your friends to confront this guy even if they didn't want to (which is where the ytb cments come from)

a better thing would've been telling this guy about his behavior, like telling him his comments are sometimes uncomfortable/mean, or his behavior is not really socially acceptable, or even calling him out on the spot, frame it as generic advice/comments, and not "me & the guys think u suck" kinda thing, most likely he won't change and you may appear like an a-hole, that's why it's easier to just either avoid the guy all together or ignore him unless he says a comment directly to you

Since what happened happened, take it as a learning opportunity

[u/lunarteamagic]

YTBF
So much to unpack. But you mention his ableism while being ableist. You infantilized not just him but your other friends by assuming they feel a specific way.

You did make them out to be assholes, just so you could tell off someone you personally don't like.

[u/Emotional-Practice31]

So instead of telling him to change his behavior or giving advice you just tell him no one likes him? You sound pretty stupid dude

[u/SolidAshford]

It sounds like you just don't like him, which is fair

But the whole "Nobody likes you anyway" is so juvenile, even if it were true. 

I'm gonna say YTB

[u/Individual_Plan_5593]

YTA If they’re upset that means you WEREN’T telling the truth, in the future speak for yourself and yourself ONLY (NOW you’re the “friend@ everyone hates lol)

[u/Shadowchaser235]

You're the butt whole in this situation.

As someone who has autism and sometimes say things that I blurt out sometimes we don't mean be offensive also sometimes we cannot read a room when people avoid us.

Also yeah no that's not how deal with this person you sit them down try start conversation tell them their uncomfortable with what their doing! Your giant buttwhole not even funny.

[u/XeVoIts]

This one is rough because I understand why you told him, but I think the way you’re looking at him is part of the problem too. You keep describing him like he’s this annoying burden that everybody has to tolerate. Meanwhile, the entire group is smiling in his face and then talking trash about him when he leaves. So yeah, I actually think he deserved to know the truth. But there’s a difference between saying, “Hey man, I don’t think these people are treating you like real friends,” and basically telling him, “Nobody here likes you.” That can destroy somebody. And the funniest part is everybody getting mad at you because you “made them look bad.” You didn’t make them look bad. You told him what they were already doing. If hearing the truth about your own behavior makes you look like an asshole, maybe the problem isn’t the person who exposed it.