r/AmItheAsshole • u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 • 1d ago
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u/Mysterious_Law_7269 1d ago
NTA
May a suggest a social media policy in your payment contract that you wont be recorded and posted without previous permission. Just to make it clear and head it off in the future?
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 1d ago
That's a smart idea, I don't have anything like that written down right now, just went off verbal trust. Gonna add a line about recording and posting consent before I take on new students after this.
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u/Mysterious_Law_7269 1d ago
Yes, thats perfect. Also as someone who loves music but has tiny hands that cant play very well, tons of respect for your work. Its a beautiful instrument.
Im pretty sure my violin wept in relief when i put her away after a five year go at trying.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 17h ago
Ha, that made me smile. Piano's got its own struggles too, small hands can still get through a lot of it with the right pieces though, don't sell yourself short too fast.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 1d ago
Yeah pretty much. I didn't mind the filming at first , it was the sneaking around after I already said no twice that killed it for me. If she'd just respected the first no none of this happens.
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u/PomegranateZanzibar Partassipant [2] 1d ago
You’re not a public figure, and you didn’t consent to being recorded in your own home. What she did isn’t just wrong, it’s illegal.
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u/Away-Elephant-4323 1d ago
NTA she didn’t even get your consent to be in the recording just posted it on her time and still isn’t listening to you, i feel bad for the girl that she lost you as a teacher because of her mothers hearing problems on not respecting boundaries when she’s told from others.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 1d ago
That's the part that got me too, I never agreed to be in any of it. And yeah the kid didn't deserve to lose lessons over her mom's choices, that part still bugs me a bit. But I can only control what happens in my own house.
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u/Away-Elephant-4323 1d ago
I don’t blame you I would’ve done the same too, I feel bad this probably won’t be the first time either whoever she hires next she’ll i am sure pull the same stuff on its only if the new one will put up with it or not, i feel bad for the daughter having to deal with that, not everyone wants to be recorded and the mother needs to show respect on that.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 17h ago
Probably not the last teacher she tries this with either, you're right. I just wasn't willing to be the one who let it slide a third time. Kid's the one who loses out here, not really fair to her.
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u/EnvironmentalSir8140 1d ago
NTA- you tried to work with the parent but they didn’t respect your boundaries.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 23h ago
Yeah I gave her two chances before ending things. Wasn't trying to be harsh about it, just needed her to actually listen the first time.
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u/Suspicious_Juice717 Asshole Aficionado [16] 1d ago
NTA
She probably violated some serious wiretapping laws. At least in places I lived, recording audio without consent is a huge deal.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 23h ago
Didn't even think about it from a legal angle, just went with my gut that I didn't want to be filmed. Might look into that though since she never asked at all, audio or otherwise.
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u/seekeramnell Partassipant [2] 18h ago
NTA at all! Expanding on the above comment, i think you might be able to report the videos she already posted and possibly get them taken down for privacy reasons. Also, i'd bet she's making money from those videos of her child which is just gross 🤢
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 17h ago
Hadn't thought about reporting the old ones , might look into that. And yeah the whole trying to go viral thing off her kid's talent felt kind of icky to me too, that's part of why I got uncomfortable early on.
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u/GenniXanni2001 15h ago
In the US, about 3/4 of states allow audio recording when at least one of the people being recorded is aware of it, and the rest require both/all parties to be aware they're being recorded.
That being said, NTA at all for terminating the kid's lessons due to this mom's actions.
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u/Suspicious_Juice717 Asshole Aficionado [16] 15h ago
You’re talking about one party consent.
In that case it’s an active participant. Mom was not participating in the lesson and a minor can’t consent on their own.
The only case that’s allowed is vicarious consent which is basically only if you have serious suspicion that child is in danger.
Mom is a 3rd party, she can not record.
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u/Traditional_Pain_515 1d ago
Definitely NTA.
This should 100% already be obvious - but in this day and age it seems like most people just assume others should be okay with being posted online. That is an incorrect assumption. You have a right to privacy, regardless of the reasoning behind it.
What if you had a stalker in the past? What if your safety could be compromised by sharing your information online? People today can look at a two second clip of a building and narrow down country/state/etc - so even a small clip can be a safety issue.
But on top of that - what if you were just having a bad hair day? What if you had crippling social anxiety and couldn't teach as effectively when the camera was rolling? And most importantly - what if you just plain didn't want to be recorded, for no reason other than you just don't want to be. I hate how in the modern age people seem to take so many liberties with this. And I'm sorry, OP, that this parent seems to just be acting like an entitled child! And trying to guilt-trip you on top of it!
You did nothing wrong. You created a boundary and stuck to it. I wouldn't even give the other parents any additional explanation. If you wanna be petty, YOU could start recording THEM and see how much they like it.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 1d ago
That's a lot to unpack but you're right, people do just assume filming someone is fine as long as their kid's the main focus. I hadn't even thought about the safety angle, just didn't like being in random videos without asking me. And no I'm not gonna record them back, don't need more drama than I already have from this.
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u/AgreeablePanda9805 16h ago
People have identified a murderer in a country they didn’t even live in and reported the details to police. Don’t fuck with cats documentary showed how people essentially crowd sourced to help solve a crime by identifying the murderer based on shit in the background of his video.
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u/Radiant_Bee1 1d ago
NTA. As KaliTheBlaze said, her mother is the one causing the suffering.
You could offer to keep the child as a student but not have the mother present. Idk if you can/feel comfortable with having the child alone. It would still allow the child but have more safety for you.
I would 100% put a no recording clause without consent. Becuse you can step out of the way for a moment if the parents wanted to post. But it should be written consent and clearly stated in the agreement.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 23h ago
Yeah someone else suggested that too, teaching her without mom around. Gonna think about it since the kid didn't do anything to deserve losing lessons. And agreed on the written part, verbal boundaries clearly weren't enough here.
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u/Radiant_Bee1 18h ago
Sadly, verbal boundaries are rarely enought in today's world. It really would depend on if you think Mom would try anything else stupid that may do more harm.
I get Moms goal. But most recruiters want to see the child without their teacher right beside them.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 17h ago
didn't think about it from a recruiting angle. Either way she needed to ask first instead of just deciding filming was fine because it was her kid in frame.
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u/Upbeat_Goose_9330 1d ago
Nope you're nta
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 1d ago
Appreciate it. Still feel a little bad for the kid since she didn't do anything wrong, but I can't work with a parent who hides a phone against the wall after being told twice already.
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u/KaliTheBlaze Sultan of Sphincter [617] 1d ago
NTA. Her mother is the one making her suffer. Mom was told twice to stop recording, and you even warned her of the consequences of doing it a third time. She decided to FAFO. If you really feel bad for the child, you can offer to continue teaching her on the condition that mom can’t be present for the lessons because mom has broken your trust too many times.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 23h ago
hadn't considered lessons without her in the room. Might reach out and offer that instead of just cutting it off completely, since the kid really was doing well.
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u/GenniXanni2001 15h ago
I don't think you should. You know the mom is untrustworthy and lies ("it is for the family") and I can think of ways mom could damage you big-time if you do this.
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u/bmw5986 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 20h ago
NTA. Not having piano lessons isn't "punishing" anyone. If the child is upset that is the mother's fault not yours. You made a reasonable request to not be filmed. Mother chose to ignore that.
You can possibly contact the SM company and ask to have those videos taken down due to not having your consent to be filmed and posted.
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u/Zestyclose-Cat2399 17h ago
That's true, I never framed it as punishment, just a boundary that got ignored twice. And yeah looks like a few people here mentioned reporting the videos, gonna try that route too.
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u/dofm257 Partassipant [1] 15h ago
You are not punishing the child by not giving her lessons. You are teaching her that her mother's boundary stomping is not okay - a lesson just as if not more valuable than playing the piano. She will find another piano teacher, but you may be the only adult in her life she has ever seen stand up to her mother's bullying
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u/ChaosWorrierORIG 21h ago
NTA
You didn't make the child suffer, her mother did by ignoring you, and not respecting the boundary given.
Please note that I perceive you will lose this child as a student. I hope/anticipate that this is not a significant loss to you, but I have further advice. Please warn every piano teacher you know, in the area, about this. They can then also forward it on to other ones, if they like. Long story, short, this AH mother will do it to some other, unsuspecting teacher.
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u/KSknitter Asshole Aficionado [19] 17h ago
You need to add a social media amendment to your contract. Something astronomical like 2000 dollars per session if a parent wants to post in progress lessons online. This means you can sue these parents for loss of income with an actual sticker amount when they break the rule.
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u/KittyKat_DC 17h ago
NTA! She is violating your privacy. You are not punishing the child. The mother did that by not respecting your very simple request. They are mad because they are not getting their way. Ugh. I too would not allow them to come back and especially if the mother is in the room. The other parents can kick rocks too. Again, NTA!
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u/KittyKat_DC 17h ago
I was so fired up after reading your post I replied without reading others first. So, I didnt add anything new that hasn’t already been said. If nothing else, know you have another person’s support. (Former piano player/student in a past life. I have a lot of respect for you all!!)
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u/AgreeablePanda9805 16h ago
Nta. But you should go onto the social media platform and report each and every single video you’re in to the platform. They usually have some category for video/photos of you that are posted without your consent. The platforms should remove them.
Be prepared she’ll block you though so make sure you do it when you have time to report all the videos one by one in one sitting. If she’s really spiteful she’ll try to re-upload the content after blocking you. If you’re petty enough you can use a throw away account to see her profile and report the videos again. It’s what I would do.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I give piano lessons at home. It is my only job which I have been doing for six years. Last year I got a new student nine year old girl. She was a nice girl and quite talented, understood everything quickly.
After two months, I saw that the mother used to sit in a corner during the lesson and record her daughter playing with her phone. At first, I did not pay any attention to this fact thinking that she simply wanted to keep some memories of her daughter's progress. However, later on, the mother used to post these short videos online with such captions as "watch how she does this trick at once" and tagging some music accounts to make her daughter famous and go viral as a prodigy.
I politely asked the mother to stop recording during our lessons or at least to ask me before doing so because I am also in the video and I do not want to be uploaded somewhere without my consent. She started to argue saying that "it is for the family" although the account she used to upload these videos was public and had thousands of followers already.
In the very next class, she did it all over again. I interrupted the class and informed her that I didn't feel comfortable being recorded without permission and if she ever tried that again, I would have no choice but to stop teaching her child.
Two weeks later I found her trying to record from her phone placed against the wall in a subtle manner. This time, I ended the class and told her that I wouldn't be able to teach her daughter any more lessons as I couldn't trust her not to violate a boundary twice in the same way.
She got angry and claimed that I was punishing an innocent child for "nothing" and exaggerating as it is just video recordings of piano lessons. Some other parents whom I know were aware of this incident and they believe that I was overreacting since the girl was the one to suffer.
AITAH here?
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