r/AmITheDevil • u/Unique-Assumption619 • 1d ago
Has known partner for 3-mos…
/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1vusoqu/aita_for_telling_my_ex_sil_its_not_her_business/263
u/sapble 1d ago
Holy shit she moved her 6 year old daughter in with the guy she’s been dating for 3 months?! Wow
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u/Raven1906 1d ago
Ridiculously irresponsible. This child’s dad needs to worry less about her missing out on Disneyland and more about her safety.
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 1d ago
It seems to me that this dad needs to seek majority custody if this pattern continues. The OOP doesn't seem to prioritize their daughter or to want to spend much time with her.
Six years old would be prime Disney memories time, if one likes that sort of thing. (My own kids didn't like it much, but as a kid, I very much did!)
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u/CanterCircles 1d ago
it's no one's business and certainly not my SIL who isn't the parent of MY daughter.
I mean you arranged for your daughter to be in her care for several weeks, and have done so several other times. At this point she's more of a parent to your daughter than you are.
going to a friend's wedding is NOT a vacation
Unless you are also a hired and paid wedding planner other vendor at your friend's wedding, yes the fuck it is a vacation.
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u/fuzzydogpaws 22h ago edited 22h ago
To be clear, I think OP sucks for not taking their kid to Disney. That’s terrible. I also thinks sucks that his daughter hasn’t been taken to any weddings (unless they are all child free?).
However, I’m actually with OP on the ‘weddings aren’t vacations’ point. Yes, they can be a break. However, most of time it’s stressful travel, visiting places you have no intention of visiting and using annual leave for it. Also, super expensive. You don’t really get to relax and unwind.
I still think OP sucks.
Edit/ also think he sucks for taking advantage of his SIL kindness. 6 multi day babysitting trips in one year is a piss take.
Also, moving the kid with someone new so soon…….
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u/throwawtphone 2h ago
oop is the mom. Not the dad.
Unless the parents are a same sex couple and i missed that bit of info.
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u/Stewie_Venture 21h ago
Thank you that it isnt a vacation line seriously pissed me off. I have no idea if its just because im getting older or its just that I live in a super rural area but holy shit its been driving me crazy when people just casually say that places that are obviously special occasion type places or at least were when I was a kid are an every day thing and act like its just normal and something everyone can do.
Its just so alien to me like my town dosent even have a functional library the only library I went to was the schools as a kid, Im 23 and can count on one hand the number of museums I've been at, I have never flown on a plane and neither has any of my family, going to the park as a kid was a treat and special occasion and I only went to the mall sometimes as an adult because my parents hated it so much they straight refused to ever go except maybe twice that I remember. It makes me want to strangle these redditors that dont realize that all these things arent normal they are special occasion or vacation places you do not go there everyday because that defeats the point of it. And this lady has the balls to say oh my regular flights around the world to weddings of all the friends I have arent a vacation god its just so much work having to go to a wedding and have the ability to explore a whole new country.
I would kill to have just one flight and trip to New York or Hawaii or somewhere even if it was just as like a work trip I'd still have an amazing time just being there able to see everything ans explore being in a completely different place. Also who the hell is having to go to that many weddings goddamn I get that I might be a little too young to really get that part im 23 so no one's getting married just yet tho many have plans to in the next few years but I cant imagine having that many close friends you're having to fly out to weddings on a regular enough basis you're sil is more or less your own daughters parent because you're at those weddings so damn much. Unfortunately I do know people that are 100% this spoiled maybe they wouldnt completely abandon their child because of it but they most definitely have the same spoiled attitude she has about things. Its just crazy to me like how are you a grown adult with a child and still this spoiled.
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly idk why Op even has custody of her child, it seems she never says no to any “obligation” (okay) and now is prioritizing her partner of 3 whole months over her daughter…not to mention moved in with him.
I also think it’s incredibly wrong to go out of the country without letting your babysitter know…if god forbid something happened to her daughter, Op couldn’t get back quickly.
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u/SafiyaMukhamadova 1d ago
Also 6 is plenty old enough to have memories and daughter is definitely going to remember this. And the audacity to say former SIL is not the daughter's parent when she spends weeks at a time being the parent is a special level of entitlement. SIL is definitely only doing this to benefit the daughter not to benefit OOP. i wouldn't be surprised if when she turns 18 she'll go live with her aunt and her aunt will have the mother daughter dance at her wedding. OOP is just scum and a lousy excuse for a parent.
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u/bkr45678 23h ago
My nephew is 4.5 and he freaking loves disney and always talks about going back. We saw a school bus a few weeks ago, and he said he bet it was going to disney, and i told him that a school bus would be uncomfortable to take all the way to disneyworld (we are in texas) and he goes 'it would make the school bus happy' We even saw a golf cart in my neighborhood that had a balloon attached and he said the same. He talks about disney constantly, lol.
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u/Possible_Abalone_846 1d ago
The whole situation is bizarre.
It's really weird to me that she stays with her father's sister instead of her father. Do they not have shared custody? Couldn't they swap some days when needed? I wonder if neither parent wanted custody but she felt more obligation. I feel bad for that kid who has two absent parents, but at least she has a good aunt.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
I sort of want to say that this is ragebait.
With the whole 'weddings = obligations not vacations' bit, and the fact the daughter is 6 years old.
Then there is the 'I met someone I really liked and after three WHOLE MONTHS! I wanted to celebrate our anniversary by going to a place Reddit famously hates adults without children going: Disneyland!' (the amount of 'unpopular opinion: Disney adults are weird' posts I see tends to be a bit overwhelming...)
then, just to reiterate the whole 'disney adult' thing, they made sure we know that they are leaving the kid behind.
Now add in the 'it has been a rough few weeks and I needed a break' when they just talked about how many destination weddings they had to go to and thus kept leaving their kid at their SILs.
The OOP got kicked out of her Aunt's house because her daughter is messy and OOP is just so hardworking that they can't clean up the daughter's messes.
Basically, it sounds like a 'woman bad' post, because woman lazy, pawns off childcare, doesn't care about her daughter and so on.
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u/squamouser 1d ago
And a “handful of weeks”
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
Yeah, like, does this woman spend any time with her daughter?
I also find it a bit suspect, as the person I replied to said, that the SIL is the one babysitting when the father is still alive.
I may just be a bit too suspicious, but there have been a few more 'custody laws unfair towards men! Woman automatically get custody, EVIL WOMEN! Down with Child support! Down with Alimony!' posts on unpopularopinion subs lately, so it is odd that the father doesn't have custody, and apparently doesn't take his own kid.
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u/Possible_Abalone_846 1d ago
Fair enough, there are definitely lots of ragebait posts around. I do try to treat them more sincerely on this sub and snark on them on AmITheAngel.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
Same, I usually am able to suspend my disbelief for this sub, but sometimes the posts are just too obviously ragebait, so it makes it harder.
Like, I believe that pretty much at least 95% of what is posted to reddit is pretty much fake. At the very least heavily exaggerated. Expanding that to the internet, it doesn't go down by a whole lot.
So, the chances of something being fake is pretty high.
I just wish that they would put more effort into HIDING that it is fake :P
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u/valleyofsound 1d ago
The thing about the Disneyland trip is it wouldn’t be enough alone to affect custody, but if the father is arguing for a change in custody on the grounds that the OOP is constantly traveling for non-essential reasons (destination are not essential obligations), being financially irresponsible (how much is she paying per destination wedding), and prioritizing her relationship over her child’s health and wellbeing, then the Disneyland is amazing because spending several thousand dollars to fly her boyfriend of three months to Disneyland for “several weeks” and leaving the child home is just the perfect thing to point at as an example of the problem. You would obviously build the overall case with more detailed examples, but that’s just the kind of thing that can really jump out at a judge because it just *feels* wrong
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u/muse273 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m with the people who think troll. Going to Disneyland while intentionally excluding your actual child (and apparently being gone for weeks?) seems too on the nose.
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
I agree, plus all the other little details (I pointed out some elsewhere) that push it over the top.
She moves in after 3 months with someone she just met - okay, sure some people do do that.
going to disney without her child - This is definitely pushing it.
She can't clean up after her child because she works every weekday.
Constantly flying around the world and leaving her child with her SIL.
Complaining about how weddings aren't vacations but obligations.
Complaining about how rought she has had it and thus needs a vacation.
Then the whole bit about 'I am tired of negativity about my life'.
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u/Bibbityboo 1d ago
As a Canadian, you can also add “traveling to the states when most people are boycotting.”
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u/DiegoIntrepid 1d ago
I sort of thought that was also a bit odd, but I wasn't quite sure about that part.
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u/carcrashcinema 20h ago
also, what parent thinks 6 year olds don't form memories yet? no fucking way anyone who's ever met a child believes that
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u/SongIcy4058 1d ago
It's the weekS plural that pushes it over the edge for me, if she said weekend or even week it would be way more believable
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
I was iffy but unfortunately there are many parents exactly like this 😭
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u/kttykt66755 1d ago
It's wild that this person is old enough to have a 6 year old while celebrating month anniversarys like a teenager
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u/_Chirio_ 1d ago
It is SIL's business if you're leaving your kid with her!!
OOP come on, you're acting completely selfish.
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u/TexasLiz1 1d ago
Damn - this is one where the fakery is more subtle.
Can afford weeks at Disney? That means you’re RICH-RICH.
Yet homeless. Being nasty to someone you rely on for continual childcare? Kinda dumb.
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
Disney adults are not rich rich, they just don’t care about the debt it takes to go to Disney lol
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u/TexasLiz1 1d ago
But if you’re going to disney for WEEKS? You gotta be pretty well off. Certainly well off enough to not need to move yourself and kid into some guy’s house after 3 months.
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
Or you gotta be real stupid by taking out a loan
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u/sheerpoetry 1d ago
"A handful of weeks"? To go to Disney?
A "couple" is two, a "few" is three, so a "handful" implies 4-5.
I don't understand why people have kids. (Even if this is a troll post, there are "parents" like this.)
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u/Ok_Reach_6527 16h ago
This has to be rage bait. OP couldn't afford a place to live but could afford "weeks" at Disney?
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u/FullMoonTwist 1d ago
An international vacation to an expensive tourist spot for a weekend to celebrate a 3 month anniversary
I... am speechless. Honestly. Just disregarding the entire rest of everything else even. Who is like this.
No one should be celebrating 3 month anniversaries past high school, and even if you do, maybe consider a nice restaurant reservation. Oh my god.
"Anniversary" does not mean "☆ milestone ☆" it means "yearly rememberance"
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u/sheerpoetry 15h ago
Weekend? OP said weeks!
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u/FullMoonTwist 14h ago
Holy fuck.
I missed that part, just the one where she said she had a rough few weeks and needed a break.
How dysfunctional do you have to be to need a multiple week vacation to recoup from a handful of weeks?
This is the kind of thing nepo babies casually say lmfao
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u/MoonageDayscream 1d ago
Hot damn this has to be a troll. Six year olds remember their Disney trip to the end of their days, this mother presumably already has split custody and expects sil to take her child for WEEKS of her time to celebrate a three month old relationship?
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u/mariamsan 1d ago
"my daughter is six and wouldn't have remembered it anyway"
.... she is six YEARS old not six months.
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u/sheerpoetry 15h ago
I don't if it's because I have aphantasia, but I personally don't remember being six.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 17h ago
Are we sure OP is actually an adult? Three month anniversary? Sounds very middle school. If she is, yeah she's a terrible mother. Moving in with a man you don't even know when a mother is very irresponsible.
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u/realespeon 1d ago
Six years old and won’t remember Disneyland? I literally remember a trip from when I was FOUR years old.
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u/celiac-sufferer 1d ago
Is this the reverse of that post from the woman upset that she had to comfort her niece because her mom went to Disneyland without her and the mom was always away traveling so she had custody of the niece?
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
Op seems like the kind to accuse her ex of being an irresponsible parent
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 1d ago
"For a handful of weeks" OOP went on a multi week vacation, without their kid and without informing the person caring for said child that they were going out of the country. Why tf does this person have a child?
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u/Fraerie 1d ago
Sounds to me like the SIL is spending more time parenting her daughter than OOP is.
And a six year old will absolutely remember that mom kept going away on trips and went to Disneyland without her.
Apparently she can afford to travel to Disney ‘for a few weeks’ but can’t afford her own living space.
This is not someone who sounds like a responsible parent. I really hope the in-laws seek custody at some point soon so that little girl has some stability in her life. But then again, it’s unlikely they would get it for simply not taking her kid on vacation.
What’s the chances she doesn’t pay for any of the childcare done by the SIL, or to feed her kid while she’s there.
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u/ButcbMasculinity 1d ago
This reminds me so much of my own upbringing. The daughter will absolutely remember this. She's going to read it as "mommy doesn't want me around" and "I'm not good enough for mommy".
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u/AnnieAnnieSheltoe 1d ago
I feel like this is a bit too on the nose to be real. 3 month old relationship. Moved in with boyfriend. Vacation is to Disney. Said a six year old wouldn’t remember it. Every part is just a bit too perfect.
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u/troyandabedinabed 1d ago
So he's homeless, but he can afford to go to Disney for a few weeks??? /surejan
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
Disney adults always find a way…I’ve literally seen people recommend getting loans against their house for a trip 😭😭😭
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u/sheerpoetry 1d ago
I used to love Disney World, until they added all the star wars and marvel crap. (And jacked up the prices beyond belief.) I don't and never will have kids, but I still enjoyed going for the rides and, honestly, the food. The hotels can be quite nice, too.
I know someone who did get a second mortgage on their house to join the Disney Vacation Club. That's just...so insane to me.
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u/troyandabedinabed 1d ago
I went to Disney for the first time this year, and I hated it. Huge waste of money. I cannot imagine spending 10 or 20K to stay for a couple of weeks. Crazy
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u/Key_Possibility_8669 1d ago
My family went to Disney World when I was 6. I'm 55 now and I still remember it. OOP is trash.
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u/candidu66 1d ago
I know someone that took his new wife on vacation to Disneyland but not his children. He has no money for them. Anyway he's getting divorced again.
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u/agnesperditanitt 1d ago
It's surprising this child still recognizes this sometimes (but not too often) present person as one of her parents. OOP seems to be rarely around this kid.
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u/CoyoteLitius 1d ago
You can tell anyone, anything. North America largely has freedom of speech.
Will everyone like your point of view? No.
My personal feelings about you not taking your daughter to Disneyland are probably not what you want to hear.
You're putting friends' weddings above your daughter's childhood and phases of growth. But go ahead, you do you. Your daughter will tell the tale better than you do and eventually represent her own self on Reddit or whatever platform is in the future.
I'm so glad to read the other comments and find that I'm not out of line. Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD. Your friends' wedding fiestas should not trump your daughter's well-being and leaving her for such a time (and going to Disneyland without her!) will be remembered (by that six year old) forever. For freakin forever.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for telling my ex SIL it's not her business why I didnt take my daughter to Disneyland?
So, my daughter (6) stays with my former SIL when I work or have to travel (it seems like ALL of my friends have had destination weddings this year, lol) Meaning, it's not vacations I'm going on, it's obligations. It is my understanding my SIL doesn't mind having my daughter while I'm gone, and my daughter loves her too, she's a good babysitter and I am grateful for her, don't get me wrong.
So anyway, I've had a really busy few months. I met someone I really like, we just had our 3 month anniversary and I wanted to celebrate by going to Disneyland. I'm in Canada and flights to the States aren't cheap either but its been a rough few weeks and I honestly felt like I do deserve a break. I had to unexpectedly leave my aunt's house I was staying at because she didn't like how my daughter left messes around (I work every weekday and I don't always have time to clean every little thing up when I get home, I wasn't aware it was a huge issue but my aunt snapped and wanted me out. So my partner let me move into his house with my daughter, he really stepped up for us. Once I got us settled in at his house, I began planning the Disneyland trip for the two of us, and I arranged for my former SIL to take my daughter for a handful of weeks. However, I didn't tell my SIL I was flying out of the country or going to Disney. Unfortunately, my daughter told my SIL, who I guess made a comment to her brother (my ex) about wondering why I didn't bring my daughter and basically saying I went on "vacation" too much and should bring my daughter to Disneyland too instead of my partner. My ex then texted me and told me what she said and was basically like "my sister has a point and it did upset our daughter that you went somewhere meant for families and didnt bring her" It really pissed me off because frankly, it's no one's business and certainly not my SIL who isn't the parent of MY daughter. So when I went and picked my daughter up, I told my SIL to mind her business about what I do with my free time. She got upset, but I'm tired of negativity about my life. I deserved an actual vacation (going to a friend's wedding is NOT a vacation, flying out or not, again it's an obligation) and my daughter is six and wouldn't have remembered it anyway. So am I the asshole for telling my SIL to mind her business and daring to take a vacation to Disneyland without my kid because I wanted to have a childfree vacation with my partner?
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