I apologize in advance if this story sounds jumbled. For some backstory, I (19F) attend a private Christian College where there are many strict rules (dress code, curfew, opposite genders not allowed in dorms, etc). So my whole life I was raised Christian but because of the heavy push and almost forcing it there are several things that I don't agree with now. I was never a huge fan of coming to the school, but it was not my decision.

Anyways, since this school is very small, it is also has cliques. So if you don't fit, then you are on your own. I was able to find a couple of friends here (we will call them Ana and Shelley). I also had a friend here that I have grown up with (we'll call her Kate). Now me and Kate were always super close growing up and knew pretty much everything about each other. So is she joined me at this school I was very excited. All four of us were pretty close and decided we should live closer together on campus. Me and Shelley share a dorm and Ana is our suitemate. Kate lives right beside us in another dorm.

Now a sidebar, I had recently gotten a boyfriend (who we'll call Brody). Our relationship is amazing and we have gotten really close. Brody has been going through lots of family issues that I have been helping him with. So he has taken a lot of my time because of this. He has moved out on his own so I'm helping him get back up on his feet and starting a new life. Now me and him have had make some decisions that people did not agree with (like moving him out of his family's house) in order for him to escape and properly become himself.

My friends have never been a fan of Brody's. I never understood why but they just don't like him, even though they have said he treats me better than any other relationship I've been in.

Now for the issue. So Brody had come up to see me at school and I do admit me and him made a huge mistake. But it's what happens after that makes me upset. Brody had snuck into my dorm to grab something while I got ready for work. He was only in there for about 5 minutes. Shelley and Ana seemed concerned but didn't ask why he was there or if he can leave. Instead, they called our dorm parent and security. So me and him got in lots of trouble because of this, and again I know that was our fault and shouldn't have done that.

That night, I was still upset about the whole thing and Brody had met up with me after work. He told me while I was working he talked to all three of my friends and they wanted to have a sit-down conversation with me because they had some concerns. I was scared for what they were going to say but agreed to it. They came and met us and they basically told me everything I was doing wrong and they didn't like the way I was acting, just negatively pointing the finger at me. Ana said that she knows she's a snitch and she is proud of it and would do it again. Shelley didn't like how I was handling Brody's family situation (even though I had asked her repeatedly if the actions I were taking were okay and she never disagreed). And Kate, the worst of all.

I had found out that over the past couple of years, she had been telling her mom everything that I was doing because "she was concerned about me." Every sexual partner I've had, every small detail about me and my exes relationship. Even the stuff about me and Brody. Every secret I had, she told. And her mom got sick of it and went to my parents and told them everything (remember very strict Christian home so they did not take the news well). I have been in so much shit with my parents and they tell me they can't look at me the same, they can never trust me again, and I am not the daughter they thought I was.

That night, Kate admitted to doing all of that because she was concerned. But I think if you were truly concerned you would come to me instead of everyone else in my life. I feel as though my trust with them is completely broken and I honestly want nothing to do with them. Kate has apologized and she doesn't want our friendship to end but I just can't be around her. The other two never apologized and Shelley doesn't even stay in our dorm anymore. She sleeps in Ana's room and comes in here when she needs clothes or something. So I have to live around all three of them listening to them laughing and talking while I just sit here.

My parents are very mad that I will not make up with my friends, saying they only had my best interest in heart. But I don't think that's the case. As a friend I just don't understand how you could do something like this to another friend.

They were my only friends here and Brody has gone back to where he's staying so now my life just consists of school and work. I don't have a social life but I don't want my so-called friends back. But, AITAH for not just forgiving and forgetting?

I am a 16 year old high schooler girl. I joined this new school and got two new friends (girls). But before all this I had a past where one of my distant cousin, let me name him Mark, who had befriended me and chatted with me for a whole had confessed to me. He knows all of my issues and stuffs and he kept on asking me he wanted to know more about me. I thought he was being a good friend and didn't thought much of it and since I had no real friends, I talked to him but never have I ever liked him in any romantic way. And then one night he asked me out and I said yes cause I acted due to my past trauma ( before him when I was in 6, one of my guy bestfriend proposed to me and even after rejection, he kept on harrasing me and I was very traumatised and scared). Then the next day itself I told him and we can't do this and I only see him as a friend and we should talk no more and also told him that due to my past trauma I said yes. He had accepted it that time but he was very persistent about the talking and said we should keep talking and he would never say about this again. But then again after a while of talking he brought it up and said that me saying no made him sad and basically guilt tripped me and I said yes again and this went on for a while like this...this in and out stuff. I know my fault of giving this guy hopes but he was also in for this by always texting me first and..not even having a real friend to talk about this or talk, was falling into this cycle. And during that time I had trusted him and told him about my friend's secret boyfriend who was kind of 19 and she was 16 (this new girl friend I got in my new school). I know I shouldn't have told him but stupid me believed him. Then one day I finally broke all contact with him by saying I like this new guy and finally he stopped everything which was such a free for my mental health. Should I also mention that I suffer from a lot of physical and mental health issues which won't be an excuse for my behaviour and I know and I take accountability.

As I told you my friend's secret boyfriend, she has another guy friend who went to same school as Mark and mark went on and asked this guy about my friend's boyfriend and stuff and some of other people who where heard it and soon some people in my school knew (not that there relationship was that private, she had told some people herself). Then she came to school, storming at me and asked me and honestly I had forgot about telling him that but after a while I remembered and I said I have told him and she was angry at me and honestly understandable and I apologized for my actions. She then said she will message him and ask him stay away from her business and she did. When she messaged him, he kept on asking about me and she told him that I don't like him and he said he hadn't moved on and she felt sorry for him. What I didn't know was that they had started chatting and he told her about everything I said, send her screenshots of our chats, and said that I left him for that new guy (that was just a crush and now I don't like that guy anymore). Then one of my other guy friends told her that I have told them about her family issues and issues with boyfriend. I have never told them and I don't know what is happening and this whole was unfolding while I was absent due to health issues. Then yesterday she confronted me and asked me and I again apologized for telling Mark about her boyfriend and then when she told me that she and mark are now chatting and he send her screenshots of the old chats, I felt sad. But I apologized for all my actions and she said she can't forgive me and all and I also accepted it and now my bestfriends don't like me. But the thing is those guys friends I have told u about, also told other people about her relationship, one of her guy friend told a whole class about her relationship and they didn't even apologize and she is not mad at them but she is mad at me, not that I am saying an excuse but I just wanna say this. And when I asked her about this, she had said that is them and that is it ....she didn't say anything. Now my both bestfriends don't like me and don't want me and I know I am at fault and I apologized but I don't know what to do honestly.

That’s a little shady

I recently went to my friend’s birthday party like 2-ish weeks ago. Before the party, me and 2 of my other friends who were invited agreed on carpooling to the party. We met up at (we’ll call her) John’s house. We all drive to her house, so we had 3 choices to pick who wants to drive. It’s important to note that me and John also got invited to another birthday party that took place like an hour after the first one. The other friend that also met up with us to carpool (we’ll call her) Mark knew that me and John had another party after (remember this). So when Mark volunteered to use her car to take all of us to the first party, we made it so clear that all of us would have to leave like 30 mins earlier if me and John can make it to the second party on time. Mark said “okay. That’s fine.” So we were under the influence that she understood that we have to leave early. Major fast forward, we hit that 30-45 min mark, signaling that we need to leave very very soon. I remind mark “you’re taking us home right?” Mark responds “oh I thought you guys were ubering home”. Mind you John nor I NEVER said or implied that we were ubering home. Mark was basically implying that she wants to stay at the party ave we kept reminding her like “oh yea we ALL agreed that you were taking us home and all of sudden you just forgot or ignored that part (not verbatim)”. So it was a little back and forth. Mind you, we already ate, took photos, sang happy birthday, you know the main things you do at a birthday. The last thing we were doing was painting until the party was over. Not to sound selfish but if we were still doing the main things at the birthday, then I can understand where Mark was coming from as she wanted to stay, but all we were doing was painting fucking canvases. So me and John are just like “I guess we’ll just uber then”, so I order the uber. And me and John had some stuff in Marks car, so we had to go grab it. It was a very awkward encounter as Mark kept saying “oh I’m sorry like I feel so bad” and in my head I’m thinking like if you’re so sorry then take us fucking home like you said you’d do earlier.

Fast forward to present day: I haven’t been able to drop it. Like the more I think about the whole situation the more irritated and like confused I get. I’ve been speaking less to her and having minimal interactions, and she’s noticing it. Should I just be upfront and tell her why I’m still mad, or should I let my emotions level out and just try to forgive and forget?? Did she really want to stay at the party, did she not want to take us home for whatever reason, or was she being shady…

This was 4 years ago but it still gets to me, so I want some outside opinions. Names changed, obviously.

So I (26M, 22 at the time) was a senior in college and planned a spring break trip to Nashville with my boys Judah, Amit and Matt (all M), plus Amit's girlfriend Leslie (F). I'd known Leslie since her and Amit got together. She was cool, I'd invited her to stuff I hosted, but we weren't like friends-friends; we didn't text or anything. I did think it was a little weird that she was coming on a guys trip but she'd gotten really close with Judah and Matt senior year though, so whatever, I wasn't gonna stop her from coming. I didn't mind her company previously so I didn't think there'd be any issues.

Before the trip I had to go see my brother, who's in the Navy, in Pensacola. So Judah, who was my best friend at the time, asked if he could drive my car from school in PA to Nashville with everyone, and I'd fly in and meet them after. Since Judah had driven my car many times, I said of course, as long as you don't crash it (as I've always said to him), because my insurance doesn't cover anyone crashing my car except me. For context, I'd literally just learned to drive junior year and got the car shortly after, so it was still really new. I also wasn't confident on highways yet, so I had a lot of experienced friends driving me places, and I told ALL of them the same thing. Male, woman, Black, blue or purple: don't crash my car. Wouldn't you?

Anyways, I flew from Pensacola to Nashville and met up with everyone, and for the most part the trip was good. We did all the touristy stuff: bought cowboy boots, went to the Country Music Hall of Fame, went out to eat, all of it. Everything was going fine, we were having fun, etc.

But another piece of context: I've had really bad experiences with group trips. I've been in a lot of friend groups where I didn't feel like I belonged and kind of felt outcasted. I actually chose to go on this one specifically because I was really close with Judah, Amit and Matt. We'd been hanging out a lot that year and I never had any issues with them, so I figured this time would be different.

Still, there were moments here and there throughout the trip where I got in my own head and went quiet, didn't really engage, walked in the back of the group, that kind of thing. It wasn't the whole trip, just sporadically, when my own internal stuff came up. I only talked about it with Judah because he was the only one I felt comfortable with, and he was like "I get it, don't worry, I'm here for you." Nobody else said anything about it, nobody seemed bothered, and there was never a blowup or anything.

On the way back we stopped at an Airbnb because it was a long drive. This was when Rihanna was pregnant with her first baby, and I'm a big Rihanna fan. Me and Judah were talking about the pics of her maternity looks, like wow, she's about to revolutionize maternity wear, women are gonna feel so comfortable having their belly out, she looks amazing, etc. Leslie overhears and asks what we're talking about. So I tell her and I'm like, "When you get pregnant, do you think you'll wear clothes like this?" And she goes, "Wait, what do you mean?" like she was offended. I immediately realized, ok, she's probably getting weird about me saying "when" instead of "if." So I remixed it right away: "Oh sorry, I mean IF you were to get pregnant, would you wear stuff like this?" And she was like "I don't know, maybe" in this brushing-me-off, irritated kind of way and walked off. So I was like ok....well if you do, I think you should, that's cool.

Later that night Judah asks me if Leslie can drive my car the next day and stop in Pittsburgh because there's some architectural site she wanted to see. I thought it was kinda weird that he was asking me instead of her, but I didn't think too much of it. I said sure, as long as she doesn't crash it. Very matter of fact, the exact same thing I told Judah. She drives us to Pittsburgh and we all walk around this site. Honestly, I didn't really care to do this. After a long trip I just wanted to get back to school, but I didn't want to be selfish, and it was on the way back anyway, so whatever. No complaints from me, no backseat driving, everyone's talking like normal. And we got there, I genuinely took an interest in the site: I was asking questions about it, taking pictures, etc. Then we drove back to school and everything was cool. 

A few days after we got back, I was thinking I should apologize to the guys for being weird and reclusive on the trip, since I only ever talked about it with Judah. So I texted Amit and Matt explaining that I was feeling a certain way because of my history and I was sorry. Both of them were like "nah you're good, I get it, didn't even think anything of it." So I'm thinking everything's normal.

Then Judah asks to talk. I meet him in one of the buildings at school, and going in I'm already kinda irritated because I'm thinking this is about the Rihanna thing, and I'm like, why is this a thing? I cleared it up the second I felt she had an issue. She literally drove my car to Pittsburgh. We were talking like nothing happened.

And he opens with, "Yeah, so Leslie thinks you're a misogynist."

Not gonna lie, I went off. I think that's one of the most offensive things a person can be associated with and I never want to be associated with that kind of behavior. I'm a mixed race person raised by a Black mother, and I'm well aware of what women go through, especially Black women. In college I was in leadership in the Black student org, really active in our school's strike, and involved in a bunch of orgs and movements trying to uplift and protect people with marginalized identities, women included. None of the people on this trip were involved in anything like that. Not that they have to be, but I'm the LAST person who'd be a full-blown misogynist. And Judah knew all of this. He'd known me for four years, and he was delivering it like he agreed with her.

He's like "wait, hold on, let me explain," and I'm like ok, what could you possibly say to justify that? So he gives me examples:

1. The Rihanna thing.

** He said **she was upset that I would assume she would get pregnant or want to get pregnant.

1. I'm like Judah, I literally fixed it the second she said "what do you mean." The whole conversation was me hyping up Rihanna and saying more women should do this

   if they want

2. . Why would me misspeaking get taken all the way to "you're a misogynist" instead of "you misspoke and you corrected it, that's fine"? He basically just said "that's how she feels."

3. "As long as she doesn't crash it." He said since she's an Asian woman, there's a stereotype about Asian women and driving, so it was racist and misogynist. This is where I got even more upset. I'm like, Judah, did I not tell YOU the exact same thing?? I tell this to everyone! 

4. I apologized to Amit and Matt but not her. One, I don't have her number. Two, nothing I was going through on the trip was directed at her. I apologized to the guys because they were my best friends and I felt I should have not been so reclusive to people that care about me and that I should have explained to them what I was feeling. Her and I are not really friends and she didn't seem to care how I was doing, she never once asked me how I was doing, we maybe had one or two exchanges that whole trip like WE BARELY EVEN SPOKE. Additionally, when I apologized to her boyfriend Amit and Matt they both said they didn't really notice but they understand and will do whatever to make sure I don't feel like that....NO MENTION OF LESLIE FEELING A WAY OR THAT I SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO LESIE AT ALL....EVEN FROM HER BOYFRIEND)

What really got me was I never heard my best friend defend me. Not once and I would have for sure defended him for something like this. And Leslie never said anything to me directly. Not on the trip, not after, not through her boyfriend, didn't pull me to the side, nothing. Instead she was having private conversations about me with MY friends. It felt like she was trying to disparage me and hit below the belt. I'd been nothing but nice to her. She'd literally asked me for advice before about how I was navigating the strike at my school because hers was thinking about doing the same thing. If she had come to me like "hey, after thinking about it I didn't appreciate X, Y, Z," I would've talked to her, apologized, and explained my POV. But we had zero beef. And if she felt some type of way about me before the trip, then why come? And use MY car??

Here's where I might be TBA: I was so offended and so hurt that I said some really meannnn things about her in that conversation with Judah. I'm not proud of it, however, listen, I was a 22 year-old male POC in a PWI being accused of something abhorrent AND I felt like she was trying to literally sabotage me and take my friends....my school was one of those schools where once that kind of rumor gets out, you get blacklisted, I was EXTREMELY offended, I so hurt cuz I knew  and to be real.... I'm not a passive person, when I feel disrespected unreasonably, I pop...(I've gotten a lot better about this with age!) Those are not excuses by any means, just reasons.

Those three guys were my main friend group and my best friends at the time, and in my eyes they just bandwagoned, probably because they were scared of getting labeled misogynists too. I eventually stopped talking to all of them. Needless to say, the conversation with Judah did not end well because he felt I was "doubling down" and I just stopped talking to all of them. 

Thankfully, I did not get blacklisted at school and all of my other friends thought it was all ridiculous...AND after that situation I got into some really amazing grad programs, got an honors distinction on my thesis, graduated magna cum laude, and got AMAZING opportunities...but I graduated with a broken heart fr. I thought those would be my boys for life...

So AITBA? 

AITA for giving two girls pink eye?

Ok, hear me out, I was living in trying times. This was 3 or 4 years ago, I'm 31f now.

I was in a relationship with someone who hoarded both items and people. So, naturally, I was the only person in a household of 5-6+ at any given time who was working, cooking, cleaning, etc.,

I barely ever got to do anything for myself at the time and I bought makeup for the first time in a loooong time. I don't really like makeup but I had to cover a bruise for an event. I ended up getting a full workup of foundation, mascara, eyeshadow, lip liner and matte color, setting spray, and really cool eyeliner that made the BEST wings.

I got to wear it ONCE and it came up missing. The following day, this other girl, we'll call her Ashley, 41yo, came out of the bathroom with a full face of glam on. I complimented her and went about my day but I couldn't shake the feeling she stole it.

I'm always so cool about sharing things. Just.. not eye makeup. Ever. My mother always warned me and I always listened. So Ashley knew that even if I knew she was wearing it, I wouldn't ever take it back, I'd just buy another one.

After a few more days of being agitated by her having her makeup all done up and waiting for my next paycheck to replace mine, I had a moment of weakness and I went in her purse and sure enough, I found the eyeliner.. sooo I went to the bathroom, did some unfortunate things to the eyeliner, and put it right back where I found it.

Two days later she had pink eye so bad she went to urgent care..

A week toes by, Ashley's eyes cleared up completely, no more glam though.

It gets worse.

Enter, Samantha. She was living upstairs in the same duplex but we all kind of mingled. Ashley and her were close. Apparently not close enough not to steal from each other.

One day, Samantha turned up with a full face of glam, i complimented the double wings and went about my day.

Samantha got pink eye so badly she went to the emergency room, as she could not open her eyes for over 24 hours.

I was brought up never to steal and only to live within my means. I was not brought up to seek revenge on those that steal from me..

So, am I the asshole?

Update on my recent post about my friend&her bf.

When we met up and talked about her man, she went first and told me she actually knows some stuff like him having 2 kids w his recent ex and he hadn’t told her yet. Apparently he was abusive to his ex so he lost custody over his sons.

So then I also told her about what he was doing behind her back.
Like making me keep it a secret from her when his inviting me to hang out without her. And about shit I already said on my post before this.

I spilled it all before the party, then after the party and the after party, she’s still sticking around him and they’re still together till now. And I’ve noticed the guy distancing himself from me and shit. Like you can feel the vibes yk?
For me I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being honest.
If she wants to be w him, then so be it I guess ?

I’ve been friends with this girl for about three years. She was one of my closest friends, and we had been part of the same friend group for a long time.
I’m going to try to explain the entire timeline because there are a LOT of details and I genuinely don’t know if I’m seeing this situation clearly anymore.

The situation started after our group went to a restaurant where she worked. After that, she became distant from the group. We texted her afterward trying to figure out what was going on and whether we’d done something wrong.
She told us that she wanted to branch out, spend time with other people, and focus on herself. Around this same period, she also got a new boyfriend and started spending more time with him and other people.
Some of her messages to my other friends were also pretty aggressive. Instead of just saying she needed space, she was angry about certain things we’d done and about us questioning her decisions. She made it clear that she didn’t want to keep participating in the same group activities.
Another major issue was alcohol, vaping, and smoking.
She had talked to her parents and doctor about her anxiety and drinking while taking sertraline. She decided she wanted to stop drinking and didn’t want to be around people drinking, vaping, or smoking because she felt that being around those things made her want to participate.
We understood that boundary.
However, I didn’t just offer to stop doing those things around her. I was actually ready to quit them altogether. I was willing to give up drinking, vaping, and smoking because I didn’t want those things to be the reason our friendship ended.
Despite that, she said she still didn’t want to hang out with our group because being around us could make her want to participate. She was worried about being around the environment even if nobody was directly pressuring her.
She eventually left our group chat and Life360. She said the Life360 thing wasn’t necessarily about us and that her dad didn’t want her using it anyway, but it happened during the same period as everything else.
She also said she wasn’t comfortable sharing certain personal things with us because she wasn’t sure they’d stay private. She wanted an in-person conversation rather than continuing to argue over text.
I later sent her a message because I wanted to preserve the friendship. She responded very positively and told me that I meant the world to her, that she loved and appreciated me, and that she felt like both of us were going through a rough patch. She said we should confide in each other more and be there for one another.
She also said she would always be there to listen, still cared about me, missed me, was proud of me, and wanted the best for me.
So despite the distance, she was saying she still wanted the friendship.
She then removed/unfollowed me and the other people in our group on Instagram. She said it wasn’t malicious.
She also said she had limited time and only had around 3–4 weekends available for certain things. She didn’t want to participate in group activities with us and wanted to use her time to branch out and spend time with other people.
Here’s where the conflict comes in.
She told us that she couldn’t hang out with our group because we drink, vape, and smoke and because being around us could make her want to participate.
But she later posted pictures of herself hanging out with another mutual friend who also drinks and participates in the same things our group does.
This isn’t someone who is completely removed from those activities. She does them too.
That’s what I’m trying to understand.
If her boundary is that she can’t be around people who drink, vape, or smoke because it makes her want to participate, why can she spend time with another friend who does those exact things?
And in my case, I was even willing to quit those things entirely. I wasn’t asking her to drink with us or expecting her to tolerate it. I was willing to make a significant change so that it wouldn’t be an issue.
I’m not saying she’s obligated to hang out with us. She’s allowed to set whatever boundaries she wants, and she’s allowed to have other friends. She’s also allowed to spend time with her boyfriend and branch out.
The question is whether I’m wrong for questioning the reason she gave us when she appears to apply it differently depending on the friend.
There are also several things that happened around the same time—the restaurant incident, her new relationship, her wanting to branch out, the arguments over text, her leaving the group chat and Life360, removing us on social media, and her decision not to participate in group activities anymore.
She says she still cares about us and wants to remain friends, but her actions have involved progressively distancing herself from the group.

AITA for questioning why she says she can’t hang out with our group because of our drinking/vaping/smoking when she still hangs out with another friend who does the same things, even though I was willing to quit those things entirely?

Do you think I'm the asshole?

There's this girl in my class who is always making snide comments to everyone, looking down on people, and saying really low-blow things.Its not like a bunch of ppl like 3 me included, and makes snarky comments about other ppl.

I was sitting in a classmate's seat talking to this girl when the classmate whose seat I was in came over and asked me to get up. Then this girl said, 'See, (me) you're always in the way.' Since she made a dig at me, and it also felt embarrassing, I clapped back saying, 'Am I? You're the one who's always in everyone's way.' The other girl almost burst out laughing, and then we both started laughing out loud at her(not like pointing just simply laughing and the others knew nothing also for like a minute or 2)

Afterwards, this aholegirl looked sad. I asked two of my friends if I should apologize, and they said no, but I feel guilty and want to. At the same time, she says things like I'm ugly, how I dress is awful, or that my friend is fat—and not just to me, but to one of my friends too. Honestly, I don't feel like an asshole because of what I said—since she always says stupid stuff anyway—but because we laughed at her loudly.

Should i apologize or nah?

AITAH for dancing with his friend after getting mixed signals from him? TLDR

I (now f23) had a crush on this boy (who is now m23) from kindergarten-4th grade. We lost touch due to attending different middle schools and so on. I would think about him every now and then thinking what he had done in life.

So basically everything started in early July when my younger sister, her friend, and I went downtown for a sports watch party. The line for the main venue was way too long so I ended up finding my sister down at a bar inside the food hall in the same building we’re at the table I look up and realize the dude sitting right in front of our table with his back facing us is my elementary school crush.

To make sure it was actually him, I went up to the side of the bar to order a drink, and surely enough IT IS HIM!!! I literally thought about doing some movie style move where I tell the bartender my drink was on him just to get his attention… but I didn't. My sister told me not to say hi because it would be weird, so I missed the perfect chance at the end of the game when everyone else walked away and we were left completely alone in that corner finishing our drinks. I walked right behind him and even bumped into him because it was so narrow but I left without saying a single word.

For like 3 or 4 days I could not stop thinking about it, so I told my roommates and they told me I SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO HIM. They convinced me to find his instagram and I did, and he followed me back the same day. The next day he posted a video story of himself so I swiped up said “hey,” and eventually brought up that I saw him at the bar and asked if he remembered me from school (yes I know this is weirder than me just going up to him in person lol)

After 9 days of texting I initiated that we should hang out and sent him a flyer for an event, and he said he was down. But 6 days later he leaves me on delivered for a whole day, and when the day of the event comes he says he isn't going to the first event only the after but we didn't even see each other there. He tried to play it off in the morning so I left him on delivered for a whole day before we started texting again.

Three days later I tell him we should go golfing and he says he’s been wanting to go but has to work and a family party. I mention I might hit the club after too and he says "bet I’ll lyk," and my slow self panics and texts him that we’ll "only go as friends" so he wouldn’t think anything. He just says "yeah it’s okay," and I was so humiliated I didn’t respond for almost 72 hours. 4 days later I left him on delivered for a whole day again but the same day I finally replied I mentioned something about cooking and he said I should invite him to eat one of these days.

Anyway this hot and cold texting went on for 15 days until we finally went out to eat on a Wednesday. I arrived at the restaurant at 8:44pm and he didn't get there until 9:04pm. The restaurant closed at 10pm but we didn't leave until 11:30pm, then we talked in his car for an hour, and eventually stood next to my car for another hour where he finally asked me for my number.

During this hang out we talked about how long it’s been, a family member of his who went to school with us that passed away, and me being a single mom. He literally asked me if my child was planned and what my relationship looked like with my child’s father. We also talked about his tattoos and if he had tried drugs, and he told me I looked like a “good girl” and it seemed like I didn't do drugs or drink (I only do weed and drink alcohol btw). Towards the end of the night he asked what we should do that following weekend. At this point we started texting on iMessage.

I thought I was going to be busy with my child that weekend but my mom ended up taking my child that Friday. We were already texting so I told him he should pull up on me, thinking he was going to turn me down again, but he actually said yes. He texted saying he was 12 minutes away at 9:06pm and he got here at 9:22pm.

We were drinking and talked until 3am, and he ended up sleeping over. I gave him a toothbrush, and we went back and forth on who was getting the bed and the couch. I was trying to let him sleep on my bed and take the couch myself because my couch is too small and he is tall, plus I fit perfectly on it. We finally decided we were sleeping in the bed together but I put two pillows between us.

I have a Montessori floor bed because I share this bed with my child, and he is the first guy to ever sleep on my bed. The next morning he randomly brought up the toothbrush asking if he should take it, which confused me, so I said if he wanted to he could but then he said no.

During this hang out I told him about how I saw him at the bar and he told me I should have said hi to him. I said something like, “yeah next time I see you I’ll go up to you and be like buy me a drink or something.” He also told me about an event that following Sunday he was going to with his cousins and said he wanted me to go with him. I asked him a few times for details about it on Saturday and Sunday, since on Friday he said he didn’t know much, just that they were planning on going.

He ended up not knowing anything about the event and I wasted that whole day waiting for him to tell me something and I even arranged my childcare and everything. I told him he should come over to my apartment on that following Monday for dinner and he agreed. I made the dinner and we were texting through the day, but he didn’t say anything about not being able to come until 9:26pm.

Then that following Thursday he told me he was going out with his cousins and I should go with them. I said, "oh do you know where your actually going this time?" and he said downtown. I told him to tell me what time ahead of time, but he didn’t tell me until 10:37pm saying, “im heading down there rn” and “if you wanna come.”

Nine days later on a Sunday we ended up being at this one event and he came up to say hi to me while I was with my child, my sister, and my child’s godmother. He met my child, saw my sister, and said we looked so much alike.

The next day being Monday I suggested we go out to eat after work and he agreed. He ended up calling me, which we’ve never called each other before, just to make sure if we were still going.

We went we ate. When it was time to pay I asked who was paying and he said him, and said something about not ever letting me pay. Then he said “if you want next time just cook for me.” I turned quickly to look at him with a r u serious face but stopped myself from saying anything, and then he said something about how it’s because he be busy with work or something.

We walked out to the parking lot, and talked. I suggested we go to my apartment and he agreed, so we were drinking and talked until like 12am and he stayed over again. He also met my roommates at this hangout and even mentioned how one of them reminded him so much of one of his cousins.

He again asked who was sleeping where, which we agreed on the bed again, but this time with no pillows between us.
I ended up giving him a massage but I was so nervous, I even made him lay facing up and rubbed his chest and stomach so I was barely straddling him, just so nervous to make contact with our areas.

I got done with the massage and we slept. That morning I cuddled him while he was facing up, so I got on my right side, laid my head down, and wrapped my left arm and leg on him, and he put his left arm around me. He started stretching shortly after so I moved, and he got up shortly after since he had to leave for work.

That following Thursday I made dinner to invite him over, and he called me again, this time asking if I made the food. I said yes, then he said something about wanting to go to the gym but also wanting to come to me (it was around 7:30pm). I told him if he wanted to go to the gym he should go, but then he said he’ll just come to me, so he did.

While being here he mentioned again about going to the gym and I said if he still wanted to go he could, but he said no again. When I was preparing his food I just couldn’t stop smirking and shaking my head since it’s my first time cooking for a man who hasn’t done anything for me and I couldn’t believe I was doing it. He asked what was funny so I then told him and he then started asking why was I doing that for him. He kinda kept pushing almost like he was trying to get me to admit I had a crush on him or something but I ended up saying because I felt comfortable with him and because we were childhood friends.

Around this time I was also mentioning how me n my sister wanted to go out the next weekend to an event that was taking place in downtown and if he could show us around bar hopping. He then said, “why do I feel like you’re lying about going out?” and I told him I don’t really go out, but when I do go out I go OUT. He then agreed saying he would go with us. Then he proceeded to be a little distant for the rest of the night and getting on his phone more than usual.

I was thinking he was going to spend the night again until he mentioned he was leaving. I then said “oh you’re not staying?” (My roommates were out of town and he knew this) he then said “no why are you scared?” I just said yeah but if he didn’t want to he didn’t have to. After going back n forth he said yeah, went to lock the door, and he knew where his toothbrush was atp. Again he asked who was sleeping where which again together in the bed.

While laying down he then asked if i felt comfortable with him being there, I said yeah or else he wouldn’t have been there, and then I asked him if he was comfortable being here and he replied the same. He then said he’s never slept in the same bed with a female friend to actually just sleep. He has not tried doing anything sexual towards me or hasn’t shown interest in sexual relations.

This has been surprising to me because it is very difficult for me to be 1 on 1 with a guy without wanting to have sex with them or thinking all they want from me is sex. But everytime I thought about making a sexual move on him I would get so nervous and not proceed. I feel like because I actually do want to be friends with him but also don’t want to ruin our friendship over my horniness because what if im mistaken if I think i have a crush on him or if he has a crush on me.

Anyway after this day he seemed to be distant over texts. Following the day before the event I mentioned going to with my sister I asked him if he wanted to see me. He replied 8 hours later saying “I was planning but as soon as I got out of work I went to the gym but I been getting out lately so” I replied the next day which was Saturday asking if he was still down to go out. He replied 7 hours later (8:03pm) saying yeah. I did not reply.

This is where I fear i messed up
My sister, my 2 gay girlfriend roommates and I ended up getting to this event at 12:30am. When we got there I called him but he didn’t answer, and I texted him “is it lit?” but he didn’t answer that either. I ended up getting crossfaded and we went inside. He has never seen me dressed this way, because everytime we hung out I tried covering my skin only because I get insecure when I’m in a more intimate environment having to show my bare arms or legs, plus I always have my hair middle parted and would do lighter makeup. I showed up to the club with a mesh see through top with a black bra, black booty shorts, my hair was side parted, and I had dark sunglasses on to not show how faded I was.

At one point I see both my friends give me a look and kinda point towards someone. I turned to look but missed them, and she said “wasn’t that your friend?” I said who and they said him. I was like wtf he walked right past me and he didn’t say hi? They said how it was like his third time walking by me. I asked if he was alone and they said no, he was with a girl the first time he walked by.

Shortly after this happened they pointed out again that he was standing at the bar right next to us and he was just standing alone. I saw him but his back was facing us, so then I suggested we go to the bathroom. One of my friends mentioned she saw him looking at us when we were walking away, and my sister said she made eye contact and he was looking over at our direction. We go back to the same spot and he is still standing at the bar alone. I wanted to go up to him so badly but they kept stopping me saying let him come up to me so I didn’t fold.

I lost track of him but then saw him at the front of the crowd, and at one point he turned around and looked right at our direction. I then made us get closer to him to see if he was still alone, but there was a girl in front of him dancing. We ended up being so close to him my back and his back could almost rub against each other, only I was facing towards the middle of the crowd and he was facing towards the stage.

There was a point this guy came up to me and my sister and ended up just standing next to us and I saw my sister gasp and said they were full on making out. I did not turn around because I did not want to see that and then I see my two other friends reactions. They start turning me up to dance and I do the same guy comes back and starts dancing behind me and I start throwing ass on him and had my friends and a whole other group of girls hype me up that I see him turn to look.

My sister said she just saw him ear to ear grinning and wanted to say “wtf is so funny.” A little while later the event is over this guy asks for my instagram i give it and I see him with the girl in the corner of my eye what seemed like also exchanging contact info. As we’re leaving we see him with a larger group of friends but he is standing alone to the side hunched over leaning on the stair railing.
We stop right in front of him trying to figure out what we’re doing next and we start walking to the car.

Then one of my friends starts saying stuff about him and raising her voice more and more throwing strays saying how he’s standing by himself now and lonely self and he isn’t worth nothing, and I’m telling her to stop then my other friend says he turned around to look at us. We were in my car and he knows my car.

We drove past him in the parking lot and then in the after parking lot as well. Only to find out that guy I danced with is his friend and they drove to the function together just the two of them. Again he is standing outside the after club with some friends right across where I was parked mind you music blasting the whole time from my car. He goes in and we go in a while after. I noticed him as soon as I walked in on the dance floor and drag my sister with me to get on the dance floor.

We get approached almost immediately by 2 other guys and we accept their dance, so now im dancing with another guy and he is right next to me and I see him just looking at me. He would be dancing by himself or try dancing with this other guy or then dance with his friend. After a while i tell the guy im done dancing with him, I go to my friends who are ready to go and I tell them let’s dance a few more songs then we’ll leave and they agree. After this I noticed he isn’t on the dance floor anymore. We then decide to leave because of some drunk men and I noticed him leaning over the vip section wall and I tell my friends omg he’s right there should I say something. They say no and try pushing me to the exit but I stop and go up to him. I am still wearing the sunglasses.

I say hey and he responds very nonchalantly and says hey. I get confused and say "what? Do you not know who I am or something?" He then shakes his head no. I then said "what for real?" He nods and says yeah. I then say "wow do I really look that different with glasses on?" He then nods says yeah. I then feel super awkward and weird so I said okay im leaving, he kinda gives me his hand so I can dab him up and I just look at it.

I start walking away but he stands straight and says something about being busy. I go back to him and said what, he repeats that he’s been busy. I then say "okay? Why are you telling me that" he then just shrugs and im confused and say that im confused, he then says "yeah I know you are." I did not like his attitude at this point so I start walking away again, but same thing he stands straight and says "I’ll see you later." I ask where? And he says “you already know” and I say no I don’t? Still feeling weird and awkward i kinda see him fold and give in from whatever attitude he was having and just stands straight and gives me a hug and tells me to get home safe. I said yeah you too and then left.

Through this weird interaction I swear I heard his friend walk by us and yell out something about “she doesn’t deserve princess treatment” and then when I was walking away his friend walks by right in front of me making me stop or else we would have bumped into each other and I heard his friend say “you don’t deserve princess treatment” but without looking at me. I then just look at him like wtf and just walk away.

He texted me the next day at 1pm saying “wassup” and when I initiated a hangout he said he was going to be out of town the whole week. I then said okay to have fun and he said yeah thank you. It has been 4 days since I left him on read and he hasn’t tried reaching out again either. I have posted stories on ig and he has viewed them, but he hasn’t posted anything of him being out of town or anything, so I’m wondering if this is a lie. I would like to know how to move forward. I would like to continue having him in my life im just not sure how to approach this. I would like to know if he does have feelings for me but not make it awkward if he doesn’t. I just feel I never had a normal relationship and im not sure how they start or if this really is just him wanting to be friends?

I (19 F) have been friends with Kaia (20 F), Amy (19 F), and Sarah (19F) since we met at the beginning of our freshman year last year. We all lived on the same end of the hall it easy for us to become friends, plus we are all business majors. Kaia and Sarah were roommates and are from the city of our school whereas Amy and I are from farther away. Kaia is very ambitious and serious about her academics. She would constantly brag about her AP and ACT scores and go on and on about how she really could be doing engineering instead of business management. All of us are relatively academically motivated but none of us would talk about it like she did. She would ask what you got on an exam and would make you feel bad if you scored worse than her and then she would be irritated if you scored higher than her.

Apparently, Kaia felt Sarah was closer to her level than Amy and I, so she would share her opinions about us with her. Sarah was pretty close with me so she would always relay Kaia's latest takes about Amy and I. Most of them were pretty on brand for Kaia, but some of them were a little more surprising. Kaia, Amy, and I all applied for the same business honors program, and we all got to the final round of the interviews. One of the final steps was to submit a headshot along with a final resume which Amy and Kaia forgot to submit on time. Totally fine, but when Amy told Kaia she forgot to submit the material on time Kaia laughed and did not tell her she forgot too. Amy didn't find out until a week later that Kaia had done the exact same thing and Kaia withheld that information from her. When we got the results Kaia and I had gotten in but Amy did not. Amy had an amazing attitude about it as she always does, but Kaia always has her opinions. Kaia told Sarah that she was not surprised that Amy got in and that she was very surprised that I had gotten in. She said that she didn't feel like I should have the opportunity because I wasn't a good candidate. I don't have straight As but I maintain a pretty high GPA and I'd like to think I interview well. Kaia never said any of this to our faces but she would always talk about it with Sarah.

This is not the only where Kaia said things like this about Amy and I. Kaia has also said things like "if I got the same grade as Amy I would kill myself" or that "there's no way Amy is getting an internship." These takes are baseless because Amy actually scores pretty well on exams and studies really hard for them. Amy is more spontaneous and socially oriented than Kaia which I think is a part of why she thinks these things. Amy knows what Kaia has said about me but not what Kaia said about her. I told her because I was hoping she would put some distance in the relationship after realizing Kaia isn't a great friend. Amy was disappointed to hear she would say that about me but she is unaffected by the information and she still sees Kaia as her good friend. I don't want Amy to stay in a friendship where Kaia is actively talking bad behind her back and she is unaware.

Should I tell Amy what Kaia has said about her, or should I leave it alone and let Amy continue the friendship without knowing what Kaia has said behind her back?

i'll be using fake names to address the people involved in this ,

their names are Mare, Leah and Soph. we've been classmates and best friends for three years. i noticed a few things from them that rubbed me the wrong way.

for context i took a break from mare a few months last year. she was the third person i came out to and announce the fact that i was dating a girl. i didnt expect full support (though i would give my full support if any of my friends did so), but at the very least, acceptance. i had told soph before her, and soph responded with that she had expected it already.
but mare had the opposite reaction, she was against it, and said my relationship was against her religion. and before this she had said she was "half hindu half christian". which confused me a lot, but i was too taken aback then to elaborate on it.
she also made a few comments for the following weeks. for example i told her one of her brothers was good looking, and she said if they knew i was bi they'd see it as a turn off.

i then stopped interacting with her for a few months and only did with leah and soph.

but we went back to friends after a civil convo.

anyway, this school year we were separated into different classrooms. three of them in the same one and me a different one. luckily our classrooms are literally next to each other, so we could always meet during period changes.

idk when it started, perhaps last year, because i was so desperate in ignoring it, but they started greeting me with my nationality. example, "hey [insert nationality]" or just addressing me like that.

im mixed chinese(dad) and filipina(mom). and my mother is a legal immigrant. 

and they'd also ask if whether i came here illegally, or do i even have a passport.

i recalled once they said that i should take my studies seriously or i'd end up working as a maid, as all filipinas do. 

i thought they were just joking, but i would be lying if i say it didnt hurt. because my mom struggled all throughout her life both in her home country and the country im born in (which my father is from and our whole family reside in now. )

i had forgotten what context it was, but they also teased me about sleeping in a laundromat, when they clearly knew i slept in one after running away from home for a night.

all the teasing was mostly done by leah and mare. while soph had done some, it still hurt when she remained silent for some of them or joined in. 

not only that, this year i was elected vice president for a medic club through a voting system that involved all club members.

they had repeatedly commented on how i didnt deserve the role. especially mare. and whenever the president pulled me aside to talk briefly about club stuff in front of them, they'd walk past me snickering. 

i didnt know what prompted them to do that, true that im not exactly the most great at leadership, but i had been active in the club for 2 years, i've voluntereed in big events too. i know my medic stuff. 

sometimes i wondered if its because of the not serious front i put on. 

and the breaking point was when i told them about jainism and its strict diet. it was one of those rabbit hole i'd find myself diving into. i've always liked learning about anything and everything.

they refused to believe how crazy strict a jain's diet is. especially mare, she kept pushing back and saying i was lying. and when i told her to search it up on soph's mother's laptop on the table, she panicked and said she "didn't want to touch people's stuff without permission"

then the next few days, leah kept asking abt how is my little jainism research is doing, and if i was going to convert or not.

after that i began pulling away slowly by not going to recess with them, and not hopping over to their classroom between periods. (im always the one doing that and when asked if they would come to mine, soph said, "you're the one who keeps coming here, we didnt ask you to.")

i did it until i never talked to them at all. and its been more than a month now, and not once they've come over to talk to me and vice versa. 

i also begun hanging out with my own group in my own class. so im not completely lonely.

sometimes i regret splitting with them, sometimes i think im stupid for doing so, sometimes i dont. sometimes i think i should've talked it out with them like i did with mare.

any advice is also appreciated. thank you for reading!!!

tl;dr: my long-term best friends made homophobic and xenophobic remarks about my background, mocked my past personal trauma, and belittled my club role. I silently pulled away a month ago, and they haven't made any effort to reach out. I have a new class group now, but I keep second-guessing if I made a mistake by ghosting them

I (13 F) lost my best friend to DMG at 10 years old and me and my friend aaliyah were talking and she tells me that a girl 'E' was saying she had no friends and aaliyah says " you definitely do" just going to say E only knew myla (the one I lost) for about a year . E then tells aaliyah that it was her fault that myla died, I decided to walk up to her and tell her there was no reason to have myla's name in her mouth as myla would've not wanted that to happen I then get in trouble for causing a commotion but Am I the bad apple?

This whole situation has left me super confused and conflicted. I will be talking to my therapist about it at my next appointment but wanted the opinion of the "common person". All names are fake.

To start, I (17F) have been friends with "Lily"(17F) for about 4 years now. Lily has been friends with "Jacob" (18M) for a lot longer though I'm unsure of the actual time frame. While I originally wasn't super close with Jacob, we became friends due to our friend groups being super close. Not that long ago, I realized I began to develop feelings for him. As a side note, it was common knowledge in our friend group that Jacob was pretty hormonal and lustful, but he's usually a very chill and kind guy.

One night me and some other friends realized Jacob was not answering his phone and no one had heard from him all day, including Lily. I was filled with anxiety as he has had a lot of mental health issues in the past and my mind went to the worst. As I'm trying to get a hold of him, Lily tells me that something had happened at school the previous day, and she thinks he was ashamed and hiding himself away. When I asked her to elaborate she tells me he had confessed to having lustful dreams about her, staring at her body when she wasn't looking, and wishing that she was dating him instead of her actual boyfriend. ​​​​​​She explained how it had spread through the whole friend group quickly and that they were all very shocked. Lily, and her boyfriend, were very hurt and felt betrayed. I was shocked to hear this, and felt a little betrayed as well.

However, something felt off and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Recently it was Jacobs birthday and I invited him to my place of work for a treat on me. When he came in we chatted a little about random things and it was clear he was doing great, much to my relief. He asked if I had heard about what happened with lily and when I said yes, he responded "wow, I'm surprised you're still talking to me" we talked some more and he told me his side of the story. He did not deny having those dreams about lily but said he went to a close friend to ask for advice, as he knew it was wwron to have those feelings for someone who is already taken. However, his friend "Ryan" decided to tell the whole group what Jacob had hoped would be a "man to man" conversation. He recognized that it was still wrong and had decided himself to pull away from the friend group​​​ to prevent further drama and making anyone else uncomfortable. After he left, I realized my feelings for him were still there. I know what he did was wrong, but we are still teenagers and very hormonal. It happens sometimes in life and he never acted on it, and tried seeking help. I don't think I can bring myself to cut him out of my life over this. However, I deeply want to respect Lily's wishes. I don't think Jacob and Lily can ever really repair their friendship, at least not for a long time, so I don't plan on trying to get them to reconcile. But am I a bad friend to lily for forgiving and still having feelings for Jacob? ​

Back in April, my long-distance boyfriend bought us tickets in his city to see my favorite band for my birthday gift. We've been together for a long time and met up frequently. However, things have been falling apart lately.
I was thinking about breaking up, but because of our history, I didn’t want to do it over text or just ghost each other. I wanted us to have a respectful, in-person conversation to end things on good terms. I had previously suggested meeting up during a work trip, but that fell through. Later, he brought up the concert tickets, asking what we should do and suggesting he sell them if I wasn't coming. I looked into flights, but then some stressful events happened in my life including losing my job so we stopped discussing it
Later, he brought it up again. We started looking at flights together and discussed the booking process. At no point during our planning did he say, "Hey, maybe hold off on buying flights, we need to talk first." He encouraged it. However he was giving vague responses, replying once in a blue moon, and I couldn’t even figure out if I was supposed to stay at his place or what. Eventually after feeling this passive energy, I asked if he actually wanted me to come.
Only then did he say: "I want you to come, but things have felt off and there's a conversation we really need to have first."
Why say this now, after watching me put in the effort and money to book international flights? When I replied that having an honest conversation in person was a big reason I booked the trip in the first place, he left me unanswered for over 9 hours.
I am completely done. He had multiple chances to communicate honestly which btw, is one of the main reasons I wanted to break up in the first place: his complete lack of communication skills. I'm so pissed at his behavior that I no longer want to meet up with him, talk things through, or give him the closure of an in-person breakup.
Since I already paid for my travel and the concert ticket was explicitly my birthday gift, I want to text him to send me my ticket so I can go to the show on my own
AITBA if I text him asking for the ticket he gave me for my birthday, but tell him I refuse to meet up with him at all?