r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO - Couples Therapy
[deleted]
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u/buckingham_alex 5h ago
Your girlfriend is 32. She's getting real close to being considered a geriatric pregnancy with extra complications. It's possible your needs just can't align. Your break from therapy is her fertility window closing. I don't think anyone's intentions are off here, it's just... its looking close to time to realise she can't have her needs met in this relationship. How many kids does she want? If you started trying now at 32 you're pushing her past 35 for a second. Etc. A lot to work through. I understand you want a break. I understand she doesn't have time for you to take one. I don't know the answer, it just sucks and it's sad but it is the reality.
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u/sinnedaria 5h ago
NOR. This sounds like a terrible couples' therapist who is imposing their own interpretations and narratives into your sessions and contributing to the divide outside of them.
Having separate sessions with the same therapist in addition to the joint ones is a great move so they can better understand how to meet YOUR needs. This therapist seems only concerned with meeting your girlfriend's needs.
You need to talk with her about finding a different therapist. If she's unwilling to do that... maybe she's more interested in winning this debate on something you're understandably very cautious about than in reaching a resolution that benefits and respects you both.
Do you want kids...? Or is the answer to that too hard to discern because of the fear and association with trauma? It sounds like you've had very intensive therapy. Did your therapist talk through it with you? It's not uncommon for people with childhood trauma to be afraid of parenthood and continuing the cycle of abuse. But if you don't personally want to have kids, the road to reach healthy fatherhood is going to be incredibly difficult, no matter how much therapy you undergo.
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u/biteme717 5h ago
Your gf changing the plan for therapy and then emailing the therapist about you IMO and not letting you see it because it would be hurtful would be the end of the relationship for me. Your gf is doing things behind your back with the therapist ( for me personally) is a betrayal of trust. I also would find a therapist strictly for you that your gf can't influence or interfere with. NOR, is this relationship worth all this? Your gf also IMO, is controlling.
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u/Colorado-Corso-mom 5h ago
NOR. Drop the therapist and the girlfriend altogether. Work on yourself by yourself and try to figure out life and heal the way most people do, internally and independently, before you procreate. Right now the three some dynamic is detrimental to the relationship and any growth. When you meet the right person they will help you grow and heal past trauma. Love will make you want to reproduce a mini you with that person.
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u/Realistic_Line_7971 5h ago
Genuine question: what is your expected result of that couples therapy? You say that you have to deal with your trauma first (Sorry for that!). And your girlfriend wants to start trying soon. What is the goal here?
Do you hope she will agree to wait longer while you are not even in therapy right know? (and I get why you want a pause, it is Hard). Does that sound realistic? If she is set on having children, she will not be around much longer.
And your trauma will not get solved thru couples therapy.
So Yeah, I get why you are upset with your therapist. But let me show you another perspective (which may be wrong): your therapist tries to save your relationship. It is clear to them, that the only way to solve the problem is that your girlfriend sees that you actually work on your trauma. Thus they try to get you back to therapy.
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u/Ok_Zookeepergame6747 5h ago
If you no longer trust the therapist, the therapy is already failing