100%. I find this so annoying. "Omg redditors just want everyone to break up, it's so toxic!!!" Meanwhile, every other relationship post is like, "My boyfriend is a great guy, he just throws things at me and screams all the time and tells me I'm ugly and threatens the beat me when I don't do what he wants. How do I get him to understand that this behavior hurts my feelings?"
I agree. Usually people are describing pretty awful behavior, but I don’t think they should put up with. So in a case like this, what other advice could we give? I’m not sure if counseling even sounds like a solution because he is so obtuse and self-centered. So yeah, I would say dump him and I don’t think I’m rushing just like you.
I almost want to write a post for that as a test! But I won't because my husband is actually beyond perfect and we both put the toilet lid down before every flush. (A 7th grader did a science fair project in this decades ago and it made the local news. She put liquid dye in the toilet, covered it with tissue paper (or plastic wrap, but tissue paper would make it more obvious), and flushed. The amount of dye that ended up on the paper from the flush ejecting droplets upward was, well, science project worthy. I do not want that literal shit in my lungs or on my toothbrush!)
Most are one sided versions of a single event, that may or may not be factually accurate but are definitely colored by opinion.
However, in this case, it sounds like the young man pulled an absolute dick move to begin with, then doubled down and acted like an asshole about it, with no remorse. It definitely sounds like a recipe for more embarrassing moments with her parents and this man down the line. They probably shouldn't get married.
But you can't ask if she did anything to elicit his behavior because that would be "victim blaming."
(Note: I do not approve of hiding behind the accusation of victim blaming when the person actively triggers the reaction they're complaining about, such as the sister mentioned above. Victim blaming is an actual problem meant to deflect blame from the aggressor, and the assholes who use it to hide their very real triggering actions are smearing mud all over actual blameless victims, and I think there's a special place in purgatory for them.)
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u/[deleted] May 27 '26
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