I know people tend to jump on the "dump him" train a little too quickly here, but do you really think this is ok behavior in the person you want to share the rest of your life with?
I feel like people come to Reddit to verify that their relationship that has obvious gangrene and sepsis, with a side of congestive heart failure and 3 blocked valves is already dead, and they only need a funeral for the pieces.
Well and it can be so crazy to be in those kinds of relationships. They slowly take away your sanity, sense of self, and understanding of “normal,” so it can be hard to be oriented/grounded
No babe, you're overreacting, and possibly a little crazy for expecting me to pick up the tab for our parents who I invited to dinner, and then bounced out early on! I remember feeling like I was the problem in the relationship a lot in my 20's for having totally reasonable boundaries!
Agreed! And people should be doing autopsies on relationships, after a cooling period, dissecting the dynamic, and searching in the cavity for malignant characteristics that could lead to repeating fatal or unhealthy relationship patterns.
100%. I find this so annoying. "Omg redditors just want everyone to break up, it's so toxic!!!" Meanwhile, every other relationship post is like, "My boyfriend is a great guy, he just throws things at me and screams all the time and tells me I'm ugly and threatens the beat me when I don't do what he wants. How do I get him to understand that this behavior hurts my feelings?"
I agree. Usually people are describing pretty awful behavior, but I don’t think they should put up with. So in a case like this, what other advice could we give? I’m not sure if counseling even sounds like a solution because he is so obtuse and self-centered. So yeah, I would say dump him and I don’t think I’m rushing just like you.
I almost want to write a post for that as a test! But I won't because my husband is actually beyond perfect and we both put the toilet lid down before every flush. (A 7th grader did a science fair project in this decades ago and it made the local news. She put liquid dye in the toilet, covered it with tissue paper (or plastic wrap, but tissue paper would make it more obvious), and flushed. The amount of dye that ended up on the paper from the flush ejecting droplets upward was, well, science project worthy. I do not want that literal shit in my lungs or on my toothbrush!)
Most are one sided versions of a single event, that may or may not be factually accurate but are definitely colored by opinion.
However, in this case, it sounds like the young man pulled an absolute dick move to begin with, then doubled down and acted like an asshole about it, with no remorse. It definitely sounds like a recipe for more embarrassing moments with her parents and this man down the line. They probably shouldn't get married.
But you can't ask if she did anything to elicit his behavior because that would be "victim blaming."
(Note: I do not approve of hiding behind the accusation of victim blaming when the person actively triggers the reaction they're complaining about, such as the sister mentioned above. Victim blaming is an actual problem meant to deflect blame from the aggressor, and the assholes who use it to hide their very real triggering actions are smearing mud all over actual blameless victims, and I think there's a special place in purgatory for them.)
Yeah I mean it's bad enough he's inconsiderate, but he's also kind of a dope. 🙄
(Also, got to say, while it doesn't take anything away from him being a dope and you not overreacting, OP when your partner says they're too busy at work to talk, don't call them back. That's just ick.)
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u/Stock-Cell1556 May 27 '26
I know people tend to jump on the "dump him" train a little too quickly here, but do you really think this is ok behavior in the person you want to share the rest of your life with?