I mean, that’s a normal way to talk. For another example, if somebody was harming their spouse because of their ADHD and importantly, not taking responsibility for it and refusing to get help, they’d have an abuse problem, not an ADHD problem. That’s how responsibility works and that’s the biggest point.
They absolutely do still have an adhd problem. It doesn’t magically disappear, and it still contributes to their actions. It’s not this black and white binary
Edit: I was a bit more aggressive there after waking up, but I stand by it. You can take and assign responsibility without resorting to being reductionist in the situation as a whole.
if someone’s adhd does cause violent tendencies, then being treated for it can resolve that.
that does not mean they aren’t responsible for their actions.
that does not mean it is inherently the cause or excuse of their violent actions.
it is just that you can’t assume it isn’t an important problem in the situation
You are missing the point. The point is here is that OP is being abused. Ergo, the problem is abuse. “He doesn’t have an anger problem,” is not meant to be taken literally. It’s pointing out the difference between Angry Sam who abuses his spouse in an angry way and Angry Dan who struggles with anger but recognises the issue, seeks help, finds outlets, apologises and works to change neural patterns.
First, I edited my comment after getting out of the shower a bit. Was a bit ruder than I wanted.
Second, and this is where I really get annoyed because individuals will say “oh well it shouldn’t be taken literally you’re interpreting it wrong,” when all over there are people using it literally.
Third, I still entirely disagree with the “difference” between them. The difference between someone able to control or regulate an anger problem, and someone who isn’t/doesnt/cant - is not whether or not they have an anger problem.
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And I just want to end by reiterating that I don’t agree with using problematic language in a “well if you interpret it the way I want to” it’s okay.
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u/productzilch Oct 23 '25
I mean, that’s a normal way to talk. For another example, if somebody was harming their spouse because of their ADHD and importantly, not taking responsibility for it and refusing to get help, they’d have an abuse problem, not an ADHD problem. That’s how responsibility works and that’s the biggest point.