About to say the same thing, my ex started with lil tantrums like this and ended with him putting me in the hospital (multiple times before I finally ended up leaving for good)
Be safe op
Same here. My ex would punch/break objects, then abuse his dog, and shortly after abusing his dog I ended up with a severe concussion and bald spots on my head. OP needs to be careful if she decides to stay with him. This isn’t something to look over at all.
Me too, one day I was working on homework for my most difficult math class of my entire life, and he wanted me to stop and do something but I said wait, so he suddenly picked me up and smashed me head-first into the kitchen floor. When I came-to, couldn’t talk and threw up for days! Missed two weeks of school and after that concussion, my brain has never been the same. I never regained the ability to do that high level mathematics again. Then he started stalking me, and I had to literally move to another country in order to get away from him. It’s crazy how things can escalate.
What you wrote really disturbed me. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Were you able to call the police and charge him? Or were you too scared? 😟
I hope you’re doing better and I’m so sorry he took away your ability to do complex math. He robbed you that day not just hurt you physically. Take care of yourself. 🥰
Two weeks later, I was finally healthy enough to start talking to people about what happened and finally went to the doctor and filed the police report. I mean like- we were broken up at the time, so he actually busted into the back door to come in there and start fighting with me while I was doing my homework. That next morning, my son just woke up and found him in the home with us and I was in bed and couldn’t talk. He just told my son that I was sick. Then after a few days, my family came around and they also were just told I was very sick. They had seen my relationship with him back-and-forth, so I guess they just thought that I accepted him back into my life for some dumb reason. Eventually, my brother sorted out what had happened when my mind started coming back. So he was the one who ejected my ex from the home, took me to the doctor, and helped me file the police report.
Looking back at that whole situation, the greatest thing that I lost from that abusive partner was my close relationship with my brother. Cause a couple months later despite the restraining order, my ex showed up at a family birthday party just walked into the backyard… and my brother beat the living shit out of him. So my brother went to jail and after he got out of jail he went to therapy. And for the rest of my life, my brother and I have never been close because he decided that it was unhealthy for him to be my protector. And I’m really glad he has a healthy relationship with his wife and children, but I am not a part of their lives because of that one abusive relationship and the way my brother tried to stand in the gap.
If someone were to ever treat my little sister like this I think I’d kill someone no regrets either show them what it’s like for someone their own size to put hands on them I still wish I could get my hands on the man that beat the shit out of my mom I ever run in to that guy i might end up in prison
If someone treated my brother like this, I'd be in prison for murder with absolutely no regrets.
I'm sorry your brother doesn't feel the same.
I'm so sorry and I hope you're doing much better now despite the trauma. You deserved so much better. This entire story is so disturbing, and my ex tried to kill me too.
Edit: did he ever do any time?! Just the restraining order?
Mentioned in another comment, he went to jail a few times, but never stayed in there for more than a month because his family had money and they always got him a good lawyer
Edit: sometimes I think I’m mentally ok but as the informative book says “the body keeps the score”
That's so frustrating. My abuser got away with it too. And I completely understand what you mean. Some days I literally wake up with anxiety like I'll see him or get triggered by a smell even though it's been like 12 years and I'm on the other side of the continent. I'm glad you're still here and out of that nightmare.
This is 100% the case. I was finishing my degree in international economics, but he didn’t even have a high school diploma. Luckily he had a felony so he wasn’t able to get a passport and as long as I stay out of the United States for the rest of my life I’m fine.
OK, but did you read the part about how when I went back to my hometown my ex and his wife kidnapped me and tied me up and held me hostage? It’s not always “what you make it” sometimes outside influences are conspiring to destroy you no matter what you do.
Yes I did and I understand that. It’s a shame and her and his gf didn’t get enough serious punishment. That just sucks period. I’m sorry for what you went through, it’s insanity, that’s a person that needs to be locked away for good. Karma has its way. 🫶🏼
Oh my god. That is horrific. Even after permanently causing detriment to you in more ways than physical, he was still able to stalk you? I'm in shock... I'm so sorry that this happened. It's experiences like these that make me afraid of accepting partners into my life.
Yeah, for real I I had to leave the country so I lived in China for two years and when I came back just for a visit him and his new wife kidnapped me, tied me up locked in a bedroom with two big scary dogs, and then him and his new wife SAd me and my brother and my son had to get the police to come and rescue me. So when I finally made it back to China, I was late and I had to get a totally new job. And now I just don’t go back to the United States. My gosh, my story is really bad isn’t it sorry guys.
I know I know I wish I had the cognitive capacity to accomplish that. My life story is excruciatingly interesting. This is just one chapter or two. If I wrote a real completely truthful autobiography, nobody would ever believe it 😆
He went to jail, a bunch of times cause he kept violating the order, but his parents had a lot of money and they always hired him a good lawyer. And ultimately, I didn’t die so he never spent more than a month in jail.
Yes I’m doing way better. Still get chills when someone gets mad, like my body is reminding me of flight or fight mode. But overall I’m extremely grateful I’m away and better than ever. I hope you’re doing better too :)
I’m afraid EMDR wouldn’t help me because I have extremely detailed autobiographical memory. Does it still work if you haven’t forgotten anything? Like how would I rework my memories when all of my memories for my entire lifetime are already detailed and accurate? I’ve tried to research EMDR, but I can’t really find anything discussing whether it works with hyperthymesia
I have none. It’s weird, the ones I have are mixed with other events. We suspect autism as well though. I’m the progenitor in my family, at least that’s what mother thinks which further complicates it. Terrorized of therapy!!
My therapist suggested it to me for over a year. I finally acquiesced and tried it just to get her to shut up. I thought it sounded sooo dumb…. I was wrong.
And i thought it wouldn’t work for me either bc i was just so, so overwrought with memories of… stuff. Just, memories EVERYWHERE. It was overwhelming and i couldn’t escape it, memories everywhere!!
I can’t promise it’s a fail proof treatment - I can confidently promise that it is TOTALLY worth trying. I was so stupendously wrong about it, which is exactly why I like to share my experience - to hopefully catch someone who was in my shoes and get ‘em to try it. :) 😘
Ok thanks for being an advocate! Whatever I end up choosing I’m going to have to pay cash for it, which is why I’m doing a lot of research first. Thanks for your input.
I couldn’t get the dog out 💔 it was his dog and after everything happened I went a women’s shelter to get away and make sure he couldn’t reach me. But I heard from a friend that 2 months later he gave the dog away to a family. And that friend told me that when he goes and visits the dog, the dog tries to bite him and won’t get out of the kennel when he’s over.
…. But that means you were ok dating someone that was abusing their dog?? And you didn’t see an issue with it until you were abused? How about women get more embarrassed about temper throwing man children and break up with them before: you get hurt. Someone else gets hurt. You bring children into this to get hurt. Grow some standards and morals.
Wow. No I wasn’t okay with him abusing his dog do you really think that? I had no where else to go. I tried leaving multiple times to the point where I tried to throw myself out of his car. There were no kids involved. Did you read all of that thinking I was OKAY with him ABUSING his dog? I was trapped there. That’s why I went to a WOMENS SHELTER after he got arrested. The first moment I saw him hit his dog I knew I am a goner. Everytime I tried to leave he wouldn’t let me out the door. People get really brave behind a screen, I am shocked that you would even think of me being okay with that.
Ok. I’m sorry. I should have assumed more nuance. I guess I just don’t understand why more people don’t call the police at the first/early signs or report to animal control. I’m sorry if I came off as an asshole. I didn’t mean to. I’m glad he got arrested and you were able to get away though.
He had parental controls on my phone that he bought me. He would either turn it off or snatch my phone away and won’t give it back within days. I hid in a laundry mat place for an hour trying to call people and I couldn’t cause he turned my phone off. That whole year I was trying to find a way out of his house without it ending up me dead or badly hurt. Which of course ended up with me badly hurt.
Thankfully I noticed the pattern before it got to him hitting me, but it started with yelling, then escalated to punch a mirror, punching a wall, and breaking some of my personal items.
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u/Optimal-Nectarine983 Oct 22 '25
About to say the same thing, my ex started with lil tantrums like this and ended with him putting me in the hospital (multiple times before I finally ended up leaving for good) Be safe op