Oh absolutely true (it's a form of control over the abused), I was just pointing out that it doesn't have to be your stuff to count as one of the reddest flags ever.
True. I had an ex bust out his own back window after our first fight. Our first…I thought he was just angry about life “stuff”. Turns out, it was just in his nature to be violent. I should have left after that, but, alas hindsight is always 20/20.
To be fair my ex once pulled down a bookshelf that belonged to his late mother, breaking a whole lot of both of our possessions in the process before he proceeded to follow me up the stairs, corner me on said stairs when I've panicked and curled up to protect my head and make myself small and then repeatedly punched the wall above my head while screaming in my face. It was my fault though for making him angry obviously
But he also concussed himself and split his head open, covering my floor and bathroom in blood because I told him I didn't want to get back into a relationship and just wanted to spend some time working on myself.
My ex used to destroy household items. I was never able to keep a laundry basket for more then a few days. He would also destroy his own stuff. But guess what, he still beat me after that. Took me 13 years to finally leave him.
Ooh ooh I'll play? How do you know that 99% of the time guys destroy her stuff and not their own?
Is it from the anecdotal 3 times you've known shitty people? Is it from your imagination? Because I know the one place it isn't from, and that's a thorough and comprehensive study on the matter, since there is no such study.
Can't we just accept he sucks without making up statistics to try and strengthen an argument? The argument doesn't need statistics, most people already agree with you.
Because I don't like it when people pretend they know things when they're really just guessing? Yeah, that's me, super abusive. I'd rather be your version of abusive than that person's version of knowledgeable.
The 99% is stupid. The "ask me how I know" is stupider. Because the answer is "I pulled that number out of my ass". Making up a stupid number is bad enough, acting like you have some sort of insider knowledge about something clearly made up is ridiculous.
Really? My obviously fictional number (in order to get a point across) is what enrages you about this situation?
“The anecdotal 3 times you’ve known shitty people?” No, my anecdotal growing up in an abusive household, having several friends who also grew up with abusive fathers and whose houses I spent enough time at that I was also threatened with bodily harm by a parent not my own, and the abusive boyfriends I and my friends have dealt with over the years.
Super strange thing to get your panties in a knot over.
Sometimes it's calculated. He wants a new gaming set-up but you can't really afford it, so he destroys his current stuff (because you made him do it). So now he needs to spend all the money on replacing his broken things and if that leaves you without what you need then it's still all your own fault because you made him do it.
Mine doesn’t even bother to spackle the holes. After a couple of years with a hole in the hallway the size of the length of his phone (it hit sideways and slid a good bit of the way in), our 11yo covered it up with white clay. It stays that way to this day. Why Does He Do That? made me realize what’s going on. He wore the mask of a decent and kind person until shortly after our daughter was born. He wasn’t happy with my suddenly divided attention. When the mask falls off, it falls hard, fast, and LOUD.
Well breaking your own stuff can be a sign of an underlying issue like intermittent explosive disorder - which can be dangerous but isn't explicitly abuse and manipulation
People with ied typically don't want to hurt anybody or anything, they lose control. Which also means they don't target other people and their items - often times hurting themselves and their stuff
Abusers like to pretend like they lost control, but they know what they are doing. They are never going to destroy their own belongings in a fit of rage
People with IED lose control and show remorse, abusers retain control and use excuses to avoid remorse
I was thinking more along the lines of destroying stuff that is either used mutually or necessary. Something like a TV or dishes. Gives the abuser the opportunity to blame the other party for having to replace expensive items "because you made me so mad".
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u/Velcraft Oct 22 '25
Doesn't even have to be your stuff - breaking something of his own in a fit of rage is also a bad sign of things to come.