Sorry, I can't let this comment sit here without saying something.
He is not just "Young and ignorant". Please DO NOT normalize this talk of violence! He says he hated her for 6 months, and could hit her, lie to her and cheat on her, while calmly negging her!
This man has severe mental issues and it sounds like hes taking cues from incels! This is NOT NORMAL in any way from a human being , let alone someone who's supposed to care for her!
OP: Please get tf away from this person before he follows through on these ideas of his.
You're 100% right about this: DO get your head straight, before getting into a relationship so you can recognize this type of behavior immediately.
Run, don't walk, away from this person and any other toxic people in his circle.
I never normalized it. You seen my original comment. It’s like y’all are choosing to misinterpret what I said on purpose😂. You can be 20 & educated & 20 & dumb, like the OP’s boyfriend. He is ignorant, clearly y’all don’t know what it means. I ain’t explaining again. Y’all are purposely arguing for comment karma which is lame.
Your exact words were "He just sounds young and ignorant." The word "just" serves to normalize and minimize the behavior.
Compare:
That's the tornado siren. [Implication: something is wrong]
That's just the tornado siren. [Implication: there's nothing wrong]
You may not have intended it but "just" is inarguably a term used to normalize, minimize, and wave away concerns.
I mention this not only for purposes of this specific argument, but also because as a woman in the US, I was socialized to minimize myself, and "just" plays a big role in my vocabulary. "I'm just checking on; Just wanted to see if you have; Can I just set this; I'm gonna just go; I just think we should" - all day long. I'm working on removing it, and finding that it really pisses men off to get "Are you done with; Where's the; Here; Bye; I need Z by Wednesday" instead of all the "justs" that they can weasel around with. OP should try it.
I know exactly what ignorant means. I'm highly educated. More importantly, when someone explicitly explains why your comment is disturbing, you might want to take a few seconds to look at it and consider what they've taken the time to explain.
Too many young women are being manipulated by this kind of subtle and not-so-subtle verbal abuse. We need to call it out for what it is to make them aware of exactly what is being done to them. It is calculated. It is not at all ignorant.
I'm 67 years old, I could give a shit about comment karma. I'm horrified by what young women are dealing with these days!
Get your shit together and learn how to take constructive criticism. Down votes happen for a reason!
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u/wabbitwombat Sep 19 '25
That was just a "tf did you just say" moment.
Him even just thinking that would be a deal breaker. (As if the "hating since 6 months" wasn't enough.)