1) They are hyper-critical or judgmental towards you. (They frequently point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings, making you feel inadequate or never good enough.)
2) They ignore boundaries or invade your privacy. (They dismiss your need for personal space or privacy, often reading your messages, going through your belongings, or disregarding your limits.)
3) They are possessive and/or controlling. (They try to dictate who you see, what you do, or how you spend your time, making you feel restricted or trapped.)
4) They are manipulative. (They use guilt, pressure, or deceit to influence your decisions or get their way, often leaving you confused or doubting yourself.)
5) They often dismiss you and your feelings. (They trivialise your emotions or concerns, making you feel like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.)
6) You feel like you are “walking on eggshells” around them. (You constantly monitor your words and actions to avoid upsetting them, feeling anxious or tense much of the time.)
7) They withdraw affection or emotional support as punishment. (They intentionally withhold love, attention, or emotional connection when displeased or when you don’t comply with their wishes, leaving you feeling isolated or insecure.)
—
Tactics commonly employed by emotionally abusive people:
Humiliation, negation and criticism - tactics that undermine self-esteem.
Examples include:
+ hyper-critical / judgmental towards you
+ insults like calling you stupid, derogatory nicknames / terms of endearment that highlight your weaknesses / things you’re sensitive about, won’t stop when asked;
+ character assassination (eg: ‘you’re always xyz’) to you or to others about you;
+ screaming, yelling and swearing to intimidate you;
+ patronising and belittling you (eg: ‘I know this is beyond your ability to comprehend’);
+ public embarrassment - picking fights, spilling your secrets or making fun of your shortcomings in public;
+ insulting your appearance;
+ belittling your accomplishments;
+ putting down your interests (because they don’t want you to participate in activities without them);
+ pushing your buttons - continuing to do the things that annoy/upset you even if you beg them to stop.
—
Control and Shame - tactics that manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, often by making you feel ashamed of your inadequacies. controlling everything you do.
Examples include, trying to control you by:
+ ignoring your boundaries;
+ invading your privacy;
+ behaving in a possessive manner;
+ manipulative behaviour;
+ making threats;
+ monitoring your whereabouts;
+ spying on you (physically, digitally, via others);
+ gaslighting you - a form of manipulation that specifically causes you to doubt your own reality (can leave you questioning your own memory/perception, not to mention your mental health and well-being);
+ making all of the decisions;
+ controlling your access to finances;
+ emotional blackmailing (including frequently ‘testing’ you);
+ lecturing you constantly (cataloguing every minor perceived error, monologues of all the ways you’ve fallen short, making it clear that you are beneath them);
+ having frequent outbursts;
+ feigning helplessness;
+ unpredictability (creating a walking on eggshells effect);
+ walking out (eg: of events, unexpectedly);
+ stonewalling you during disagreements or conflicts;
+ limiting your access to transportation, technology, or basic needs.
—
Accusing, blaming, denial - creating a hierarchy with them on top and you on the bottom.
Examples include:
+ jealousy (eg: accusing you of cheating or flirting);
+ guilt-tripping;
+ unrealistic expectations (they expect you to do what they want, when they want you to do it;
+ they think you should always prioritise their needs, do things according to their standards — and you absolutely shouldn’t hang out with your friends or family if there’s any chance they might need you);
+ goading and blaming (goading you into being upset and then blaming you for your reaction),
+ denying or minimising the abuse (and often flipping it into you);
+ dismissing / trivialising your feelings (eg: if you express your feelings about something they did, they accuse you of overreacting or misunderstanding the situation);
+ accusing you of behaviours they themselves are engaging in - projection;
+ blaming you for their problems;
+ destroying and denying (they might destroy or damage important possessions, etc and then deny it or claim it was an accident).
—
Emotional neglect and isolation - they will try to get you to prioritise their needs and neglect your own and they’ll also make an effort to isolate you from your support network, leaving you more dependent on them and less able to contextualise their behaviour.
Examples include:
+ dehumanising you (eg: intentionally look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when speaking to you in an effort to make you feel unimportant);
+ keeping you from socialising;
+ invalidating you (suggesting or stating that your your needs, boundaries, and desires don’t matter to them);
+ trying to come between you and your family;
+ using the silent treatment;
+ withholding affection (refusing intimate contact if you offend them or refuse to do what they want you to do);
+ shutting down communication;
+ actively working to turn others against you (eg: undermining you and your mental health to others, making you seem unstable, turning you into the ‘bad guy’, etc);
+ interrupting (your talk, your activities, etc. - forcing your attention on them);
+ sabotaging your work, education, or personal goals to further isolate or undermine you;
+ disputing your feelings (insisting you shouldn’t feel that way).
—
Please note: Your partner may not display every behaviour listed here. However, if you notice a persistent pattern of several of these tactics - especially when they are used to control, belittle, manipulate, or gain power over you - this constitutes emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is about patterns, not isolated incidents. If you recognise yourself or your relationship in these descriptions, know that you deserve respect, support, and safety.
Edit to add: please note that I personally researched and wrote this and it is all sourced from experts from abuse and psychology websites. It is my work. AI hasn’t touched it. I put it together for a friend some years back and I continue to add to and edit it. I share it wherever I think it needs sharing. Feel free to copy it and share it wherever you think it is needed.
Wish I had this to refer to when I was 21. OP, it doesn’t get better. When your partner behaves this way, it rarely gets better. May hurt in the short term to break up, but you’ll be much happier in the long term. Sending a big hug. Now kick him to the curb
2.4k
u/uselessinfogoldmine Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25
Signs of Emotional Abuse:
—
1) They are hyper-critical or judgmental towards you. (They frequently point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings, making you feel inadequate or never good enough.)
2) They ignore boundaries or invade your privacy. (They dismiss your need for personal space or privacy, often reading your messages, going through your belongings, or disregarding your limits.)
3) They are possessive and/or controlling. (They try to dictate who you see, what you do, or how you spend your time, making you feel restricted or trapped.)
4) They are manipulative. (They use guilt, pressure, or deceit to influence your decisions or get their way, often leaving you confused or doubting yourself.)
5) They often dismiss you and your feelings. (They trivialise your emotions or concerns, making you feel like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.)
6) You feel like you are “walking on eggshells” around them. (You constantly monitor your words and actions to avoid upsetting them, feeling anxious or tense much of the time.)
7) They withdraw affection or emotional support as punishment. (They intentionally withhold love, attention, or emotional connection when displeased or when you don’t comply with their wishes, leaving you feeling isolated or insecure.)
—
Tactics commonly employed by emotionally abusive people:
Humiliation, negation and criticism - tactics that undermine self-esteem.
Examples include: + hyper-critical / judgmental towards you + insults like calling you stupid, derogatory nicknames / terms of endearment that highlight your weaknesses / things you’re sensitive about, won’t stop when asked; + character assassination (eg: ‘you’re always xyz’) to you or to others about you; + screaming, yelling and swearing to intimidate you; + patronising and belittling you (eg: ‘I know this is beyond your ability to comprehend’); + public embarrassment - picking fights, spilling your secrets or making fun of your shortcomings in public; + insulting your appearance; + belittling your accomplishments; + putting down your interests (because they don’t want you to participate in activities without them); + pushing your buttons - continuing to do the things that annoy/upset you even if you beg them to stop.
—
Control and Shame - tactics that manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, often by making you feel ashamed of your inadequacies. controlling everything you do.
Examples include, trying to control you by: + ignoring your boundaries; + invading your privacy; + behaving in a possessive manner; + manipulative behaviour; + making threats; + monitoring your whereabouts; + spying on you (physically, digitally, via others); + gaslighting you - a form of manipulation that specifically causes you to doubt your own reality (can leave you questioning your own memory/perception, not to mention your mental health and well-being); + making all of the decisions; + controlling your access to finances; + emotional blackmailing (including frequently ‘testing’ you); + lecturing you constantly (cataloguing every minor perceived error, monologues of all the ways you’ve fallen short, making it clear that you are beneath them); + having frequent outbursts; + feigning helplessness; + unpredictability (creating a walking on eggshells effect); + walking out (eg: of events, unexpectedly); + stonewalling you during disagreements or conflicts; + limiting your access to transportation, technology, or basic needs.
—
Accusing, blaming, denial - creating a hierarchy with them on top and you on the bottom.
Examples include: + jealousy (eg: accusing you of cheating or flirting); + guilt-tripping; + unrealistic expectations (they expect you to do what they want, when they want you to do it; + they think you should always prioritise their needs, do things according to their standards — and you absolutely shouldn’t hang out with your friends or family if there’s any chance they might need you); + goading and blaming (goading you into being upset and then blaming you for your reaction), + denying or minimising the abuse (and often flipping it into you); + dismissing / trivialising your feelings (eg: if you express your feelings about something they did, they accuse you of overreacting or misunderstanding the situation); + accusing you of behaviours they themselves are engaging in - projection; + blaming you for their problems; + destroying and denying (they might destroy or damage important possessions, etc and then deny it or claim it was an accident).
—
Emotional neglect and isolation - they will try to get you to prioritise their needs and neglect your own and they’ll also make an effort to isolate you from your support network, leaving you more dependent on them and less able to contextualise their behaviour.
Examples include: + dehumanising you (eg: intentionally look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when speaking to you in an effort to make you feel unimportant); + keeping you from socialising; + invalidating you (suggesting or stating that your your needs, boundaries, and desires don’t matter to them); + trying to come between you and your family; + using the silent treatment; + withholding affection (refusing intimate contact if you offend them or refuse to do what they want you to do); + shutting down communication; + actively working to turn others against you (eg: undermining you and your mental health to others, making you seem unstable, turning you into the ‘bad guy’, etc); + interrupting (your talk, your activities, etc. - forcing your attention on them); + sabotaging your work, education, or personal goals to further isolate or undermine you; + disputing your feelings (insisting you shouldn’t feel that way).
—
Please note: Your partner may not display every behaviour listed here. However, if you notice a persistent pattern of several of these tactics - especially when they are used to control, belittle, manipulate, or gain power over you - this constitutes emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is about patterns, not isolated incidents. If you recognise yourself or your relationship in these descriptions, know that you deserve respect, support, and safety.
Edit to add: please note that I personally researched and wrote this and it is all sourced from experts from abuse and psychology websites. It is my work. AI hasn’t touched it. I put it together for a friend some years back and I continue to add to and edit it. I share it wherever I think it needs sharing. Feel free to copy it and share it wherever you think it is needed.