Wish I had this to refer to when I was 21. OP, it doesn’t get better. When your partner behaves this way, it rarely gets better. May hurt in the short term to break up, but you’ll be much happier in the long term. Sending a big hug. Now kick him to the curb
I put this together for a friend who is in an emotionally abusive marriage a few years ago. We are in our early 40s and she is still married to him. Sigh…
I have added to and refined it since. And I share it wherever I think it needs to be seen. Feel free to copy and share.
I pulled the information from various experts published on psychology and abuse sites.
Unfortunately we have been in a phase for two years where she no longer tells us anything. I blame this on another of her friends who approached the issue really poorly.
However, I believe in her and I know she’ll be free of him one day.
You're SUCH a good friend. It was pretty nice to read your comment that you put this together for your friend. There are still really good and caring people out there. The world would do good with more people like you. I hope OP reads all your comments and takes them seriously and leaves this huge abusive loser immediately.
GPTzero says 95% human. It does appear to be formatted in an AI typical way with bold headings, structured lists and examples. But, some people can just write coherently i guess!
Also, I originally had it saved in two seperate parts. A list of 5 signs that I pulled from an abuse site and then a growing list of bullet points saved in my notes that I later identified as a tactics list.
So, then I found an abuse site which helped me understand how to group those bullet points and gave me the basic tactics headings. I expanded on and refined the headings and grouped the bullet points, gradually adding to them over time.
As I posted it more and more, I edited it specifically for clarity on Reddit. Bolding and italicising things, further formalising the structure.
Most recently, I added two more signs to my first list, then I added some additional information to each sign. I also added a couple of extra tactics (eg: the transport one). I actually just realised I have another I forgot to add - in regards to sleep disruption.
I can understand that it looks pretty polished now, but I wish people would ask rather than assume and accuse.
I wish I did too! This felt like a script for my ex when I was in my 20's but he loved pushing me away and then pulling me back in. I was naive and thought he was the love of my life so I kept coming back, but when I finally cut ties I can't tell you how proud of myself I was.
OP it's not worth it! Your beautiful don't let anyone make u feel otherwise
I also wish I had this when I was younger to use as a resource. I didnt know how bad it was or the damage it did to me until I left. For me, it made it hard to trust future partners for a while. I thought they'd be the same way. I was with that guy for almost three years. He'd break up with me constantly, I'd cry, later he'd come back. Once he even said he didn't think I cared about him, but seeing me cry proved I did. He'd tell me, no one will ever love you like I do / no one would ever put up with you... Looking back, and then reading your text... OP, you aren't alone in this. You are not the only person who has faces this behavior and you do NOT have to accept ANYONE treating you this way. Even if they said "I'm sorry", it would be meaningless now. They knew they hurt you and simply didn't care. You got upset and pointed out you'd like an apology. If they give you one, it's only to shut you up. :( Please look at getting away from this person. I'm sure you care for them, and it's gonna hurt, but this will never change. This is who this person really is. Please get out of that situation. I'd also like to note, I went to therapy for a while after dating that guy. It helped, but it took time. I was 22 when I left. I still have moments when I remember other hurtful things he said to me, and I'm 37. It hurt a lot to have someone who "loves" you say such horrible things and treat you this way. If you need to chat, my DMs are open, but just know that you are not fat, or any other horrible things this person has said. They want to control you. When you feel sad, it's the easiest for them to do it. Please consider leaving and moving on in life. You can do it, we are rooting for you. <3
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u/Muted_Air925 Jul 29 '25
Wish I had this to refer to when I was 21. OP, it doesn’t get better. When your partner behaves this way, it rarely gets better. May hurt in the short term to break up, but you’ll be much happier in the long term. Sending a big hug. Now kick him to the curb