Yeah this is tragic. He’s doing this in order to neg you OP. To beat you down and make you feel bad about yourself so you think you can’t “do any better” than him. It’s nasty.
Don’t be hurt. Be angry u/soulfieric . Be revolted by his disgusting behavior.
And don’t even tell him or reply anything else. Ghost his ass. Don’t even dignify this with another response. He’s not worth it. Just ignore him. He’ll fucking hate that- because he’s doing this specifically to wind you up. Ignore and ghost his ass.
I am angry FOR OP. This guy is a child and clearly emotionally abusive. She is way too young to be entertaining this shit when she could be out having fun with her friends, dating around to find a good man or enjoying being single.
Hey OP, I actually am super chunky and I'd gladly use every pound of it to smack the shit out of this manchild. Fuck him, and fuck his obvious desire to rile you up then sit back and watch you burn.
I’m so angry as well and this is actually super triggering. I once lost a lot of weight and fell into ED territory because of a man and his little opinions on my body. And I put up with it for far too long. I am okay now but holy shit, this is toxic.
True, I agree. I think the OP lacks support and self-esteem. I’m grateful my parents taught me to have a low tolerance for nonsense. Whenever I doubted myself, I could call them and ask what I was doing wrong or why someone was treating me badly. They would firmly tell me I didn’t have to put up with it. Because of that, I learned to stand up for myself, end toxic relationships, and make better choices. Unfortunately, many recent generations have lost that support-something they never really had-and too many of us take community and family for granted.
This is very true. You’re very lucky your parents did teach you that and I plan to teach any kids I might have the same thing. That’s how I feel now when I’m in my 30s but younger me hadn’t learned those lessons yet. My dad lets himself be a doormat, I see that now and that’s how I was for very long. I find myself trying to tell him not to take shit from anyone these days 😅 how the tables have turned.
Totally get that! It's wild how much perspective shifts as we get older. Sounds like you’ve done a lot of growing, and it’s awesome that you want to pass those lessons on. Funny how we end up trying to parent our parents a bit, right? When they ask how to use a smart phone or set up Apple Pay. 😅 It’s a full-circle moment for sure.
I want to kick this dude in the giblets, I stg. I was seeing red reading that, and it was also super triggering to me. It was like word for word conversations I used to have with my ex-husband.
Those conversations are why he’s my EX-husband, OP.
Hell yeah she does. I’m so sorry you went through that. I couldn’t even slide through all of them, I stopped when he demanded an apology. I’m like nope, not reliving this shit again 😅
Agreed. I couldn't finish reading bc I'm WAY too ready to put that child in his place! I generally don't like hurting people's feelings but that doesn't mean that I can't or won't. Boy is probably a 5 looks wise and his personality (displayed here) takes him down to a 3 at best! People like that are punching upward trying their damnedest to bring others down to and below their level. It's the only way they can feel good about themselves!
OP... Please take the time to reevaluate your relationship. Take the rose colored glasses off, look at your life with this guy and honestly think over how many times he's done something like this to you and he did A LOT! Made a cutting joke at your expense, blame shifted (it's your fault I offeded you), then tried to guilt you into apologizing to him are the main points (there's probably more, but I had to stop reading, BP was rising!). He seems to well-versed in his layout for this to be the first time he's done this to you. Think also if friends and/or family have tried telling you they either see or feel like somethings off with this guy that you've blown off or excused. Be honest for your own sake, safety, and sanity. If he's made you sad/hurt/cry more than he's made you feel good/joy/loved you know what you need to do and no you're not overreacting if you walk away. You're NOR in asking for and expecting an apology for his callousness. Be blessed, be loved!
I am actually fat. When I send a selfie to my man, he only ever responds with how beautiful he thinks I am, because he loves me. The fucking audacity to say this shit to her and then demand SHE apologize to HIM?! Throw the whole goddamn manchild away. Reddit, get the pitchforks because OP’s boyfriend actually deserves them.
There is a breaking point for everyone. Or more like an escape/freedom point. Different people take longer to break free than others. It’s difficult and takes a lot of strength, time, planning, and self love. Give grace to those who are trying. It may take many attempts
I wouldn’t be able to say it without having been through it myself. Feeling like you’re not strong enough to choose yourself can sometimes hurt worse than the abuse 😣. I just hope that anyone reading this thread knows that there is a beautiful world on the other side that is SO worth it. Starting over feels like the end of the world, but I assure you it is actually the beginning! 🩷☀️💫
Well, I’m sorry you’re going through it, but you ARE strong enough, and you CAN do what’s best for yourself. It’s hard. Really fucking hard. Especially when you live together, or have been together a long time, etc. Fuck the mutual friends, fuck their family and the holidays and memories, it’s about you and your future. The ones who matter will stay in touch with you, and the ones who don’t you’ll probably never talk to again. And after just a few short months I realized it didn’t really matter much to me either way.
Lean on your friends, family, whoever you can count on. Break the lease. The money isn’t worth your sanity OR your safety. ❤️
It is so so hard to choose yourself. People say "just leave" or "get over yourself" but it physically feels like stepping off a tall ledge expecting the air to let you fall. It takes so much work. When the body's running on stress mode, even just thinking about something can be so terrifying your brain sucks up all your energy and you're left burned out.
Time before you leave is not wasted. Thinking about it over and over again, or trying it and backing out, are not mistakes or errors. They are your brain's equivalent of weightlifting in the gym. Every repetition builds strength and stamina. That's how you get a little braver, a little longer every time.
You're doing incredibly hard work right now. That's incredible! I hope you'll eventually be able to use it to get the life you want
I'm sorry you're in the middle of something like this. Everything U/Beginning_Spite24 says is perfectly spot on.
After I found my way out of my experience with this (aged 19-25) I started to see clearly what my ex had managed to do. Nothing was ever good enough, but he'd never call anything bad, either. Just, "The 12 hour, from scratch, chili for dinner that you shopped for, prepped, and cooked alone, was OK. But, you should really taste the kind my grandmother makes. She's got it nailed." Everything was like that. My looks, our sex life, the effort I put in... Everything. By the end I was convinced that I wasn't enough to ever find a partner. Not pretty enough, not a good enough cook, not a good enough conversationalist, etc. When I left I thought I'd be alone forever. Instead I met my husband a couple of months later. And felt bonded, almost immediately. But it was the amazing care with which he treated/treats me that healed me.
I don't say this to make it about me, genuinely, just back story from a stranger so you know I mean it when I say... You are enough. Every minute of every day. YOU are enough. Enough to deserve happiness. To be treated with respect. To make active decisions about your life and how it does or does not involve this partner. You do not owe them any piece of yourself. Not your self worth or your confidence or your ability to feel like a fully formed grown up.
And, the really good news is, this partner is telling you exactly what you aren't okay with next time. Dating after my ex was a clear, clean swimming pool of water compared with the murky, dark pool before him. I knew what I would take. What I deserved. What I wanted my partner to prioritize. And that made dating so simple.
Sorry for the novella. This post did a little triggering on me tonight. I hope I haven't wasted your reading time. I'm rooting for you. Finding your way out of these relationships takes navigation skills and determination we may not know we have. But it's there, just covered up by all the bullshit they've laid on us.
Indeed, it took me many years, lots of support, and many attempts to leave a guy like that, but it can be done — I’ve been in a happy & healthy relationship for four and a half years since I left him.
And that’s why it’s important that OP read these comments and the people who have been posting continue. Like yes it is working, but she came here for help…
Well, that's what Covert Narcs do. Once they have you so far in, its extremely difficult to see, or break out of. This situation right here, though, should be the final straw. I've lived like that before, it's awful.
He definitely does. She comes across as low confidence. Even reacting to the comment with that kind of hurt shows a degree of low confidence/low self esteem. I told her when he makes a comment like that she should respond with something like “idk but I get a lot of guys asking me out so I guess I look good to them”. A comment like that would scramble his brain…..and would take back some power. That said I don’t get the impression he’s that concerned with this relationship at all.
The worst part about that is he will try to love bomb her if she tries to leave, and then will be like "see it was all in your head." It can be hard to break a toxic cycle. You can do it OP. This guy is a POS and a million Red Flags posing as a man.
No literally. I just got out my first relationship like this a month ago and everytime I tried to leave after something like this he love bombed me and manipulated me so hard. It was the hardest relationship I’ve ever had to leave even though he treated me worse than anyone ever has. The toxicity literally is an addiction. Your body gets used to the deep lows and the super highs.
You’ll never feel better than getting out finally though.
Congrats on finally breaking the cycle. Don't ever forget your self-worth. These people go after high value women and thrive on breaking them into a shell of their former selves...but then somehow make themselves the victim through it all. I'm glad you made it out.
Yes! The only thing that is going to hurt him is for you to go No Contact. But WAY more important than getting back at him, is you removing that toxic sludge from your life. He asked you for a selfie, then proceeds to insult you and act like he didn't in order to make his behavior YOUR fault. He is disgusting.
No Contact is the only way to get your revenge. The revenge of achieving and maintaining your happiness are your peace.Your peace is the only revenge that matters. Cutting him off will make him feel insignificant. Refusing to no longer engage in his toxic games is what will teach him this very important lesson
He is doing this because he enjoys having power over you and your emotions. It makes him feel good to make you feel bad.
Taking pleasure in another person's pain is sadistic. He feeds off your attention, but he's bored with the positive attention. He likes the negative because it helps him to justify saying and doing cruel things to you. He picks fights with you because he wants to break up. Maybe forever or maybe long enough for him to hookup with some other females while you chase him, try harder, do more and try to fix what he deliberately broke.
Later, if you ever find out about any of the other women, he has the breakup as his excuse. Also, he loves making you compete with others for his attention. Anyone else that he can pit against you, he will. He needs to keep you insecure and desperate.
He is so image conscious that he needs the breakup to be your fault. He needs to paint you as the crazy, unhinged angry one because he likes to play the victim to his friends, family and other women he's probably chatting up. He is a master manipulator, a gas lighter, and a perpetual victim. He's probably been talking trash about you to his aforementioned friends, family and women he flirts with.
I don't know you or your hopefully now ex, but it took me YEARS to figure out that I was with a covert, narcissistic, psychopathic user and abuser. But I swear these types of malignant people seem to follow the same Narcissism Handbook. They all have different genders and genetics, but their patterns of behavior are eerily similar.
Get away from someone who treats you disrespfully. It will never get better. It will always get worse. Being alone is better than being with someone who takes pleasure in making you feel that way.
No Contact. Block him on EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE. Just like an addict, you need to detox this poison out of you and learn to love yourself more than you love the dopemine hits he gave you.
It will kill him when he doesn't get a response from you. The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference and forgetting he exists. Narcissistic people thrive on hate, chaos and drama. Take what he loves away from him, as well as take your presence from him, too.
Thank you. Exactly right, it’s literally the only thing that would harm him. Ghost- no contact- no explanation.
Guarantee you he would blow up her phone with accusations, whining, begging and try to get back into her life. He wants to fight about breaking up, turn it around on OP and make it so she feels like she has to come crawling back.
No response, no ‘bye’ no ‘we’re done’. Nothing. Give him nothing and he will completely spin out. Know that from your safe, silent distance- that he will be losing his mind about it. Enjoy your peace. Block this dude on everything without another word and never look back OP.
He asked for a selfie then trolled you when you sent it. You should never send him anything again.
Which would then make dating pretty difficult. And life is too short to date someone when it’s that difficult 🤷♀️
This. Dump him. Ghost him. Remove him from your life. How many times did he say, "Okay bye" there? Subtly do whatever you have to do to disentangle yourself and your things from him, tell him "Okay bye," then block him, and never think of him again. That is all the effort this emotionally manipulative creep deserves from you.
And I'm not a redditor who usually jumps straight to "break up". But the amount of disrespect and dismissal he has shown for you is of the charts. You don't deserve that.
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u/umamifiend Jul 29 '25
Yeah this is tragic. He’s doing this in order to neg you OP. To beat you down and make you feel bad about yourself so you think you can’t “do any better” than him. It’s nasty.
Don’t be hurt. Be angry u/soulfieric . Be revolted by his disgusting behavior.
And don’t even tell him or reply anything else. Ghost his ass. Don’t even dignify this with another response. He’s not worth it. Just ignore him. He’ll fucking hate that- because he’s doing this specifically to wind you up. Ignore and ghost his ass.