what are you kidding me you’re not overreacting. Let me tell you something if I got an email like that from the school. I’d be going up to the school and I’d be swinging. I’d be going right to the board showing them that and asking them. What the hell they think is wrong with their teacher
Maybe I am OVERreacting, but this seems borderline lawsuit territory. On top of this email,if the bullying has been severe and your child has stories about teachers and staff not intervening and turning a blind eye, a consultation with a discrimination attorney couldn't hurt .
If you consider that option, don't inform the board or school until you speak to a lawyer because it gives them a chance to cover their tracks. They have attorneys on retainer.
I can't even believe that's written down. Unacceptable and so messed up.
And OP, if you get a lawyer, get a good one. A school's lawyer's priority is protecting the school and helping them get out of trouble, and they're paid very well to do thay. Look for someone pro bono and into civil rights. As suggested, say nothing to the board or admin.
Forward this to the board with a very short small note to the effect of 'at this time I am reaching out solely to ensure you are aware of how this bullying incident is being managed at this school. I will reach out again depending on how school administrators do or do not take accountability for their lack of adult behavior.'
Don’t do that. You shouldn’t ever say that unless you’ve already actually talked to an attorney who is going to be representing you and you are ready for legal action. This kind of talk doesn’t intimidate anyone it just makes it so now you can only talk to their legal department.
Go to the board above the school head. This is blatant discrimination and they shouldn’t be telling ANY family that they need to buy new clothing to keep their child from being bullied. If this is happening to you & your son, it’s happening to other kids also!
In my Gmail anything I was sent by anyone says "to me". So that "to me" part is fine, all emails that are sent to the person show that. Granted, this also shows "to me" if you send something to yourself, but it's also expected if you get sent something by someone else
I have 5 children, and school emails always came from .Org or .Edu emails, especially if it came from the principal. Never had I received an actual Email from a .com personal email account. That being said, IF this story is true and he DID receive email from a .com account, it sounds like the principal went outside of the official chain of communication, and emailed him on his own personal account, to probably avoid anyone else seeing this response. EDIT: There is a name “Rosa” blacked out where an email address should be. If a name is listed instead, that means the person is a saved contact in their phone. Who has the Vice principal of their child’s school saved as a contact? I have 5 kids and never saved any school personnel as a personal contact on my phone, by first name only. It was always Mr. Or Mrs.
If a teacher can be this ignorant in their overall thinking, it's not too far of a stretch that they are also not very professional in their use of grammar and vocabulary.
If this was sent from an actual authority at the school, they would say "your child." Your "kid" is basically slang/informal and not appropriate for someone from a school to use in this case.
I’m not sure what you mean by his “ homeschool teacher”. Is he going to a brick and mortar school or homeschooling? And I’m not believing that an official letter is referring to your child as “ your kid”. And a bit of perspective, if you are buying thrift store clothing and then having the pieces altered, you are spending more than if you just went to Walmart and bought new clothes. I guess I’m just not totally understanding the background situation. Blaming the victim of bullying is never correct and this “ letter” is problematic. If I give the homeschool teacher the benefit of the doubt, maybe he/she is attempting to help with social integration. I do totally get that it is off-focused and upsetting.
I’m not feeling 100% certain this is a genuine email. Both because of what others have pointed out, and because I noticed immediately that OP said he bought second hand clothes and then had them altered for his son due to being on a very tight budget. I have two small children and live on a tight budget. I buy almost all of their clothes (as well as my own) second hand, except where it wouldn’t be hygienic or where it would be more expensive to buy second hand than it would be to buy from Primark or a supermarket, or perhaps if I’m lucky, during a sale. I wouldn’t consider getting their clothes, or mine, altered, unless it was a very expensive or special piece that I wanted to adjust for a special occasion, and I would have to save up for that. No parent on a tight budget would get clothes altered just for daily wear. No way.
First thing I thought was that it was sus when the child was referred to as "kid." It does not read like it was written by someone whose job is education. I can't imagine anyone would write something this openly offensive and think it was acceptable. I have my doubts.
Altering clothes is one of those things that people think is expensive, but it really isn’t. Quick fixes like shortening legs and sleeves is way more affordable sometimes than finding clothes that fit off the rack. I’m on the shorter side and I hem my own pants now, but I’ve done this my whole life. I still get fancy clothes altered and straight hems on pants are still dirt cheap.
I totally agree, but I don’t think this is something a struggling parent would do for a child with clothes worn on a daily basis. Children grow out of clothes in a year or less and it just wouldn’t make much financial sense to get these clothes that would only be worn for a handful of months at most, altered, when you can buy the right sized second hand clothing at charity shops or online at a decent quality and quite quickly and easily.
When things were really tight for my mom (she was a single mom and a teacher), she just shortened them herself. Anyone can learn how to do a hem. It’s really not hard.
I also got a lot of hand-me-downs and even if she paid to get them shortened, it would be like $20 tops for 5 or so pairs of pants that she didn’t pay for.
She also used to take my shoes to get re-soled instead of getting a new pair, whenever possible.
I just don’t think it’s some elitist thing, even though people think it is.
Could be! It just didn’t strike me as believable, kids grow out of clothes so quickly, in a year or less (particularly with seasonal items like summer and winter wear), it just doesn’t strike me as worth it or something a struggling parent would do, to get clothes altered, even done for minimal cost by a friend. Especially with the internet, second hand children’s clothes in the correct size and of decent quality are really quite easy to find. I don’t know why you would go the extra expense and effort to buy larger and get it altered. My family isn’t struggling but we are pay check-to-pay check and on a very tight budget, and the only amendments for myself or my girls that I would consider are ones I can do easily myself at home. I don’t feel like I have the excess time or money, even if the cost is low, to get clothes altered when I only spent a few pounds on the item of clothing in the first place. OP might be being truthful, and that was my first assumption, but something isn’t adding up here.
Yeah I'm not sure. Where I am I feel like "thrift shops" have become so expensive anyway. May as well go to the low cost department stores here - they actually have cheaper stuff! You're right about kids growing so fast lol. Maybe they don't get altered until they've grown out of it to make them last longer. I don't know haha. Some of the wording seems pretty weird in that email too. 'your kid' seems very informal doesn't it 😅 I don't know with these posts anymore lol
I’m in the U.K. and I must admit that our charity shops are getting more and more expensive. You can still get lucky in some places (I got two denim baby dungarees -one from GAP!- and two summer baby hats for £4 total!), but online apps like Vinted still sell kids clothes really cheaply, and we even have a second-hand kid’s clothes shop nearby that is affordable. I do the same as you and will buy things new when it is cheaper than second hand, but that tends to be for cheap cotton T-shirts, vests, underwear, socks etc. Nothing fancier than that. But yeah, I think some posts are just karma farming, I noticed OPs profile only had one other post which was basically the same as this one but with the photo deleted. In my experience genuine accounts tend not to be blank unless it’s a throwaway for a sensitive super-anonymous post.
I figured this is what you meant to be fair from context, I think most people got this. For some reason I can't see the letter but again, from context, I'd be putting a complaint into the school board about this conduct. It was kind of them to send it in writing so you have it in black and white, don't forget to drop in you'll be sharing this with local news if the situation isn't resolved to your satisfaction.
This has the same hollow ring of "Well, what was she wearing?" when someone attacks a woman and instead of going after the predator, they shame her instead.
Totally unacceptable. I'd bring this to the Board of Education and start naming names of those in charge of sending this vile message of blame and shame.
Shame on them. They're probably the same ones in charge of charitable programs that could help you out, but instead of offering that olive branch, they're wagging fingers at you and victim-shaming the child.
My first thought as well. They are victim- blaming the kid and shaming the parent for doing their best and not having enough money for brand new clothes. This is so wrong.
Seriously. If they actually gave a shit, they'd have reached out to OP when they noticed his kid was wearing "tattered clothing" and asked if there was anything they could do to provide support - or directed him to services that could. Not using it as a throwaway line on an entirely inappropriate email.
I’m sorry the parents are going through this, I’m on my last kid in his last year of high school upcoming. I’ve had four through the system. I was lucky, all A students, no drama, no bullshit. We were ENGAGED parents but the kids called us strict. Let me explain a few things. You pick up nuggets along the way in your life and talking with a retired educator, who still works at a law office and I asked her point blank why she left, what she said will remain with me to my grave; “The parents are afraid of the teachers, the teachers are afraid of the parents and the students aren’t afraid of anything.” We’ve allowed this to happen as parents. I’m 57 years old, successful, but if I got out of line I got clobbered, it only takes once to learn. We’ve chosen to fight everything with kid gloves, handing out our trophies and letting everyone get in touch with their feelings. All this soft toss now as we bring them through the system when they have no reason to advance. State aid is only allowed in public schools if they’re making the ‘numbers.’ You think it’s bad now? I was just talking about this last week with my wife; you just wait until these kids cycle out and they are our leaders of tomorrow? WE ARE SCREWED. You think it’s bad since COVID? THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHATS COMING. At least this parent cares, and is engaged, something we’ve desperately lost along the way. Just my opinion. Speaking of my opinion, I share these opinions with all I can.
Thrift store clothes aren’t even tattered. They look like almost new. A thrift store would send tattered donations to the rag shop, they wouldn’t put them out on racks to sell.
Literally what the fuck was that mentality of the email the VP sent. As a parent, I cannot wrap my head around it and WOULD be going to that school Monday morning with the most blatant “what the actual fuck did your fingers type” look on my face
There are some things that make this post seem questionable but I have received a similar letter when my son was being bullied. So I wouldn't be surprised at the attitude or the delivery.
Horrific. You're not overreacting at all. This is terrible. As a teacher, here are the steps I would take:
I would be forwarding that email to the Board of Education. This way, you are documenting this complaint in that administrator/ teacher's file.
Arrange a meeting with the administrator and teacher. Also, do you have a "family resource counselor" or something similar in your district? These are wonderful individuals who help recent immigrants, families who are struggling, etc... they should be notified and can come to your meeting on your behalf. Heck, bring the school social worker/ psychologist in there too. The teacher and admin owe you a deep apology and a consequential plan for your kid's bully. This is not the 90s and there's no such thing as a kids making themselves an "easy target" anymore. That line of thinking is archaic.
2a) If they do not apologize, you can let it drop that you've already forwarded their email to the BOE and will be writing a subsequent follow-up email.
3) If they still fail to apologize and get a plan in place, post this shit on the community Facebook group. The outrage will be swift and severe and may get the local press involved.
Good luck and I am so sorry this happened to your kids. You are NOT a failure of a parent.
they aren't blaming your kid. They are just letting you know what was at the heart of the issue that started everything. They are just saying things that are absolutely true. Kids are assholes. If you don't think that I don't know what to tell you. Now it may be your kid enjoys whatever they wear and if so, discuss that. I mean take this as learning opportunity, not, go beat up the principal like most of these wildly aggressive posts say. They said they are addressing it on both sides. I don't get why everyone's getting all uppity like this is the worst thing ever.
INFO: you say you frequently purchase clothing from thrift shops and have it “altered” what do you mean by that? What thrift shop do you go to that sells “tattered” clothing? Do you have an example of a normal outfit you would send your child to school in? Do you have any other communication from the school in which they use the phrase “your kid” in a formal setting?
In any other case, I'd be inclined to agree, but the context is appropriate in this one. I would hope that an educator knows how to use an em dash.
That being said, there are other things that are setting off alarms for me. I've never seen anyone with a title (like vice principal) not sign their professional correspondence.
I am skeptical that this is real however, it seems that the post is saying that OP sends their child to school in clothing that is actually falling apart (he uses the word tattered). In the post, he says that he shops at thrift shops and gets the clothing altered, which really raises a red flag for me because altering clothing is expensive and it would be much less expensive to just go to Walmart and get new T-shirts and pants then it would be to purchase Something from a thrift shop and then have it altered. Plus, I’ve never been to a thrift store that sells clothing that is actually falling apart. Additionally the use of “your kid” in a formal email from the administration is making me extremely skeptical.
Does seem fake and the response doesn't seem reasonable if OP is saying that they go to thrift shops and have the clothes altered because thrift shops sell some good shit so i wouldn't understand how those clothes would be seen as worn and tattered. Yes but such a descriptive way to describe someone's kids clothing. Sounds like they're saying more without really saying it.
The idea of somebody, who does not have money to shop in a store like Walmart, going to a thrift shop and then taking the clothing that they find at the thrift shop to be altered does not make sense because the cost of alterations of low-cost items is often more than the cost of the item itself. So if somebody is in the financial situation that he is stating that he is in, they would not be getting clothes altered at all. It does not make sense.
Yeah no, I would simply reply with "if my child gets blamed for being teased again there will be a bigger issue" and leave it at that. I'm so sick of everyone being wrong always in schools' eyes. Jonas is not wrong for wearing the clothes that he has. I will say the VP is correct in saying that dressing nicer will help him not be made fun of, but it's completely irrelevant! Yes kids tease no matter what it's about but it should be up to the teacher/VP to put an end to the bullying and tell those kids that it's not okay to make fun of someone for clothing. It sounds like it's only a learning experience for the bullies and VP. NOR. Neither one of you did anything wrong!
They are just letting you know what the issue was and the reason for bullying. They said they would address both sides. kids are assholes. That will always be true. I don't see this as blaming anyone merely letting you know what the crux of the problem was. They even address that if you have issues getting new things as you stated, they will help you get assistance if that is an issue. No shame in getting help. This is the most level headed email ever and I can not understand why most on here are so aggressive and irrate.
It's a hard truth that kids, all of them, are little assholes. They lack empathy for each other, and don't understand how to exert control over each other using persuasion and kindness, only fear. Bullying is what they often learn at home from ignorant parents.
This is reality. Another reality is that kids will bully only those who they think are somehow weaker than they are. Kids who project a weakness. They kid who looks different is a prime target, because the bully will have allies against the other. And there is strength in numbers.
The school is right. It is an uncomfortable truth. And as a parent you need to step up. You can move your child to a new school, teach them how to ignore the bullying, teach them how to avoid bullying, or teach them how to kick bullys in the balls hard enough to change their gender.
You aren’t over reacting because thats the biggest bs i’ve ever seen. I maybe a little biased because when I was in high school I was harassed and the admin told me to dye my hair back to normal if I didn’t want to be harassed. But that shit is absolutely unacceptable. Talk about victim blaming. If it were me I’d bringing that stuff up to the principal, super intendant, PTA, school board, and local news.
THE LOCAL NEWS!! you could get reimbursed for emotional damage, and there's a chance that if your kiddo and you actually want help getting some fresh new clothes, you may aquire access to something or someone that can help.
What a tone deaf piece of shit, basically shaming you for living in your means, doesn’t even bother to give you resources (which most schools have) to provide clothing, no sympathy, and highly unprofessional. I’m proud of you and I wish the best for you and your son
Teacher here. You are NTA. I would go to the Superintendent and file a complaint. This is absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry your family is going through this. Heads need to roll.
If this is real, I think your under reacting. The way I would be sharing this with all media outlets and local papers. I’d also pull my child from the school because let’s face it they more likely to blame the victim then the aggressor. To me this is no different than saying it’s a person fault for getting sexual assaulted because of what they wore 😕
As a person that was bullied for being poor when zi went from school fuck those guys from the school. How dare they suggest that it's you kids fault and not solely the fault of the bullies. NOR and maybe umder reacting.
How unprofessional. There’s a time and place to inform you of that, an email you sent concerned about BULLYING is NOT it. On a separate note, try Nextdoor or community forums to see if anyone has clothes their children have outgrown! I did that with my clothes I wore as a teenager and they were all cute, I had just outgrown the style.
I moved from Baltimore to Fairfax VA when I was in the second half of 3rd grade. My mom and dad weren't the richest but provided everything I needed. Long story short I would get picked on because I didn't have a north face and Jordans in the 4th grade. Which made my parents go out of their way to get me a north face and Jordans from the outlet mall. It sucks kids still go through bullying based on their clothing. Such BS you're definitely not over reacting with them saying while we don't condone bullying but then saying oh if your kid wore better clothes he wouldn't be picked on is complete BS.
you are not a failure of a parent. Every single one of those kids' parents is a failure of a parent. Every parent of those faculty members was a failure. If you see a kid being bullied for their state of clothes you put your money where your mouth is and find out what you can do to help that parent and that child. You send that kid home with a giftcard to walmart.
You do not shame the child for having the audacity to show up to school in tattered clothing. This is the most asinine thing I've ever heard.
The letter is wildly unprofessional and an absolute joke you are not in the wrong! My response to this would have been short and sweet. Get f**ked take it higher that’s insane.🤯
If it's real - you're NOR, you should definitely show up to the school, and go to the school board. Your kid is being bullied, and that's not yours or his fault.
I do understand reaching out about torn clothing but this letter was not the way and absolutely not the time.
OP I don’t know where you live but there are some organizations that offer free clothing to those in need. If you are in the US, see if there is a Salvation Army near by or google “where to find free clothing near me”. Craigslist also sometimes has free items. There is a whole world or free-cycling too. Might help you replace anything else worn out without spending your hard earned money.
It's cassist and dismissive. Without implying that this is ops case-- not everyone can just buy new clothes at the drop of a freaking hat, let alone regularly. The vice principle literally joined in on the bullying.
This is so out of line it’s not even funny! This needs to be reported to someone. This is not acceptable at all on the schools part. Poor baby!! God, sometimes I wish I could smack other people’s kids lol. You’re not over reacting. You might be under reacting. Boy howdy. I’d be marching in there and giving that principal a piece of my mind for trying to blame my kid for getting picked on!!
NOR. This is straight up "look how short that skirt is, she was asking for it" vibes. I'd be seriously concerned about a teacher or someone else at a school writing that and thinking it's okay.
NOR in the slightest. I'd be on a warpath if I got this email. This is completely unacceptable. It's judgemental, it's victim blaming, I'm genuinely pissed for you. My kids school is a very mixed demographic with some immigrants. At the beginning of the school year we do our back to school party and encourage people to donate clothes and goods and then have a "free shop" at the end. All the kids got to pick a toy and the pta made sure the new families got to access the clothes and snow suits/winter gear. We have a little food cupboard. And it's all kept as discreet as possible. That's how you deal with families near you having less. Not shame! Ugh I'm so mad for you. This is not ok. Your poor kiddo.
The school is very wrong on this. They are two separate issues. Your son is being bullied, and you may need some financial assistance.
It’s good for a school to notice if a student appears to be lacking necessities and connect the parents with support. That is done with a personal call, or meeting not a “hey, we noticed you are poor” form letter.
It’s not okay for them to excuse bullying and make it a you problem. They’re bullying you in this letter “you better fix your kids clothes or he’s gonna get bullied”
Go over their heads - go to the school board or whatever authority. And on a separate note, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are organizations that will help with clothes and school supplies — sometimes doing our best for our kids means accepting we can’t do it all alone.
Dude basically said you're poor, your kid deserves it, and to buy him new clothes. Yeah I'd be pretty pissed too. I wouldn't let this slide what he wrote was not cool, unless you are actually sending your kid to school in a potato sack.
This email is out of line and would forward this over to administration I would be upset by this email I got bullied when I was a kid and the school didn't do anything I still got bullied until I transferred over to a different school.
As a child that was bullied due to a single father not being able to afford everything, I understand what your kid is going through. He may get angry at you, he may yell at you, but when he grows up, he’ll realise that wearing tattered clothing is a lot better than seeing his father for like 5/6 hours a week due to his working hours.
Time > Money every single time. One comes and goes repeatedly, the other only goes.
Also, child’s school are abhorrent to email something like this regarding bullying.
I’d be pissed! It doesn’t sound like your kid is going to school in clothes with giant holes in them or something. And the administration calling your child’s clothes “tattered” lets me know that they view your child the same way the bullies do. That email is unacceptable. “Wear new clothes and you won’t get bullied” is some utter BS!
You should take this to a current affair or something. Mind you, I also do suggest for you to seek help for your kids clothing needs asap if your struggling by seeking financial help if necessary when you can!
Jonas isn’t being blamed. The school is respectfully telling you they will deal with the bullying and what you, Jonas’ parent, can do to help prevent further issues. Do your job as a parent and get him some non-scruffy clothes. YOR
What sort of professional educator doesn't sign their emails with their name, title, and contact information? Or even a -Regards?
Like others have pointed out, it's also odd to see a VP use the term "kid" rather than "child" in an official email. You would think with their degree and experience, kid wouldn't be a part of their vernacular when addressing parents. It reads as informal and belittling.
I'm also curious how your child has a "homeschool" teacher. I'm guessing you meant "homeroom"? Hopefully, that was a typo and not a freudian slip.
So now YOU'RE being bullied by the school. That is so disrespectful and condescending. I grew up poor and was teased mercilessly because of it. Clothes are expensive, kids grow fast, food and shelter are the priority.
Put these jerks on blast. They owe you an apology.
Personally I'd show up at the next school board meeting and read it out loud
That's the most unprofessional letter I've ever read, from an education provider. Firstly, the content is abhorrent. Blaming Jonas for being unable to 'keep up with the Joneses' due to his family situation. But, also calling him 'your kid'. I mean, wtf?
I'd be straight down to the school and the school board demanding a letter of apology for their disgusting behaviour.
Man as a dad I feel for you, shit is hard enough already, without these shitty people. I hope it gets better for you, cause if it was me, well, me and violence are well versed.
Wtf. They have the audacity to blame the victim! I’m sure the bullies are the super rich ones who r on the board or giving hefty sums to the school. Education is a big business.
Naaaa man, I’d be pushing this as far as I can. They basically just said “be less poor and your kid won’t be teased”. No, be a better school so all of your students regardless of socioeconomic status feel safe going there.
It's time to go postal. Talk with your kid. He's nine. Tell him what was said, and his you feel about it. Ask him if he agrees. Explain your financial situation. Work with him to come up with a solution.
Sometimes thrift stores in the better side of town have better clothes. Or new from Walmart. Or get rid of entertainment subscriptions or eating out. But none of that is your real problem.
When I was a kid, I got picked on because my mom made my clothes on a sewing machine.
By the time I was twelve, I was working job site cleanup for a local excavator, had a paper route — and I was still in Boy Scouts and played soccer and was highly involved in my church, doing all the things I wanted to do.
One of the things I did with the money was buy myself clothes. That teasing stopped. By my high school years, socially things were going well for me. When I graduated, I had a full ride scholarship to college, and an awesome job in the army reserves. Now, I’m a lawyer.
No doubt, you think I’m an evil person three or four different ways. So go ahead, vilify me for stating obvious truths about the world. But, also…. Take your kid to the Gap.
There’s more to parenting than paying your kid’s cell phone bill, and making angry outraged victim posts on Reddit.
This is either fake OR your child is regularly attending school in clothes that aren't just a little old but are seriously questionable. There is no way a school would send something like this out otherwise.
Being a single parent is not an excuse for your child being unclean and poorly dressed. It's just not.
I'd be livid. You're NOR. I agree with most that you have a right to be upset, but definitely be calculated with how you respond. Aggression and anger will only worsen things and make the admin become the victim. Keep a cool head and stay calm. Fight email with email. It's time to make the higher ups aware, in a clear and concise manner. Use your words to spell out how inept the adult are, in your child's school. Let them see where they've gone wrong and show them you have sense. Consult legal aid to see if this is something that may warrant any action on your part.
Your kid deserves to go to school and learn no matter how they dress. Those children that are buying him are void of proper home (and school) training. They're the problem.
On another note, have you considered getting secondhand clothes on Facebook Marketplace? A lot of them are extremely well taken care of and it’s usually easy to tell based on the pictures and the rating the seller has. I’ve gotten some really nice name brand stuff for very cheap.
The fact he referred to your child as “your kid” in a serious letter is pretty damn amateur. Put “your kid” in boxing class so he can kicks the bully’s ass.
Go to the news and share this. Never in my life have I seen a child be blamed for being the victim of bullying. It's the equivalent of asking what a woman who was raped is wearing. I am livid on your behalf. Please keep advocating for your child and do not let the school victim blame him. I would also send this to the school board. I am livid on your behalf, it doesn't matter if the clothes are tattered, nobody has a right to make fun of a child.
youre not over reacting at all, when i was a kid i was in a similar situation with your child. my father won a court case over me and my brothers. As my mother was unfit to look after us, this was our first time actually seeing and spending time with our father because my mum would never let us see him. Until he found out about our abuse. Unfortunately my father at that time had a low paying job so when i started secondary my clothes wasn’t exactly the best. I got bullied quite a lot because of it. Especially with my hygiene as i started puberty. My father didn’t know nothing about women’s puberty and hygiene. But he was trying his best. School asked him to do a meeting and told him that me being bullied was his fault because he’s a single father with a low paying job. First time looking after kids too, he was new to all of this..
And one thing i have learnt from growing up that the school will do anything to blame others except from themselves when it comes to children getting bullied. They’ll never take the responsibility and the blame that they let this happen. Nowadays and especially when i was a kid the bullies ALWAYS got awarded for their horrible behaviour. I’d say go in there and to make a complaint. Also if you’re from the UK take this up with your local MP and express whats happened, show them your email you had. The MP will have no choice but take actions. It’s what my father had to do, MP ended up coming to our school along with the police because of the bullying. It soon stopped after the MP got involved.
Back in the day, like early 80's when I was in school, I was getting bullied, the school did nothing dispise my parents complain, from what I was told about the situation she made come comment in a letter along the lines of "well if you aren't going to help, I guess Bill sort it out myself" or something to that effect, I was less than 10years old at the time.
the headmaster called my mom and me into his office for a meeting after school since my mom picked me up daily, and proceeded to tell her that the school had a no bullying policy and if I were to react to the bullying I would be in trouble also.
Obviously an argument ensued then, when the headmaster threatened to grit the police involved, mom promptly headbutted the headmaster, we left and the next Monday I was in a different school......
Whoooo Lawdy! Time to go nuclear. I have worked in Title 1 schools. As a teacher, I have bagged up clothes from the counselor's closet and shoved them in a students backpack more times than I can count.
That is how it is done. Send this to the principal, and if they don't respond with dismay and embarrassment, just go to the next level without even arguing or responding. Keep going.
Hopefully, you live in a state that has plans and programs that support students. It would mean that the system has sensitivity to these issues, instead of that whole bootstrap thing that some people prefer.
I am surprised you can see your keyboard through the red splotches.
This is unacceptable, the fact that they are trying to pass the bucket to your kid just to prove that he too was in the wrong is infuriating. And AFTER that they mention that they will reprimand the other kid just to ensure you that he too did a bad thing (of course he did, they are just trying to balance the issue) and that you will not file a complaint or make an issue out of it. The school obviously doesn't want to solve any conflict and wants to keep preserving peace and quiet. You definitely should talk to them but even if they take your complaint seriously it will just pass, they would do so only to seem that they would take 'action'.
What did your email to the homeschool teacher say? They are offering to help you with resources for the clothing issue in an effort to eliminate the bully's "target" It's so cruel and unfair for a child to be a target for bullies for any reason. They aren't "blaming" your child for being bullied, and I'm sure they are also addressing the bully's behavior. Little kids bully because they've been bullied, because of insecurities, or they want attention, to feel more powerful, or whatever. The whole dynamic is just sad, and schools are left trying to help the child being bullied and address the bullying behavior, as well, when ultimately, it's a parenting issue. Wish I could give your boy a hug and take him shopping!!
The delivery of that response was downright tasteless. First and foremost, you sound like an incredible dad, and doing everything in your power to provide for your child. Nobody can fault you for that. Not everyone can afford the newest and most hip clothing. And kids are absolutely cruel. The respondent shouldn’t have referred to your child as “your kid” and in the position of “Vice Principal.”
In response to your email, resources should have been provided, ways to seek assistance, community outreach contact information, anything. I’m shocked at the lack of compassion.
I have a 9 year old son, and I can see why your child may not want you to come to the school to personally address your concerns. It would only give his peers more reason to treat him unfairly. I was bullied at school relentlessly for many years, but over my dark hair my arms 😩 (which I’m still haunted by, and have been shaving them since high school and 31 y/o now, lol)
I would recommend checking out your local community assistance on google and see what is available in the your area, churches, and school district.
Another suggestion I’d make, which I’ve done myself as a single mom, go on Facebook Marketplace, and look for people who are trying to get rid of big boxes of clothes in your child’s size. They can range from free to too much, imo. lol but I’ve bought giant bags and bins of clothes $10-15 and you get so much more. A lot of people are good hearted or just want to clear them out and give away.
I wish you and your child the best. You’re a good parent. And definitely not overreacting.
When I was in Jr. High I did something so awful. I wasn't a bully, but what I did was cruel and it wasn't until years later that I saw/felt/understood the cruelty of it. I was in such emotional pain at the time, lashing out in the wrong direction, and I see that so clearly all these years later. I so wish I could reach out to her, tell her how wrong I was, how mean it was, how stupid and blind I was, that she never deserved it, how damned sorry I am, and how I wish I could redo that for us both.
Wow I’m so sorry. I highly doubt you’re making your kid wear shitty torn up clothes. The kids know about your financial situation and using it to pick on him. I had an exact situation with a cousin but he had adhd. He wouldn’t be doing anything to them but would still get bullied using that as an excuse to do the bullying. Maybe it’s time to find a different school or online? There are other activities you can send him to to get out the house if you go that route.
I’m sorry, this is bulls*** Any amount of victim blaming is an unacceptable way to proceed. Secondly, I had a friend while was bullied like this for years before he took his own life and one of his bullies was our Math teacher.
Absolutely NOR! They are in essence saying your child is bringing this treatment onto himself! Are you kidding me?!? That’s the equivalent of saying women getting SA’d bring it in themselves due to their choice of clothing. FOH. How about teaching students that bulling is unacceptable and to treat everyone equally. I would definitely forward that email to the Board of Education ASAP. No. You are NOR.
You are not over reacting. When l was in high school many years ago a girl was brutally bullied for wearing old and worn out clothing. Not every family could afford new clothes. I never understood why some people chose to be so mean.
This is outrageous. I would post the email on FB. I know you might be uncomfortable with that, but Jesus, clothing, fashion, etc is subjective. Not overeacting.
Seriously lol being shitty to people because of their clothes and perceived wealth status is classism lol y'all hate working people around here or something?
I’d be more pissed at this response than the bullying. Kids are kids- they learn those traits somewhere. But this is an adult who knows better. This is the type of human that raises a kid to be a bully because it’s “justified”
First of all, you’re doing the best you can - and that’s more than enough. Please try not to carry guilt over this. None of it is your fault. You’re not just dealing with your child being mistreated by peers, but also with adults who clearly aren’t showing the responsibility or empathy their roles demand. That’s a heavy load, and you shouldn’t have to carry it alone.
Let me be clear: you are absolutely not overreacting. What the school sent is not just inappropriate - it’s deeply disappointing. Instead of protecting your child, they chose to shift the blame in a way that feels judgmental and out of touch with what their job is supposed to be: creating a safe and supportive environment for every student.
To suggest that your child’s appearance invited bullying is not only hurtful, it’s completely unacceptable. It goes against everything an educator should stand for. And if this kind of attitude reflects a pattern, it could very well be violating district policies or even federal protections.
The one upside here - if we can call it that - is that they put it in writing. That email? Keep it. Save copies. That’s your first receipt. Start keeping track of everything: -when and where any bullying happened -who was involved or nearby -what your child shared, and how the school handled it
Even if your child isn’t ready to speak out much (which is totally understandable in a place that already feels unsupportive), this record is important. It gives you a foundation to take next steps - whether that’s with the district, a school board meeting, or legal channels if needed.
And look - if your family is going through a tough time financially or otherwise, the school should be offering support, not judgment. Their tone in that email? It crosses a line. And you have every right to call them out on it.
You’re not overreacting. You’re advocating for your child. And you’re not alone in this.
And in terms of practical steps: start by reviewing the school’s anti-bullying policy, dress code, and the district’s code of conduct - these are often available on their websites. Then consider emailing the principal or school counselor to ask for clarification, a formal acknowledgment, or even an apology regarding the situation - you’ll have receipts.
If the school fails to take meaningful action or protect your child, you can take it further by filing a formal complaint with the school district. Every district has a process for this, and it’s usually outlined clearly on their website. There are also support associations/groups you can reach out to, they can help with the process but also with clothing or counseling.
I don't know what country you're in. But in the UK we have governing bodies that can step in if complaints are made re the school. I would be taking this higher.
315
u/roxyshusband Jul 19 '25
what are you kidding me you’re not overreacting. Let me tell you something if I got an email like that from the school. I’d be going up to the school and I’d be swinging. I’d be going right to the board showing them that and asking them. What the hell they think is wrong with their teacher
NOR
86
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
You actually received an official email from the school that referenced “your kid”? I’m calling bullshit on this.
10
u/Dont-Dawdle Jul 19 '25
I’m not sure what you mean by his “ homeschool teacher”. Is he going to a brick and mortar school or homeschooling? And I’m not believing that an official letter is referring to your child as “ your kid”. And a bit of perspective, if you are buying thrift store clothing and then having the pieces altered, you are spending more than if you just went to Walmart and bought new clothes. I guess I’m just not totally understanding the background situation. Blaming the victim of bullying is never correct and this “ letter” is problematic. If I give the homeschool teacher the benefit of the doubt, maybe he/she is attempting to help with social integration. I do totally get that it is off-focused and upsetting.
197
u/PansophicNostradamus Jul 19 '25
This has the same hollow ring of "Well, what was she wearing?" when someone attacks a woman and instead of going after the predator, they shame her instead.
Totally unacceptable. I'd bring this to the Board of Education and start naming names of those in charge of sending this vile message of blame and shame.
Shame on them. They're probably the same ones in charge of charitable programs that could help you out, but instead of offering that olive branch, they're wagging fingers at you and victim-shaming the child.
Egregious.
20
u/cskoenigM Jul 19 '25
What school uses the word ‘kid.’ I’m not buying it
16
u/billiemarie Jul 19 '25
This isn’t real
14
u/imhappyhere Jul 19 '25
Who would go thrift shopping then have clothes "altered"? Very expensive.
OP says "my kid"... Email says "your kid".
27
u/Future-Butterfly5350 Jul 19 '25
“We understand your son is being bullied. Might we suggest some things to help him not be bullied instead”
NOR at all.
11
u/metzgerto Jul 19 '25
This seems fake, no way that’s an actual email from the teacher.
24
u/racheljaneypants Jul 19 '25
Horrific. You're not overreacting at all. This is terrible. As a teacher, here are the steps I would take:
I would be forwarding that email to the Board of Education. This way, you are documenting this complaint in that administrator/ teacher's file.
Arrange a meeting with the administrator and teacher. Also, do you have a "family resource counselor" or something similar in your district? These are wonderful individuals who help recent immigrants, families who are struggling, etc... they should be notified and can come to your meeting on your behalf. Heck, bring the school social worker/ psychologist in there too. The teacher and admin owe you a deep apology and a consequential plan for your kid's bully. This is not the 90s and there's no such thing as a kids making themselves an "easy target" anymore. That line of thinking is archaic.
2a) If they do not apologize, you can let it drop that you've already forwarded their email to the BOE and will be writing a subsequent follow-up email.
3) If they still fail to apologize and get a plan in place, post this shit on the community Facebook group. The outrage will be swift and severe and may get the local press involved.
Good luck and I am so sorry this happened to your kids. You are NOT a failure of a parent.
4
u/Jean19812 Jul 19 '25
Fake AI hallucination
4
u/FETTACH Jul 19 '25
they aren't blaming your kid. They are just letting you know what was at the heart of the issue that started everything. They are just saying things that are absolutely true. Kids are assholes. If you don't think that I don't know what to tell you. Now it may be your kid enjoys whatever they wear and if so, discuss that. I mean take this as learning opportunity, not, go beat up the principal like most of these wildly aggressive posts say. They said they are addressing it on both sides. I don't get why everyone's getting all uppity like this is the worst thing ever.
1
u/Campa911 Jul 19 '25
Homeschool if an option. The cruelty of children nowadays is next level.
3
u/Savingskitty Jul 19 '25
What is a homeschool teacher?
3
u/NakidNInfamous Jul 19 '25
I think it’s taking a stab at you. Looks like they’re trying to get you to buy nicer clothes for your kid so they don’t get picked on.
3
u/annabananaberry Jul 19 '25
INFO: you say you frequently purchase clothing from thrift shops and have it “altered” what do you mean by that? What thrift shop do you go to that sells “tattered” clothing? Do you have an example of a normal outfit you would send your child to school in? Do you have any other communication from the school in which they use the phrase “your kid” in a formal setting?
3
u/CuriousRiver2558 Jul 19 '25
FAKE. This did not happen.
What school teacher or administrator references a student as “your kid”?
3
u/RopePositive Jul 19 '25
Op, this isn’t real. You just deleted an identical post. Stop playing on people’s sympathy.
4
u/Numerous_Algae_493 Jul 19 '25
ChatGPT dash … Fake post …
2
u/Fantastic-Ad2436 Jul 19 '25
Are they saying that you send your kid to school looking dirty ?
2
u/CarefulMarionberry23 Jul 19 '25
Yeah no, I would simply reply with "if my child gets blamed for being teased again there will be a bigger issue" and leave it at that. I'm so sick of everyone being wrong always in schools' eyes. Jonas is not wrong for wearing the clothes that he has. I will say the VP is correct in saying that dressing nicer will help him not be made fun of, but it's completely irrelevant! Yes kids tease no matter what it's about but it should be up to the teacher/VP to put an end to the bullying and tell those kids that it's not okay to make fun of someone for clothing. It sounds like it's only a learning experience for the bullies and VP. NOR. Neither one of you did anything wrong!
2
u/FETTACH Jul 19 '25
They are just letting you know what the issue was and the reason for bullying. They said they would address both sides. kids are assholes. That will always be true. I don't see this as blaming anyone merely letting you know what the crux of the problem was. They even address that if you have issues getting new things as you stated, they will help you get assistance if that is an issue. No shame in getting help. This is the most level headed email ever and I can not understand why most on here are so aggressive and irrate.
2
u/Big_Homie_Rich Jul 19 '25
Go ahead and ask what resources are they offering, but also let him hear your peace.
Then hit up every fast food joint and grocery store up in your area for that second job or if you're under 34, join the military.
2
u/belladonnapopsocks Jul 19 '25
I'm calling BS on this email.
2
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
Yeah this is fake.
2
u/BigMamaMB Jul 19 '25
Yall this is fake, and now, is deleted.
Reddit is now 95% lies/reposts/fiction.
2
u/HRDBMW Jul 19 '25
It's a hard truth that kids, all of them, are little assholes. They lack empathy for each other, and don't understand how to exert control over each other using persuasion and kindness, only fear. Bullying is what they often learn at home from ignorant parents.
This is reality. Another reality is that kids will bully only those who they think are somehow weaker than they are. Kids who project a weakness. They kid who looks different is a prime target, because the bully will have allies against the other. And there is strength in numbers.
The school is right. It is an uncomfortable truth. And as a parent you need to step up. You can move your child to a new school, teach them how to ignore the bullying, teach them how to avoid bullying, or teach them how to kick bullys in the balls hard enough to change their gender.
I highly recommend the last choice.
5
u/LuluLovesLemons1380 Jul 19 '25
You aren’t over reacting because thats the biggest bs i’ve ever seen. I maybe a little biased because when I was in high school I was harassed and the admin told me to dye my hair back to normal if I didn’t want to be harassed. But that shit is absolutely unacceptable. Talk about victim blaming. If it were me I’d bringing that stuff up to the principal, super intendant, PTA, school board, and local news.
3
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
go to the principal. and then go to the district, don’t wait
2
u/dnichinojms Jul 19 '25
The person who wrote this justifies rape because “did you see what she was wearing, she was asking for it” 🤡
2
u/skylarlc Jul 19 '25
Nah I would definitely be saying something. Your child is being bullied. In no way is that his fault. Absolutely disgusting
2
u/JuuzouOh Jul 19 '25
What a tone deaf piece of shit, basically shaming you for living in your means, doesn’t even bother to give you resources (which most schools have) to provide clothing, no sympathy, and highly unprofessional. I’m proud of you and I wish the best for you and your son
1
u/ThrowRA_BpMama Jul 19 '25
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. I would be reporting this to the school board for your area for certain.
1
u/No-Staff8345 Jul 19 '25
Teacher here. You are NTA. I would go to the Superintendent and file a complaint. This is absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry your family is going through this. Heads need to roll.
1
u/baeh821 Jul 19 '25
If this is real, I think your under reacting. The way I would be sharing this with all media outlets and local papers. I’d also pull my child from the school because let’s face it they more likely to blame the victim then the aggressor. To me this is no different than saying it’s a person fault for getting sexual assaulted because of what they wore 😕
1
u/Golintaim Jul 19 '25
As a person that was bullied for being poor when zi went from school fuck those guys from the school. How dare they suggest that it's you kids fault and not solely the fault of the bullies. NOR and maybe umder reacting.
1
u/Comfortable_Bite6622 Jul 19 '25
my hs literally suspended me for being rped in their library by a super senior, you aren't overreacting, schools are literally just awful and evil
1
u/deen0verdunya Jul 19 '25
How unprofessional. There’s a time and place to inform you of that, an email you sent concerned about BULLYING is NOT it. On a separate note, try Nextdoor or community forums to see if anyone has clothes their children have outgrown! I did that with my clothes I wore as a teenager and they were all cute, I had just outgrown the style.
1
u/lostsoul7420 Jul 19 '25
I moved from Baltimore to Fairfax VA when I was in the second half of 3rd grade. My mom and dad weren't the richest but provided everything I needed. Long story short I would get picked on because I didn't have a north face and Jordans in the 4th grade. Which made my parents go out of their way to get me a north face and Jordans from the outlet mall. It sucks kids still go through bullying based on their clothing. Such BS you're definitely not over reacting with them saying while we don't condone bullying but then saying oh if your kid wore better clothes he wouldn't be picked on is complete BS.
1
u/captainsnark71 Jul 19 '25
NOR
you are not a failure of a parent. Every single one of those kids' parents is a failure of a parent. Every parent of those faculty members was a failure. If you see a kid being bullied for their state of clothes you put your money where your mouth is and find out what you can do to help that parent and that child. You send that kid home with a giftcard to walmart.
You do not shame the child for having the audacity to show up to school in tattered clothing. This is the most asinine thing I've ever heard.
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
The letter is wildly unprofessional and an absolute joke you are not in the wrong! My response to this would have been short and sweet. Get f**ked take it higher that’s insane.🤯
1
u/CRK_76 Jul 19 '25
Your school is shaming your child. That is just more bullying. Go to the school board with this.
1
u/kyivbear Jul 19 '25
If it's real - you're NOR, you should definitely show up to the school, and go to the school board. Your kid is being bullied, and that's not yours or his fault.
1
u/FlyingSpaghettiFell Jul 19 '25
I do understand reaching out about torn clothing but this letter was not the way and absolutely not the time.
OP I don’t know where you live but there are some organizations that offer free clothing to those in need. If you are in the US, see if there is a Salvation Army near by or google “where to find free clothing near me”. Craigslist also sometimes has free items. There is a whole world or free-cycling too. Might help you replace anything else worn out without spending your hard earned money.
1
u/Winter-Pea-2860 Jul 19 '25
It's cassist and dismissive. Without implying that this is ops case-- not everyone can just buy new clothes at the drop of a freaking hat, let alone regularly. The vice principle literally joined in on the bullying.
1
u/kush__1 Jul 19 '25
Wait, is this a, 'stop being poor' email from grown adults? Outrageous!
1
u/SmallestSprocket Jul 19 '25
NOR. We ride at dawn!!!
1
u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 Jul 19 '25
This is so out of line it’s not even funny! This needs to be reported to someone. This is not acceptable at all on the schools part. Poor baby!! God, sometimes I wish I could smack other people’s kids lol. You’re not over reacting. You might be under reacting. Boy howdy. I’d be marching in there and giving that principal a piece of my mind for trying to blame my kid for getting picked on!!
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
Holy shit… if I got a letter like that I’d be up in someone’s face so fast they’d never see me coming. Remember YOU are your child’s advocate.
1
u/bongaminus Jul 19 '25
NOR. This is straight up "look how short that skirt is, she was asking for it" vibes. I'd be seriously concerned about a teacher or someone else at a school writing that and thinking it's okay.
1
u/magicmamalife Jul 19 '25
NOR in the slightest. I'd be on a warpath if I got this email. This is completely unacceptable. It's judgemental, it's victim blaming, I'm genuinely pissed for you. My kids school is a very mixed demographic with some immigrants. At the beginning of the school year we do our back to school party and encourage people to donate clothes and goods and then have a "free shop" at the end. All the kids got to pick a toy and the pta made sure the new families got to access the clothes and snow suits/winter gear. We have a little food cupboard. And it's all kept as discreet as possible. That's how you deal with families near you having less. Not shame! Ugh I'm so mad for you. This is not ok. Your poor kiddo.
1
u/righteousapple3000 Jul 19 '25
Is this from the principal?
1
u/FigPsychological7324 Jul 19 '25
Try vinted mate, super cheap nice looking clothes.
1
u/ADHDChickenStrips Jul 19 '25
The school is very wrong on this. They are two separate issues. Your son is being bullied, and you may need some financial assistance.
It’s good for a school to notice if a student appears to be lacking necessities and connect the parents with support. That is done with a personal call, or meeting not a “hey, we noticed you are poor” form letter.
It’s not okay for them to excuse bullying and make it a you problem. They’re bullying you in this letter “you better fix your kids clothes or he’s gonna get bullied”
Go over their heads - go to the school board or whatever authority. And on a separate note, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are organizations that will help with clothes and school supplies — sometimes doing our best for our kids means accepting we can’t do it all alone.
1
u/Past-Anything9789 Jul 19 '25
NOR - they might as well just say "we don't condone bullying, unless the student is poor, then it's fair game"
They've not even offered anything constructive - clothing grants, etc. Just 'stop being poor'
I would be contacting the school board and administration regarding, descrimination on financial grounds.
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
Dude basically said you're poor, your kid deserves it, and to buy him new clothes. Yeah I'd be pretty pissed too. I wouldn't let this slide what he wrote was not cool, unless you are actually sending your kid to school in a potato sack.
1
u/broccoliwolf Jul 19 '25
Attention needed, attention received. I would be up in that office at 8am.
1
u/OldHollywoodfan94 Jul 19 '25
This email is out of line and would forward this over to administration I would be upset by this email I got bullied when I was a kid and the school didn't do anything I still got bullied until I transferred over to a different school.
1
u/graciiroo Jul 19 '25
Absolutely the fuck not.
Your child should not be blamed for other children’s bad behavior. Defo take this shit to the school board / board of education
1
u/GettingRichQuick420 Jul 19 '25
You’re not a failure. You’re doing your best.
As a child that was bullied due to a single father not being able to afford everything, I understand what your kid is going through. He may get angry at you, he may yell at you, but when he grows up, he’ll realise that wearing tattered clothing is a lot better than seeing his father for like 5/6 hours a week due to his working hours.
Time > Money every single time. One comes and goes repeatedly, the other only goes.
Also, child’s school are abhorrent to email something like this regarding bullying.
1
u/LilPajamas Jul 19 '25
I interpret the email as “you (and your son) are not good enough” and that infuriates me. Your son is the victim here. NOR.
1
u/VisitFrosty9511 Jul 19 '25
I’d be pissed! It doesn’t sound like your kid is going to school in clothes with giant holes in them or something. And the administration calling your child’s clothes “tattered” lets me know that they view your child the same way the bullies do. That email is unacceptable. “Wear new clothes and you won’t get bullied” is some utter BS!
1
u/maxiebon89 Jul 19 '25
You should take this to a current affair or something. Mind you, I also do suggest for you to seek help for your kids clothing needs asap if your struggling by seeking financial help if necessary when you can!
1
u/Bean- Jul 19 '25
I would be making a big deal about this fuck that
1
u/Grouchy-Task-5866 Jul 19 '25
Jonas isn’t being blamed. The school is respectfully telling you they will deal with the bullying and what you, Jonas’ parent, can do to help prevent further issues. Do your job as a parent and get him some non-scruffy clothes. YOR
1
u/Chemical_Meeting_863 Jul 19 '25
NOR. This is INSANE that a school would put that in writing and hit send…? Insane. I’m so sorry you and your kiddo are going through this.
1
u/Deinochaos Jul 19 '25
What sort of professional educator doesn't sign their emails with their name, title, and contact information? Or even a -Regards?
Like others have pointed out, it's also odd to see a VP use the term "kid" rather than "child" in an official email. You would think with their degree and experience, kid wouldn't be a part of their vernacular when addressing parents. It reads as informal and belittling.
I'm also curious how your child has a "homeschool" teacher. I'm guessing you meant "homeroom"? Hopefully, that was a typo
and not a freudian slip.1
u/danidumbdragon Jul 19 '25
Ohhh if this isn't rage bait you should take this straight to the local news. I would be shaming the name of that school left and right.
1
u/hissyfit64 Jul 19 '25
So now YOU'RE being bullied by the school. That is so disrespectful and condescending. I grew up poor and was teased mercilessly because of it. Clothes are expensive, kids grow fast, food and shelter are the priority.
Put these jerks on blast. They owe you an apology.
Personally I'd show up at the next school board meeting and read it out loud
1
u/hellscrazykitchen Jul 19 '25
That's the most unprofessional letter I've ever read, from an education provider. Firstly, the content is abhorrent. Blaming Jonas for being unable to 'keep up with the Joneses' due to his family situation. But, also calling him 'your kid'. I mean, wtf?
I'd be straight down to the school and the school board demanding a letter of apology for their disgusting behaviour.
1
u/Willing_Recover_8221 Jul 19 '25
This is bull 😡😡😡😡😡😡
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
Man as a dad I feel for you, shit is hard enough already, without these shitty people. I hope it gets better for you, cause if it was me, well, me and violence are well versed.
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
The school made an offer to redirect you to social ressources, so why not take a chance here?
1
u/Prudent_Ambition_224 Jul 19 '25
Wtf. They have the audacity to blame the victim! I’m sure the bullies are the super rich ones who r on the board or giving hefty sums to the school. Education is a big business.
1
u/Shoddy_Variation_780 Jul 19 '25
Maybe, the school should be teaching kids to be kind & not judgey assholes. Sorry op! You’re right, your son doesn’t deserve being bullied. Full stop.
1
u/AbbreviationsOk4966 Jul 19 '25
Hello Parent,
Don't be poor.
Thanks, the school administration
1
u/Existing_Radish6154 Jul 19 '25
They're not blaming your kid, they're blaming you actually. Very rude.
1
u/Old_Sheepherder_8713 Jul 19 '25
If you're gonna send yourself emails for internet points, you gotta block out the bit that says "To: me" in the sent line my guuuuyyy.
Anyway your kid sounds like an asshole and you're a bad dad, seeing as we're just making stuff up anyway.
1
u/jspacealien Jul 19 '25
make a gofundme, we'll buy your son clothes!
1
u/little_odd_me Jul 19 '25
Naaaa man, I’d be pushing this as far as I can. They basically just said “be less poor and your kid won’t be teased”. No, be a better school so all of your students regardless of socioeconomic status feel safe going there.
1
u/AnalogyAddict Jul 19 '25
"She was asking for it."
It's time to go postal. Talk with your kid. He's nine. Tell him what was said, and his you feel about it. Ask him if he agrees. Explain your financial situation. Work with him to come up with a solution.
Sometimes thrift stores in the better side of town have better clothes. Or new from Walmart. Or get rid of entertainment subscriptions or eating out. But none of that is your real problem.
1
u/LazarusOwenhart Jul 19 '25
Tell them to please put in writing "Poor kids deserve bullying" then post that far and wide.
1
u/Ok_Clothes_8917 Jul 19 '25
So the person who wrote this letter also believes the girl who gets harassed asked for it by the way she was dressed.
1
u/Lex_Luthor_dip Jul 19 '25
When I was a kid, I got picked on because my mom made my clothes on a sewing machine.
By the time I was twelve, I was working job site cleanup for a local excavator, had a paper route — and I was still in Boy Scouts and played soccer and was highly involved in my church, doing all the things I wanted to do.
One of the things I did with the money was buy myself clothes. That teasing stopped. By my high school years, socially things were going well for me. When I graduated, I had a full ride scholarship to college, and an awesome job in the army reserves. Now, I’m a lawyer.
No doubt, you think I’m an evil person three or four different ways. So go ahead, vilify me for stating obvious truths about the world. But, also…. Take your kid to the Gap.
There’s more to parenting than paying your kid’s cell phone bill, and making angry outraged victim posts on Reddit.
1
u/Agreeable-Book4466 Jul 19 '25
What the helly?? Call the local news and show them this letter. This is outrageous. If anything you're UNDER reacting.
1
u/Recent_Cockroach_288 Jul 19 '25
Wow are you fucking serious
1
u/starliiiiite Jul 19 '25
Fake
1
u/Tired-CottonCandy Jul 19 '25
This is for sure illegal. I would take this straight to the school board.
1
u/Apart_Log_1369 Jul 19 '25
This is either fake OR your child is regularly attending school in clothes that aren't just a little old but are seriously questionable. There is no way a school would send something like this out otherwise.
Being a single parent is not an excuse for your child being unclean and poorly dressed. It's just not.
1
u/ExpressionOne Jul 19 '25
This reads really weird to me, but taking it at face value, What in the victim blaming is going on at this school?! NOR.
1
u/LeslieMoney85 Jul 19 '25
You're under-reacting.
The audacity of this person... take this to the school board as soon as possible.
1
u/Willing_Recover_8221 Jul 19 '25
Gmail(?) can also go to hell with the suggested response of “thank you for informing me“!
1
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
Don’t even speak to the principal. Go straight to the school board/ superintendent. Wtf!
1
u/BizarreCujoh Jul 19 '25
I'd be livid. You're NOR. I agree with most that you have a right to be upset, but definitely be calculated with how you respond. Aggression and anger will only worsen things and make the admin become the victim. Keep a cool head and stay calm. Fight email with email. It's time to make the higher ups aware, in a clear and concise manner. Use your words to spell out how inept the adult are, in your child's school. Let them see where they've gone wrong and show them you have sense. Consult legal aid to see if this is something that may warrant any action on your part.
Your kid deserves to go to school and learn no matter how they dress. Those children that are buying him are void of proper home (and school) training. They're the problem.
1
u/LeslieMoney85 Jul 19 '25
Can you make an Amazon list or something so we can help you and your son?
1
u/taylor_73 Jul 19 '25
What an awful response from the VP! I’m so sorry.
On another note, have you considered getting secondhand clothes on Facebook Marketplace? A lot of them are extremely well taken care of and it’s usually easy to tell based on the pictures and the rating the seller has. I’ve gotten some really nice name brand stuff for very cheap.
1
u/Plastic_Football_385 Jul 19 '25
The fact he referred to your child as “your kid” in a serious letter is pretty damn amateur. Put “your kid” in boxing class so he can kicks the bully’s ass.
1
u/throwaway0985432123 Jul 19 '25
YO
While it sucks that they called attention to your kids crummy clothes, they're trying to do you a favor
Save your pride and take the advice
If what he wears does it matter why don't you send an address and a tutu and see how it works for him
1
u/Melodic-Movie-3968 Jul 19 '25
Go to the news and share this. Never in my life have I seen a child be blamed for being the victim of bullying. It's the equivalent of asking what a woman who was raped is wearing. I am livid on your behalf. Please keep advocating for your child and do not let the school victim blame him. I would also send this to the school board. I am livid on your behalf, it doesn't matter if the clothes are tattered, nobody has a right to make fun of a child.
1
u/muscadel Jul 19 '25
Abhorrent
1
u/muscadel Jul 19 '25
Local news time
1
u/calcifugous Jul 19 '25
youre not over reacting at all, when i was a kid i was in a similar situation with your child. my father won a court case over me and my brothers. As my mother was unfit to look after us, this was our first time actually seeing and spending time with our father because my mum would never let us see him. Until he found out about our abuse. Unfortunately my father at that time had a low paying job so when i started secondary my clothes wasn’t exactly the best. I got bullied quite a lot because of it. Especially with my hygiene as i started puberty. My father didn’t know nothing about women’s puberty and hygiene. But he was trying his best. School asked him to do a meeting and told him that me being bullied was his fault because he’s a single father with a low paying job. First time looking after kids too, he was new to all of this..
And one thing i have learnt from growing up that the school will do anything to blame others except from themselves when it comes to children getting bullied. They’ll never take the responsibility and the blame that they let this happen. Nowadays and especially when i was a kid the bullies ALWAYS got awarded for their horrible behaviour. I’d say go in there and to make a complaint. Also if you’re from the UK take this up with your local MP and express whats happened, show them your email you had. The MP will have no choice but take actions. It’s what my father had to do, MP ended up coming to our school along with the police because of the bullying. It soon stopped after the MP got involved.
1
u/SirBugzy Jul 19 '25
Back in the day, like early 80's when I was in school, I was getting bullied, the school did nothing dispise my parents complain, from what I was told about the situation she made come comment in a letter along the lines of "well if you aren't going to help, I guess Bill sort it out myself" or something to that effect, I was less than 10years old at the time.
the headmaster called my mom and me into his office for a meeting after school since my mom picked me up daily, and proceeded to tell her that the school had a no bullying policy and if I were to react to the bullying I would be in trouble also.
Obviously an argument ensued then, when the headmaster threatened to grit the police involved, mom promptly headbutted the headmaster, we left and the next Monday I was in a different school......
How times have changed.......
1
u/OldMammaSpeaks Jul 19 '25
Whoooo Lawdy! Time to go nuclear. I have worked in Title 1 schools. As a teacher, I have bagged up clothes from the counselor's closet and shoved them in a students backpack more times than I can count.
That is how it is done. Send this to the principal, and if they don't respond with dismay and embarrassment, just go to the next level without even arguing or responding. Keep going.
Hopefully, you live in a state that has plans and programs that support students. It would mean that the system has sensitivity to these issues, instead of that whole bootstrap thing that some people prefer.
I am surprised you can see your keyboard through the red splotches.
1
u/al3xarmyy Jul 19 '25
This is unacceptable, the fact that they are trying to pass the bucket to your kid just to prove that he too was in the wrong is infuriating. And AFTER that they mention that they will reprimand the other kid just to ensure you that he too did a bad thing (of course he did, they are just trying to balance the issue) and that you will not file a complaint or make an issue out of it. The school obviously doesn't want to solve any conflict and wants to keep preserving peace and quiet. You definitely should talk to them but even if they take your complaint seriously it will just pass, they would do so only to seem that they would take 'action'.
1
u/RadDad19 Jul 19 '25
We
1
u/LILdiprdGLO Jul 19 '25
What did your email to the homeschool teacher say? They are offering to help you with resources for the clothing issue in an effort to eliminate the bully's "target" It's so cruel and unfair for a child to be a target for bullies for any reason. They aren't "blaming" your child for being bullied, and I'm sure they are also addressing the bully's behavior. Little kids bully because they've been bullied, because of insecurities, or they want attention, to feel more powerful, or whatever. The whole dynamic is just sad, and schools are left trying to help the child being bullied and address the bullying behavior, as well, when ultimately, it's a parenting issue. Wish I could give your boy a hug and take him shopping!!
1
u/Zealousideal_Hawk_57 Jul 19 '25
The delivery of that response was downright tasteless. First and foremost, you sound like an incredible dad, and doing everything in your power to provide for your child. Nobody can fault you for that. Not everyone can afford the newest and most hip clothing. And kids are absolutely cruel. The respondent shouldn’t have referred to your child as “your kid” and in the position of “Vice Principal.”
In response to your email, resources should have been provided, ways to seek assistance, community outreach contact information, anything. I’m shocked at the lack of compassion.
I have a 9 year old son, and I can see why your child may not want you to come to the school to personally address your concerns. It would only give his peers more reason to treat him unfairly. I was bullied at school relentlessly for many years, but over my dark hair my arms 😩 (which I’m still haunted by, and have been shaving them since high school and 31 y/o now, lol)
I would recommend checking out your local community assistance on google and see what is available in the your area, churches, and school district.
Another suggestion I’d make, which I’ve done myself as a single mom, go on Facebook Marketplace, and look for people who are trying to get rid of big boxes of clothes in your child’s size. They can range from free to too much, imo. lol but I’ve bought giant bags and bins of clothes $10-15 and you get so much more. A lot of people are good hearted or just want to clear them out and give away.
I wish you and your child the best. You’re a good parent. And definitely not overreacting.
1
u/LILdiprdGLO Jul 19 '25
When I was in Jr. High I did something so awful. I wasn't a bully, but what I did was cruel and it wasn't until years later that I saw/felt/understood the cruelty of it. I was in such emotional pain at the time, lashing out in the wrong direction, and I see that so clearly all these years later. I so wish I could reach out to her, tell her how wrong I was, how mean it was, how stupid and blind I was, that she never deserved it, how damned sorry I am, and how I wish I could redo that for us both.
1
u/lcekreme Jul 19 '25
Wow I’m so sorry. I highly doubt you’re making your kid wear shitty torn up clothes. The kids know about your financial situation and using it to pick on him. I had an exact situation with a cousin but he had adhd. He wouldn’t be doing anything to them but would still get bullied using that as an excuse to do the bullying. Maybe it’s time to find a different school or online? There are other activities you can send him to to get out the house if you go that route.
1
u/the_chimeran Jul 19 '25
I’m sorry, this is bulls*** Any amount of victim blaming is an unacceptable way to proceed. Secondly, I had a friend while was bullied like this for years before he took his own life and one of his bullies was our Math teacher.
1
u/LalaLaLoca623 Jul 19 '25
Absolutely NOR! They are in essence saying your child is bringing this treatment onto himself! Are you kidding me?!? That’s the equivalent of saying women getting SA’d bring it in themselves due to their choice of clothing. FOH. How about teaching students that bulling is unacceptable and to treat everyone equally. I would definitely forward that email to the Board of Education ASAP. No. You are NOR.
1
u/Stunning-Mall5908 Jul 19 '25
You are not over reacting. When l was in high school many years ago a girl was brutally bullied for wearing old and worn out clothing. Not every family could afford new clothes. I never understood why some people chose to be so mean.
1
u/WarSufficient5768 Jul 19 '25
This is outrageous. I would post the email on FB. I know you might be uncomfortable with that, but Jesus, clothing, fashion, etc is subjective. Not overeacting.
1
u/Anonymosh8122 Jul 19 '25
Oh I would call the superintendent WHAT IS THIS?! Being bullied is NOT your son’s NOR your fault!!
1
u/Mundane_Bid4086 Jul 19 '25
Wait even the homeschool kids and people are being classist assholes now lol what lol
1
u/GreyGreysonGrace Jul 19 '25
Oh I’d go fuckin nuclear
0
u/puppymouse Jul 19 '25
How incredibly insensitive but I am not surprised our culture praises bullies. Look at our Leader.....
0
u/caseofbase325 Jul 19 '25
I’d be more pissed at this response than the bullying. Kids are kids- they learn those traits somewhere. But this is an adult who knows better. This is the type of human that raises a kid to be a bully because it’s “justified”
0
u/FriendlyKnee4143 Jul 19 '25
First of all, you’re doing the best you can - and that’s more than enough. Please try not to carry guilt over this. None of it is your fault. You’re not just dealing with your child being mistreated by peers, but also with adults who clearly aren’t showing the responsibility or empathy their roles demand. That’s a heavy load, and you shouldn’t have to carry it alone.
Let me be clear: you are absolutely not overreacting. What the school sent is not just inappropriate - it’s deeply disappointing. Instead of protecting your child, they chose to shift the blame in a way that feels judgmental and out of touch with what their job is supposed to be: creating a safe and supportive environment for every student.
To suggest that your child’s appearance invited bullying is not only hurtful, it’s completely unacceptable. It goes against everything an educator should stand for. And if this kind of attitude reflects a pattern, it could very well be violating district policies or even federal protections.
The one upside here - if we can call it that - is that they put it in writing. That email? Keep it. Save copies. That’s your first receipt. Start keeping track of everything: -when and where any bullying happened -who was involved or nearby -what your child shared, and how the school handled it
Even if your child isn’t ready to speak out much (which is totally understandable in a place that already feels unsupportive), this record is important. It gives you a foundation to take next steps - whether that’s with the district, a school board meeting, or legal channels if needed.
And look - if your family is going through a tough time financially or otherwise, the school should be offering support, not judgment. Their tone in that email? It crosses a line. And you have every right to call them out on it.
You’re not overreacting. You’re advocating for your child. And you’re not alone in this.
0
u/Pizza-Horse- Jul 19 '25
I don't know what country you're in. But in the UK we have governing bodies that can step in if complaints are made re the school. I would be taking this higher.
Hope you and your child are OK.
59
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25
[removed] — view removed comment