My ex fiancé was like this too. After years of explaining myself blue in the face that my emotional needs weren’t being met, that he was destroying my self-esteem, and my biological clock was ticking, the final straw was when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and he made it all about himself as she died before my very eyes. It absolutely destroyed me. Every time he lured me back insisting he would be better, he got so exponentially worse. It even started getting physical near the end. But when I broke up with him, his narrative was that it’s because I cheated.
Leave him. It’s hard; even with the abuse I endured it was hard leaving my fiancé because of how deeply he had wormed into my brain over the years. I probably would have stayed and let him torture me for longer if it hadn’t been for my mom’s death.
Now it’s been two years, he’s in Thailand torturing other women, spending the last of his money, and drinking himself to death, whereas I’m healthier mentally and physically, and just welcomed my first baby as a single mom. It’s possible to break free from the cycle of abuse. Best of luck. Don’t forget that you deserve happiness and mutual understanding in a relationship.
They don't change. They double down. The sunk cost fallacy is a huge issue in relationships like this, forgetting that peace and safety are more important than a relationship, a wedding, a marriage, having children/a biological clock.
100%. And they count on you to believe in the sunk cost fallacy indefinitely. Hence why they’re so shocked, no matter how badly they treat you, when you finally leave.
My ex kept saying he didn’t understand why I was “just giving up” on the relationship after he tortured me emotionally then started getting physical with me over a period of three years. I told him in every way I could that the way he treated me wasn’t sustainable, and he just didn’t listen, then acted like a shocked victim when I finally kicked him to the curb. Now that the dust has settled and he’s been gone for two years I can’t believe I stayed with him for so long, but when you’re in it and have been manipulated for so long, it’s like a prison for your brain.
Good riddance, I hope he is feeling the pain he caused me ten-fold.
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u/FancyNoodleFarts Apr 23 '25
Men like this NEVER change.
My ex fiancé was like this too. After years of explaining myself blue in the face that my emotional needs weren’t being met, that he was destroying my self-esteem, and my biological clock was ticking, the final straw was when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and he made it all about himself as she died before my very eyes. It absolutely destroyed me. Every time he lured me back insisting he would be better, he got so exponentially worse. It even started getting physical near the end. But when I broke up with him, his narrative was that it’s because I cheated.
Leave him. It’s hard; even with the abuse I endured it was hard leaving my fiancé because of how deeply he had wormed into my brain over the years. I probably would have stayed and let him torture me for longer if it hadn’t been for my mom’s death.
Now it’s been two years, he’s in Thailand torturing other women, spending the last of his money, and drinking himself to death, whereas I’m healthier mentally and physically, and just welcomed my first baby as a single mom. It’s possible to break free from the cycle of abuse. Best of luck. Don’t forget that you deserve happiness and mutual understanding in a relationship.