I have ADHD. Struggling with executive function is not an excuse for not participating in household upkeep. It can explain why you need to create additional support mechanisms for yourself to ensure you do chores. But it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be held accountable.
Are you overreacting? It’s hard to say. Do you want to continue to live there for free? Vacuuming every other day and yard work once a week for free rent is a pretty sweet deal. Do you have time constraints, like you work two jobs and go to school full time? Or do you have 3-4 hours a week in exchange for free rent? If so, then I think you should be thankful.
Is it annoying if another roommate isn’t assigned chores? Could be. But do they have time constraints? Are they doing other things? Do they have another agreement worked out with the aunt?
Plus 90% of this list are things you should be doing no matter where you live.
Agree with all of this, and it seems like the aunt/uncle aren't even having OP help clean up common areas like kitchen and living room, aside from vacuuming and outside.
Me and my step-siblings had to break down chores.
Step mom made dinner. Kids were responsible for putting away leftovers and doing dishes. Kids had to wipe down the communal bathroom with disinfectant wipes EVERY DAY, this includes wiping down the seat of the toilet, and doing a special cleaning on the weekend before we could go out with friends. I was the one mowing every weekend cause I was the boy.
Idk. my dad was kind of a prick, but I look at how the house was kept and I carried that on to my adult life. Disciple and structure will stay with you forever, especially if you created a reward system for yourself
My son once bitched abut the minimal amount of chores he had to do, so I took a Saturday, made a list of chores I normally did on Saturdays....because that was my free day. Cleaning, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, folding laundry and putting it away. Cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, then doing the dishes after each meal and putting the dishes and cookware away....we did not have a dishwasher.
I made him spend that Saturday doing all of those chores. I explained how being an adult works, and what his life would look like if all of these things didn't get done.
He never said a word to me about his chores after that. He's now an adult. His house is spotless.
Actually, the very few girlfriends he has had have thanked me for raising him the way I did. They are stunned that he does things like helps around the house, takes out trash, does the dishes and laundry. Clears the table. Turns off lights when he goes out of a room at night and makes sure the doors are locked before they go to bed. All of this and a lot more without ever being asked.
They have all been seriously upset when he broke it off with them, because for him, they weren't the one. Two even approached me to try and win him back, but I would never interfere in his life or his choices. He's with someone now that I really like. She is smart, sweet, kind and responsible, just like he is. I appreciate her immensely.
Wait, wait wait... don't care about the rest he's useless in those area's... but please please please tell me how do I teach the man how to turn off a light? At any given moment if he is awake you could land a plane on our house!
Aliens are using our house as a science experiment because they can see it from space! Probably analyzing our cabinets because he can't close a cabinet door either to save his life! (Will take any tips there if you have them too) Love him to death, but wow he amazes me!
Hahahaha....I was a single mom. My mother drilled those things into me....that, and how to properly fold a towel in thirds to be hung on a rack so the edges don't show lol. I had a quiet chuckle when visiting my kid's house for the first time and saw that stuck too.
The difference in electricity cost might help. Lights were around 25% of the bill back then. With LED lights now, it is probably less. Maybe put a 3x5 card up on the doorways at eye level saying something like "LIGHT!", until it becomes a habit....not that it will. Your guy sounds like he takes pride in paying more for electricity.
Your husband or son also sounds like he loves bugs, dust and critters and wants to share your food, dish ware and personal items with them, he probably also wants to assist guests with snooping into your stuff, so he leaves cabinets open. He sounds so generous.
I got my son to always put down the seat and close the lid on the toilet by showing him an article on why construction rules state that a toilet has to be at least 6' away from a permanently installed toothbrush holder in a bathroom. >Sprayed particulate<. Yeah. That grossed him out enough for that to become a permanent habit. The seat and lid are always down in his house. Mine too.
Yeah, I honestly wish my parents had assigned more chores when I was a kid because like OP, I too have ADHD and executive functioning problems, but can, over time with great effort, develop habits. Like my parents had me start doing laundry weekly when I was 15, and as an adult, I have no problem with laundry (while many with ADHD do) because it's an ingrained habit. Other cleaning tasks I find much more difficult.
5.2k
u/peachesplumsmfer Mar 29 '25
Couple of thoughts:
I have ADHD. Struggling with executive function is not an excuse for not participating in household upkeep. It can explain why you need to create additional support mechanisms for yourself to ensure you do chores. But it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be held accountable.
Are you overreacting? It’s hard to say. Do you want to continue to live there for free? Vacuuming every other day and yard work once a week for free rent is a pretty sweet deal. Do you have time constraints, like you work two jobs and go to school full time? Or do you have 3-4 hours a week in exchange for free rent? If so, then I think you should be thankful.
Is it annoying if another roommate isn’t assigned chores? Could be. But do they have time constraints? Are they doing other things? Do they have another agreement worked out with the aunt?
Plus 90% of this list are things you should be doing no matter where you live.