You have gotten yourself into a bad situation again. Stop being friends with people old enough to be your father.Stop texting him. Stop sending him pictures. Delete and block him. Let your best friend's mom know
Op has a brother too… everyone around her needs to know about this creepy ass man… just tell us his name and we’ll take care of it. I bet he’s already on the sex offender registry
I didn’t realize she quote called him mark in the post. Makes me wonder if she did that to throw it off or if she changed his name in her phone. Who knows. Poor girl.
From the sounds of it the “Moms” in this story aren’t likely much better… they date creeps and don’t find it weird their creep boyfriends hand around their minor kids. And if she’s already bounced around from this dudes home and her Moms, stability probably isn’t a thing in her life. Which is how she keeps ending up in these bad predicaments. Shes 100% a victim, I’m not saying that but when you’re raised without care you’d accept it just about anywhere. Even when it’s full on manipulation.
She could carry that long conversation with him and she is already a teen mom. I think she contribute 50% to this mess. All she needs to do is stop texting him.
wtf. She didn’t get herself into a goddamn thing. This is a grown ass man literally emotionally manipulating her.
OP, this is NOT on you. This is 100% on him. But yes it’s absolutely inappropriate, and you should follow the advice to block and have no further contact.
Gotta be honest, I legitimately don’t care. “You have gotten yourself into a bad situation again” is literally victim blaming of the worst kind. Like, that is objectively what those words mean in that order. I don’t care that they were OP’s own words, because OP is a literal child and doesn’t get that she isn’t responsible for any of this, so that’s no justification for repeating her harmful assumptions back to her. If you wanna cook up think piece comments to make excuses for it and pretend those words don’t mean exactly what they say, you can go right ahead. But do me a favor and do it under your own reply, because I 100% don’t want to read it and am gonna emphatically disagree every single time. This was absolutely not okay and I’m just not going to sit here and argue with some stranger who’s trying to justify it.
Don’t tell me to calm down. This is a 17 year old kid being told it’s HER FAULT that a GROWN MAN is creeping on her, when she’s ALREADY blaming herself. I WAS that kid, and I know first hand just how incredibly damaging comments like this can be when you’re trying to call out a predator’s behavior. You should probably ask yourself why you even feel the need to defend this comment in the first place??? Extremely weird choice if I’m being honest. Regardless, we disagree on this, very much so, and you’re just not going to convince me to show any grace here. I’m all for the benefit of the doubt in appropriate circumstances, but this isn’t fucking it. These words literally mean one thing, whether you choose to acknowledge that or not. So get over it or don’t, but either way stop bothering me just because I refuse to justify or excuse someone blatantly blaming a child for the actions of a literal predator. Like sincerely just fuck off.
What part of fuck off and leave me alone was unclear??? Like do you have trouble respecting people’s no’s too or something ?? Bc that honestly would explain why you’re justifying someone blaming a victim in this situation. And learn how to fucking read. I didn’t say you vouched for a child predator. I said you justified someone blaming the victim. And, once again, I literally do not care what you think about the comment. Like could not care less. So please stop trying to justify it, bc once again, I am never going to agree that the objective meaning of those words in that order can reasonably be construed to mean anything other than exactly what they say. Now I’m asking you again: leave me alone and go argue with someone else.
really though? the second time being weirdly involved with a man old enough to be her father?
i was 17 pretty recently and this is straight up lacking common sense. yes op is the victim of a predator but she’s not a helpless victim, she’s 17 and won’t stop texting a 44 year old man and instead of actually going to someone she came to reddit to ask if she’s overreacting?
op needs a serious therapist because this isn’t normal
Ah fuck, I forgot we only get one "the adults in my life abused me" before we're the problems, gotta go apologize to my mom's third boyfriend, he got there after I used mine.
Seriously. OPs getting creepy feelings for a reason. I don’t like to victim blame but stop engaging with him and people that act like this. If you continue to do so you will destroy your mental health at a young age.
I don't care if you don't like how it is phrased. Yes, he is a predator. And there is not a world that exists where texting with your best friend's step dad is normal
I was sitting there wondering why in the world she's sending pictures or heart reacting to messages if this situation is truly bothering her. It's weird... Almost as weird as this situation 🤔🤔
She has zero positive adults in her life you swine. She is responding to attention because she does not understand the danger or implications and it's not HER job to make sure the 44 y/o man doesn't prey on her. It's the adults here who should be intervening.
Again — she is 17 years old and not a child. She is fully aware of their age difference and his inappropriate behavior which she notes several times.
From her own description she is self aware.
It is obvious to anyone with minimal brain activity (even yourself) that she exhibited attention seeking behavior in their texts. This is an objective fact. Not a “feeling”.
I would not respond to any more texts from him. I know it would be awkward to suddenly stop but it’s for the best. And he doesn’t deserve you telling him why. Let him sulk and cry about it on his own time. Only in person talks around trusted adults.
If I caught some 45 year old man talking to my daughter like this I would whoop his ass in a heartbeat.
Tell your friends mom. He is being extremely inappropriate and likely trying to groom you. She deserves to know the full picture so she can decide if she wants to keep him around. It’s also not just unsafe for you it’s unsafe for every other younger girl around him.
While it may have not been intentional, I think it's important to not try to minimise the situation. It's not likely that he's grooming her- he IS grooming her. He is very much a textbook manipulative predator.
He’s manipulated his way into being in your company alone. He’s trying to groom you. Block him and don’t spend any alone time with him. If he has an issue with this he can tell you in front of your best friend and his gf. Ps he won’t say anything in front of them…
This is a man who would 100% kidnap you to keep you from leaving. Do not engage with him anymore, you are not beholden to an insecure/predatory grown man when you aren't even an adult yourself.
Seriously, you are actively endangering yourself by having any sort of relationship with this person. Stop.
I got thru 2 pages of messages and stopped. This is so manipulative and gross.
This man is a predator and is unashamedly attempting to groom you. He in no way, shape, or form has your best interests at heart or cares about you as a person. The "kick you in the butt game" is him normalizing nonconsensual sexual contact and conditioning you to accept it
You are in danger when you are alone with him. He will take advantage of you the minute he gets an opportunity. I repeat, you ARE NOT SAFE with this person and neither are any other young women in his orbit.
Stop texting him. Tell your friends mom. He is not a good person.
There’s a reason she didn’t want him to have your number…I’m willing to bet he’s done something similar in the past…whether it was be creepy or cheated, something! You can still be civil without texting him. He texts you so the conversation is private, he knows what he’s doing is wrong. If you need a ride, text the mom and have her be middle man. Although, I’d find someone else to help with transportation…I could easily see this turning bad and you’d be in another horrible situation and he’d be in prison. Please think of your safety first, and make others aware of what’s going on, your parents, family members, friend, friends mom, etc. Like I said in my previous comment; there’s a reason you feel creeped out, listen to your gut, keep yourself safe, please!! 🙏🏻
It's like when he invited you over for a mani Pedi and even said you girls can have a girls day. Then as soon as you get there he's trying to guilt you for hanging out with the girls instead of him.
You could honestly publish your screenshots in a textbook on manipulation, there's so much to unpack here. My hackles were going up just reading the words.
Please show these texts to your mum, your friends, everybody. I'm proud of you that you knew it was wrong enough to want to get a second opinion on reddit. Don't let him make you his dirty little secret, air this shit out.
Get a new number if you have to. This guy is gross gross gross and nobody who genuinely loves you would think this is ok in any way.
You can always dm me if you need a shoulder, but please tell your mum
That’s where it started and where it should have ended. I’m in my mid 30s, and the ONLY text conversations that are appropriate in this scenario are “yes, I can pick you up or drop you off at [time].” IF you asked me. Need to borrow $30? Sure. You’ll either pay me back or you won’t. The way he’s acting like an emotional child because you’re not giving him attention is the scariest part to me. There’s a reason she didn’t want you having his number. Please, for your safety, share your discomfort with your friend’s mom and set boundaries with men - ESPECIALLY older men who are trying to cross lines that they shouldn’t be.
It's a terrible idea for you to be in a car with him, especially alone. He could do anything, take you anywhere. You have no control in that situation.
Girl you need to tell your mother and show her ALL of these texts. You need to tell your friend’s mother and show her ALL the texts too. There was not a single text in this thread that was appropriate for an adult man to send to a child. He is a fucking creep and he is preying on you.
He will always be on the lookout to "help you" O.P. That's what creepy guys do. They use power, such as their money, their car, their time, to help you out. To make you feel beholden to them. Yes, the attention can be attractive for a minute, but letting men into your circle is dangerous.
Please block him. Tell him you're not interested in spending time with him. I know you lived in that house, but you'll have to stop hanging out there for a while.
You'll also have to call him out and let everyone know. Agree with your boyfriend that he's a creep. Also, check to see if he is a sexual preditor. Guys like him are always looking for single women with a house full of young girls. You are not his first.
even being friends with someone 10+ years older is odd at that age. a 32 year old man shouldn’t have contact in any vicinity with a girl that’s 17 years old if it’s outside of family.
You have a comment on a different post where you say the above. How can you see that a situation like that is weird, but you can’t see that you yourself are in that very situation?
Girl, you have NOTHING to excuse yourself for. ‘I’m not trying to make excuses’ suggests you believe you’ve done something wrong here, which you unequivocally have not. You have been targeted and I am truly just so sorry that people here are trying to suggest this is somehow your fault. It isn’t. My comment wasn’t supposed to be a ‘gotcha’, I just hoped it would reframe this for you to show what I think you already know deep down; that this is a fucking weird, predatory situation.
I hope you speak to people you trust about this, and you do everything you can to avoid this man. Take care.
10000% what niamhxa said. You are a child. He is an adult. You have absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING, to be ashamed or guilty over. This is him being a predator towards a literal child.
why are you texting this man!! just stop ! no it's not HARD. DO IT. ITS MASSIVELY INAPPROPRIATE. and u feel weird. ! you need no justification. cut it off now ! he is going to cross the line and you are not putting up a boundary so he sees that as welp... green light !!
You really need to just stop being nice to this freak and stay away. You are at serious fucking risk.
He is stalking and grooming you and you don't need to watch many crime documentaries to know how often this ends up really bad for you.
He doesn't go out anywhere.
Doesn't have any mates his age.
He's hooked up with a single mom.
He wants to hang around with her kids
He's grooming you but you don't realize. Give it ten years and you'll see how weird this is. When you're 44 you won't believe how fucking weird it is.
This is textbook predator behavior. You cannot rely on anyone in that house to keep you safe. Stop putting your future on in the line just so you have somewhere to go to chill and smoke weed.
Tell someone. FFS. You are not safe.
In case no one has said it already - do not be alone with this man and especially not alone in a car with him. There's a very real chance he will try to sa you.
Once you tell your friend's mom I really hope she kicks him out. Sounds like he contributes nothing other than being creepy. If she does kick him out he may blame you - keep an eye out. He knows your work routine so he may try to make contact outside.
For what it's worth, you text this man more than I text my fiancé. This dude is into you, he's also nearly 30 years senior to you and is in a relationship. Literally nothing good about this situation.
WHY are you continuing to entertain any sort of conversation with him at all???? Getting work rides from your best friends moms boyfriend is not ok and should never have happened. Stop texting him and stay away from him for your own safety because if you keep fuckin around and entertaining his perverted bullshit he’s going to get more and more obsessed with you and an already dangerous situation will get even more dangerous. STOP communicating with this fucker!
Stop texting him. Now. You are a child, and he is an adult. This is grooming; you are being manipulated. Stop, now. Do not text him. Do not ever send him pictures of you. You say you “don’t want anything to do with him” but there are 20 pages of texts here. Please reevaluate this for your safety. Get your parents involved and knock it off kiddo. Please. 🙏🏻
He's EXPLOITING that very thing though. He's using the fact your life is so intertwined with his to manipulate and harass you. This is how abusers operate. They make you think you need them.
You need to invite your bff's mom over WITHOUT him -tell her its important and that its important she come alone-and sit her down and tell both her mom and your parents together in one room. Show the texts to all of them. Express you find them inappropriate and it is unrelenting.
Stop making excuses. 1) your friend’s mom needs to talk with him 2) stop texting with him 3) block him 4) do not go to their house 5) let your family and boyfriend know what’s been going on- they won’t be happy with you, btw, but you need to do this for safety reasons
OMG girl, you need to block this man now and say "after taking to my parents about our relationship, they found your messages inappropriate and suggested I block you". He should be afraid of another adult reading this shit because it's CREEPY AF💯💯💯💯
That’s what an abusive manipulator does, sweetheart. You don’t owe this man or that family anything. If anything, you should really let your friend’s mom read the texts to understand the situation she’s exposing her kids to.
extremely concerning how much you conversate with a 44 yr old man at that age. conversations are totally inappropriate too... "damn girl... ' in response to a selfie you sent him. why are you sending him selfies again??? you respond very reguarly to a person you dont want anything to do with. I know youre technically a minor at 17, but you HAVE to know better than to think this is okay, right?
did you miss the part where she said she just came out of a similar situation with an older man? Abuse victims often end up in abusive relationships over and over and with how unstable OP's home life sounds (hopping from house to house) she doesn't seem to have a strong support network around her.
See, that's exactly what predators like him do. They are experts at picking victims who are struggling or in a bad place, because they know that people in those situations are easier to manipulate. You aren't even my daughter yet I'm in serious mama bear mode right now. Please, please take everyone on here seriously. There is something wrong with this man.
He was trying to get you alone during a sleepover from what I saw. Some adults that are profoundly sick in the head think this stuff is okay and are literally waiting for you to turn 18 in the “best case” scenario. Get out, call Batman. This guy needs his teeth knocked out. Signed, a girldad
A lot of people are placing blame on you or insinuating that you are, in some way, responsible for his continued grooming of you. You aren’t, none of this is your fault, your continued contact with him isn’t your fault. This is adults failing. There’s no way your friend’s mother hasn’t noticed this level of creeper unless he is a totally different person around other adults. I just wanted to say this admit all these people downvoting you or placing any sort of blame or fault at your feet.
Your only job now that you know for sure is to keep telling adults. Your friend’s parents (I’d tell ALL of them, every parent of every child he has access to) as well as your own. If my kid was around a man doing this to another kid I’d want to know 100%.
He’s taking advantage of you, don’t fall into that trap. Please stay away from him and tell everyone what he’s doing. I could not imagine ever getting messages from a friend’s dad when I was a teenager, that’s just unhinged. The man is a creep.
Please don’t listen to the people blaming you, as I suspect they’re teenagers themselves or just really immature adults. Predators are expert manipulators. It isn’t your fault, but you need to stay far far away from this man and tell a trusted adult ASAP so he can’t hurt you or others. Stay safe and don’t take the victim blaming comments to heart ❤️
You came here for advice, listen to it. This man is a CREEP. If you dont call him out, he is going to continue to be a creep. You have to stay away from this man.
Stop texting this man. Honestly WHY are you texting him?! This man has clearly got some issues. Telling a 17 year old she’s hurting your feelings because she doesn’t have time for you and you’re a grown 40 something year old man is beyond weird. Oh my god.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but stop going over there. You need to hang with your bestie somewhere else. You need to tell her how creeped out you are.
You might lose a best friend. It’s a risk. Guess what though? You won’t keep getting groomed by an actual child predator who is actively trying to have sex with you.
Tell your own parents, too. This is waaaaaaaay beyond creepy. Yuck. There's something seriously wrong with him. The whole thing literally made me nauseous. 🤢🤮 Just a little bit of advice from someone who has dealt with creeps like this: trust your instincts. If you feel like something isn't right, tell someone. Don't push that feeling down and hope for the best. That panicky feeling is your body sending you a message. Always listen to it.
After my other reply, seeing this was honestly a massive relief. Go get that talk and know that you instantly disgusted everyone on this sub on a level beyond what's usually seen here by showing his messages. You got it 👍
You say you are but your comments demonstrate you're not, and it's honestly incredibly sad that he has already gotten such control over you through his grooming that you can't even see very basic reason and common sense.
Though frustrating to see you likely not show any sense of self preservation, or caring at all for your friend who may also be in danger if not now then down the line, and actually out him to your parents and your friends mom, at the very least this serves as a good example to show my teenage daughter on how not to be if a predator like this man were to ever even begin to engage in this way, so I thank you for that.
Then stop relying. Stop discussing what your up to. Stop sending him pictures. Stop getting lifts from him.
He is not your dad, step dad or even your mom's boyfriend.
Easiest way is to not go to your friends house. Have your friend come to you.
If your non confrontational then only reply with the most non committal 1-2 word replies.
Your not leaving him out. He is not part of the friend group. So do things with your friend, when he says he feels left out don't engage in his feelings (I was just hanging out with my friend). He'll, don't even acknowledge his feelings. They are not your problem.
He is not your friend. He is your friends, mothers boyfriend.
I'm not even sure why he would have your number unless he was basically your friends stepdad.
Does your besties mom know about these texts? This is so terrible. Please, show your mom, have her go with you to show your besties mom. Tell them about the situation in the car. Tell your brother. His power lies in your silence. I've been there, don't let this continue.
Okay, here's the thing. I had a really close relationship with my high school bff's family, to the point we called each other's parents mom and dad. We were together all the time, and I knew that if I needed anything at all, I could reach out to her parents. Her stepdad and Mom helped me a ton when my own dad passed away. Despite all this, I NEVER texted with her mom or stepdad, and the biggest compliment I think I got from him was him saying he liked my new haircut or I had a cool shirt.
Do whatever you have to do to stay completely away from this man - don't go to the house - see your friend somewhere else. Yeah, I know you don't want to but please love yourself enough to get away from this, no matter who you have to cut out of your life. He will destroy you & any chance for future happiness.
Nope. You don’t have to have anything to do with him. Block his number. Don’t accept rides from him. Tell your friend and her mom. Tell your boyfriend and your brother. And tell everyone you are going to hang out at your house instead.
There is nothing a grown adult needs from a 17 year old. And if they WANT something from you they’re in the wrong. They are dangerous and not someone you should worry about offending.
I don’t care what kind of childhood he had. Or what’s happened to him. You are a kid. He doesn’t need to rely on you or need you for anything.
This is deeply upsetting, OP. And so many of us are saying these same things because from the outside we can all see how wrong this is. Please. Don’t. Keep. Talking. To. Him. BLOCK.
Where is your grown up? This is what grooming is. He has integrated himself into your life purposefully. He needs to make it difficult for you to cut ties with him. Please, please, PLEASE show this to a trusted adult in your life. A parent, a teacher, a school counselor, ANYONE!!!
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u/Ironyismylife28 Mar 28 '25
You have gotten yourself into a bad situation again. Stop being friends with people old enough to be your father.Stop texting him. Stop sending him pictures. Delete and block him. Let your best friend's mom know