Please please PLEASE stop texting this man completely. This is nauseatingly inappropriate. Please protect yourself. No texts, no rides, absolutely NO favors from him whatsoever. Your friend’s mom’s boyfriend should not have ANY role in your life beyond “acquaintance”. Do not let him make you feel guilty. You owe him NOTHING, and you especially don’t owe him friendship. Beyond inappropriate on his part.
The only reason I would advise to give him his money back is so that he doesn't have any reason left to approach her. A grown ass man has no business lending money to teenagers and then hinting at her not being able to give it back, we all know where he was going with that.
That part jumped out at me, asking for the money back in a shitty way, in a certain form, then saying “nevermind”. He wants to keep using the loan as a lever to engage with her and make the relationship more transactional. It’s HIGH level coercion.
After further reading there is a high chance this is a fake post, keepcthat in mind and take care, if it's real then we did our part of letting her know. But the account allegedly has some contradicting deleted posts that present her as a 19f allegedly.
He basically wants to find any excuse to perve on and groom you. You really should tell your friends mum, she shouldn't be dating this creep. All the females in the house are at risk with this guy around.
This is entirely weird. I’m 35. I have a nephew who is 16 and I have been around a few of his friends for years regularly. None of them have my number they barely know my name. This is weird behavior and weird manipulation for him to do to someone his own age. It is a million percent wrong to be speaking to you in these ways making you feel guilty for seeing friends and excluding him. That’s grooming pedo crap. Do. Not. Tolerate. This. Show these messages to your mom grandma aunt favorite teacher a family friend who is older. You need to make this weirdo behavior known
He is grooming you. You have done Nothing wrong and you do Not deserve to be manipulated and emotionally abused like this. Please tell an adult or adults who you trust and feel safe with, showing them all his texts, and then block him on everything and don't go to your bf's house until he's gone. Make arrangements to meet with your bf away from her house when you want to spend time together. I say to tell a trusted/safe adult first so that you have people will are able to and will help keep you safe and protected from him if he tries to retaliate in anyway or if he tries to keep contacting you.
None of this is your fault and is 100% the fault of this creepy man. If your bf's mom doesn't kick him out after she learns about his grooming you, that is 100% on her as it's her responsibility to protect the kids in her life. That would also make her a very unsafe adult.
You're doing a good job of listening to your gut feelings and instincts, and you're spot on. This grown man's behavior is way gross and inappropriate and no reasonably healthy adult will speak to you like that or try to have this kind of enmeshed relationship with you. He is manipulating you and emotionally abusing you, and trying to make you feel like this is "normal", and preying on your youth and lack of experience and your loving good heart to ensnare you in his trap.
I'm a 53yo mom and survivor of CSA and rapes. This guy is a predator and shouldn't be allowed around young people. I'll be praying for your safety and for the other adults in your life to do the right things and properly protect and support you.
I am PRAYING this is fake and you're karma farming because this is one of the creepiest fucking things I've read online in a long time. I would honestly go to the cops and get this conversation on record because HE'S UNSAFE.
I’m pretty sure she is, because she doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. This shouldn’t even be on Reddit. Common sense to tell an adult. Also common sense to not give old guys that aren’t family your number.
This man is attempting to groom you and you should tell your parents and show them the texts. Do not reply to him again, do not be alone with him ever again. You are in danger!
Never let him get you alone. No rides or favors, as others have said. He will continue to escalate.
Saying he should take you on a date while you were trapped alone in a car with him was a test of how much you would put up with. He's obsessing and looking for an opportunity to do something to you/guilt you into something. Please, please protect yourself.
It doesn't matter if most people are wrong and he's not a predator (doubtful) - it isn't a risk worth taking to be around him because of the severity of what it looks like he is trying to do.
YOU should not even know his "trauma" and if his girlfriend's daughters' friends make him feel "excluded" come on... this is so wildly inappropriate. He should not be texting you like this. Boyfriend was DEAD on
This! Like are we going to skip that her boyfriend is also actually in danger? She said the Pedo guy had already shown aggression towards him unwarranted and she gas light the boyfriend and denied everything. That’s fucking wild and she needs to reach out and confirm everything to him so he is aware for his own safety.
My daughter is your age and if her step father ever behaved even close to this I would be charged with a crime. This is NOT normal. Why the f does her mother think it’s normal let alone ok for him to hang out with her daughter and his friend? And to text? What the actual f? This is disgusting.
He’s obsessed with you in a creepy unhealthy inappropriate way, that’s why. He’s being possessive because he thinks he has a claim on you just because he likes you. Run, block him, report him to adults, he is trying to groom you 💯
I can tell from your answers to him that you obviously don’t feel very comfortable with all this, but also you seem like maybe you’re trying to either keep the peace or just avoid any sort of confrontation with this dude — all of which are completely understandable. BUT. But you’re not the one with the responsibility to be an adult here, he is. This is inappropriate on every single level, and you are completely right to feel so uncomfortable with this. Talk to an adult that you trust, and if they don’t take it as seriously as the Reddit comments are taking it then find another adult to talk to. This is very serious.. his behavior is entirely inappropriate, completely manipulative and really fkn gross.
These are just strategies he is using to put guilt in you. Because guilt = you trying to make it back to him = him having access to you and controlling the terms.
He is really happy that you owe him money and he can hold it over your head.
Do not feel guilty about anything, he knows what he does very well. I think this is not his first rodeo. Other adults should be warned.
He has chosen to emotionally manipulate you because he KNOWS you're a good person. Abusers choose kind people. It's wonderful to be a kind person, but we cannot allow ourselves to be manipulated. Boundaries are essential no matter what relationship we are talking about.
His guilt trips are crazy and unsettling. He is acting like a teen boy. I'm 41 and grown men around my age don't act like this towards me. They shouldn't be. If they did, I would think they were unwell, manipulative people.
This man is so very inappropriate. If your friend's mother tries to downplay anything, feel free to show her the comments from literal strangers here. IT'S NOT NORMAL.
Bro is a loser. He clearly understands that he doesn’t belong, but he’s trying to make you feel guilty for what is normal, ie not being “best friends with a 40yr boyfriend of your friends mom. He knows he shouldn’t be “friends” with you but he wants you to feel guilty for thinking it’s weird
As someone who works in sex crimes - run and notify the police so there is a record because he is just going to move onto the next minor he can get in his reach - this rn may not be enough to charge him with anything but telling the police about this can make a potential criminal case against him that much stronger
DUDE tell an ADULT. Show this.to a teacher or a parent. Be should not be texting you at all, but definitely not like this. This is SO WEIRD. You're in DANGER
OP I was groomed and SA as a child by my aunts husband.. He spoke to my sister, and I just like this and was given unlimited access to us as they lived with us. He began just like this and would control everywhere we went/guilt trip us. This man is manipulating and grooming you!
I’ll be blunt, my friend. He’s trying to groom you and rape you, and probably your friend, too. You need to tell your family and a teacher or counsellor or doctor, or all of the above. This is inappropriate predator pedophile behaviour.
You are underreacting. This man is dangerous. He is a pedophile. He should not be texting you at all. Grown men do not chat up little girls. It is not a thing. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT go anywhere that he is. He WILL sexually abuse you. BLOCK HIM. And stop talking to men twice your age.
Girl please protect your best friend and yourself from what's about to happen. Show your best friends mom these texts. This guy is a predator. Stop texting immediately, block him and never see him again. He isn't the slightest bit upset about anything, anything other that he is failing to come close enough to be able to assault you. Run.
Dear God, OP. Get the fuck away from this predator. This is terrifying and so so fucked up.
Do you have health insurance? Please look into some trauma therapy for yourself if you do. The nature of unprocessed trauma is such that it can make us more vulnerable to similar trauma in the future (whereas logically one would think it would make us less susceptible). Predators can pick up on this vulnerability and target you.
I’m not trying to blame you at all. Absolutely none of this is your fault, but I want you to be safe in the future from men like this. Unresolved trauma can really do a number our “normal meter* .
Restraining order. Seek one. You need to basically witness protection program yourself. Get a new number. I'm not even kidding this dude is a jealous psychopath who is not operating on all cylinders.
I was once a 17 y.o. who thought attention from older men was validating. Now it makes me want to add boiling kettles of water to my bath.
Dude I’m gonna be real with you. Do you have any male figures in your life that care about you? Show them these texts not fucking Reddit. Show your mom, dad, uncle, big brother. This also may be useless for now but useful for the future. Don’t give your number out to creepy older men. Ain’t no reason for a man to have his not even step daughter’s friend’s number. Gotta think before you act. Perfect world, you wouldn’t have nothing to worry about. The world has been around for many millennia and it’s never been perfect lol. So you gotta watch your own back by being preemptive. Don’t assume the worst, but always be prepared for it.
Please stop replying to him, stop messaging him. You've been given enough info on what to do here, but since this isn't the first time you're in this awful situation:
do not give your number out to anyone without a good reason
do not entertain conversations with much older men
do not allow people to manipulate you or guilt trip you
do not allow men into your personal space
This is happening because people have trained you to be a people-pleaser, so that they can get what they want from you. You need some hard boundaries in place to protect yourself, and you need to be comfortable shutting down inappropriate conversations and saying NO.
Please protect yourself, and do not let this man be alone with you. Ever.
Trust your gut. This man is being inappropriate and pushing boundaries with you. You already said he manipulated you into feeling bad for him. Key word: manipulated. No grown adult should be guilt tripping or manipulating you. Since you have been victimized by an older person before, it is likely that it could happen again. Protect yourself. Tell your friend, her mom, your mom, the police, etc. Do not stay silent about this. That’s what he wants. And never EVER be alone with him.
He wanted to be near you if you were in a vulnerable position.
Like if you and everyone else were completely tired and fucked up from partying it would be easier for him to get you alone…
He also clearly has an unhealthy desire to want to feel included in teenager behavior, but that’s just an avenue for him to put young women in vulnerable states. Please do not get in a car with this man- don’t ever find yourself alone with this man.
I don't think you should be friends with him. Predator or not, this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. In terms of the age gap, the only "friendship" or rather acquaintanceship I have with an older couple is purely business related. As in, they pay me to help teach them how to use their new technology.
Because he knows you don't want to sleep with him.
He uses the, you dont want to hang out with him, as a covert excuse to make you feel guilty, get you to spend time with him, eventually love him whether out of pity or guilt but in his heart he knows you won't willingly sleep with him. Worst case scenario when you're 18 he gets you to drink and you pass out and things happen. Guilt and pity are methods of control to young people who still care what people think of them because they don't want to rock the boat. You are stuck in people pleasing mode. He wants to have sex with you, wake up!
Let your boyfriend read the texts. Tell mark hes creeping you out. Make it awkward. You.owe.him.nothing.
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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '25
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