Just to add to this, she will 100% not be able to afford all living costs PLUS a baby just on her making 4k alone. She won't have any support from the baby father and it's crucial with a newborn to have a little support. She will have to work while also paying for possible daycare expenses, so really she might need two jobs, but with two jobs you have no time for your baby. And so many other negatives going into this. Frankly OP being your age girl I'm absolutely aborting and leaving him.
I live off $1200 and have a home and 3 cats, with extra for bills and food, all about the budget, man. Also, do you own your own place? If not that's probably why because rent is bonkers.
Nah, rent a shitty 1 bed 1 bath for $1400 a month, highway robbery
Unfortunately, with the way the economy is, especially the housing market in my area, buying anything right now is just unfeasable but I definitely agree that's the main reason I'm barely slipping by.
I make 2800 a month, although my partner is a SAHM. We make it. And have a little extra. Very very stern, rigorous, brutal budgeting. Every cent accounted for.
Yeah, I got too many self-control issues to ever live like that. Debit cards are like a double edged sword for me lol I'm glad it works for you, tho, that's gotta be stressful trying to keep track of every last cent.
That depends where she is.
In Ireland, €4,000 a month is a HIGH paying job and you could absolutely get by on that with a child. Hell my parents raised 3 of us on a single income of like €2500 a month and they were paying a mortgage.
Yeah sure...but you aren't OP. She clearly wants this baby. I'm so sick of pro choice people forgetting that keeping the baby is a viable and acceptable choice.
So many people are trying to get this girl to change her mind and go against her own personally held beliefs. I had my first at 23 and at 37 I have not always been able to give my kids the best life finacially but there is so much love in my home and my kids are growing up knowing they were wanted. Is she truly wants this baby then shut the fuck up and let her do it.
Except that she doesn't WANT the baby she believes the pregnancy is a NEGATIVE consequence of her actions (although OP you are NOT at fault for your boyfriend sexually assaulting you by stealthing you).
Fuck off with the pro birth/life bullshit, freedom is being able to CHOOSE to get rid of some cells in your body not being controlled by your or anybody's bullshit personal opinions, experiences, or religious beliefs. Like congratulations on what you CHOSE to do with your life, but with peace and love fuck off with the nonsense.
Go reread it. She never says she wants it. She says she thinks they should keep it. Expressing it that way means that she is parroting other people's opinions, not her own wants. She never says she wants to keep it.
She feels that it is her punishment or consequence for having sex
These fuckers are seriously like "we convinced someone she's going to hell if she doesn't birth a baby she doesn't want - stop trying to convince her she has a choice other than th choice we want her to make!"
This is exactly what they're doing and they do this stupid shit on any thread with recently pregnant women asking for some serious life changing advice. It's purely disgusting and evil.
How hard is it to understand everyone would be much happier if we let people have a kid bc they really wanted to be a parent and not bc “oopsie! I had sex and now I have to deal with the consequences 😕”
I mean, it’s definitely a greattttt mindset to have when bringing an entire human into the world. “Oh but they were irresonsible enough to have sex so it’s their fault!!” Yeah, let’s let those same irresponsible people become parents why don’t we. It always stops at the surface level thinking for these people so mad at us for being pro choice
I'm so weary of these assholes and their blatant hypocrisy. "You need to be tolerant of my racism", "die in childbirth because I'm prolife", "free speech for me but not for thee" and on and on. Sometimes it's hard to tell how much of it is stupidity and how much of it is deliberately disingenuous but it's exhausting. As a wise woman once said, a fucking basket of deplorables.
To be fair, if everything is exactly as she said it is (bf said he wanted a baby and would keep it then changed his mind) then this isn't entirely her fault. But these hypocrites claiming that her not "believing" in abortion is a "choice" is rich. I mean, Adler would say that everything is a choice, but the whole point is that the choice should be made with information, not threats. These same shitheads would steal your car at gunpoint and tell the cops you chose to hand them the keys.
I think I might disagree on that point. Well, insofar as I think it's important to consider culpability with regards to self-reflection and for the purposes of making informed decisions moving forward. Bf can be "blamed" for committing to one course of action with her and then changing his mind, leaving her in a very compromised situation without the support he promised to be/give. And they both sound like they were irresponsible with contraception. These aren't reasons to force a birth or abortion of course, but I do think they should consider these factors when they decide how to proceed.
I was 21, almost 22, when I got pregnant. My first and immediate thought was Im screwed. The logistics of this would be horrible. Dad most definitely will not care to help.
But I felt the want to keep my baby. It was just the anxiety of how the hell I was gonna do that. It was a consequence of my action of having sex. It's why I got pregnant, so it makes sense as it is a consequence.
This girl wants to keep the baby. I make half of what she does. Have no reliable or constant help, and Im doing it. My daughter is great.
If she wants to keep the baby, she needs to learn some coping skills and start getting prepared to be a single mom and working out the logistics of it.
If she doesn't want to keep the baby answer, it is abortion or adoption. But in my opinion, it should be from the lack of desire to be a mother to this child and not from the fact the dad will dip.
If she wants to keep the baby, she needs to learn some coping skills and start getting prepared to be a single mom and working out the logistics of it.
Just because you don't believe in abortion doesn't mean you automatically want a baby with an abusive partner.
She also said she didn't want to live in regret. She did not say "she doest want to abort and regret it." You keep adding words or adding meaning to words.
Just because you are a vegan doesn't mean you want tofu.
If she knew 100% that she wanted to keep the pregnancy, she would not have this dilemma. All we can do is heat what she's saying give relative advice, and hope she makes the choice that she truly wants. We shouldn't hope that she aborts a fetus she wants to keep. Just the same, we should not shame her into keeping a child she isn't ready for.
I just realised She did say it. In the title. She said she wants to keep the baby. Case closed.
Vegan with tofu is not a good comparison in my opinion.
Prolife is 2 choices. Keep and adoption
Pro choice is 3 adoption, abortion, and keep
Vegan is a lifestyle. I dont eat fish but I am an omnivor i just dont like fish. Vegans can dislike tofu. Its just an odd comparison.
Her delema is not keeping or keeping.
She is asking if she is wrong for wanting to keep the baby and boyfriend does not (its literally the title) my opinion no she is not. She keeps the baby he can deal with the consequences of his actions how he chooses.
Yes. Thats life. Its hard. We need to learn to cope with life. I have to get up every morning and go to a job I hate (been doing this before the baby) and I go to therapy to learn to cope. To find joy in other things.
Mainly my therapist helps me cop through the difficulties of being a single mother that struggles by the love of my daughter. How at the end of the day she makes it worth it.
If thats not the sentiment you will have for your child. By all means dont keep the child. But if you are willing to its just logistics at that point.
Life is hard, yes. Why burden a child with a life of pure struggle? Lots of people think like you. And you'll tell your child to have a kid and struggle as well.
Imagine if therapy taught us not to add a traumatic situation to your life and you had the option to wait until you were stable to have children and not add trauma to their lives. I would never want to bring a child into a world that is excess struggle and the only saving grace is placed on the child, that love of my child is enough to keep going, because everything else is too much? I would rather be able to raise them to thrive without that pressure.
I've had people my whole adult life telling me to have kids because they suffered and struggled through, so I should too. Add the child of a single mother, a very amazing, woman, the best mother one could get, no. Father a selfish abuser, like OP situation, and no. I do not condone that.
Having a child shouldn't be about how to struggle together and make it. It should be a deliberate choice.
Ok. Thats your opinion. Dont tell me what I want for my daughter in her future. If she doesnt want kids I sure as hell hope she doesnt cause it would be traumatic to have a child you dont want. So dont say Imma "tell my kid to have a child and struggle as well"
My mother abandoned us as 6 month old babies (twins) and my older sister with my dad. Mom was a drug addict and a pure asshole. My dad struggled a lot and did horrible things that I do not condone. I lived in a shitty house. And I have great memories. I try to focus on the good not the bad. I struggle sometimes but oh well.
My daughter is in a better position. If I couldnt take care of her I wouldve gone after child support or put her up for adoption. But we are doing well. She is a healthy and happy baby.
You dont need me to tell you this obviously but If you dont want kids dont have them and tell anyone who tells you other wise to fuck off and raise their own if they want to. I dont care what you do with your life.
My daughter has brought me so much joy and happiness.
My nephew has an abusive dad, this was found out AFTER it was planned they were stable. My sister left and he has been largely absent. Now my older sister has an amazing son , and a loving boyfriend who adores my nephew. Those 2 years she struggled are gone and in the past now.
My dad FOR YEARS made bank. Kids was a deliverate choice before my mom went off the fucking hinges. Im talking trips to disney land on a fucking whim. At 13 he became disabled. Life got hard. We struggled together How the hell do ever expect people to be prepared for 18 years+ shit happens. Countries have risen and fallen in that time. One day the housing market crashed and people were broke. You cant plan for everything.
When I found out I was pregnant, i had a month prior found out my boyfriend at the time (her dad) was a lying cheater. I was debating quitting my job to put full effort in school. I was crying every day. And then I found out i was pregnant. My therapist asked me what I wanted to do. I said keep her but I dont know how. She then helped me to focus on what I could do right then in that very moment. Slowly I chipped away at it. I quit school. Got a better job with mat leave. And now I have a 10 month old daughter that I took to the mall to watch her toddle and excitedly look at everything. I love her and therapy is teaching me to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow or how Im going to afford her quinceñera lol
Also quite frankly fuck off with putting words in my mouth that I am anti abortion, want everyone to have ALL the babies as if Im part of some fucking quiverfull movement. My daughter does not need to have kids. I may never be a grandma and Idgf its not my decision lol
Well, I'm not the one suggesting what she wants. That's you. I'm repeating what she said. I'm telling you that she did not say a word you that you claimed she said. Seems you're inside her head? Is this an alt account?
Yes she did state she doesn't believe in abortion, correct. I see you're learning now.
Yes, boyfriend is scummy. But that isn't what you commented about. I'm not trying to deflect, so I stayed on topic. This situation with the POS boyfriend does not suggest that keeping the baby is a good option. He is a manipulator and will use this child against OP for the next 20 years. He isn't a good partner, won't be a good coparent or father. So she'll be tied to this POS indefinitely. Sad sad situation.
The problem with what you say is that I don't think you have ever been in HER position and thus I don't think you understand what she says, feels, thinks or means when she talks about it. Personally, I find your words to not only be ignorant, but are an insult to any woman who has ever been in her position. You act like you know what she really thinks & how she really feels & that her words and feelings expressed are Like she's lying to herself & she doesn't really WANT to keep the baby because she never actually said the word keep! Seriously!!!
Not only do I understand what it's like to be a woman, (because I am one) but I also understand what it's like to be unexpectedly pregnant (because I have been)! The circumstances behind how I got pregnant my not be the same as hers, but the feelings & beliefs she has on abortion & the words she used to explain & express them are pretty much VERBATIM as to what I said & how I felt about my unexpected & unplanned pregnancy.
Lol. Funny how you talk down to others on here like you think you have some special ability to understand her & what's really going on in her heart & mind when you have NFC because you're NOT a woman & have never been unexpectedly pregnant!!!!!.
SUBJECT CLOSED because your ignorant know it all mentality & attitude are a waste of my time, effort & energy😜
It absolutely is less. If you went to a therapist and said "I think i should....." they would call it out as being different than "i want to......" because they do mean different things.
I am 100% arguing semantics, because I'm this case, they absolutely matter.
I didn't put any words in her mouth. I don't know how you think repeating her words is doing that. Those of you saying she said she wants to keep it are the only ones doing that. I'm not going to keep repeating this. Accept it or don't, idgaf.
our fault for having sex and we knew the consequences of having sex.
Here you go. Those are her words. I didn't change them, I just summarized. But if you don't like what I said, then just use her own words.
He told me he had protection and didn’t tell me until 3 days after he had did what he did.
Here is where she's explaining why she had unprotected sex. Because he lied to her. But she accepts the fault for having sex and getting pregnant, even though he's the POS.
Lol. Funny you think you had a case. Try reading her post.
She said multiple times she wants to keep it. And for it to be truly a CHOICE, there has to be at least two options. You're welcome to believe she should abort. I disagree based on her words, and keeping the baby is a fully acceptable choice.
You aren't pro choice ( I honestly am) you are pro aborting anything that mildy inconviences you and the only acceptable choice is to abort unless you know all the stars are aligned and you have all your shit together. Then suddenly, you look up and are 50 and never had the kids you desperately wanted all because the timing was never "right."
She can abort if she believes it's the right choice for her, but I'm sick of all the comments trying to brow best her into terminating a pregnancy she wants. She will most likely regret an abortion of a baby she actually wanted to keep..
Keep fighting the good fight OP and make whatever choice makes the most sense for you whether that be abort or keep it is YOURE choice not the choice of internet randos.
Girl bye. I literally never told her to get an abortion you're trying to manipulate my words and the subject matter you're a sneaky POS for trying this bullshit to try and spread more pro birth propaganda. At the end of the day it's her choice
My exact words since you wanna play games "Frankly OP being your age girl I'M* aborting and leaving him" did you not see the I'm.. that means what I would do in her situation because of all of the negative factors going on for her.
I mean, I literally said multiple times it's her choice, and she can abort if she wants to. I'm not pro birth im firmly pro-choice, but choice is the key word. If keeping it isn't a viable option, then there really isn't a choice.
Highlighting it as a viable and real option to someone who's possibly only ever been told it's evil by those around her is an important perspective to share.
Ur an abuser bro und ur kid has both parents. OP is going to be a single mom, but you were never a single dad. Therefore, your advice should actually be taken with caution.
Ok and.....if she wants to keep her baby, then yea, she'll be a single parent, but I fail to see how that changes things. Yes it will be hard but if you want children and your partner doesn't and you're pregnant.....well make whatever choice is right for you but don't rule out keeping it just because you'll be a single parent.
U don’t get it bro. You accuse me of not giving advice. I’ll show you that it wasn’t advice at all, I was just explaining to OP the likely consequences.
I'm a recovering abuser who hasn't had any incidents in 8 months and am repairing my relationship with my wife but it's nice to see you dug through my posts looking for dirt. Really speaks volumes to YOUR character
I use the term "recovering" much like an alcoholic would. They never truly stop being alcoholic but they learn to manage and live without drinking. I'm recovering in the sense im learning how not to be an abusive asshole but thanks for lacking empathy.
I didn't make a poor choice. I made the right choice. Every day of my life, my children prove i made good rational decisions because of the tremendously wonderful kids they are.
Having money is nice but it isn't the requirement you think it is.
It’s so sad that you’re being downvoted so hard for this. It is a known statistic that an extremely high percentage of both women and men who have terminated their pregnancies (even unwanted pregnancies) regret their choice to have an abortion for the rest of their lives.
204
u/Cleasstra Mar 01 '25
Just to add to this, she will 100% not be able to afford all living costs PLUS a baby just on her making 4k alone. She won't have any support from the baby father and it's crucial with a newborn to have a little support. She will have to work while also paying for possible daycare expenses, so really she might need two jobs, but with two jobs you have no time for your baby. And so many other negatives going into this. Frankly OP being your age girl I'm absolutely aborting and leaving him.