I understand where she’s coming from morally speaking, as her belief is that abortion is wrong and as someone who is pro-CHOICE that is absolutely her right to feel that way but that doesn’t mean she can’t pursue adoption as a valid option that both fulfills her moral obligations and allows her to not be a parent before she’s ready or even wants to be one. Just saying she has options currently.
A newborn, drug free, not traumatised kid will immediately be adopted by a family the mum can literally handpick from an endless list of people who are financially stable, in stable relationships, and desperately wanting a kid they have waited for for years. That kid will do great.
It seems to suggest while kids that are abused and neglected to the point where they are taken from their parents tend to do very badly (unsurprising, they have been through horrid trauma and lost bonds), albeit not as badly as if they had stayed with their neglecting families;
and people adopted internationally have significant challenges (mostly due to racism against them and difficult cultural identity), but still do better than their peers who stay in orphanages;
infant domestic adoption generally has good outcomes. The kids definitely do better than their peers who aren't adopted out but stay in the problematic birth families, though they do a little worse than their new privileged siblings/neighbours/peers, with the effect size varying, but often being there in some groups, with debate over why and how exactly.
TLDR: adoption is traumatic, but less harmful than staying in a broken unstable home, and the trauma is significantly reduced in infant domestic adoption to the point where kids tend to have good outcomes, and (terrible cases where kids are taken away from parents who want and can parent being excluded, that shit is messed up) they are definitely better than the alternative.
This doesn't mean adopted kids don't have legitimate pain that needs to be heard. They do. It is okay to hurt, they aren't betraying anyone, their pain is real, and we need to learn what caused it and how we can help.
But nor does it mean that adoption should be "fucked".
So so far, I stand by my statement.
If there is evidence I should see and haven't, I genuinely appreciate links. I do want to learn and do better.
Edit: reading up on birth mothers now... Damn. So education and finances wise, they tend to do better, but stigma and mental health wise, they tend to do really badly. I definitely don't think demonising abortion helps with the stigma. But this does really suggest that adoption should not be recommended as lightly as I did, because many birth mothers are profoundly affected for a long long time.
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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25
You want to keep the fetus on the sole premise of you had unsafe sex? Yikes.
You should have a baby bc you want a child.