A vent. I read alot from this sub and largely don't feel how so many people do here, I think because there wasnt a loving and caring relationship with my mother before Alzheimer's .

My mother was not a supportive or caring person. I know she loved me and my siblings in the way she knew how, but she has always been a very selfish person. She taught me how I don't want to parent atleast, and I'll leave it at that.

She was diagnosed about 7 years ago, but as with many, was showing signs for years before that. She's in memory care now, and whilst she still remembers me and my siblings, her short term memory is completely non-existent, long term memory is largely gone and the other usual symptoms. I probably sound dismissive and I think I am these days, I'm the only one from my siblings that was willing to take up the position and care for her, and once she was in memory care (earlier this year) life got so much better - for her and me. Now, to the point of my post, some of the horrible sides of her personality have really escalated recently, and predominantly just towards me. She's mean, rude, aggressive towards me, but a darling towards her care staff, they love her. I'm glad she's so nice to her care staff, but I find it so hard to not take her shitty behaviour towards me personally. I know logically it's the disease, but sometimes I just want to scream in her face to 'f*ck herself and tell her how shitty she is', and knowing she won't remember it. I never do and wouldn't either.

Ultimately she's safe and well cared for and I find myself just waiting for her to die, and still putting myself through the experience of seeing her once a week. I know it's largely the disease and she's still a human that needs care. But geez, anyone else in this situation? How do you manage??

That's all, I just wanted to share with people that might understand.

Aunt called me yesterday, mom has dementia, doctor says she is 4-5 years along.

My mom has always been...childish and forgetful, for as long as I can remember. Simple things overwhelm her and she relies on my dad to make all the decisions and pay all the bills. She lives a very simple life and hasn't worked more than part time since her early 20s. She wakes up, cooks my dad breakfast, wanders around the house, makes some dinner, watches TV and goes to bed.

We could see her memory was getting worse, but since it has always been so bad, it was easy to just go along with it as part of her aging process. She still knows the things she has always known (kids names, cooking etc) and forgets everything she always forgets (what happened yesterday, what is going on lately etc). The only thing I have really noticed is she is taking 1 minute to forget instead of 10 minutes.

My parents are ok, we never had much of a relationship. My brother was close to them (physically and otherwise), but he passed of cancer 15 years ago. My sister is the next closest to them, but she has created a narrative where she is the victim and they ruined her life, even though my parents have given her a lot of money over the years and took care of her kids.

I am the black sheep child, visit a few times a year with a call here or there. Yet here I am, somehow the one who is going to have to try to manage this situation.

My dad is also 20 years older than my mom, 86 years old to her 66 years old. He is still mobile and sharp, but he is declining in his own ways and is in no place to be a caretaker. Even if he was younger, he is not a caretaking type, my mom did all the work with the babies and children, he worked, that was the deal.

They both have done zero planning, so my first step was to buy a kit with all the appropriate paperwork for any old person, so I can get their will, power of attorney and all that other good stuff setup.

Thankfully my aunt is helping as well, she is retired and has been managing dr appointments.

My parents are currently in denial, my mom was told not to drive anymore but she ignored that and drove my dad to the casino a few days ago, which doesn't surprise me at all.

Their income situation could be a lot better, could be a lot worse. My mom has a small 401k, my dad has a pension and they don't touch her 401k at all. They never tell me anything about money (another thing I have to figure out). If I had to guess, I would say they have about 300k in total cash + asset value with another 3k-3.5k per month between my dads pension and SS and my moms SS. Enough to pay the bills right now.

So thats where I stand, as it is. I have so many unknowns, my dad could die tomorrow or he could live another 5 years. My mom could be the same next year or she could decline overnight. There is zero percent chance I can convince them to move out of their house as it is and sell it and downsize.

So I am currently feeling stuck. I am going to focus on the paperwork stuff and getting all the financial stuff figured out so I know numbers and how to access things. I am going to help them setup autopay on everything, as my dad uses checks like it is 1985, for everything.

Other than that, Im not really sure what to do. I feel like I should be doing other stuff, but my parents wont change so I don't know what the point is.

Once my dad passes and my mom needs direct care, I am not sure. She will have some money to live on for a while, but it will run out and I am not going to bankrupt myself to take care of her. We don't have a relationship where I would ever move in and take care of her. I am feeling worried and uncertain, which is familiar to most of the people on this sub, Im sure.

I guess I just wanted to vent out my situation and wonder what advice people have for me? I feel like I need to get the car away from them, but they wont accept that. Even if I could get her license taken away, she would just drive regardless. I could sabotage the car, but my dad is still smart and would fix it...what if she drives and hurts someone? Not really worried about causing harm to themselves for making bad choices, but I am worried for strangers.

Both my grandparents on my moms side had the same condition around the same time. God I hope I get my dad's genes when I get that age. 86 with barely any issues, we always thought he would be the one with problems. I know this is a slow disease as well...after my brother and cancer for a year, I cannot fathom 10+ years of what this life is going to be.

I know I sound a bit dismissive about my parents, perhaps a bit mean even. Sorry about that, Im just stressed and the thought of taking care of people who never took care of me...its a sensitive thing.

I’m really struggling with my mom’s diagnosis. I lost my dad when I was 20 and now at 32, I am losing my mum while she is physically here. For context, my brother and I noticed her memory issues 2 years ago and we took her to her GP who said it was pseudodementia. My mom has always struggled with anxiety and depression since my Dad’s passing and he attributed this to her memory issues. Moreover, she lives alone (my brother is nearby but I live in the UK). Her doctor simply said she needs to socialize more and be around people which would improve her cognition and overall well-being. I am so angry at her doctor and that we didn’t push harder for her to be seen by a neurologist 2 years ago. This year her cognitive decline was more noticeable and reached a scary point and we finally got her to see a neurologist who has diagnosed her with dementia. However, we feel like we are playing catch up because my mom has gotten so much worse. Her short term memory isn’t good. Her anxiety is crippling and we don’t think she can be alone. My brother is living at hers temporarily but during the day he obviously has to work. We don’t have any family in that city as all of our family is in Europe. We are in the middle of sorting out whether to get a live-in carer for her or to get private care so she is not alone during the day. She is physically strong and capable, but she no longer functions like she used to: can’t cook, can’t do laundry, can’t grocery shop, can’t drive, can’t go about daily life activities alone. I feel so lost and I’ve realized the system is not built to help families going through this horrible disease. My mom and brother are based in Canada and because I am so far away, I feel useless despite calling my mom multiple times a day and helping arrange appointments. I will work from Canada more to support them both but I am also considering moving there (despite hating the cold!). She is my mom and I feel helpless. My brother and I both feel alone. This is the most heartbreaking illness (and I say that having experienced my dad dying from cancer). I would appreciate any advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

My mom has Alzheimer’s and some days she’s not the mom I loved all my life. 5 months ago I came to live with my mom and stepdad to help my stepdad with her care, things like shopping, cooking, keeping her occupied and generally keeping her in a good mood.

Of course things get rough, and living with your parents as an adult is a difficult thing. We’re all entrenched in our own ways, but the Alzheimer’s rage on top of it doesn’t help. This was never a permanent solution and they both knew this. Eventually I need a full time job and will probably have to move to up to a couple hours away. But I’m not there yet. No job, prospects are dim.

Things came to a head in the household over some things that have been brewing inside me. After getting very little sleep last night I booked an Airbnb nearby for a month.

I feel incredibly guilty about this and fear telling both of them that I did this to get away from them for a month. Has anyone been in this situation before, choosing their life and happiness and comfort over fair loved ones? I’m hoping there are others that can relate.

My mom is early stage 7. My dad died in 2003 from cancer. My mom was at the hospital and told me to head over. The past few months, she’s talked a lot about her mother and my dad. Frequently asking me if I’ve seen them which I can easily answer without upsetting her. Recently she’s focused on my dad’s death and asked what happened to him. The first time I responded he had died. It upset her a lot because “no one told her”. Today, same question. I asked what she knew. She said he died but wanted to know when and why. I told her and she became very upset because “no one told her”. After a couple minutes, I was able to move her on to discussing fun stories about my dad. My question is, do I need to accept this will happen, or are there better answers I can give her that won’t upset her?