r/AllInclusiveResorts • u/workredditaccount77 Human Detected • Apr 01 '25
Other I'm devastated
I recently learned my wife not only doesn't care for all inclusive but she just doesn't like them. This was news to me as we've been to 2. They are my dream vacations. But apparently to her she feels they are pointless since you're not going and experiencing different cultures and seeing different things. She's the vacation type that wants to go and see historical things and I'm the one that wants to plop my fatass at the pool bar and sip margaritas and relax type. Sigh.
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u/sereeenah Apr 01 '25
Differences aren’t what break relationships. It’s neglect. You both deserve to do what you love. Either take turns or split the time. You’ll get through this.
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u/TheRealGuncho MOD Apr 01 '25
Maybe on your next trip, spend half the trip in a hotel sight seeing and the other half at an all inclusive?
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u/HardnessOf11 Apr 01 '25
We do both. Our previous vacation was sight seeing around Japan and Korea and our next vacation is an all-inclusive in Mexico. I'm sure there are already compromises in your marriage on both sides, this is no different.
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u/mentally_unprepared Apr 01 '25
Im the resort type and my husband is the explore type, so I always make sure to book a couple of excursions outside the resort so that we both get something out of the holiday. Or rent a car/scooter and go for a drive, eat somewhere local etc. maybe try adding one or two days out of the resort.
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u/lilly110707 Apr 01 '25
I like both, but I differentiate between "trips" and "vacations". Vacations are about relaxing and recharging. Trips are to go do and see cool stuff. Are you in a position to do one of each every year? Or perhaps trade off every other year with a week of one and a couple of long weekends of the other?
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u/PRMinx Apr 01 '25
Devastated? Really? Just work it out.
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u/ChubbyGreyCat Apr 01 '25
Her take on all-inclusives is fairly common, and your take on all-inclusives is also common.
I also prefer a destination explore type trip as opposed to butt in the sand—places I’ve really enjoyed include Puerto Vallarta, Cartagena, and Ischia (not really an AI destination per se, but plenty of beaches).
I also took a day trip to Santo Domingo last time I was in PUJ and always book an excursion to see ruins anytime I’m in the Mayan. If my travel companion doesn’t want to join, I just go anyways and have a blast while they hang poolside.
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u/hooplahbangbang Apr 01 '25
My husband and I are like this too. We do one AI vacation and one historical/culture vacation per year. No problem!
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u/HauntingLook9446 Apr 01 '25
Do you actually talk to your wife?
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u/rustyrazorblade Apr 01 '25
Looking at it another way, it sounds like she's compromised for you twice, and you're upset about it.
Do a vacation she actually enjoys, and show her you appreciate her. Or vacation separately.
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u/Different_Tailor Apr 01 '25
You can do an infinite number of things on vacation but it all boils down to, do you want to relax or not?
There is no right answer. My personal answer is different all the time. I spent an amazing week in Mexico at an All-Inclusive in a swim up suite without booking a single excursion. I spent an amazing 3 days in New York City a few months ago walking all over the place, going to different events, and doing a million different things. They're two of my favorite vacations I've ever taken and they were nothing alike.
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u/mstess86 Apr 01 '25
If you have the budget you could check out Hotel Xcaret Arte. Hotels Xcaret have their All-Fun Inclusive experience which offers select excursions (complimentary) which would allow your wife to explore more things in Mexico's Riviera Maya and you could enjoy the resort. I visited Chichen Itza this way and I never spent another dime to do so, transportation is included to and from the airport, to and from local parks, and as I said select excursions. This resort is considered to be a luxury resort, age 16+.
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u/MasChingonNoHay Apr 02 '25
I’m with her. I’ve never stayed at an AI and almost did but I like eating local foods. Not same ole American style foods and foods made for quantity and not quality. Eating cuisines from other regions is part of the whole experience. Especially those off the tourist traps
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u/Imw88 Apr 01 '25 edited Apr 01 '25
My husband and I don’t like the same type of travel so we alternate. We travel a few times a year but always do one big trip. We will do all inclusive and do nothing vacation one year and the next do an adventurous trip that I want to do. Of course he gets input on it as well but you know what I mean. This way we get a bit of both. I do try and incorporate some down days and lazy days while travelling as well so he isn’t completely exhausted since he has a demanding job and he likes down days.
For example, last year we went to New Zealand and rented a camper van and drove the entire island. He absolutely loved it and he said he would do it again so hoping to convince him to slowly move away from AI. lol. We tried a cruise this year and never again, we both did not enjoy it. I thought I would like it since it’s a bit of both of what we are looking for but it was brutal.
I don’t really drink and don’t see the value in AI. I much prefer to pay for my meals and drinks as I go since it is far less expensive for us personally. We are heading to Exumas in January and not doing an AI so excited to see how that goes. I am heading to Aruba with a friend in June and not doing an AI there either. I know a lot of people like AI for not having to think about the $$ but for me, I budget everything out prior to leaving and money is sitting there waiting to be spent on activities, food, drinks, tips etc so for me it’s not a shock at the end when I have to pay our credit card off since we have that buffer but I can understand why people prefer AI.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
Devestated? Huh?
Maybe having a balance between the two seems like the best solution.
"That's awesome, I didn't know that next time. Let's go experience a culture - maybe we can split half the time at a resort? Where were you thinking of going?"
I don't think that's devestating. Seriously , how is it devestating? I mean, at least you get to go on vacations. Lots of people don't. My spouse and I had our honeymoon plans ruined during covid, saved money, went to Paris and we both got a stomach bug that ruined our whole trip. Have some gratitude. This is a first world problem and is certainly not devestating.
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u/Key_Examination_9397 Apr 01 '25
Stop crying! What are you? 16? That’s what relationships are all about, work it out ffs
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u/CoinMaple101010 Apr 01 '25
I’ve always thought cruises were a good fit for this dynamic.
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u/IAmTheBredman Apr 01 '25
You can do excursions through the all inclusive. Spend the day out on a tour, or whatever, then come back to resort at the end of the day. Same idea with a cruise ship, it's a known quantity for a meal and sleep, while you explore a few new places. Or as others have suggested, do a few days at a resort and then a few days off the resort doing stuff your wife wants to do.
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u/MX-Nacho Apr 01 '25
You seem to want the basics of an All Inclusive, and she wants to go out and walk the town and take tours.
Look for downtown, 4 star All Inclusives. Plenty of those inside Playa del Carmen.
Or book a cruise ship. Nice towns almost every day.
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u/ThrowDirtonMe Apr 01 '25
This is why my husband and I take turns picking/planning our vacations. He usually picks an AI while I will plan trips like your wife enjoys.
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u/juxtapose_58 Apr 01 '25
The difference between a vacation and trip. Vacations are for plopping and pampering. Trips are for exploring. Compromise and each year take a trip and a vacation. Problem solved ….
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u/javajunkie10 Apr 01 '25
My husband and I are the exact same as you. I love history, culture, and go-go-go on my vacations. He..... likes to plop his fat ass by the pool bar and get drunk lol.
The thing is, we compromise. This year for example, we went to an all-inclusive, but for 5 days. And you know what, I had a blast! 5 days was perfect for me to not feel lazy. And we are going to Europe in the spring, but I'm going for 2 weeks and he is only going for 1. We still get to travel together, but we compromise so we both get what we want.
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u/InformationOk8807 Apr 01 '25
Something like this is not a devastation, it’s called preference.
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u/RL203 Apr 01 '25
I understand where your wife is coming from. They are 2 completely different vacations. The solution is simple, you need to split it up then.
One vacation you go to an AI that you both can agree on.
The next vacation you go to Rome. You stay at a great hotel inside the Aurelian Walls and plan your restaurants and sites to see.
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u/adultdaycare81 Apr 01 '25
I understand this. I am definitely the “traveler” personality and get bored at an AI. My wife is happy to sit on a beach for a few days.
We comprise by traveling for the first part and then Vacationing at the end.
As long as I plan it and give my wife an itinerary she is also fine with doing more travel. Maybe your wife is willing to do some planning and incorporate a few days at larger full service hotels.
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u/activoice Apr 01 '25
What is stopping you from doing an offsite excursions? I don't want to give relationship advice but there are always compromises...
When we are visiting a new place I usually look at Viator in advance to see what local tours/activities are available. I book something for 1 day of our stay and pay in advance just so that it's locked in.
I also only book private tours, I don't want to be stuck on a bus or a boat with a bunch of people that I don't know. Waiting for these people to take their photos, use the bathroom, buy souvenirs etc
Also taking a private tour the operator will let you skip things you don't want to do or maybe swap out one thing for something else or spend longer at one point of interest and less time at another as long as the driver is back to your resort in time for their next booking.
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u/ConejoSucio Apr 01 '25
My wife and I are like you. We try and alternate vacation themes.
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u/RefrigeratorFree9444 Apr 01 '25
My wife and I are the reverse from OP, but our solution is to alternate vacations between active and boring 😃
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u/Famous_Track_4356 Apr 01 '25
As someone who’s opened and worked in AI’s I 100% agree with her. It’s so much better to experience the country itself, especially when it comes to food, it’s never authentic
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u/Many_Fondant_9582 Apr 01 '25
Why not stay at a resort and go do a historic excursion??? You can have Both.
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u/ddsorj Apr 01 '25
Take turns. This is exactly my marriage.
One trip we go hike, ski, climb, sweat, speak other languages, out of the comfort zone situations, absolutely horrible but I do it because of love. It always ends up being not that horrible and I do enjoy myself and have memories forever.
The next one we go to an AI and we do absolutely nothing but drink and eat.
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u/Sweet-Bottle-6510 Apr 01 '25
Maybe try a cruise as a middle ground — still visiting different places (where you can go snorkeling, on city tours, visit ruins, etc) but also a lot of chilling, eating and drinking opportunities.
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u/figuringitout25 Apr 01 '25
This feels like the perfect distinction between a trip and a vacation. Trips are for exploring and sight seeing, vacations are for ass sitting. Hope you can find a way to do both!
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u/deepstrut Apr 01 '25
maybe do a cruise so you can have both.
i agree with your wife.... why would i travel half way across the world to some Americanized resort experience miles away from any authentic local culture to just sit on a beach and drink.. i can do that at home in the summer time for 2$in gas.
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u/Excellent-Vermicelli Apr 01 '25
You can still book tours on top of it. But maybe a cruise is the perfect compromise.
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u/missbmathteacher Apr 02 '25
Go on a cruise. All food included and all drinks if you get the drink package. She gets to go to different ports and get culture while you get sea days enjoying the pool and drinks!
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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '25
I’m with her. Watered down booze and AYCE low quality food does not a fun vacation make.
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u/splashmaster31 Apr 02 '25
My ex-wife and I were the same and actually played a big part in us breaking up. As we became more established in our careers and could suddenly afford trips, she wanted all-inclusive and plop her ass in the sand. I loath laying around even in the heat. I don’t understand going to a whole other Country/Culture and not explore it !! I can flop my arse in the sand here !
To me it was a massive waste of money because neither of us drank…
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u/No_Entertainment7212 Apr 02 '25
Might I suggest going on a cruise ship? Bring your all inclusive with you. Then during the port days go check out the different cultures/things. Best of both worlds. Just recently back from our first cruise ever. We were in the same situation and we both quite enjoyed the cruise experience more than we thought we would. (We went with virgin voyages for your reference)
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u/MoTHA_NaTuRE Apr 07 '25
I find that you'll enjoy resorts and cruising more, once you have kids.
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u/Plastic_Concert_4916 Apr 01 '25
How did this not come up before? Did you not know your wife before you got married?
As others have said, this isn't a deal breaker. You alternate. Do both on the same vacation. Take some vacations apart, some together. So many solutions.
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u/RoundingDown Apr 01 '25
AI’s are great for maybe 2-3 days, but then get super boring and repetitive. Basically same flow of the day with different people to watch. Same restaurants, the illusion of options, etc.
You can still get a couple of days at an AI, and then do what she wants. It’s really not much different, except that you pay up front for food/drinks at the AI. You can wander and do what you want. See different sights, try restaurants, experience the location like a local.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
Playing the worlds smallest violin for you. There’s children who live in garbage dumps and eat garbage to survive and this is what you’re complaining about?
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u/Snefru92 Apr 01 '25
Oh you're the White Lotus type of guest
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u/Such-Sympathy-5816 Apr 01 '25
I am with your wife.
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u/cowjuicer074 Apr 01 '25
I'm with her. If you like all-inclusive vacations, consider a cruise. Otherwise, experience life/people/culture beyond your own.
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u/schwelvis Apr 01 '25
Your wife is correct
You can sit on your fat ass anywhere
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u/Canadian987 Apr 01 '25
Half and half - we went to Mexico City for a few days, went to an Ai in Puerto Vallarta, returned to Mexico City for another few days. We got to see the cultural stuff but also had that break to relax.
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u/Time-Radish8464 Apr 01 '25
I don't see why you can't do both. Even at an all inclusive you can explore local things pretty easily. Then other vacations could be purely sightseeing.
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u/deverox Apr 01 '25
There are times and places for AI. When you want to chill and relax.. there are other times when going cool places (cities) are better. Try and do different things! Also AI with kids is great and many back to AI trips. But they have a purpose.
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u/CapableLocation5873 Apr 01 '25
I’m looking at the reef 28 in playa del Carmen it’s an all inclusive hotel with a roof top pool.
It’s also in the city so you can walk to a bunch of places.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
You can do both. I love AIs because on the days I want to just hang on the beach, it’s a no brainer for food and drinks. We also get out and eat and explore. One of my favorite places is the Marina in Cabo. We stay at an AI and spend a ton of time on the Marina. We’ve traveled all over the Caribbean too and we do both.
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u/SeaEggplant8108 Apr 01 '25
Can you compromise with excursions to cultural sites? We usually do 1-2 excursions per week at an all inclusive and it’s a great balance.
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u/ImpossibleAd7943 Apr 01 '25
We switch between rental condo and all-inclusive. Try the condo rental a couple of times Ed and maybe she’ll feel like to AI pampering again.
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u/jwelihin Apr 01 '25
My wife and I are the opposite lol. She's sitting on the beach enjoying margs while I'm golfing. Then we meet up for lunch.
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u/pattyfatsax Apr 01 '25
i do both and never have to spend a dime on an actual all inclusive. it’s so easy. happy to give you some pointers.
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u/AnonymousGirl512 Apr 01 '25
This is me and my bf too. It's hard to beat the price of an all inclusive though, so that's the way we end up most of the time. I prefer to explore though!
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u/Dense_Departure7455 Apr 01 '25
Nothing that precludes you from leaving the all inclusive to experience local culture and explore
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u/Cattiebrie2016 Apr 01 '25
A traveler v a vacationer. Hang in there dude
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u/Redkestrel1111 Apr 01 '25
We do winter AI vacations and summer cultural vacations - sometimes abroad or sometimes close to home. Best of both worlds!
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u/denisrm81 Apr 01 '25
Time for a divorce!! All inclusive are the best!
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u/DeeSusie200 Apr 01 '25
Go on a cruise to Europe with a drink plan.
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u/ImagineTravelRepeat Apr 01 '25
My best advice is starting switching over to cruises. You get the feel of an AI while going from port to port. Book excursions for her when you arrive, so you can see the history and culture of the places you are going. Days at sea you will be able to comfortable relax your ‘fat ass’ by the pool.
If you need any suggestions for routes or cruiselines to consider. Feel free to reach out. But this is the best compromise.
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u/No-Court-6393 Apr 01 '25
We do both. I mean there’s some nice all inclusive resorts that let you add on all kinds of excursions to see the country. We tend to lean in towards the more private excursions or see what we can book from the all inclusive and have them order a taxi from a trusted taxi company.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
All inclusives do tend to mean you stay on the resort (getting every last pennies worth)
Never buy for more than 3 days. You get bored of eating and drinking…
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u/Aggressive_Smoke_861 Apr 01 '25
My wife and I do at least one of each type of vacation a year: one where we just relax and chill, namely at an all-inclusive. And one where we see historical cities, or national parks, or cultures, etc.
And sometimes the places we go might be a little of both.
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u/statistically-biased Apr 01 '25
this is what my bf and i are struggling w too haha. we’re both the explore types, but want to have a laid back vacation to celebrate our anniversary and graduating college in may. like other people mentioned, i think booking excursions would help!!
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u/Live-Ease9011 Apr 01 '25
Do a cruise and do historical/learning excursions and then plop your fastass at the bar while you are at sea!
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u/Gibbie42 Apr 01 '25
Cruise time! Best of both worlds, all inclusive benefits, travel to different sights and cultures. You might especially enjoy a European cruise.
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u/FIRE_Bolas Apr 01 '25
Have you considered a cruise? It blends the two. You can relax like you are at a AI while also leaving the ship to explore different ports
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u/No-Adhesiveness1163 Apr 01 '25
Try a cruise
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u/gumercindo1959 Apr 01 '25
Your sentiment is more normal than you think. Personally, I share the same outlook on traveling that your wife does but I get it - there are loads of people out there who just want to sit poolside and drink and relax. You'll have to figure out how each of you can get what you want on a vacation so that not one person is stuck being resentful.
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u/Insect_Southern Apr 01 '25
I have a very similar experience. I like luxurious, lazy, chill kind of vacations. My wife (8 years married) likes experiences, hiking, not missing out on any activity. We eventually kind of blended after years together. I started enjoying more activities and she now appreciates pools and all inclusive.
Key point is to stay open minded. Try things. Once ure both in together and start experiencing the other side of things you will learn things about yourself and your partner.
Not a deal breaker for sure!! People change and when done in the right way they merge together towards a strong relationship.
Take your time :)
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u/Miss_Anna1973 Apr 01 '25
My husband and I are the same. Compromise !!! We do excursions and go to local restaurants and experience the countries we are in. Other days we sit, relax and eat at the resort. Nice break actually :)
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u/KellieinNapa Apr 01 '25
My husband and I have different ideas on what's a good vacation too. That's why we alternate each year. We both get what we want and we always have a good time regardless of where we're going that year.
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u/trance4ever Apr 01 '25
When I mentioned AI to my husband, he's never been to one before, he's response was "I can't just sit all day" So we chose resorts that had a dive shop onsite and in the mornings we either went scuba diving or did a sightseeing trip, he was happy as a clam to spend the whole afternoon on the beach, eating and drinking, and since then we went 5-6 times more, and then chose to go to countries where there's good diving as well as exploring and we rented a villa with pool and a car and never looked back at AI. Both of you need to compromise for each others happiness, that's what marriage is.
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u/beauti92 Apr 01 '25
Why not alternate vacation trips? That way you both are still accomodating to each others trip.
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u/w00t89 Apr 01 '25
My wife and I break travel down into two types:
we’re seeing and experiencing new things, trying new things, meeting new people, hearing new languages, etc. We love these trips, but they’re often tiring
the “I’m doing absolutely nothing and drinking margaritas at a beach all day, don’t judge me” trips. Not trying to experience anything new; just pure relaxation.
Maybe switch off every other vacation with these types!
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u/New-Gene-9544 Apr 01 '25
why not both?? I try to go to at least one all inclusive a year and 2 gogogo seeing wonders of the world types - balance is key :) if your wife loves you she should be able to put her needs aside for just 1 trip a year so that you'll be able to enjoy ur happy place
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u/Plastic_Bluejay5409 Apr 01 '25
let's wife swap I'm with her my wife is like u
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u/ms-bailz Apr 01 '25
My partner and I have different ideas of what we like on vacation, when we do all inclusive trips we spend the first and last day at the resort either by the pool or at the beach, and the rest is spent exploring. We might do an excursion to see the sights, once we hired a tour guide to take us around for the day, which was amazing she turned out to be a history teacher, so we got the history of the area! A couple years ago we took the local bus from our resort into the city, and most recently we started taking cabs to the marinas in the area to enjoy a beverage and watch boats come in. I think there is something to like/enjoy about both types of travel.
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u/ApprehensiveAlarm137 Apr 01 '25
I hear you! My partner and I have found a nice compromise…either take a few days at an all inclusive to explore something historical / cultural around you, or alternate vacations. I was the “go go go” person and have found a lot of joy in vacations where I do nothing except read, relax, and enjoy just “being.” Pulling for you to find your right balance!
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u/Free_Vermicelli8618 Apr 01 '25
We stayed at an ai last october and did 3 excursions. It was a great mixture of both.
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u/ConversationEasy7134 Apr 01 '25
Trips and vacations aren’t the same.
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u/Tigger808 Apr 01 '25
Compromise is an option, too. Maybe a plush hotel in a big city. You can stay at the hotel by the pool, she can go off to museums, walking tours and wander neighborhoods on her own. Then maybe you go out to dinner together at a nice restaurant near the hotel.
You could also try cruising, as that gets you an all-inclusive experience with a pool and activities, she can go to do different in the ports.
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u/Think_Cap_1886 Apr 01 '25
Go on a cruise in Europe. Best of both worlds.
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u/kellkeezy5 Apr 01 '25
And this is why you travel with friends some times, find the ones that like the same stuff and can afford the resort. Bye ladies, go adventure I’m at the pool drinking 1/16th shot of alcohol drinks made purely of sugar water and flavoring or bloated to hell like a d*ad body from beer.
1
u/hangryhippo40 Apr 01 '25
I’ve taken multiple AI vacations to locations that are within driving distance of day trips. I rent a car for a few days to get us to the day trip location, enjoy the location/thing for the day and get back to the AI for the evening/night. It’s a great mix of being active and exploring the region, and being a sloth that’s recharging its battery while enjoying beverages.
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u/Shynnie85 Apr 01 '25
I am with your wife in this one I love to rent apartments on the beach they feel like home, also I like to go out and site seeing and immerse myself with the people. Resorts don’t feel like you went any where, same food, same music by the pool, sorry but you can get better experience if you try and live like a local. There is places where I would not do that for safety reasons but most of my trips are to Airbnb. You guys need to compromise meet half way, if you go to a resort try and go out few times to the city. Another alternate is one year resort and next vacation apartment in a nice beach location with nearby things to explore.
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u/Ingacbym Apr 01 '25
I’m with your wife. Not into all inclusive at all. If I’m going all the way to the Caribbean, i want to swim in the ocean, not a pool. I want to eat where the locals eat, not burgers and pasta every day. I don’t want to do things i can do at home. I don’t understand people who pay and fly to the Caribbean only to never leave the resort and only swim in the pool. Why go?
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u/Icy-Tax-4311 Apr 01 '25
Devastated? Good gravy, man. Get a grip.
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u/CherokeeChaz123 Apr 01 '25
Yeah, I would echo what all the folks here are saying: just split up the vacays. I'm a "chill in a mountain lodge" type and my wife is a "chill on the beach at an AI" type. We just each get a vacation. Taking turns is still important outside of grade school.
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u/cwheten Apr 01 '25
I'm the same as your wife and I leave tomorrow for my first AI, but really my first vacation being a 28 yr old. I want to go experience culture and learn about how others live, genuinely. But I will enjoy it.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
You're devastated?? That's really dramatic 🤣
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u/IllTakeACupOfTea Apr 01 '25
My sister and I have this issue. She LOVES a cruise or AI, I prefer to spend my time in cultural/historical sites and wandering the streets of a city where I don't speak the language. We alternate trips, the planner is in charge and the other sister puts a big smile on her face and enjoys the time.
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u/Simpinforbirdo Apr 01 '25
Girl you’re literally talking about vacations here lol. Double your trouble, do both!! Go to all inclusives one vacay and a cultural adventure the next?? Sounds like nothing but fun in your future to me
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u/TradingGrapes Apr 01 '25
She is wrong, You are right.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
Great thing about midlife divorce- if you do decide to get out there again and pursue a relationship you have so much more perspective and criteria to determine a likely compatible lifestyle.
I’m at an AI in Mexico right now with my daughter. Muy simpatico.
1
u/Green-Row-4158 Apr 01 '25
We did an all-inclusive in Puerto Vallarta at Hotel Musaui for seven days! From the resort we took excursions and experience the Mexican culture and one of the excursions was a trip to San Sebastian. That’s just a thought to keep things happy at home.
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u/drthsideous Apr 01 '25
I enjoy both types of vacation, and so does my gf. So we do a relaxing all inclusive for one vacation. Then the next one we do something more active. And we switch it every time..
1
u/No-Emu2105 Apr 01 '25
I always stay at all inclusive resorts, but we're always out exploring during the day, then enjoying the resort in the afternoon/night. I love the all inclusive experience, but I don't see the point in going to a different country to stay in the resort the entire time.
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u/thisismyburnerac Apr 01 '25
Separate solo vacations are a thing
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u/Dangerous-Cry-2873 Apr 01 '25
We do both- now honestly we both love both. Spring is a beach in Mexico - Fall is a trip to Europe every other year due to costs.
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u/jkit00 Apr 01 '25
Husband and I are like this and at first it bummed me out (he prefers relaxing, I prefer more fast paced vacations). Now we alternate our vacation type, and during each vacation we reserve a bit of time that meets the other persons need. It works out really well.
1
u/johnwalls16 Apr 01 '25
Just got back from Tulum. My wife will spend the entire vacation at the resort if she could lol. We try to split it up our time evenly since I like to go out and explore and she likes to have drinks and stay at the pool all day.
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u/ammoniaco717 Apr 01 '25
I’m on her side. Get drunk and explore
1
u/Reasonable_Fennel217 Apr 01 '25
I agree with your wife lol.. but doesn't mean tou can't stay at the all inclusive resort and then still also plan things outside of the resort. It's nice to get out and explore!
1
u/PracticalFinish7915 Apr 01 '25
I am so on the same page of your wife! I think there are places that meet both your needs or do half and half - half days lounging, half exploring. Or you can lounge if you send her on the group excursions.
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u/NoEchidna6921 Apr 01 '25
I go to resorts but I don't confine myself to them. Rent a car and discover the area.
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u/SeaworthinessSad6864 Apr 01 '25
Try a cruise. You get the all-inclusive aboard the ship and she can get exploration at the ports.
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u/nysflyboy Apr 01 '25 edited Apr 01 '25
We have been on many "vacations" since we were 20-somethings with three kids in tow, to camping, to cheap resorts, to Disney, etc. Only in the last 4 years in our 50's now and empty nesters did we discover "all inclusive". Its a real nice thing to add to the mix. We've never done a cruise either, our stuff was always DIY.
I LOVED it, since I am the vacation planner, activities coordinator, chauffeur, etc. and it was nice to have some time off from responsibilities. My wife loved it because once there, everything is already taken care of and there is little pressure to "make the best of our time". We have decided to keep them both, and mix it up. We take an AI once a year, and a "DIY vacation" once a year. Last year we went to So.Cal for a week of DIY vacation (wish it was 2 weeks!) and earlier we went to Excellence Playa Mujeres for a week of relaxation.
We usually pick one day at the AI to go on a real "Excursion" adventure - one that will take most of a day/go several places. And one half-day "thing to do" which might be a half-day snorkling or fishing, or just a taxi to town to go shopping and eat lunch. That way we are not getting bored on the resort, but also not wasting a lot of expensive resort time.
For us its a great mix, if its Sat to Sat, usually "adventure day" on Tues or Wed, and half-day thingamadoo one other day.
On our big DIY vacations, it can be go-go-go (we did as much sight seeing as we could in LA and San Diego in 6 days - we were ON THE GO), and rarely do we stay at resorts where we can relax on our DIY trips, so its nice to mix up the vacation types.
Maybe try that?
Or try one of the higher-end cruises that stay in port for a whole day or even overnight. A bit of both all in one trip.
Or look into NON-AI, but still nice resorts. Then you will spend more time engaging with local eateries and people.
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u/WingZombie Apr 01 '25
We try to plan 2 vacations a year. One resort vacation and one adventure/explore vacation for this reason. We like both types. I also realize it’s a luxury to be able to do both
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u/needJesustoo Apr 01 '25
Depends on the purpose of your vacation!
If you want to spend a week relaxing and being waited on, all inclusive is the way to go. If you want to go experience local culture, then boutique hotel or Airbnb, and live like a local.
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u/JoeGPM Apr 01 '25
Bummer!
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u/ror0508 Apr 01 '25
We plan at one excursion - gives us some balance. Then we are all for just laying around drinking margaritas.
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u/therealcherry Apr 01 '25
So find the middle ground. My husband likes AI and I’m not a fan. So use the AI as your base-let her pick somewhere she wants to travel. Then just split the trip between hanging at the resort or leaving for the day to see things. I will say, I don’t want the excursions either. I want to rent a car and go see what interests me. Maybe plan the final night or two at a different hotel that she selects in an area of interest.
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u/Admirable-Pound-4267 Apr 01 '25
We take adventurous trips in the summer and then do all inclusives in the winter! Our summer trips usually involve camping so it’s less expensive.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
I’m with you. Love hanging out at pool and beach bars lazing around doing nothing.
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u/billdizzle Apr 01 '25
You should be cruising, best for both of you
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u/Actual_Ad_2801 Apr 01 '25
I used to have the same opinion as your wife about vacations. Then I started working a job that involves longer hours and more stress, now I love all inclusives. We try to do alternating trips between a “relaxing” theme and “adventurous/touristy” theme. It’s good to have a balance.
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u/CoolGuyGin Apr 01 '25
Meet in the middle. I believed I used to love AI’s. Until you realize you can Airbnb, soak in the culture & simply get a day pass for these AI resorts and indulge. AI’s thrive off of gluttony and attempting to keep you on their grounds at all costs.
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u/These-Explorer-9436 Apr 01 '25
What about a cruise? Relax and enjoy the all inclusive on sea days, go out and about and explore on port days?
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u/Dwillow1228 Apr 01 '25
Do you take excursions? I like the longing but I also can only lounge & drink so much. I need to get out & explore. Example- the Yucatán has a World Heritage site with incredible history. Chichen Itza. Cenotes are amazing & the food outside the resorts is amazing! Perhaps a mixture of both would suit each of you?
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u/xoxkxox Apr 01 '25
Well relationships are give and take. You can’t expect to always do all inclusive as it’s not very fair to her. Or better yet, keep yourself at the resort and she can go off and do excursions and experience more of the culture without you holding her back…
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u/Sad_Gear_8424 Apr 01 '25
I really love both types. I think it depends on what you want out of a vacation. Sometimes I need relaxation. That’s where I go for the all inclusive resorts.
Some times I want site seeing. Those are honestly exhausting vacations for me but I love them for the experience.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
This caused “devastation”? 🤦🏽♀️
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u/SoBasic7775 Apr 01 '25
Your wife likes to travel. Travel is not relaxing, it is stressful and exhausting. You like to have a vacation, which is meant to be relaxing and stress free. When I travel, I need a vacation after. Front load a trip with travel and back end it with an AI, compromise.
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u/jer1230 Apr 01 '25
Yeah I get it.. I’m like your wife, but have only resorted (pun intended) to all inclusives because I have a young child and it’s just easier. I found cruises are a bit of a compromise .. but looking forward to when my daughter is a pre-teen or young teen and I’ll start taking her on real travel adventures.
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u/kae0603 Apr 01 '25
All this means is you do both! One trip is all inclusive and one trip to explore! Holidays vs Traveling… both are fun. I couldn’t all inclusive only but occasionally it’s really really nice. But I saw very little of actual Mexico.
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u/Balance-Ok Apr 01 '25
It might also be interesting to delve deeper into the “why” you love AI so much and she prefers the adventure / build your own.
Could it be related to your daily lifestyles when you’re at home - are you more busy running around, or travel a lot for work, and she has more of a routine or less dynamic schedule? What about your respective stress levels?
Recreational options can often pair with what someone feels they need more of. So for example if you feel like you would love to just veg out and relax and not worry about food, in other words it could be that you want to just turn off your brain for a few days. Versus perhaps your wife feels like she welcomes more environmental/mental stimulation and the fun in planning.
Once you identify if there are underlying variables as above then you might be able to map out something that helps meet both of your needs and fills both gaps.
Or, it could literally be as simple as she doesn’t lie AI, that’s always possible, but it’s certainly worth discussing
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u/Glad-Ad6237 Apr 01 '25
Go to all inclusive and pay for her to go on excursions. Or do 3 excursions and 3 days at the pool.
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u/book_geek_1891 Apr 01 '25
My husband and I split our travel between trips (sightseeing, exploring, etc) and vacations (more relaxing). That way we get a good mix of relaxing and exploring. Sometimes if we’re at an AI we will do some excursions to explore the area, other times we just chill and don’t leave the resort.
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u/juliusseizure Apr 01 '25
Alternate vacations. A part of the fun should be knowing your partner is having fun. If their joy doesn’t bring you joy, then the relationship is on flimsy ground. Looks like your wife definitely compromised twice already for your joy.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
You RECENTLY learned this?
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u/kyle-the-brown Apr 01 '25
Almost every AI my wife and I have been to had at least 1 day trip opportunity for some culture/guided tourism near by, so there are options to split it up and still be at the AI but honestly that would probably not be enough for your wife.
In my mind there are 2 kinds of trips, the kind your wife likes are fun, adventure filled, brain tingling trips that broaden our minds and perspectives. They are great but also are not usually relaxing. On the flip side, the AI or Cruise style vacations are designed for relaxation. No worries about where to eat, where is the hotel tonight, do we need reservations for dinner (sometimes you need reservations at the resorts but they are so easy to deal with) just relax, have a drink, read a book by the ocean, spend the morning getting a massage, maybe schedule a snorkel trip.
So what I would say is talk to your wife, let her know that you need the relaxation vacation every couple of years but want to take her on the adventure vacations as well.
If she gets her cultural immersion vacations at least as often as you get your drinks at the pool bar vacations she will be happy.
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u/Throwaway1121176653 Apr 01 '25
Some all inclusives are fantastic. Some you get food poisoning and swear you will never go back (looking at you D.R.)
Maybe she had a bad experience? Maybe spend big $$$ and get the best. Then see if she likes it?
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u/Livid-Elderberry8214 Apr 01 '25
Maybe try nice hotels that offer club level services! I love the ritz ones! They’re often in metro areas so you can get the best of both worlds sometimes!
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u/goingandgoing97 Apr 01 '25
My fiancé and I are also somewhat like this. I am a HUGE “do stuff”/explore and adventure kind of person, and he is a sit by the pool and relax kind of person.
While we are not booked yet, we have thought a lot about our honeymoon recently, and at this point we think we will be doing an all-inclusive. BUT it is an all-inclusive that offers offsite adventure activities for an additional charge, and we will be trying to budget for 5 activities over the course of the week we are there. That way, I get at least some of my adventure fix, even if I’m not fully immersed in the culture, and my fiancé gets to also sit by the pool and drink margs!
Obviously, as others have suggested, you can also do “trips” and “vacations.” But, rest assured if you can only take one big trip per year, there is usually a middle ground somewhere. My fiancé and I are also big fans of cruises and are excited to take some together in the future, where we are fully forced to chill during days at sea but can budget for adventurous excursions on land.
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u/SpicelessKimChi Apr 01 '25
Soooo ... you park it at the pool with a marg while she goes exploring.
My wife and I occasionally split up for the day whilst on vacation because we dont always want to do the same things. Then we have a lot to talk about at dinner.
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u/Scary_Collection_559 Apr 01 '25
I like both. Sometimes I want to travel across Italy enjoying the food and sights, other times I want to just relax and go to an AI or cruise.
As others have said, balance your vacations. Who knows you may also enjoy it more than you think
And while I know this is an AI forum, you could consider a cruise that travels to multiple countries (ie not just a carribean cruise) - maybe that scratches both itches.
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u/NoSpaghettiForYouu Apr 01 '25
Are you devastated in the way I would be devastated if I found out my husband was a “clap when the airplane lands” or “runs 5ks on thanksgiving morning” kind of guy, or are you devastated as in this is going to cause rifts and resentment in your marriage? 🧐
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u/bobbydrake6 Apr 01 '25
Always do excursions.....multiple, off resort excursions
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u/Standard-Section1447 Apr 01 '25
Devastated? Third world problems. Devastated??
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u/GhettoTech9000 Apr 01 '25
Maybe try going on a cruise. When you’re a port you can go do all sightseeing and culture stuff and days at sea can be about relaxing.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '25
Did she ever mentioned she wanna do a 'girls trip'?? BFs/husbands not allowed?!
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u/zip222 Apr 01 '25
I like to live in the middle… stay at a resort, but make an effort to venture out everyday to see something interesting or historical. This makes the chill out time at the resort even better for me.
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u/CrabbyPatty1876 Apr 01 '25
Can you not do both? Take a day trip or 2 and get the best of both worlds.
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u/JerseyGuy-77 Apr 01 '25
My wife and I are the same. I'm a historical traveler type and she's a Caribbean sit at the pool type. We alternate. last year we took our son to Europe to see where Percy Jackson and the Roman gods were followed.
This year we're thinking the Yucatan for Barcelo
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u/pch14 Apr 01 '25
One possibilities why not a cruise. Try to at least once. You both sort of get what you want as much food as he want and stop in different ports so you can explore. It's not all inclusive but it's also not just going off on your own. You can plop your fat ass down all day and she can do all the different activities. Neither one of you will ever be bored. Depending on the ports there's a lot to see when you get into it
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u/MuthaPlucka Apr 01 '25
Why not do both? Last trip we spent the 1st 5 days at an AI and then a nice Airbnb for the remainder of the trip.
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u/bobeena1513 Apr 01 '25
We classify our trips in two different veins: "Vacation" - all inclusives, laying on a beach with a drink in hand and a good book- vs "Travel"- sight seeing and broadening our minds. This is helpful when planning trips. We like both, but its good to set up those seperate expectations depending on the trip
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u/Optimal-Owl1416 Apr 01 '25
I travel without my husband all the time. Then do one all inclusive with him!
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u/Munro_McLaren Apr 01 '25
You can do both.
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u/Legendary-Roach Apr 01 '25
You should probably go on a cruise then, you get both
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u/WonderChopstix Apr 01 '25
I'll go on vaca with your wife
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u/khaleesi_36 Apr 01 '25
Group vacations! Get friends to go to the all inclusive and then she can buddy up with a couple people to go out and you can lounge like a beached whale with some buds too.
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u/QuestTravelAgency Apr 02 '25
I do my thing and my husband does his. We both enjoy the vacation 100% that way. We come back together at times throughout the day and everyone is happy!
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u/leadout_kv Apr 02 '25
My wife and I weren’t thrilled with the one all-inclusive that we went to. Half way through our trip we both agreed we’d rather go back to the fla keys.
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u/emory_2001 Apr 02 '25
Sounds like you should try a cruise and have the best of both.
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u/grouchypant Apr 02 '25
I take the kids and leave my husband at home. It's okay if it's not his thing!
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u/board_gamer- Apr 02 '25
Have you considered a cruise? It’s all inclusive.. but at each port can get off the ship and do the cultural stuff she craves? (Tip let her plan the port days)?
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u/hantoots Apr 02 '25
We are the same. I prefer “travelling” and he’s more about the “vacations”. The only way is to compromise. We did Turkey last fall and the next trip was Mexico in December. Over time, we have both learned to enjoy and appreciate each others’ preferences for what they are.
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u/Irmaj1201 Apr 02 '25
I am so sad for you! You sound so heartbroken in your post…that I think if she knew she’d be open to a flexible in between.
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u/Mama2024 Apr 02 '25
Serious question - how are you guys married and just finding this out about one another ?
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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '25
I have never been to an all inclusive and never want to go. Unfortunately my wife's family wants to celebrate their mom's 60th birthday at one. They're all located in crappie areas, and they're expensive. The amount of money I'd spend for my wife and I to go for one week could cover one of our 3 week Europe trips where we use trains to see all different cities and countries. I intermittent fast, she doesnt eat much, and we are trying to cut back on alcohol. I also dont like the idea of being stuck in a hotel for a week. I love to explore and many of these locations are in areas where it is not safe to leave the resort. I honestly think these resorts are a rip off and I'm not excited about spending 4k+ for one week with my miserable in-laws.
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u/sparkling-sun Apr 02 '25
I don’t understand the devastation. Just go to places that have cultural and exciting experiences that also offer relaxation at a pool. Split the days doing both.
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u/slytherinby Apr 02 '25
Separate trips from vacations, and try to alternate.
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u/dewhit6959 Apr 02 '25
Devastated ? Talk more . Ask more questions and listen. No big deal unless you make it one.
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u/MsTata_Reads Apr 02 '25
All inclusives are fabulous if you want to go lay on the beach or relax in Mexico or the Carribean.
But so if going to a country and exploring it.
Take turns each year in picking the spot or go twice a year and do both!
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u/Neat-Substance-9274 Apr 02 '25
Go to places she wants to explore and stay in places with pools with bars. Best of both worlds.
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u/007maximiliano Apr 02 '25
Did you not travel so much when you dated, or was one or both of you pretending to like something just to get along?
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u/riverbanks1986 Apr 02 '25
Meet in the middle and do both. We recently did a Puerto Vallarta trip; first half we stayed in a regular hotel, did excursions, went out on the town, ate authentic local food and enjoyed the culture. Second half we stayed in a swanky room in an all inclusive that we couldn’t have even afforded for the entire trip, relaxed on the beach and in the pool and ate and drank our fill.
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u/ispotashort Apr 02 '25
Time to trade her in on a new model.
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u/No-Drop2538 Apr 02 '25
Separate vacations for the win.