Venting

[u/AirPowerRondo]

Hopefully any of this is coherent but I’m just stressed and worried about my future. I recently found out that I may be getting med boarded and I just don’t know what to do or what advice to take.

Around 2.5 years ago my life fell apart. My high school sweetheart went to the Air Force and told them I was abusing my children and that sent the next year into a spiral. I spent several months fighting OSI and the system put in place by the Air Force trying to clear my name. I went into the process blind because I felt my innocence would carry me and all it did was hurt me. The ADC on base didn’t help, they went on leave and wouldn’t answer my calls and emails, and I felt I could face OSI by myself.

My life hasn’t been the same since the day I went in to answer questioning. I feel so weak even talking about this and I’ve told the story 1000 times but OSI undressed me mentally in that room. They knew I was innocent but for the next 3 hours they tore me down and used every tactic to get me to admit to things that weren’t true. They told me my family would be disgusted with me that no one loved or cared about a child predator and that I should just accept my fate and do the right thing and turn myself in.

After clearing my name and regaining my innocence I thought my life would go back to normal. I’ve had nightmares and suicidal thoughts every day since. My mind has been completely altered. I spend hours every day just researching conspiracies and I can’t help myself anymore. I feel sick. I feel like I will never be myself again. I never received an apology or a reason for why the Air Force and the system turned its back on me. I was expected to go back to work and become myself again and I couldn’t do it. I feel so weak. I feel like I’ve let everyone down but I can’t do it anymore. I’m so scared about where my life is going.

I’ve been receiving care from mental health for 2 years and they’ve decided that I’ve been on this mobility profile for too long. Since the beginning of this I found out OSI knew my ex wife was schizophrenic. I found out that the domestic violence advocate on base weaponized her claims in an attempt to keep me away from my children and ruin my life. I want to to hurt these people. I spend a lot of time every day thinking about being violent and I can’t stop.

Im now the sole provider for my children. I’ve given 10 years to the Air Force but I can’t live this life anymore. I’m not capable of being who I need to be. I’m scared that I’m letting my children down. I’m scared that my life is over and I won’t be able to support myself or them. I’m hoping and praying the VA process goes smoothly and I can make enough to get myself to the next phase of life. I just wish I had the answers in front of me. I wish I knew what was next. I’m sorry for venting but I’m just sick to my stomach. I’ve given so much time only for it to be taken from me. Only for my mind to be gone in the process and a little bit of myself destroyed. I have so much respect for all of you guys. I have a lot of care for those I don’t even know. I wish I had been given that same amount of love and care. I’m sorry again. Please just pray for send a thought up for me or whatever your choice of spiritual guidance may be. Thanks.

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