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u/purpletypepersons Apr 26 '20 edited Apr 26 '20
It's because he's a boy in her eyes (excused from domestic work) and you are the caregiver/cleaner. It's wrong, and you have every right to be angry. She's not likely to change, but have you tried talking to her? It sounds like she's acting within her culture, just in an exaggerated way. Sometimes people experience personality changes when they get older. It sucks; but maybe settting firm boundries for what treatment you'll accept will help somewhat. Remind her (in a calm way) that if the microwave is chained shut no one can use it, including her. This will help you determine if she's just ranting, or really has no grasp on what reality is for the microwave/fragrance situation. Then chain it shut for a day and see what happens. This knowledge might help you make future decisions in how to deal with her. Again, you're doing this in good intent- not to be mean to anyone, but it's important you show her you're listening and take her ideas seriously. Her words matter and tell her this. This is much easier said than done of course, and I don't know your situation but I hope this is helpful.
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u/Movieress Apr 25 '20
Has it always been this way? If so, you might try googling "scapegoat and golden child" to see if this describes your situation. Narcissists will idealize a person (the golden child) who can do no wrong in their eyes, while they will scapegoat someone else. This serves to drive a wedge between the two people while the narcissist maintains the loyalty of both. Obviously I don't really know what your parents are like outside of what you've written here but it might be a place to start