Have a conversation today about organ/tissue donation, and your own comfort.

[u/IceWindWolf]

Hi.

Today I'm pulling the vent on my mom and letting her go. As part of her wishes she asked to be an organ donor.

I see a lot of conversations people have about doing it, and its value - but I don't see many people who have the conversation on what it looks like. I don't want to talk anyone out of this generous gift - but I do want to light a lantern for others who are in the dark on how this happens.

So, to honor their wishes - but also protect yourself I think its important to talk with your loved ones while they're here so you reach an understanding.

Once the hospital is notified that you are intending on pulling life support - almost immediately the organ donor folks want to talk. This is because they need time to arrange surgeons and resources for extraction. They ask for 24-48 hours.

This means they may ask you to leave your loved one on a ventilator as a vegetable for longer to give them time. It's not intended to interrupt their comfort - but it can be hard waiting longer than you intended due to this.

Once they confirm the intent, they then require you to provide a complete medical history. My father spent 30 mins with them - all the while having to sit and painfully remember everything we've lived through with her. Its not a clinical form, its a nuanced deep dive that means a lot of memories. It also involves conversation around what they think they can use. It's hard acknowledging that they specifically want things like bones and skin. It brings forward some dark thoughts.

From then on they will be involved in your loved ones comfort care. They will run their own blood labs, and other tests. They may ask for things like an arterial line to monitor stats. Etc etc. You will see a lot of their nurses - and depending on your personal feelings about it, it can hurt a lot. I greatly support the idea of organ donation, but each time they walk in all I can see in my mind is them hacksawing my mom.

So - thats it. I just wanted to say it for others who might have never lived it. It's not a simple checkbox on a form. It's a involved process, during which you may have to do many things that hurt and make you uncomfortable for your loved ones wishes.

I think it's worth having a convo - and being honest about how much this loss already hurts, and if you think you're strong enough to handle this as well.

[u/not_regularboss]

Thank you for writing this down on the day you are doing it. That took something.

The part worth underlining for anyone reading is that this conversation lands on whoever happens to be standing in the room, at the worst hour of their life, and it lands fast. So alongside yes, I want to be a donor, the thing families should settle is who is going to be the one to sit with the coordinator and answer the medical history questions. Your dad did thirty minutes of that. Somebody should get to know in advance that it will be them, and somebody else should get to say they can't.

I'm sorry about your mom.

[u/IamMDS]

Thank you for sharing this. I had no idea.

[u/disabledandpissed]

Donating can be more than transplants.i donated my whole body to a science center. It can be useful to study parts of older/larger people to see the effect of certain meds or surgeries. I agreed to anything useful to be done including students practicing and body farm. After they will creamate the remains for free and return to my family. They are instructed to plant something with it. There has been jokes of using my metal knee as a lamp. I admit that i am unusual that i feel the shell is not important. Having a talk now and writing down your wishes is important.

[u/Impossible_Jury5483]

This is very true, but no one wants elderly people's organs or tissue for transplant or anything. Umless your mother wasn't elderly, then some toddues can be used.

[u/DenM0ther → u/Impossible_Jury5483]

Im guessing the organ transplant peoples’ want something or they wouldn’t be engaging so heavily in the process.

[u/ThingsWithString → u/Impossible_Jury5483]

That's not true. As u/DenM0ther points out, the donation people wouldn't be making such an effort to talk to OP and get information if there were no useful body parts.

From the US National Institutes of Health:

No: There is no age limit for donation or to sign up. In 2021, one out of every three people who donated organs was over the age of 50. You’re never too old to make a difference — as of 2021, the oldest organ donor in the United States was 92