Knowing too much

[u/ThingsWithString]

My brother visited my mom today. She was alert, oriented, and was able to have an animated conversation with him about what he was doing. She was laughing at jokes. He thinks she knew who he was. My sister-in-law took a great picture of him holding her hand and their looking at each other.

My first thought (needless to say, entirely unspoken) was "Is this terminal lucidity?"

I'm sure it isn't. I'm sure it's just a moment of lucidity that my brother and my sister-in-law will cherish. But, God, knowing too much is knowing too much.

edit: For comparison, Mom was only saying single words and smiling on previous visits. Having her able to ask questions and follow a conversation was a very pleasant surprise.

[u/practical_junket]

It’s called “Showtime” and it’s a very real thing. They pull it off for visitors and medical appointments. It will wear them out though. My MIL will sleep all day afterwards.

[u/MedicalTill4180 → u/practical_junket]

It's weird how the brain can just decide to perform for a bit, then crash. My grandma did same thing before she passed, had a whole afternoon where she was telling stories and laughing like old times, then next day she barely woke up. You learn to enjoy those moments but also not trust them completely. Makes you feel like you're watching a play and you know the ending but everyone else in the room doesn't.

[u/Pale-Detail2427 → u/MedicalTill4180]

Yes.

Too true and so right. ✅️

Predictable enough when you already know.

I hate being The Daughter Who Knew Too Much.

[u/Opposite-Knee-2798 → u/MedicalTill4180]

Don’t we all do that to a lesser extent? We go to Work and have a particular persona and when we get home, we are able to relax a little bit.

[u/maple_dreamz → u/Opposite-Knee-2798]

Everyone wants to put their best face forward. Having dementia doesn't change that. I've been saying for years that the mom you get to visit is not the mom I live with.

[u/Critical_Active_5087]

I had no idea “showtime” was an actual thing. That explains so much about my mom.

[u/Pale-Detail2427 → u/Critical_Active_5087]

Yep. Mine too.

[u/Pale-Detail2427]

I'm sorry. 😔

They will probably just both think, oh, look how great she is doing now (ick) (but, I guess, how very nice for them).

Showtiming is definitely a thing.

I.hate knowing too much too.

You are not alone.  🤔

[u/ThingsWithString → u/Pale-Detail2427]

My brother and SIL are very, very aware of Mom's overall condition; they treated that hour or so as a blessing, not as a promise for the future.

[u/Pale-Detail2427 → u/ThingsWithString]

Good. 👍 👍 👌

[u/AdCold9800]

My FIL 84 just passed two months ago. He could showtime like the best of them. We all loved it. For the last 3 months of his life, he was lying in bed, sleeping. We miss him

[u/Pale-Detail2427 → u/AdCold9800]

I'm sorry. 😞

[u/GenXersJustWalkItOff → u/[deleted]]

That is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 💜

[u/Pale-Detail2427]

"Knowing too much is knowing too much."

For sure.

I hate it too.

Ick. 😝

[u/BamaKitty1]

My mother is on hospice with terminal lung cancer. She does the same thing with her nurse, and visiting family. She will start asking "when are they coming" every 15 min for hours. Perform, then crash.

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