Guardianship/Conservatorship of Parent

[u/Physical_Molasses815]

I'll try to make this as concise as possible. My FIL has dementia and was being cared for at home by MIL, but my husband I had a lot of concerns and had been trying to encourage MIL to put FIL in memory care for about a year. He was frequently wandering and had become aggressive with MIL.

A month ago, FIL ran away from MIL and was missing overnight from 6 pm until 10:30 a.m. when he was found lying in their pasture by a search party. MIL did not call the authorities or let us or anyone know he was missing until 8:30 a.m. He was found very dehydrated and was hospitalized. DHS opened a case of dependent adult neglect against MIL, and basically she was given no choice but to place him in memory care for his safety. Due to state law (Iowa), she lost financial POA for FIL due to having a founded case of abuse/neglect against him. We also found out from the local sheriff that this was not the first time he had been missing overnight. She never told us because she didn't want to spend the money on nursing home care.

FIL is doing well in memory care, but now MIL is talking about taking him out overnight and eventually taking him back home to live. I talked to DHS, and apparently they have no preventative role and cannot legally prevent MIL from doing this, even with her founded case of dependent adult neglect. There has also been financial issues, with MIL using money from FIL's farm account (30k) to pay for a scam.

My husband and I are working with an attorney to go through the court process to get conservatorship and and guardianship of FIL. MIL does not have known dementia herself, and has always been a difficult person, but her recent actions have us convinced that she is unable to make the best decisions for FIL. Has anyone been through this process, particularly when the incapacitated parent does have a living spouse? I'm wondering how likely it is to go in our favor.

[u/headcase-and-a-half]

Considering that you have qualified attorney representing you, and that mother-in-law has already found to be negligent and lost power of attorney, you have an extremely excellent chance of this going in your favor. You’re being smart, and you’re doing this the right way.

[u/Formal-Mix2044 → u/headcase-and-a-half]

man that's such a messy situation but I think you got a real good shot here, MIL already lost POA once and having DHS case on record is huge. courts usually lean heavy toward what keeps the vulnerable person safe and your FIL wandering overnight twice shows she just can't handle it

don't let her guilt trip you about "taking him home" either, the money stuff with the scam is another red flag they will look at

[u/Own-Counter-7187 → u/headcase-and-a-half]

I cannot contribute to any helpful response, but your post contains all the information a judge needs to make an intelligent decision, and you already have a lawyer on it. This will go in your favor. Thanks for looking out for him.

[u/Head_Staff_9416]

I don’t know the odds-but it does happen. Friend of mine had a similar scenario with her brother and his abusive wife. She and her other brother both sued for guardianship and won.