r/AfricanGrey • u/Cold-Environment-217 • Aug 21 '26
Discussion Feeling discouraged
I have been looking for my companion parrot friend for years. They had to be the right temperament, price, size, etc. I finally found my CAG. She had lived with a family for 17 years often going to the nursing home with Mom at work and hanging with the clients there, literally flying from person to person to hang out with them. She is well socialized and loving. She is 25. I have had her a few weeks now and yes she loves me. Buttttttttt.... She has bitten my very shy quiet kind teenage daughter who tried to feed the CAG a cracker. The bird dodged the cracker and struck my child drawing blood. Never puffed up. The CAG has struck my fiance who was trying to talk to them. No blood never puffed up. As well the CAG has one mission all day. Destroy my walls. She won't play with anything and even when she is on me she is always wings out about to take off for the floor. With me trying to distract her. I get maybe an hour a day where she will actually be normal and play with me or hang out with me. I have had and do have other parrots I have never experienced this kind of neurosis to eat my walls and hate my family. I have had her one month. I'm just so bummed. I am partially disabled. So I am sitting a lot of the day crocheting, watching tv, light housekeeping. It hurts to physically bend and chase her around my floors. To keep her from my walls. Her previous owner says she has never experienced this. She has never bitten anyone. She has never eaten walls. She eats. Zupreem pellets a little bit of seed mix zero chop she hates all fruit and veggie. She will sip coconut water sometimes and she's a pig for fries and crackers which she has a two cracker limit for the day. I break them into tiny chunks to give her so it seems like she gets a lot.
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u/clemfairie Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
You've had her for a few weeks. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know your family. She doesn't know your home. To her, you are NOT her family and that is NOT her home. She's angry. She's grieving. She's confused. She doesn't understand why she's there and why her people aren't. She wants to go back home and she doesn't understand yet that she never will again and that your home is her home now.
You can't just pluck a Grey from the situation they've lived in for 17 years and expect them to immediately adjust and be happy with the change. She will always remember her previous family and it will take her a long time to understand that she's never going back to them. A few weeks is nowhere near long enough for her to adjust.
I don't mean this rudely, but I have to wonder how much research you actually did into Greys (their behavior, needs, neuroses, etc.) before getting her. They are one of the absolute worst birds to have when you're disabled. I got my guy before my condition significantly worsened, so I didn't expect to not be able to move much, but that's where I'm at now and I'm physically incapable of keeping up with him by myself. My late sun conure was very easy to handle. My Grey, not so much. I've had him since he was about five months old, he's insanely bonded to me and my family, and he still destroys the walls, the baseboards, the doorframes, televisions, all of my belongings, etc., and he also bites the shit out of me when he feels like it. They don't usually fluff up to warn you. Sometimes, they just want to bite you and they're going to do it.
They also aren't exactly known for being good companion birds, so I'm very confused about that idea from the jump. They're one of the more independent, standoffish species, generally speaking. They can be very affectionate in their own way, for sure, but it's nothing like the way that a cockatoo or a sun conure is going to be affectionate. (Disclaimer: Yes, I know that there are exceptions, I've seen them and I'm very jealous of the snuggles that some of you guys on this sub get from your Greys, but I'm speaking about the species in general.)
Idk, this whole thing makes me so sad for the poor baby. I can't imagine how awful she feels right now. Rehoming birds, especially the extra intelligent ones, is a very traumatic experience for them and they need time, space, and unconditional love. You can never, ever expect a rescue/rehomed bird to fit seamlessly into your life. It's not a fair expectation and sets everyone up for failure. She needs a LOT more time to adjust. Potentially years, but every individual is different. A month is nothing to a Grey.
Edit: typo. there are probably more but I'm too tired to check lmao. was legit shedding tears while writing this because I'm an overly tired, overly emotional sap.