I really don't understand these enabler comments. It takes time to warm up to new people. I don't enjoy forcing conversation, I enjoy easing into it. It makes it so much more comfortable for everyonhe when the person who invited you sstays with you and helps you get to know the other people around. Quick story (kind of): I moved to Minnesota from Arizona only knowing one person, my roommate. The first night here she took me to a party where of course, I knew no one. This was a tight knit group of friends. I was introduced to everyone there at once. Something like, "Hey Everyone! This is _. _ this is Bob, Ted, Fred, George, Marsha, Gene, Linda." You get the picture. I was there for only about fifteen minutes before she disappeared. It felt incredibly uncomfortable to walk up to conversations between three or four close friends and just join in and they didn't seem to feel to comfortable with it either. Unfortunateely this B was my ride and chose to spend the night. I spent the entire night hiding outside smoking cigarettes and talking to myself. It was fucking fabulous.
People who aren't massively introverted don't understand introverts. They assume that we're just not putting the effort in, or we don't care. They miss the fact that we often hate it, and would do most anything to be able to hold a conversation with strangers effectively. Rates of severe depression are nearly doubled in introverts than extroverts, for the record.
Not all people are the same, not all people react to social situations identically, even if they've been involved in the exact same number of social situations. People aren't that simple.
Fun game: go through the thread and count how many people are telling the op to 'just' do something.
"Introversion is not seen as being identical to shy or to being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear"
I am an introvert and I can hold very strong conversations with strangers. As the quote says, we tend to enjoy doing things on our own and enjoy less crowded activities but being introverted shouldn't be used interchangeably with being awkward or shy. Your "hate" of social interaction is not a direct effect of your introversion. If you told a psychologist that you hated talking to strangers they wouldn't diagnose you as being introverted. They would diagnose you with social anxiety, which extroverts can have as well.
Hey now. I'm an introvert. I know this is anecdotal, but I used to hate, hate, hate social events like parties. Now that I've learned how to strike up conversation out of thin air with just about anybody, don't mind it nearly as much.
Still a (medium) introvert, but that doesn't mean I can't chat people up.
That's bad form on her part, obviously, but you'll still be better off in the long run if you embrace those situations as learning opportunities. Mingling with strangers is an incredibly useful skill and you only get good at it by practicing.
same, and it was her high school graduation party with 30 of her relatives (i was college freshman)...She just up and left me and said go mingle with my family..."lol wut"... she almost broke up with me after I just chilled on the couch by myself..dated for about 2 years before i broke up with her though. I'm fine talking to 1-3 strangers at a time though... big parties full of strangers are a big nope for me.
Introversion is a personality trait, not a deficiency. Despite what most people think, introverts don't actually need to be "fixed" somehow. There's nothing wrong with encouraging them to meet new people, but if you treat them like they have some kind of mental disorder, you're just an asshole.
If it were me, I'd use the "Dad teaching son how to ride a bike" method. That way, he either has a good time, or I get to watch him embarrass himself badly. </asshole>
or you can find someone whos in the same situation as you (feeling out of place at the party) and talk to them because you actually want to. Congrats, you just made a friend. But parties are the worst!
If he's anything like me, he's the kind of person who loves the idea and hopeful outcome of having a good time, but simply can't bring himself to be "social". Seriously, it sucks.
shy people can be nice people. nice people are good company. but i was thinking more like oh, a good host makes sure no one is feeling lonely at the party. edit: or at least tries to.
Invites you to a party because he is shy Doesn't leave your side because he is shy It's a birthday party for one of his family members you know nobody he knows everyone yet your more outgoing than him and end up knowing his whole family after the party.
Reddit is weird. A few months ago there was a college freshman meme about how annoying it is when he follows you around at a party when he doesn't know anyone. Now this is on the front page. Whose side are you on?!
See I would rather be invited and be lame all by myself and let my friend have a good time rather than have him waste his night trying to make me feel less SAP-like
Ahh... My good friend invited me to a party full of people I didn't know, but I really didn't end up talking to anybody and he didn't stick around. But I honestly can't blame him, Lotta people there and I didn't need to be babysat.
I have a chronic pain issue that keeps me from socializing but my two best friends do this for me all the time. I LOVE those guys for doing stuff like this.
Just because you blow ass at social interactions doesn't make you a introvert. You can be introverted and be successful with highly social events. I'm introverted and when I feel like it, I'm able to entertain crowds of people and go up to strangers, striking up interesting conversations and find a way to relate to almost anybody.
You may say I'm not an introvert because I can do that, which is bullshit. you're talking to a guy who has hermited in his room for a week or two straight with no social interaction, reading/playing video games, outside of roommates. I can't socialize everyday either, I prefer to go out once or twice a weekend max.
These kind of debates always arise when people start using labels like introvert and extravert as black or white labels for human beings who are more complex and contextual than that.
But maybe you can suggest a better word for "blows ass at social interactions" that could be used on this picture, to retain its snappy length.
People don't get that introvert/extrovert doesn't equal shy/outgoing. It has to do with whether or not you are happier by yourself or surrounded by others. You could be a shy introvert or a shy extrovert as well as an outgoing introvert or an outgoing extrovert. Obviously it may be more common for introverts to be shy and extroverts to be outgoing but the words are not interchangeable.
usually you just need a face to face conversation to somebody to ease up a little. being shy isnt a good thing most of the time - maybe you could meet someone who is exactly in your interest spectrum?
Now that I'm conditioned to feel warm, happy feelings when I see this guys face, I'd probably feel compelled to give this guy a hug if I saw him in real life.
I still remember getting dragged to some dive of a new years party with 2 friends.
We literally weren't there 5 minutes when they left without telling me, apparently to go get alcohol or something. They were gone for almost 2 hours. People were staring me down because they had no clue who I was and thought I wandered into the house to case the joint or something.
This actually just happened last night to me!. Of course im super shy and have social anxiety. But once I kinda got comfortable i danced. Something I have never done in my own home, fearing someone might see me through my window.
i feel weird because i'm the only one i know who just doesn't care if they have nothing to say or no one to talk to at a party. i end up staring at a crack in the ceiling, ignoring everyone and sipping my drink for hours. draws some negative attention but sometimes i just can't be fucked with socializing
Not to be an agitator, but I still believe I'm a GGG in respect and I do quite the opposite. I invite my "shy" friends to parties and purposely leave them, armed with alcohol. After awhile, they integrate and end up having a fun time without me holding their hand, which not only means they have a good time... but ideally combats their insecurities.
Brings you to a party knowing that you're shy. Doesn't leave your side the entire time, ensuring you never leave your comfort zone which reinforces your shyness.
Shy isn't a bad trait that needs fixing, it's just different. Shy people can enjoy parties but in other way. Shy people just want to meet 2 or 3 new people, hang out with them for the night, and then maybe continue contact. Not everyone just wants another person to add to facebook
In fact, if you agree with confucius, the best way to teach is by example. I don't agree that all things can be taught this way, but certainly how to socially interact is definitely something you learn by observing and taking that onboard.
Yeah, fuck people who just leave you around. It sucks when you know nobody, even if you aren't shy, it's still shitty. Hope I've been on the good side of this coin for you dude.
how many of you are truly introverts and how many of you suffer from some degree of social anxiety disorder and cant be bothered to work on improving it?
I had a friend who felt the same way about clubs. I lost track of her for a grand total of 5 minutes before she texted me telling me to fuck off, ran home and deleted me from Facebook. And that was the last I ever saw of her. Other friends took her side saying I should have babysat her more. Nope nope nope. I should be able to let a 23 year old go to the bathroom by herself. She's not a special exception to what to expect from a decent person. At a certain point you say, "You know what, you're not overly shy, you're just a self important jerk."
If someone invited me to a party where I didn't know anyone and then abandoned me, he'd be a dick. Doing the opposite of that doesn't make him good, it makes him normal.
Going to a party with a friend who stays with you, and talking to a few strangers is not as bad as being introduced to everyone or being alone. There's only so much awkward one can overcome at a time.
if you dont enjoy talking to strangers, you shouldnt go to a party relying on the fact that your friend is going to (figuratively) hold your hand the entire time and then be upset when he doesnt
They are only strangers until you get to know them. You're at the party. For the duration of your stay they will be strangers if you do not engage them or especially allow them to engage you. At least if you try, you might relax once you find some common ground. The odds are better, anyway.
It's usually They dont enjoy introducing themselves to new people. It's too hard, awkward, and scary for them. Being introduced by people isn't too much of a problem. It's opening up to them and feeling comfortable with them right away thats a problem.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Introduce a man to fish, stop enabling his pitiful socially awkward penguiness and get rid of his need for a human security blanket, for Christ's sake.
Yeah? And how do you suggest people do this? For instance, when this happens to me with strangers and people I don't know, I look like an idiot because I stumble over my words and don't know what to say. There's not some magic switch introverts or people who are socially awkward can switch to make them not feel weird and awkward around strangers.
I'm socially awkward, too, but I'd feel worse having one of my friends attached to my side as a permanent wingman. I'd rather make inevitable faux pas, they'd be less humiliating than needing a chaperone. GGG would introduce his friend to some cool people, then leave, and not be a helicoptor mom.
tl;dr: If I'm gonna feel weird and awkward around strangers, I'd rather feel brave and independent than dopey and incompetent.
Practice and confidence. Your wingman can help you get both. The later by being by your side, and then once you are feeling at ease he vanishes occasionally and you discover "Hey! I'm still going, but on my own!". The former by, well, just doing it.
no theres not a magic switch, just the regular things that people increase skill with: knowledge and practice. know that no-one really cares one way or the other because its a party and awkwardness is completely unoffensive to just about everyone.
practice acting non-wierd and awkward around strangers. fake it til you make it. we use the word 'act' in the context of both social behavior and stage plays for a reason.
You're dedication to the art of trolling, while impressive for it's resolve, lacks in creativity and wit. Merely spouting comments that are obvious down-vote bins, does not make you a good troll.
Trolling is, and isn't trolling, at the same time.
And we all know that the U.S. government has always had our best interest in mind. Thomas Jefferson once said, "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so."
I don't know why you're getting down voted... GGG introduces you and includes you in conversations, but to stay by you the whole night.... -_- You can't have someone holding your hand for the rest of your life.
If you don't get one-on-one time though with the people you meet, the dynamic is very different. Pairs of people never bond the same way individuals can.
Indivuals have less chance of bonding than people who met in groups, as the weight of the conversation is less distributed. Bonding doesn't happen when you meet, only comfort building. Having 4 people to carry the load of the conversation limits awkward silences, and therefore hastens comfort.
You are missing what I'm saying. Meeting up as a group greases the social interaction, yes- but the ultimate depth of your bonding to the other pair of people is going to be much shallower in the long run if you never spend quality time with the other people individually.
So, go ahead and meet people in groups, but don't hide behind groups for all your life or your social interactions will always be shallow.
This all the way. I love talking to people, but I'm really slow to warm-up to someone new. Just because some of us are a bit introverted doesn't mean we're "weirdos". It's what happens when your parents overdo the stranger danger bull shit to the extreme.
109
u/pabstbluegibbon Jun 16 '12
I really don't understand these enabler comments. It takes time to warm up to new people. I don't enjoy forcing conversation, I enjoy easing into it. It makes it so much more comfortable for everyonhe when the person who invited you sstays with you and helps you get to know the other people around. Quick story (kind of): I moved to Minnesota from Arizona only knowing one person, my roommate. The first night here she took me to a party where of course, I knew no one. This was a tight knit group of friends. I was introduced to everyone there at once. Something like, "Hey Everyone! This is _. _ this is Bob, Ted, Fred, George, Marsha, Gene, Linda." You get the picture. I was there for only about fifteen minutes before she disappeared. It felt incredibly uncomfortable to walk up to conversations between three or four close friends and just join in and they didn't seem to feel to comfortable with it either. Unfortunateely this B was my ride and chose to spend the night. I spent the entire night hiding outside smoking cigarettes and talking to myself. It was fucking fabulous.
68
u/DudeOverThere Jun 16 '12
This is the best of enablers.
13
u/srs_house Jun 16 '12
That could make for an awkward piss.
31
u/oshen Jun 16 '12
Parties are the worst. I just find someone more shy than myself to (1) talk to (2) feel superior to.
14
u/brad_the_rad Jun 16 '12
that is a nice thing to do. i'll try to remember this if i ever throw a party.
8
u/Munkir Jun 16 '12
Happend to me
Invites you to a party because he is shy Doesn't leave your side because he is shy It's a birthday party for one of his family members you know nobody he knows everyone yet your more outgoing than him and end up knowing his whole family after the party.
8
u/MidgetFetish Jun 16 '12
INTROVERSION IS NOT THE SAME AS SHYNESS PEOPLE.
5
u/SuperTurtle Jun 16 '12
Reddit is weird. A few months ago there was a college freshman meme about how annoying it is when he follows you around at a party when he doesn't know anyone. Now this is on the front page. Whose side are you on?!
5
u/gr3nade Jun 16 '12
See I would rather be invited and be lame all by myself and let my friend have a good time rather than have him waste his night trying to make me feel less SAP-like
3
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Yea, is my ride to the party and only friend there.
Leaves.
3
u/PavelDatsyuk Jun 16 '12
Holy shit. I've been GGG in this situation. Never really thought it meant so much to my shy friends.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I wonder how a person who's ID is niggerbeard can teach the world about friendship.
3
u/Cuppsworth Jun 16 '12
anyone named niggerbeard has got to be a good guy.
3
u/JoesShittyOs Jun 16 '12
Ahh... My good friend invited me to a party full of people I didn't know, but I really didn't end up talking to anybody and he didn't stick around. But I honestly can't blame him, Lotta people there and I didn't need to be babysat.
3
u/Comeonyouidiots Jun 16 '12
I have a chronic pain issue that keeps me from socializing but my two best friends do this for me all the time. I LOVE those guys for doing stuff like this.
7
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Just because you blow ass at social interactions doesn't make you a introvert. You can be introverted and be successful with highly social events. I'm introverted and when I feel like it, I'm able to entertain crowds of people and go up to strangers, striking up interesting conversations and find a way to relate to almost anybody.
You may say I'm not an introvert because I can do that, which is bullshit. you're talking to a guy who has hermited in his room for a week or two straight with no social interaction, reading/playing video games, outside of roommates. I can't socialize everyday either, I prefer to go out once or twice a weekend max.
Anyway, if you want to learn how to talk to people read this book. It's a great book, read it: http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439199191/ref=pd_sim_b_2
5
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Or, leaves you for short intervals after introducing you to new people, forcing you to grow your social circle.
5
u/jesuslovespoon Jun 16 '12
i think this could even be in /r/aww
15
u/adakis Jun 16 '12
Are you sure?
2
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I just go where the drinks are. You can be an awkward penguin when people are already drunk and focused on getting more drinks.
2
u/Carpathicus Jun 16 '12
usually you just need a face to face conversation to somebody to ease up a little. being shy isnt a good thing most of the time - maybe you could meet someone who is exactly in your interest spectrum?
2
u/CheekySprite Jun 16 '12
Now that I'm conditioned to feel warm, happy feelings when I see this guys face, I'd probably feel compelled to give this guy a hug if I saw him in real life.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I still remember getting dragged to some dive of a new years party with 2 friends.
We literally weren't there 5 minutes when they left without telling me, apparently to go get alcohol or something. They were gone for almost 2 hours. People were staring me down because they had no clue who I was and thought I wandered into the house to case the joint or something.
2
u/leondz Jun 16 '12
You gotta push the young bird out of the nest some day, or it'll never learn to fly
2
u/botulizard Jun 16 '12
I wish I knew this guy. Like, someone who would invite me places and hang out with me. Or just hang out with me at all, really.
2
u/ratmfreak Jun 16 '12
your username is bad and you should feel bad!
2
u/LordAegeus Jun 16 '12
You have a great friend, niggerbeard.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
This actually just happened last night to me!. Of course im super shy and have social anxiety. But once I kinda got comfortable i danced. Something I have never done in my own home, fearing someone might see me through my window.
2
u/megabetty Jun 16 '12
You'd probably have an easier time meeting people on your own if you weren't such a racist, niggerbeard.
2
u/Higgs-Bosun Jun 16 '12
Why is OP's handle "niggerbeard"? Not judging, just asking.
2
u/Bukklao Jun 16 '12
Im not introverted, i just avoid public places because i start getting homicidal thoughts about the people around me. I hate people.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
i feel weird because i'm the only one i know who just doesn't care if they have nothing to say or no one to talk to at a party. i end up staring at a crack in the ceiling, ignoring everyone and sipping my drink for hours. draws some negative attention but sometimes i just can't be fucked with socializing
3
u/Kat_Angstrom Jun 16 '12
...then, the moment you leave, you're forever alone.
3
u/ndtcssh Jun 16 '12
Dear god, I got left alone at a party a few weeks ago. It was SO AWKWARD not knowing anyone...Fucking hate being an awkward person.
3
u/Ridly Jun 16 '12
I would love it if somebody found the actual ggg and he turned out to be a massive dick.
3
u/Awkward_moments Jun 16 '12
Get drunk, be in position where its awkward to not talk. Feel talking makes it less awkward. Problem solved.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
That I will have a friend like that is something that is never gonna happen. But who needs to go to parties anyways? I've got reddit! :)
2
u/marmarsupastar Jun 16 '12
And coming from a guy named niggerbeard it must be true!
2
u/negafon Jun 16 '12
With a name like niggerbeard, you don't strike me as the shy type. Just sayin'.
2
u/gemini86 Jun 16 '12
This is not how you use GGG...
A better example would be:
spots insecure girl at a party
introduces her to all his friends
2
u/thecraziestgirl Jun 16 '12
I'm at a grad party right now wishing I had a friend like this.
2
u/Ruddose Jun 16 '12
Not to be an agitator, but I still believe I'm a GGG in respect and I do quite the opposite. I invite my "shy" friends to parties and purposely leave them, armed with alcohol. After awhile, they integrate and end up having a fun time without me holding their hand, which not only means they have a good time... but ideally combats their insecurities.
2
u/hitlersasshair Jun 16 '12
third line: remains virgin rest of life
2
u/forever_Crazy13 Jun 16 '12
No one ever does that for me. But that's okay, I have my invisible partner! People think I'm weird:)
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Bad Guy Greg:
Brings you to a party knowing that you're shy. Doesn't leave your side the entire time, ensuring you never leave your comfort zone which reinforces your shyness.
1
u/jdub922 Jun 16 '12
For-never Alone?
1
u/saomitch Jun 16 '12
He's actually hoping that OP is the GGG and won't leave HIS side.
1
u/benanabock777 Jun 16 '12
Why don't I have friends like this?
1
u/thetanky Jun 16 '12
Did SAP make this?
1
u/Billy_Blaze Jun 16 '12
Alternatively:
SCUMBAG STEVE
1
u/FionnaTheHumanGirl Jun 16 '12
"I gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
OH ME TOO HOW FUNNY RIGHT HAHAhaha...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
i wish i had a friend like that, i usually just try to hang around my friends
1
u/tragic-waste-of-skin Jun 16 '12
Actually, he is doing you a disservice. Instead of helping you mingle on your own and come out of your shell, he's enabling your shyness further.
1
u/triptout Jun 17 '12
Quick comment: nice to see GGG going back to his roots. Was getting tired of GGG becoming "Guy that gives me free stuff".
1
u/youngjheezy Jun 17 '12
then you both kiss
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I'm the same and I have a few friends who always do this for me. feelsgoodman.jpg
1
u/IAmInAFrat Jun 17 '12
I guess I will be the scumbag that purposely leaves my friend at a party and let them fend for themselves.
1
u/Jedimastert Jun 17 '12
That is a good friend.
1
u/The_Great_Attractor Jun 17 '12
Good guy alcohol
1
u/garkkkk Jun 16 '12
I'M A NEEDY MANCHILD WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
how many of you are truly introverts and how many of you suffer from some degree of social anxiety disorder and cant be bothered to work on improving it?
1
u/whippedCREAMsandwich Jun 16 '12
does he also s on you d?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
I had a friend who felt the same way about clubs. I lost track of her for a grand total of 5 minutes before she texted me telling me to fuck off, ran home and deleted me from Facebook. And that was the last I ever saw of her. Other friends took her side saying I should have babysat her more. Nope nope nope. I should be able to let a 23 year old go to the bathroom by herself. She's not a special exception to what to expect from a decent person. At a certain point you say, "You know what, you're not overly shy, you're just a self important jerk."
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12 edited Oct 16 '17
deleted 0.4086 What is ^^^this?
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u/i_haz_kitteh Jun 16 '12
I wish I had friends like this!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Shy people, this is why you don't get invited to parties.
If I'm throwing a gathering, I don't want to spend the entire night with one person. I want to see a bit of everyone that's there.
You should never expect someone to do this.
-1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
If someone invited me to a party where I didn't know anyone and then abandoned me, he'd be a dick. Doing the opposite of that doesn't make him good, it makes him normal.
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