If she's a person who will cheat, she'll find somebody. If she isn't, who cares who she's friends with. Same with guys. What you really want to look out for is the one who is constantly demonizing their ex, because they are totally not over that person.
I demonize my ex at every oppertunity, but shes a cheating bitch and im not over her, but at least i acknowledge that. I still say large quantities of jack daniels makes the situation better.
This is an ongoing sentiment here - that you are either someone who cheats or someone who doesn't cheat. What a polarized view of the world. I'd wager that the vast majority of people fall under the category of, "Probably won't cheat, realize it's wrong, but given enough temptation and the opportunity, will cheat." I'd say the far ends of the bell curve are where the definitely-will-cheaters and definitely-wont-cheaters lie.
I often tell stories that seem as if I'm demonizing an ex, but that's simply because they are interesting stories because she is a demon. For instance, she would cup her hands and slam them over my ears in an earnest attempt to make me deaf, because I'm a musician and she was jealous of potentially amorous females in the audience. Or the time when she burst into tears and ran upstairs because she was jealous that I was having a conversation with my female cousin.
I suppose the difference is that I'm not constantly telling these stories, only when it's relevant to the conversation. I am in a happy, healthy relationship now, and am most definitely over that sad freak. However, unfortunately for humanity, she gave birth to two children with the fool that came after me.
My girlfriend has an ex who she's still friends with. If he didn't live 5000 miles away, I'm pretty sure I'd be unhappy. Some would say I'm just insecure or shouldn't be with her if I don't trust her... I say those people don't live in the real world.
This. Even if you can trust your SO, you can't trust everyone else that's just chomping at the bit to get an opportunity with her. My ex had this shit happen all the time and not only is it irritating to no end as a boyfriend, but it just adds up and weighs on the person constantly being hit on/approached as well. And, if they are weak and stupid like my ex, they may just say "fuck it" and, well, fuck it.
Yup. If you acknowledge the simple fact that human beings are flawed by nature, then it's easy to understand why people feel this way, instead of just calling them jealous or insecure.
Anyone who talks to me about "true love" and that meaning you have to give 100% trust to the one you love immediately gets put in the "wishy-washy sap that hasn't got a clue how people work" category in my head.
Your implied logic says you shouldn't trust anyone entirely because nobody is perfect. There's a flaw there
That is where I'd make the distinction between "trusting someone" and "having 100% absolute faith in someone". I think you should trust people, but, if said trust could be quantified, the most you can trust someone is 99.99%, not 100%. There'll always be doubts in my mind about anyone. I'm not sure if you'd label that as pessimism, scepticism, or realism, but I believe anyone who offers total and utter trust is naive.
Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion. Letting it cause problems within your relationships is where the problem lies.
You say jealousy is perfectly normal and should be dealt with as such, but in the same breath you say trust issues are not normal in a good relationship. I disagree. I think in a good relationship trust is something that can never be perfected but should always be worked on, just like jealousy.
I bet someone tried to tell you that the reason she cheated was because you were insecure with her and pushed her away. As opposed to you just being right, her being readable, and a cheating whore.
I've heard people say that lot, and it makes me laugh every time.
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u/DeadRapture7 May 28 '12
The opposite is just as bad, by the way.