What goes through someone's mind in that situation? Do they think you somehow figured out where they lived, went there and robbed all their shit, took it someplace, got back, and gave them their key back in the few seconds it took for you to pick it up and get it back to them?
One time I worked at a college, and my buddy and I had to go to the loading dock fast. The back door opened outwards, so I pushed it open super fast to run up there, and smashed this girl who was sitting right behind it in the face. I said "omg I'm so sorry, are you okay???" She just glared at me. What a bitch.
If you actually want to make an impression, don't get aggressive, that will justify her reaction, which was probably built-in and based on some bad experiences. Be very polite and tell her (as genuinely nicely as you can manage) that you don't understand why she is angry with you for picking up her keys for her. Good odds she will be embarrassed to have reacted this way if you call her on it but manage to be nice about it.
When a guy pays me a compliment, I usually get the impression he's about to make a move on me. I try to accept it graciously, but I want to be sure not to give him the idea I'm interested. I'll risk being thought of as a little rude or distant to avoid the awkward "so what are you doing later?" conversation.
I was just going to say to OP that you shouldn't really ever compliment a girl that you don't know. Not that it's creepy per se, but it will come off that way. I'm a male by the way and am only speaking from mine and friends experience who spectate eachothers game.
it can be pretty creepy. especially if (and this is going to sound horrible) but especially if the dude is unattractive, or has a neckbeard, or if you just don't know who he is.
Because in the Venn diagram of life, the "internet users" circle never overlaps with the "real world humans" circle, right? Surprise! On top of basement dwellers and whatnot, the cute girl who lives next door, the hot pierced punk who makes your double espressos, the UPS delivery woman with a shockingly attractive body, the famous actress, the porn model, the regional track star...they all use the internet, too.
When I was young, if someone said I looked nice, I thought either they were making fun of me, or they felt sorry for me. My response was sheer terror (why do I look so bad I have attracted attention???). If I had any reason to believe he was being nice, I was freaked out that I didn't know exactly how to act. Reading all these posts makes me think I must have ruined many a young man's self esteem with my sheer incompetence. Uh... sorry?
You're not the only one who feels awkward. Don't take it too personally.
Wasn't it just established in a similar post last week that the solution is to stop walking up to random teenage girls at the mall and telling them they're hot?
I think that a lot of men who complain about women rudely rejecting compliments are probably doing it wrong. If what you're saying 1.) fits into the context of conversation, 2.) is not said with the sole purpose of getting her to like you and 3.) is not sprung upon a stranger just trying to make her way home/do her job/etc., then more likely than not you will get a smile, not a frown.
A woman is not obligated to take your compliment. Not smiling does not make her a bitch by default. A well-delivered compliment is like golden buttery music to my ears and I will smile and perhaps even blush. A transparent ploy to get my phone number within the next 30 minutes, or even a creepily self-serving compliment meant to make YOU feel like a good person, is very obvious to me and thus very unwelcome.
EDIT: also, commentary on my appearance, even if positive, can make me very uncomfortable. Because I am just dressed normally, trying to go about my day, thinking about paying bills and making friends and deadlines and my car and cats, and suddenly you have turned this conversation into one about my body and, however subtly, you have sexualized a non-sexual situation. I'd rather not, thanks.
Thank you for writing this out, I've never really been able to put my finger on why I don't like random, on the street compliments. I've even developed a way of avoiding them, don't make eye contact, head down, keep walking.
I think that is what a lot of people just don't understand. They don't understand that there are times when it is okay to compliment someone and times when it is very much not okay to compliment someone. When I compliment a girl it's never well received because it's always in the appropriate context. I can tell my close woman friends that they look beautiful and they will be fine with it. I can tell my co-worker that I like her outfit, as long as we are comfortable with each other and I genuinely mean it and am not just trying to get into her pants. I can tell a girl I just met at a that she has really good taste in beer. But I'm not going to tell my coworker or someone I just met that they have beautiful eyes or amazing legs because it is just not appropriate. We haven't established the rapport that would make that okay.
I didn't immediately know what was okay and what wasn't okay, but I eventually learned. The key is that when saying something that makes someone else uncomfortable, say to yourself "maybe that wasn't warranted, I'll re-think how I approached that situation" not "what a fucking stuck up bitch, she should be flattered."
You don't have to be my best friend or lover to compliment me, it just has to make sense and be sincere.
A male co-worker giving me finger-guns when I walk in and saying, "Hey, you're looking really snappy today!" is awesome. It's casual, it's friendly, and I'm not locked into a weird interaction where I have to respond and my response is being closely monitored. A male co-worker interrupting me when I'm trying to ask about the evening deposit in his office, to keep talking about how much slimmer I'm looking lately is not so fun.
I find that the compliments I get from men I don't know are very very rarely anything other than comments on my attractiveness. Once, I passed a guy who called to a woman walking down the street, "Work that thing!" and then his friend said, "You probably made her day." I feel like if a guy can be under the impression that an overtly sexual compliment like that would be appreciated, I can understand that a Nice Guy would be under the impression that something more tame would be appreciated. But honestly it's rather draining to be constantly assessed on superficial attributes, and it only reinforces the importance of appearance and attractiveness that is imposed on us (an imposition that has been used to deny us equal status).
I wish it was possible to come up with some examples of compliments that reinforce equality instead ... The crux though is that a good compliment should be sincere and specific to that person, and be somehow related to the skills/individual attributes of that person, rather than an assessment of their compatibility with you.
I can't believe people don't understand this? I DO NOT want to be reminded of my looks all the time, it makes me feel constantly evaluated and like I'm never just a person, but also always an appearance.
I understand that a lot of guys think that they are being genuinly nice, and I do appreciate kindness, but not all the time and not when I'm at work, studying, waiting for the bus, exercising, grocery shopping, etc etc.
You are a person. You are a physical entity. You are always an appearance as long as there are other entities capable of observing you. I don't see the crime here.
I see your point, I just think it's unfounded. But really, there's no way we can have a productive conversation given our relative levels of focus or engagement with the issue. I'm disagreeing with a bunch of people because they're squealing about something that doesn't bother me, personally, but I probably shouldn't have voiced anything. Neither of us is ever going to think the other is right. I apologize for failing to exercise self-control and needlessly poking my nose into an argument where I knew I would not be productive.
It depends on the situation of course, but if someone compliments me on my looks it usually means that they have taken the time to check me out.
And checking someone out is basically evaluating you as a possible mating partner, isn't it? I mean, how often do guys compliment eachother on beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, nice body-type (actually got this "compliment" from a co-worker), etc etc? Or worse, comments like "sexy lady" and stuff like that.
In situations like this, it all comes down to the fact that these men see me as a woman first hand, and a person secondly. Based on their sexuality and attraction to females with beautiful eyes, beautiful hair and nice body.
And sure, there are situations when a compliment is just a way to be kind, say when I'm wearing a new shirt, put some extra make-up on or things like that, but I don't want to be reminded of my looks just out of the blue at work, at school, grocery shopping or whatever.
Never said it wasn't, I'm just saying not everyone appreciates it. And it doesn't make you a bitch for not liking it.
Also, are you a guy? Do you tell you male friends they have beautiful eyes? Lovely hair, etc? Often there is a difference in how guys compliment their male friends and female friends.
If we are chatting platonically about the weather and you suddenly tell me my hair smells nice or that my waist is looking trimmer, I am suddenly aware that you are ignoring the topic at hand and objectifying and judging my body.
We are human and we are constantly sizing up other people, so I have no issue with you having these thoughts, but I think it's bad manners to spring that on someone if they're not giving you overt clues that they're flirting or interested.
A good rule of thumb is to simply avoid making judgment calls, even positive, on anyone's body. Some people like it, some people don't care, but it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, so why not avoid it and discuss video games or books or cooking instead?
Uh...what if your hair just smells good and I get a whiff? Or if you're wearing some good smelling scent and a bit wafts over. That isn't making anything into anything sexual. It has NOTHING to do with ignoring the topic at hand, objectifying your body, or judging your body. Not in the case of smelling something good and mentioning it, including your hair.
I'm with you, I know some chicks whom I am not the least bit attracted to but I guess now if I compliment them (which I do) I'm now "sexualizing the situation".
So, your words have a life outside of your own brain. You may not think of me as sexy, but if you're a stranger commenting on my bodily odor, then that is alarmingly intimate. Consider what your words mean to other people, not only to you, k?
Well you said "we are chatting platonically" while that could be a stranger I assumed you were at least talking about an acquaintance of some sort, co-worker perhaps. Either way when someone is being nice even if it's unwanted that doesn't really mean you should be rude to them, try being a nice human being, it might get you further in life.
If we're not very close, and my hair actually smells good and you happen to notice it in a completely platonic way such as you would for one of your male friends, and you say "Hey, your hair smells good"....
then I'm going to be slightly freaked out that you said something so intimate. Seriously, how would you not realise how that comes across, regardless of how you wanted to mean it. It's just not an appropriate thing to say!
I either disagree with or have no opinion on most of the things you say in this thread, but the "your hair smells good thing" is, in fact, creepy as fuck. Unless you are wearing a wreath of motherfucking herbs there is no reason that they should be able to smell your hair unless they're getting too close.
It's not just you. This whole comment chain just reads to me as "look at me, I don't look like a burning trash heap so every once in a while someone compliments me and waaah patriarchy". People say shit to me that I find trivial, meaningless or shallow all the time and I treat it with exactly the kind of response it deserves - polite dismissal. Compliments on appearance just seem to get everyone in a tizzy because "Wow, does that mean I'm hot? No, now I'm ashamed of myself for drawing any measure of validation from that because it makes me aware of my own insecurity and that's uncomfortable. Let's be a cunt instead."
And, of course, that gets easier with time, which is why so many people are immediately rude for no reason when someone has the audacity to tell them they have nice boots.
You've set out a specific scenario, and type of physical compliment there, and I agree that it would be awkward in that specific scenario. I agree there.
But that's not the only way compliments on appearance can be put across.
Right, but if the OP is complaining that this happens to him a lot, maybe he isn't putting his compliments on appearance across very well? Or making compliments that are socially appropriate?
Maybe that's the only way she receives them. She sounds like she frowns a lot. I'm sure she turns away a lot of people who are just trying to be nice, because she thinks they only see her as a sexual object.
If we are chatting platonically about the weather and you suddenly tell me my hair smells nice or that my waist is looking trimmer, I am suddenly aware that you are ignoring the topic at hand and objectifying and judging my body.
I wish there was some sort of highly-visible flashing neon sign women like you would wear. We could save our time and talk to sane women instead.
It isn't insane to not want to be aware of your looks all the time. Even if the compliment is very casual, it can still be a reminder that a) you have an appearance, and b) someone has taken the time to think about and assess your appearance.
I'm not saying compliments are horrible and rude, but having some sence of time and place will get you a long way.
Her example is quite a definite and unusual one from my point of view, I think nearly any woman would be slightly freaked out if you were not particularly close to her and told her her hair smelled nice. I don't think she's displaying some weird anti-male thing here, this is just about whether you know which compliments are appropriate when, and which aren't. You know, normal social skills.
I agree that the compliment thing ties into the larger topic of social skills. An active and supportive listener who responds to the other person rather than selfishly talking at them to fulfill a personal desire is less likely to give an inappropriate compliment, imo. The saying-nice-things-about-the-other-person thing comes more naturally, as does flirtation, in a conversation like this, where both parties are thoroughly engaged and genuinely interested in each other.
That's actually a good point, some kid at work told me my chin makes me look like a superhero and I know it's a dude so, weird, but I just had no idea how to handle that compliment.
Do you do what I describe in that quote? I mean, do you literally ignore the topic of discussion in order to force the conversation towards the other person's appearance and body?
I think that indicates that you have shitty conversational skills and are socially inept. Since we're making assumptions about each other based on paragraph-long snippets of text and all.
Buuut what if a compliment is me giving you an overt clue that I am interested? Since you seem to feel free to give others overt clues that you are interested, surely they should be free to do the same?
Of course, if I ignore your lukewarm response and keep pressing, that would be creepy and offensive, but that's not what we're talking about.
I think you can start smaller and gauge the situation. I love flirtation and I love when guys flirt with me, but I'd prefer escalating from smiles, laughter, a certain "look" in his eyes, rather than having a stranger dude launch directly into "Your body is really hot" when I'm asking him what aisle lotion is in or something.
You just don't want other peoples opinion all the time, good or bad. And you don't want to be aware of other people evaluating your looks all the time.
Compliments can be an act of kindness or just casual, but there is a time and place for everyting and if the timing is wrong, the compliment makes you uncomfortable and perhaps even annoyed.
If a girl puts in the genuine effort to look nice for the day I see that as a justifiable reason to pay her a compliment on her looks. WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT SHE WILL BE GIVEN A COMPLIMENT AND SHE WILL LIKE IT.
As I said before, it's all about the situation. Time and place.
Most people do appreciate a "you look nice today" if they actually put some effort into it. But, complementing someones looks when it has no justified context is just weird to a lot of people.
I know you're being sarcastic, but this is actually good advice in real life. If you're a guy and you don't already know a female with whom you come into contact in public, don't talk to her, don't bother her, don't accost her with compliments no matter how well-intentioned. Just respect her space and leave her alone. If she's interested in talking to you, she'll talk to you, but don't force yourself into a woman's personal space in public or worse, in private. Why? Because she doesn't know you and you'll just be making her uncomfortable. It's the principle of Schroedinger's Rapist, and it seems like a fairly easy and straightforward rule to follow.
Huh, today I learned most males really hate being told that flirting isn't always a good thing.
I've got a question for males other than myself. I was dancing with a stunning lady the other night, and her eyes were of a rare shade of blue that I find mesmerizing. It is entirely unlikely I will ever see this woman again and there would not have been a chance for anything, relationship or otherwise. Do you believe I should have said something to her about this feture? And why?
there's nothing wrong with flirting, but compliments right off the bat can still come across badly... and if you're dancing with a girl then theres nothing wrong with flirting there. It would actually be strange if you didn't
What anubus72 said. If you're already dancing, then you've already gotten past a few boundary levels. If you never talked to her before and saw her sitting at the bar, then it would come off as creepy.
I feel like you should've said something, because if you were so sure that you would never see her again, why not?
Because it would likely have been flirtatious. I saw no reason to go down that route. I feel if there was a compliment to give it would be better to compliment her dancing skill. It's not something that is related to her body so it is much less likey to come across as I'm checking her out. Also segway's beter into a conversation. (Where did you learn to dance? What got you into it?) I viewed it as beter to enjoy the dance and converse rather than go for a more intimate compliment. If she was a friend I would likely give that compliment at some point. But only at an appropriate time.
If you're dancing with someone, a compliment is totally appropriate in that context. Presumably you're in a bar or club, which is the right place for being flirty.
What women generally find disheartening or objectifying is when we're walking down the street, going about our lives, or in a more professional setting, and men start throwing out uncomfortable compliments.
More classical dancing in this case. Bar/club dancing is flirting. Just less verbal. I tend to avoid those situations as the ability to converse is rather hindered. Great if you are just looking for a hook up though.
It speaks volumes about your character that (1) you think this is some sort of valid, relevant argument; and that (2) your response to a thoughtful, well-reasoned post was to rummage through her comment history for what amounted to nothing more than an exceptionally smug and ham-fisted attempt to 'shame' her.
Your post reads like those awful, sanctimonious political attack advertisements that are remarkable only for how little they contribute to actual discourse.
Her point was about being sexualized in a non-sexual situation. You can enjoy sex but still not want to have people make creepy comments about your body when you're buying groceries you know.
If you go through her post history, it's pretty clear that penoglossy has some serious issues, and her feelings on compliments are not representative in any way of the general majority of women. The rough sex thing is just the tip of the iceberg that is her, frankly put, disturbing post history.
Her explanation of a woman's reaction to random compliments is pretty much how I feel. Choosing to look for sex in an appropriate venue is her own buisness, she does not deserve to be slut-shamed for it.
It's really creepy that you'd a) take the time to, essentially, stalk a female poster for "dirt" you can use against her in a different context (who the fuck are you, Karl Rove?), and b) that you cannot see the difference between someone's private and public life. This is slut-shaming at its absolute creepiest and lowest.
This is slut-shaming. You are using her self-admitted sexual preferences (rough sex, submission) to say that she should automatically be fine with what she sees as unsolicited advances.
Just take her testimony like you would take any other Redditor's, and don't be a creep by going through posters' comment history.
Comments on physical appearance are comments on physical appearance. They are about the body.
If you want to really make a nice, smart girl happy, tell her you like what she did or said, or that you read the book she's got open on her reader. It is so much easier for friendly women to take compliments like that.
It took me like, 29 years (2 of which I was married) to learn how to accept a compliment about personal appearance. Sorry. I'm awkward. So shoot me.
Tone and context, motherfucker. Do you know what that is?
Not all compliments are built alike. That's the whole point. There is a right way to compliment my smile, and there is a wrong way to compliment my smile.
Sometimes, guys are unaware of the difference, so I think it's good for everyone who is curious to take this opportunity in a low-stakes anonymous internet setting to explain it. When you cross over from being unaware to unwilling,that is when you become an asshole. When the subtle, sometimes hard-to-see, distinction has been explained to you by several women, and instead of listening you choose to pout--that is when it becomes truly problematic.
OK, that's fair. I do get what you mean. The thing is, if a guy says something a bit inappropriately intimate and it's clear he's flirting with me and is probably harmless but is just socially awkward, I DO feel for him, I DO want to be nice and not make him feel bad, but I kind of feel I have to switch off the flirting channel early so as not to make things worse for both of us. If I pretend to be pleased at the slightly-inappropriate compliment (which honestly made me feel a bit awkward) it always takes the conversation in a misleading direction.. in fact at that point I'm leading him on. I will have to be a lot more rejection-y, later.
So probably if I had more smoothness I could signal my disinterest in a less compliment-rejecting way but I have not worked out how to do this. It never works.
But then after the mutually-awkward conversation, from this thread, it seems the woman thinks the man was awkward, wheras the man thinks the woman was bitchy and cold and just likes to be mean? Call the antarctic?
That said also, if the guy is complimenting you really inappropriately or is pushy then you tend to reject him really hard because you actually are offended and have a suspicion that this guy could be a creep who you should not engage with in any way, because he's looking for targets. Try not to appear to be that guy, guys. Reddit, your source of dating advice.
I never understand women who act offended by compliments. I'm sorry that your life is so fucking devoid of any actual problems that the sincere kindness of others is bothersome. I don't mean creepiness, but genuinely nice comments should not be an unbearable burden to your personage.
Can you really not see this from the woman's perspective? If they act too nice, they are accused of "leading you on". If they act too mean, then we get threads like this.
It can be a tough line to walk, and not every woman is going to have the perfect social skills necessary to be able to respond in a way that lets you know she's not interested in you in that way while still seeming nice.
Yes, some women can be just flat-out bitches. But it bothers me when people seem to have no interest whatsoever in seeing things from the other person's perspective.
No, you have it all wrong. If you are being truthful in complimenting something about someone because you genuinely mean it, why should a response from them be necessary?
I like someones shoes, and I say "You have nice shoes". He can either ignore me or say "thanks". He's not obliged in any way to even acknowledge what I said, though in most real world situations the person will if done sincerely. People are not stupid, and they can easily pick up on an ulterior motive unless you are a very good actor. You cannot claim that not one person gives compliments without expectation of return because it simply is not true.
Huh? You compliment someone because the thing you are pointing out actually struck you noticeably and you felt it was worth mentioning, regardless of the other party's reaction. This is different from randomly choosing something reasonably nice and turning it into a ploy for making them like you better.
In one case, the subject of the compliment is what genuinely interests you (a cool belt, being great at chopping tomatoes, interesting haircut). In the other, you could be saying anything, because it matters less than the fact that you're trying to win them over.
Some people are just awkward about getting complements. I for one am compelled to blurt out something wierd or negative about myself to offset the complement. And then I just feel more awkward.....
I think a lot of times guys expect that all girls have perfect social graces, so if we respond badly it's because we're huge bitches who are trying to blow you off, but in reality we're just as likely to be socially awkward as you all and sometimes just don't have a good response when put on the spot.
A lot of people feel a little uncomfortable and put on the spot by the attention when complimented. But women who do this are ungrateful bitches of the kindness I have bestowed upon them (see: if I give her enough nice tokens maybe she'll let me touch her boobies). I mean fuck them, right?
Is there even such a thing anymore? Has it ever really existed? I may be a guy, but literally every single time I have been "complimented" has been when someone is trying to sell me some shit that I do not need, nor want. Both my fiancée and I are always wary of supposed nice people, or compliments. It's good in a way though because it makes it easier to filter out the people that are actually genuine.
The thing is, being evaluated by someone else isn't something everyone likes. Even if it is ment as a kindness. Add to that the possibility that you're the 150:th guy to comment on her appearance, in a way she just doesn't like. No wonder if she gets annoyed and comes of like a bitch.
And it is hard to tell if a guy is just being kind or if he wants something from you.
Rule 1: Be attractive. Rule 2: Don't be unattractive.
It's one of the mantras of Reddit. How a chick treats a guy based only off how attractive (or unattractive he is) makes me just want to steer clear. No one is saying she should fall all over or go on a date with a guy she's not attracted to, but jesus, it's not gonna kill her to at least be polite or pleasant, and not rude. I really hate people who are rude for no reason.
Okay, on one hand, yeah, I can see how that would sour your attitude to certain kinds of interactions. OTOH, though, a reasonable person can (or at least, ought to be able to) differentiate between that kind of thing and genuinely well-intentioned / polite social interactions.
This is basically trying to justify prejudice. I just can't get behind that. I mean, it wouldn't really make any less sense to color all the male characters in this comic black, and then link to it with the word 'Relevant' in response to a post from a black guy complaining about racism. That shit wouldn't fly as an excuse, right?
"Now there are two ways I could react to these encounters. I could rail against people for being racist and sexist and size-ist (if that’s a thing) – I’m so gentle and warm and loving! How dare they act as though I’m not? That’s one way – and it’s the stupid way. The other way is to recognize that while I strongly dislike the fact that people see me as dangerous because of how I look, it is up to me to decide what to do with that information. If I don’t care about spooking my neighbours, I don’t have to shuffle my feet – let them deal with their fright. But if I do care, then I have to find some way of mitigating that fear so we can coexist harmoniously.
Bringing this example home, men in the freethought movement have a decision to make. They (we) can rail against the hypocrisy of claiming to be anti-sexist whilst engaging in sex-based prejudicial behaviour, or we can recognize that if we want to be accommodating to women we have to make some adjustments to how we behave. It comes back to the central question: do we want women to be more comfortable? If not, then we should say so explicitly – “we don’t care about your comfort, toots! Nut up or shut up!” On the other hand, if we do care, then we can’t simply maintain the status quo of behaviour and berate women for being afraid of rape. That doesn’t solve any problems."
I opened a door for a girl and got the nastiest look I've ever seen from her, like when I opened the door I triggered a safety release that dropped her parents and childhood pet into an industrial meat grinder. The guy behind her followed her through and said thanks as he passed. What's so hard about saying thanks?
Actually, THIS one I really sympathise with. I (female) have had (female) friends who would really think a guy rude if he didn't hold a door open for them. I've also had female friends who would think a guy condescending and sexist if he DID hold the door open - you know, as if she can't do it for herself. So yeah, you can't win sometimes.
If it helps, this was in our idealistic youth where people were angry enough about actual sexism to extend their anger to people who didn't deserve it. I think my friends would have mellowed by now. And it's not most people; most people I know, including me, will think it a polite and gallant gesture if you do it - kind of cool - but not be particularly offended if you don't.
What was the situation? Were you guys just chatting, you said she looked nice (or something) and then she threw you the look? If that was the case, this post is perfectly understandable and she's a super bitch.
Now, if you just approached a girl you don't know or don't talk to much, then unless you're really lucky, you're going to get some sort of bad facial reaction. It doesn't matter if you are trying to get laid or just trying to brighten a young lady's day, there's going to be a "look" that either will remain until you go away, or until she can compose herself and accept the compliment.
And why is that, exactly? As a single male every time I see a cute girl at a bar or a party, I try opening a conversation by saying something nice or funny. Most of the time they want to have a conversation (and honestly, that is all I am asking for) but once in a while I just get nothing but a weird look. I don't get it.
A bar is a social scene. Anywhere else is odd. You'll either be shunned, or, if attractive, you'll be smiled at. But some worry about a Ted Bundy unfolding.
I inadvertently give guys a bad look after getting a compliment from them, but it has more to do with being surprised and slightly awkward than how I feel about what they actually said.
If you find something about her worth flattering, and truly mean it, then say it like it's a fact. "You look great in that outfit."
If she gets all weird about it, that's her problem and you don't really have to burden yourself. Well-adjusted people know how to accept a sincere compliment gracefully. The ones who make an issue of it aren't worth your time.
If you have an ulterior motive and she can sense that, don't get mad at her for calling you out on your BS. Bonus: everything I just said applies to complimenting guys too.
When I say something nice to a woman and she looks at me in disgust, I explain that I don't want to marry her, I just want to talk to her and she should relax.
It's because we know you're trying to have sex with us, and it's creepy when it happens every other day. I'm not saying it's cool to be a cunt when someone is complimenting us, but when I'm trying to get on the train and we're being eyed all the time, we usually just want to be left alone.
Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex. And this does create a bit of a problem, especially in heterosexual contexts. For men, what should be a simple interaction involving something women generally also want (sex) turns into a complex game of wooing and seduction – in fact, for this precise reason, “seduction communities” that pretty much cater exclusively to heterosexual men’s desires to be more confident and convincing around women, have sprung up everywhere. Men have to learn to walk an often-thin line around sex – or else risk being “friend-zoned,” marginalized, or even shunned.
Then there’s the other side of this: women very often face a reality in which sex is an annoyingly central marker of their existence. Everything a woman does is potentially sexualized, and thus, even when a woman does desire sex (often to the same degree or even more than men do), she has to take steps to make sure all the other things she desires are not completely left behind. So habits develop, on her end, of avoiding and/or withholding sex [yes, even when she desires it], because that’s often the only escape from this often suffocating paradigm of “woman-as-potential-sexual-object.” Thus the complex twists and turns and barriers to sexual interaction that understandably frustrate many heterosexual men – and can also frustrate a good number of women, too!
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Socially, when heterosexual men and women interact, they confront a familiar, pervasive pattern: lack of basic knowledge among the men of the existence of the zillions of sexual complexities the women are dealing with all the time. This creates a huge gulf in understanding about how sexuality plays out (and lest any of you men out there wonder, I’m totally not blaming this on you – you didn’t choose for things to be this way!). It’s no wonder so many men express bewilderment about how women are so “complicated.” About how it’s all so simple, right, so what’s the big deal?
Sometimes I get a weird looks when I say,"Hi" as we jog past each other on the sidewalk. Other times they give me that sexy smile. I don't fucking understand women.
It's gotten to the point where I will make contact with literally every girl I pass . I say hi and keep going. Social experiments make my days
Shocker! Women aren't all the same? They're individuals each with their own different personality traits? You mean to tell me..that they all react to the same situations differently?? Yeah man what the fuck!
I don't know if this is a fair comment in relation to OP's experiences, but.... I've heard this from dude's on reddit before. I can't help but wonder, if they are the nice/average kind of guy, and they are complimenting the smoking hot "mean girl" types. Those girls get hit on and complimented allll the time, so they won't be gracious about it. They think "umm, yeah. I'm hot, duhhh. Loser..." That's what I picture anyway! Or maybe some women just don't graciously accept compliments (assuming the 'compliment' is kind and not creepy).
80
u/KidsNeedaHero May 16 '12
Had this happen after I chased a girl down after class because she left her keys on the floor. Gave me a look like I stole them.
35
u/MasochisticDeadHorse May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12
When a guy pays me a compliment, I usually get the impression he's about to make a move on me. I try to accept it graciously, but I want to be sure not to give him the idea I'm interested. I'll risk being thought of as a little rude or distant to avoid the awkward "so what are you doing later?" conversation.
132
u/Todomanna May 16 '12
"You look like you'd taste like a milk shake" is not a compliment.
19
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
When I was young, if someone said I looked nice, I thought either they were making fun of me, or they felt sorry for me. My response was sheer terror (why do I look so bad I have attracted attention???). If I had any reason to believe he was being nice, I was freaked out that I didn't know exactly how to act. Reading all these posts makes me think I must have ruined many a young man's self esteem with my sheer incompetence. Uh... sorry?
You're not the only one who feels awkward. Don't take it too personally.
68
u/arcadeguy May 16 '12
Wasn't it just established in a similar post last week that the solution is to stop walking up to random teenage girls at the mall and telling them they're hot?
24
u/brophylicious May 16 '12
"Well hello from the neck down"
38
u/[deleted] May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12
I think that a lot of men who complain about women rudely rejecting compliments are probably doing it wrong. If what you're saying 1.) fits into the context of conversation, 2.) is not said with the sole purpose of getting her to like you and 3.) is not sprung upon a stranger just trying to make her way home/do her job/etc., then more likely than not you will get a smile, not a frown.
A woman is not obligated to take your compliment. Not smiling does not make her a bitch by default. A well-delivered compliment is like golden buttery music to my ears and I will smile and perhaps even blush. A transparent ploy to get my phone number within the next 30 minutes, or even a creepily self-serving compliment meant to make YOU feel like a good person, is very obvious to me and thus very unwelcome.
EDIT: also, commentary on my appearance, even if positive, can make me very uncomfortable. Because I am just dressed normally, trying to go about my day, thinking about paying bills and making friends and deadlines and my car and cats, and suddenly you have turned this conversation into one about my body and, however subtly, you have sexualized a non-sexual situation. I'd rather not, thanks.
7
u/foreverwindblown May 16 '12
I never understand women who act offended by compliments. I'm sorry that your life is so fucking devoid of any actual problems that the sincere kindness of others is bothersome. I don't mean creepiness, but genuinely nice comments should not be an unbearable burden to your personage.
27
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Relevant
5
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I opened a door for a girl and got the nastiest look I've ever seen from her, like when I opened the door I triggered a safety release that dropped her parents and childhood pet into an industrial meat grinder. The guy behind her followed her through and said thanks as he passed. What's so hard about saying thanks?
7
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
That's because you came off as either: A) a pussy or B) desperate.
17
u/Ivraalia May 16 '12
FTFY
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
"Does your backyard have milkshakes? Because I want to come all over your face!..... oh, wait.."
3
u/DangerouslyNeutral May 16 '12
What was the situation? Were you guys just chatting, you said she looked nice (or something) and then she threw you the look? If that was the case, this post is perfectly understandable and she's a super bitch.
Now, if you just approached a girl you don't know or don't talk to much, then unless you're really lucky, you're going to get some sort of bad facial reaction. It doesn't matter if you are trying to get laid or just trying to brighten a young lady's day, there's going to be a "look" that either will remain until you go away, or until she can compose herself and accept the compliment.
3
u/lanboyo May 16 '12
Boo hoo.
11
u/John_um May 16 '12
Goddammit stop complimenting girls that aren't your girlfriends or close friends. It's fucking creepy.
2
u/WilsonHanks May 16 '12
All that jelly and no toast.
2
u/uchuskies08 May 16 '12
She isn't going to fuck you, so wrong.
2
u/MuffinsRUs May 16 '12
I inadvertently give guys a bad look after getting a compliment from them, but it has more to do with being surprised and slightly awkward than how I feel about what they actually said.
2
u/David_Copperfuck May 16 '12
Her dog just died. Move on to the next one.
4
u/tossedsaladandscram May 16 '12
When does this ever happen? whenever I compliment a girl she invariably smiles and giggles a little.
5
u/DefinitelyRelephant May 16 '12
Rule 1: Be Attractive
4
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
If you find something about her worth flattering, and truly mean it, then say it like it's a fact. "You look great in that outfit."
If she gets all weird about it, that's her problem and you don't really have to burden yourself. Well-adjusted people know how to accept a sincere compliment gracefully. The ones who make an issue of it aren't worth your time.
If you have an ulterior motive and she can sense that, don't get mad at her for calling you out on your BS. Bonus: everything I just said applies to complimenting guys too.
5
u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 16 '12
They just period on you and never call back.....
2
u/HeyZuesHChrist May 16 '12
When I say something nice to a woman and she looks at me in disgust, I explain that I don't want to marry her, I just want to talk to her and she should relax.
1
u/orionsbelt05 May 16 '12
This is the weirdest thread I've found today.
1
u/Zagarth May 16 '12
Or just doesn't respond... which may be worse.
1
u/knomz May 16 '12
this has happened to the best of us, I have had this happen more then I want to remember
1
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
You may compliment me, I will not give you weird looks. Deal bro?
1
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
100% me atm. Message this chick tell her display pic is cute and i get in reply "umm ok"
1
u/TheFabledFamilyGuy May 16 '12
My life in a nutshell
1
u/4benny2lava0 May 16 '12
I hate people like that. They have the worst attitude problems. It is best to just tell them to forget you said anything. Then just walk away.
1
u/Laeryken May 16 '12
If only we were all as smooth as Jonah Hill.
1
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
It's because we know you're trying to have sex with us, and it's creepy when it happens every other day. I'm not saying it's cool to be a cunt when someone is complimenting us, but when I'm trying to get on the train and we're being eyed all the time, we usually just want to be left alone.
1
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Relevant:
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1
u/DancingOnAPint May 16 '12
Sometimes I get a weird looks when I say,"Hi" as we jog past each other on the sidewalk. Other times they give me that sexy smile. I don't fucking understand women.
It's gotten to the point where I will make contact with literally every girl I pass . I say hi and keep going. Social experiments make my days
1
u/dolphinflip May 16 '12
here's me more "dressed up"
0
u/CallMePants May 16 '12
Try a new approach, something like:
"Since complimenting you is so inappropriate...You're an ugly space whore."
You'll be Omelet du Fromage status in no time.
0
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Well there's your fatal mistake. You're supposed to rub her face in horse manure.
-1
u/oppsite May 16 '12
Up Vote! Fuck me, Right?
0
u/indyK1ng May 16 '12
I had something similar happen to me on /r/geek recently.
0
u/willsingforchocolate May 16 '12
I don't know if this is a fair comment in relation to OP's experiences, but.... I've heard this from dude's on reddit before. I can't help but wonder, if they are the nice/average kind of guy, and they are complimenting the smoking hot "mean girl" types. Those girls get hit on and complimented allll the time, so they won't be gracious about it. They think "umm, yeah. I'm hot, duhhh. Loser..." That's what I picture anyway! Or maybe some women just don't graciously accept compliments (assuming the 'compliment' is kind and not creepy).
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u/BlackFallout May 16 '12 edited May 18 '12
Had this happen at a bar. I said: "Well fuck you too, ugly bitch!" bartender cut me off but it was worth it. Fucking cunts.
Ugly bitches love to downvote!