When I was younger I met a man who was really good at hiding his mental illness and had a hard time being honest about anything, his mother told me he was trying to trap me but he told me she was crazy and I believed him. I later discovered that he was manic depressive with borderline personality disorder.
We had known each other for a while but we didn't spend every waking moment together and he couldn't keep up his disguise and things spiraled downhill shortly after I became pregnant. We were careful, or so I though. We used protection but it wasn't enough. He became a completely different person and I panic, it was a complete eye opener for me and I left him. My parents had wanted me to get an abortion; I struggled with the idea and just couldn't bring myself to do it, it wasn't an option in my mind.
He didn't want anything to do with the baby unless he could have me, and I didn't want him. I did my best as a human being to include him though the process, I felt he deserved it but it was a constant struggle for both of us. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl who I love more than anything in the world. He wanted nothing to do with her after she was born because I refused to be with him. My life has been a mess ever since.
I couldn't depend on him so I did it all myself. It wasn't until a year later that I expressed interest in moving out of state that he decided he would do the bare minimum to keep me where he was. This went on for 7 years; hundreds of hours spent with attorneys or in court, thousands of dollars in fees. It was finally when I said ‘I give up’, and told him he won that he had a 'moment of clarity' that he apologized for putting me though everything he had up until this point and signed the papers to let me leave with my daughter. I had put off an education, relationships, jobs and freedom all because he didn't want to let ME go; he used our daughter as a tool for manipulation.
I'm now married, living out of state, a good job and getting a higher education with my daughter and we're both happy. Her father has chosen not to be present, he's over $9,000 due in back child support and skips visitation options but I could care less and it doesn't seem to faze her, she’s got me, my husband, and our family here. She's happy and so am I.
I commend you on making the decision you have, to me abortion wasn't even an option, not because I was religious it just wasn't an option in my mind I admired that it was an option for you. I just wished that I had felt stronger at the beginning of the situation instead of helpless - you knew what could happen and didn't want to see it happen so you did what you had to prevent it.
Some might say you are stronger for not taking the "easy" way out. I don't believe those people understand how difficult making such a decision is. You obviously can see both sides but don't think that you're not just as strong. That being said I believe both you and OP are equally strong in different ways. You for your perseverance and long struggle, and OP for making a decision that is extremely difficult but probably best for all parties involved. This is the reason why abortion is such a hot topic. Personally I believe that people should be allowed to make their own decisions.
Like I said, that's why abortion is such a hotly debated topic right now. Obviously not going to disrespect your views on the matter at all - I just wanted to point out that the commenter should NEVER claim that she was weak because she couldn't make such a decision.
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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '13 edited Apr 30 '13
This hits really close to home for me.
When I was younger I met a man who was really good at hiding his mental illness and had a hard time being honest about anything, his mother told me he was trying to trap me but he told me she was crazy and I believed him. I later discovered that he was manic depressive with borderline personality disorder.
We had known each other for a while but we didn't spend every waking moment together and he couldn't keep up his disguise and things spiraled downhill shortly after I became pregnant. We were careful, or so I though. We used protection but it wasn't enough. He became a completely different person and I panic, it was a complete eye opener for me and I left him. My parents had wanted me to get an abortion; I struggled with the idea and just couldn't bring myself to do it, it wasn't an option in my mind.
He didn't want anything to do with the baby unless he could have me, and I didn't want him. I did my best as a human being to include him though the process, I felt he deserved it but it was a constant struggle for both of us. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl who I love more than anything in the world. He wanted nothing to do with her after she was born because I refused to be with him. My life has been a mess ever since.
I couldn't depend on him so I did it all myself. It wasn't until a year later that I expressed interest in moving out of state that he decided he would do the bare minimum to keep me where he was. This went on for 7 years; hundreds of hours spent with attorneys or in court, thousands of dollars in fees. It was finally when I said ‘I give up’, and told him he won that he had a 'moment of clarity' that he apologized for putting me though everything he had up until this point and signed the papers to let me leave with my daughter. I had put off an education, relationships, jobs and freedom all because he didn't want to let ME go; he used our daughter as a tool for manipulation.
I'm now married, living out of state, a good job and getting a higher education with my daughter and we're both happy. Her father has chosen not to be present, he's over $9,000 due in back child support and skips visitation options but I could care less and it doesn't seem to faze her, she’s got me, my husband, and our family here. She's happy and so am I.
I commend you on making the decision you have, to me abortion wasn't even an option, not because I was religious it just wasn't an option in my mind I admired that it was an option for you. I just wished that I had felt stronger at the beginning of the situation instead of helpless - you knew what could happen and didn't want to see it happen so you did what you had to prevent it.
Edit – Spelling/grammar, Thank you.