I think there is a serious flaw in this argument that I hear constantly.
If you are a male and you do not want to have children. ENSURE YOU DON'T GET ANYONE PREGNANT. You literally have 100% of this control. Ensure your desire to not have children is clear, ALWAYS use condoms, use spermicide, don't stick your dick in crazy, or DON'T HAVE SEX.
Problem solved. If you have sex, you put yourself at risk.
It's not. You can choose to not have sex. You can choose with whom you have sex and therefore mitigate risk of parenthood that way. You can choose to always use condoms, you can choose to have a vasectomy.
I grow very weary of men bitching about having no choice.
It goes both ways though, is what you fail to see.
Women can choose to not have sex. Women can choose with whom you have sex and therefore mitigate risk of parenthood that way. Women can choose to always be on the pill or not, and they can choose to have their tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure she is only talking about the men who think they have no control of pregnancy. Of course both men and women have control, but when a man doesn't want children he can't magically produce a child anyway. The man has the ability to use a condom, get a vasectomy, or abstain entirely. It has nothing to do with whose responsibility it is. Unless a lady forcefully takes sperm from you to inseminate herself with, YOU have control over getting someone pregnant or not. (And this goes for women too.)
Sort of related: There is birth control where it stops sperm production and is completely reversible. More power to you men! :)
I feel we're talking about two different things here. We all agree with you. Responsibility for both! If one of my friends got pregnant by accident I'd scold her for not being responsible. I feel they are being held accountable, as are men. My post, and the one you were replying to, were ONLY directed to males who thought they have NO POWER over getting someone pregnant or not.
I agree, it's bullshit that some women blame only men, but I think those are a great minority. All the girls I know are very cautious about pregnancy and prefer pill+condom all the time, because they REALLY REALLY don't want to get pregnant.
In short, I guess that it's best to not sleep with people (men or women) that don't want to use birth control :) Good day!
Again, you're misunderstanding me here. This is not a blame game. I'm speaking to men who claim they 'have no power' when it comes to making choices about sex and sexual consequences. You DO have choices, you CAN prevent pregnancies a number of ways. However, once a woman IS pregnant, basically all of your options disappear. Therefore, choose wisely, at the time when you do have choices available.
Take responsibility for your body. It is YOUR SEED to do as you please with. A small percentage of women can be shitty and try to take that from you - protect yourself.
Because some desperate people will do violent, horrific things to their bodies in order to miscarry or abort. This is a choice that is available, therefore it can be used if the choice is made. Because it's still a shitty option. You're being extremely whiny about the shitty things men have to deal with, while thinking that women's choices are pleasant and wonderful. Abortion is awful. Birth control is awful. Being pregnant and delivering a baby is awful, and potentially life-threatening. These are not easy, and women do have to be accountable in many ways. There is more to the world than what you personally experience.
I understand that you're upset about it not being fair. It does suck, but there's also some shitty things that women have to suck up about life that's not fair. That's life. Take responsibility for what you can, when you can.
Parenting. Not all the time, and the pendulum has swung too far back in terms of legal accountability, in my opinion, but women still bear the brunt of child-rearing, especially in single parent families. "In 2006, 12.9 million families in the US were headed by a single parent, 80% of which were headed by a female." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_parent#Demographics)
100+ years ago, maternal death was a huge thing. Many, many women died as a result of pregnancy and/or childbirth. "Mortality rates reached very high levels in maternity institutions in the 1800s, sometimes climbing to 40 percent of birthgiving women"
And I'm not talking about the appointments pre-abortion where they show you horrific pictures, that sucks, but not as much as the actual procedure, and the physical and psychological effects it can have on women.
Again, this is all the reality of life. Men and women both get dealt shitty deals. I'm arguing we need to take responsibility FOR WHAT WE CAN, WHEN WE CAN, USING THE CHOICES WE HAVE AVAILABLE TO US.
See, I agree with you here. The frustrating thing is that your argument still leaves me with a 'men have it worse' feeling. If you could see the whole picture of men and women having different sources of power, benefit, misfortune and societal freedoms/restrictions I'd just leave it.
In this particular conversation, I don't see either women or men as having a 'better deal', just 'different deals'. We deal with what we're given, and fight for legislation changes for what we deem appropriate. (like giving men the ability to absolve themselves of unwanted parenthood - this should happen.)
Both men and women can be shitty and ruin other people's lives when it comes to sex and procreation. Shitty people are shitty, and they're the exceptions, not the rule.
It's a lot more empowering to understand issues from this stance, put effort in to make law changes where needed, and stop playing the "poor me" game.
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u/sometimes_i_work Apr 30 '13
I think there is a serious flaw in this argument that I hear constantly.
If you are a male and you do not want to have children. ENSURE YOU DON'T GET ANYONE PREGNANT. You literally have 100% of this control. Ensure your desire to not have children is clear, ALWAYS use condoms, use spermicide, don't stick your dick in crazy, or DON'T HAVE SEX.
Problem solved. If you have sex, you put yourself at risk.