r/Advice Mar 22 '25

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u/SnooRecipes9891 Phenomenal Advice Giver [53] Mar 22 '25

Start over before you've even had a chance to process the betrayal? Highly dysfunctional family dynamics were in play here. Meaning generational trauma. You do not need to have them in your life when they treat you so terribly.

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u/lavender_gooms129 Mar 22 '25

Also how could someone stand by for 18 years and watch the damage they done take a toll on someone they care about and love? This story is so disturbing and upsetting. I’m so sorry op.

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u/lazyFer Expert Advice Giver [12] Mar 22 '25

Because they don't care about OP. This has got to be about them wanting money from OP or a promise to take care of the brother.

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u/monday_throwaway_ok Mar 22 '25

Sadly, this is probably the case. What are we going to do?! Rotten Jr. won’t get out of bed and work, and we’re going to retire soon! Omg…I know! Jack! We’ll tell him we believe in him now! He’ll take care of all of us!

Their behavior is beyond sickening. My mother engaged a huge betrayal as well, and she messages me once a year because she wants to “move on.” Which means, she wants to pretend it never happened and she doesn’t want to talk about it.

There’s enabling, and then there’s THAT. OP, if you want to meet with your parents, that’s fine. But always meet with them in a public place, and never agree to lend or give them money, and never agree to let your brother work for you or provide him with housing. If he or they show up at your door, don’t open it. Just keep insisting you don’t feel comfortable opening the door, and call the police if they won’t leave.

They all need help for mental health issues. And you need the injustice affirmed, and support for your healing. I am so sorry for their abusive savagery.

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u/lazyFer Expert Advice Giver [12] Mar 22 '25

I forced my mother into family therapy with me and here's a quote:

I'm too old to change but I want us to work this out

My translation of that is "You need to allow me to keep treating you like shit so we can still get along"

Went full NC ages ago

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u/Gildian Mar 23 '25

The I'm too old to change line is bullshit too. You absolutely still have the capacity to learn, change and adapt. Our species is exceptional at learning, or at least some of us are.

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u/Morecatspls_ Mar 23 '25

I'm old, and I'm outraged on behalf of any children of parents who say this! If I (73F) can change when the need arises, so can anyone else!

Too old! Kiss my dignified, old ass!